"What do you mean?" replies the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm perfectly fine now."
"That's good," says the bartender, "but what about that hook? What the hell happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a big sword fight.
My hand was cut off so I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"Well, what about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them birds pooped in my eye."
"You're kidding," says the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird poop."
"It was my first day with the hook."