Kata – Kata Nyeleneh dan Lucu dalam Angkot atau di Belakang Truk
* TABAH MENANTI
* Anda butuh waktu, kami butuh uang
* Naik Gratis, Turun Bayar
* JANGAN DINIKAHI BILA SEGEL RUSAK
* CINTAMU TAK SEMURNI BENSINKU
* CINTAMU TAK SETULUS CINTA EMAK GW
* SPONGE DONG
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* BERSATU DI PANGKALAN BERSAING DI JALANAN
* Bercinta di Bis Berpisah di Terminal
* STREET FIGHTER
* PUTUS CINTA sudah biasa
PUTUS ROKOK merana
PUTUS REM matilah kita
* Cintaku Berat Di Bensin
* Mencari nafkah demi desah
* Bukan salah ibu mengandung, salah bapak nggak pake sarung
* Lupa namanya, ingat rasanya
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* Pergi karena tugas, pulang karena beras
* Besar di rantau, tua di jalan
* Tak sehina yang kau duga
* Cinta ditolak dukun terbahak
* Pulang malu, tak pulang rindu
* Cinta putus, kawinpun tak jadi
* ABANG YANG ENAK ADE YANG BERANAK
* Demi kau dan si buah hati
* Sesama kendaraan umum dilarang saling mendahului
* Tangis hari ini, senyum hari esok yang lebih cerah
* !!! SEKARANG BAYAR, BESOK GRATIS !!!
* LONG STREET OF MEMORY [Sepanjang jalan kenangan]
* e=mc2 = enjoy=makan cuma-cuma
* Jagalah jandamu = jagalah jarak anda
* KASET = Kenanglah Aku Sebelum Engkau Tidur
* UCOK = Uang Cukup Ongkos Kurang
* Ber 2 1 7 an > Berdua satu tujuan
* WWW. A P KT NTE AJ.COM > WWW. Ape kate ente aje.COM
* NEW FEAR THE ME IS 3 > Nyupir demi istri
* AN 3 DIS > Anti gadis
* SO FEAR SHE N THINK > Sopir Sinting
* BE YOUNG CARE ROCK > Biang Kerok
* Alone By Must > Alon bae Mas
* Ma2ku 1/3 dis > Mamaku seperti gadis
* THE ME anak IS 3 > Demi anak istri
* CAN’T ARE ROCK > Ken Arok
* THONK HE LOVE > Thonk khilaf
* MER – 123 – LUCK > Mertua Galak
* Ora Sama Bin Lain > Osama Bin Laden
* JANDA BARU NENEN > Trayek Juanda – Ps.Baru – Senen
* JANDA 1/3 DIS > Janda seperti gadis
* Do Now Casino In Draw War Cop DKI > Dono Kasino Indro Warkop DKI
* MAN 7 jur > Mantu jujur
* On any book an plumb pleasant > Onani bukan pelampiasan
* Ja 500 Let > Jago Pelet
* Moe K Sue Fear 1/3 Rong > Muka Supir seperti garong
* **** Here Miss Kind!!! > Fakir Miskin
* JUM’AT KELABU —> Trayek Ps.Jumat – Pd.Labu
* Q-Cay Was here —> trus dibawahnya ditulis : kasian deh lo wasir.. ke dokter aja
* Rejekiku dari silitmu —-> Tulisan di truk sedot tinja MATSIBISHA
* SABAR MAS, URA SABAR MABUR.RO —> Sabar mas kalo ga sabar terbang aja
Rahasia Tersembunyi Agar Doa Pasti Dikabulkan
Suatu ketika saat kejadian adanya Razia Satpol PP
Sang banci ketakutan dan sembunyi berdoa: "Ya Tuhan, titus ampe akikah metong takaran nyebur ke kali kayak kawasaki akikah disandro. Mending akikah metong di mekong uler,amin..."
(Artinya: Ya Tuhan, jangan sampai eke mati ketakutan nyebur ke kali kayak temen eke yang klelep waktu itu. Lebih baik eke mati di mulut uler, amin...)
Begitu dia melek, tiba-tiba ada ular mendesis di atas kepalanya, langsung si banci berkata:
"Ih, Tuhan ngerumpi deh, gitu aja dimasukin dalam hati..."
Sang banci ketakutan dan sembunyi berdoa: "Ya Tuhan, titus ampe akikah metong takaran nyebur ke kali kayak kawasaki akikah disandro. Mending akikah metong di mekong uler,amin..."
(Artinya: Ya Tuhan, jangan sampai eke mati ketakutan nyebur ke kali kayak temen eke yang klelep waktu itu. Lebih baik eke mati di mulut uler, amin...)
Begitu dia melek, tiba-tiba ada ular mendesis di atas kepalanya, langsung si banci berkata:
"Ih, Tuhan ngerumpi deh, gitu aja dimasukin dalam hati..."
Memahami Daerah Khusus Kewanitaan
Seorang banci yg kena razia di gelandang ke kantor satgas dan langsung di introgasi oleh seorang anggota satpol pp
SATPOL PP : "Kalo kamu bisa menjawab pertanyaan saya dngn jujur dan benar , maka kamu akan saya bebaskan ..ngerti !!"
BANCI : "I i i iya pak eike ngerti"
SATPOL PP : "Nama kamu siapa ?"
BANCI : "Sari pak "
SATPOL PP : "Nama asli ..!!"
(membentak)
BANCI : "I i i iya pak itu nama asli eike "
SATPOL PP : "Saya ga percaya ..nama kamu yg asli siapa kalo ga jawab dngn jujur saya jitak nih"
BANCI : "A a ampun pak ..nama eike sa sa sari pak nama kepanjangangannya saripudin ...hixs"
SATPOL PP : "Nah gitu donk..dari tadi kek ..! skrng tempat tgl lahir kamu di mana ?"
BANCI : "Tgl 10 bulan 10 tahun 1986 eike lahir di daerah pak "
SATPOL PP : "Daerah mana ??"
BANCI : "Di daerah khusus kewanitaan lah pak ..masa di daerah lain sih..yg bener aja dech pak kalo mikir"
SATPOL PP :
SATPOL PP : "Kalo kamu bisa menjawab pertanyaan saya dngn jujur dan benar , maka kamu akan saya bebaskan ..ngerti !!"
BANCI : "I i i iya pak eike ngerti"
SATPOL PP : "Nama kamu siapa ?"
BANCI : "Sari pak "
SATPOL PP : "Nama asli ..!!"
(membentak)
BANCI : "I i i iya pak itu nama asli eike "
SATPOL PP : "Saya ga percaya ..nama kamu yg asli siapa kalo ga jawab dngn jujur saya jitak nih"
BANCI : "A a ampun pak ..nama eike sa sa sari pak nama kepanjangangannya saripudin ...hixs"
SATPOL PP : "Nah gitu donk..dari tadi kek ..! skrng tempat tgl lahir kamu di mana ?"
BANCI : "Tgl 10 bulan 10 tahun 1986 eike lahir di daerah pak "
SATPOL PP : "Daerah mana ??"
BANCI : "Di daerah khusus kewanitaan lah pak ..masa di daerah lain sih..yg bener aja dech pak kalo mikir"
SATPOL PP :
Kamus Nasional Bahasa Bencong
Akika = Aku
Begindang = Begitu
Belalang = Beli
Belenjong = Belanja
Beranak Dalam Kubur = Berak
Cacamarica = Cari
Cucok = Cocok
Cumi = Cium
Capcus = Pergi
Diana = Dia
Endaaaaaaaaaang = Enak
Eike = Aku
Ember = Emang
Gilingan = Gila
Hamidah = Hamil
Hima Layang = Hilang
Jali-Jali = Jalan-Jalan
Jayus = joke-garing
Jijay Markijay = Jijik
Kanua = Kamu
Kawilarang = kimpoi
Kesindaaaang = Kesini
Kemindang = Kemana
Kencana = Kencing
Kepelong = Kepala
Kesandro = Kesana
Krejong = Kerja
Lambada = Lama
Lambreta = Lambat
Lapangan Bola = Lapar
Lekong = Laki-laki
Maharani = Mahal
Makarena = Makan
Maluku = Malu
Mandole = Mandi
Mataram = Mati
Mawar = Mau
Merekah = Marah
Metong = Mati
Minangan = Minum
Motorola = Motor
Mukadima = Muka
Mursida = Murah
Nanda = Nanti
Naspro = Nasi
Organ = Orang
Organ Tunggal = Orang Tua
Pere = Perempuan
Pertiwi = Perut
Piur = Pergi
Rambutan = Rambut
Sastra = Satu
Sekong = Sakit
Sepong = Siapa
Sirkuit = Sedikit
Soraya Perucha = Sakit Perut
Tinta = Tidak
Titi DJ = Hati-hati di jalan
EGPCC= emang gw pikirin cuih cuih...
SDMB=sori dori mori bow
Akikah lapangan bola = aku lapar bo'
LUPUS = Lupain Pacar Utamakan Selingkuh
panasonic = panas
pecongan = pacaran
Ngomomg2 tentang bahasa bencong. Kata BENCONG itu dibentuk dari kata BANCI yang disisipi bunyi dan ditambah akhiran ONG. Huruf vokal pada suku kata pertama diganti dengan huruf E. Huruf vokal pada suku kata kedua diganti dengan ONG.
Misalnya:
Makan - mekong
Sakit - sekong
Laki - lekong
Lesbi - lesbong
Mana - menong
pokoknya serba NONG
Ada juga waria/bences yang kemudian ngeganti tambahan ONG dengan ES sehingga bentuk katanya menjadi:
Banci - bences
Laki - lekes
Contoh Obrolan Kamus Banci Lucu Lengkap Terbaru 2013 :
Aida: Akika mawar belalang spartakus nih.
Berby: Emang spartakus yang lambreta napose?
Aida: Sutra Rusia!
Berby: Akika mawar belalang Tasmania
Aida: Tasmania kawanua yang lambada jugra sutra Rusia?
Berby: Tinta … pingin g
Begindang = Begitu
Belalang = Beli
Belenjong = Belanja
Beranak Dalam Kubur = Berak
Cacamarica = Cari
Cucok = Cocok
Cumi = Cium
Capcus = Pergi
Diana = Dia
Endaaaaaaaaaang = Enak
Eike = Aku
Ember = Emang
Gilingan = Gila
Hamidah = Hamil
Hima Layang = Hilang
Jali-Jali = Jalan-Jalan
Jayus = joke-garing
Jijay Markijay = Jijik
Kanua = Kamu
Kawilarang = kimpoi
Kesindaaaang = Kesini
Kemindang = Kemana
Kencana = Kencing
Kepelong = Kepala
Kesandro = Kesana
Krejong = Kerja
Lambada = Lama
Lambreta = Lambat
Lapangan Bola = Lapar
Lekong = Laki-laki
Maharani = Mahal
Makarena = Makan
Maluku = Malu
Mandole = Mandi
Mataram = Mati
Mawar = Mau
Merekah = Marah
Metong = Mati
Minangan = Minum
Motorola = Motor
Mukadima = Muka
Mursida = Murah
Nanda = Nanti
Naspro = Nasi
Organ = Orang
Organ Tunggal = Orang Tua
Pere = Perempuan
Pertiwi = Perut
Piur = Pergi
Rambutan = Rambut
Sastra = Satu
Sekong = Sakit
Sepong = Siapa
Sirkuit = Sedikit
Soraya Perucha = Sakit Perut
Tinta = Tidak
Titi DJ = Hati-hati di jalan
EGPCC= emang gw pikirin cuih cuih...
SDMB=sori dori mori bow
Akikah lapangan bola = aku lapar bo'
LUPUS = Lupain Pacar Utamakan Selingkuh
panasonic = panas
pecongan = pacaran
Ngomomg2 tentang bahasa bencong. Kata BENCONG itu dibentuk dari kata BANCI yang disisipi bunyi dan ditambah akhiran ONG. Huruf vokal pada suku kata pertama diganti dengan huruf E. Huruf vokal pada suku kata kedua diganti dengan ONG.
Misalnya:
Makan - mekong
Sakit - sekong
Laki - lekong
Lesbi - lesbong
Mana - menong
pokoknya serba NONG
Ada juga waria/bences yang kemudian ngeganti tambahan ONG dengan ES sehingga bentuk katanya menjadi:
Banci - bences
Laki - lekes
Contoh Obrolan Kamus Banci Lucu Lengkap Terbaru 2013 :
Aida: Akika mawar belalang spartakus nih.
Berby: Emang spartakus yang lambreta napose?
Aida: Sutra Rusia!
Berby: Akika mawar belalang Tasmania
Aida: Tasmania kawanua yang lambada jugra sutra Rusia?
Berby: Tinta … pingin g
Tips dan Cara jadi Montir Laris
Istri : Paa,.. Mobilnya mogok pa, karburatornya kemasukan air.
Suami : Karburator kemasukan air ?????? Haha…. Mama ni sok tau aja….
Istri : Mama bilang kaburatornya kemasukan air, Kok papa gak percaya sich….????
Suami : Huh…. mama bahkan gak tau apa itu karburator, biar papa aja yg periksa. Sekarang mobilnya dimana ?
Istri : Nyemplung sungai….
Suami : Karburator kemasukan air ?????? Haha…. Mama ni sok tau aja….
Istri : Mama bilang kaburatornya kemasukan air, Kok papa gak percaya sich….????
Suami : Huh…. mama bahkan gak tau apa itu karburator, biar papa aja yg periksa. Sekarang mobilnya dimana ?
Istri : Nyemplung sungai….
Rahasia Cara Mengetahui Siapa Selingkuhan Istri
Ada dua orang yang sudah mati ditanya malaikat penjaga gerbang sebelum masuk ke alam baka.
Malaikat: Kenapa kamu ada di sini?
Orang 1: "Sewaktu saya dikantor, saya diberitahu tetangga kalau istri saya sedang berselingkuh dengan laki-laki lain di apartemen saya.
Karena itu saya langsung ngebut pulang. Sampai di rumah saya obrak-abrik seluruh kamar mencari laki-laki itu. Marah nggak ketemu, saya lempar apa saja yang saya temukan keluar jendela, termasuk koper yang ada di samping tempat tidur. Saking emosinya saya kena serangan jantung."
Malaikat: "Kalau kamu?" (tanya malaikat ke orang kedua)
Orang 2: "Hhh… saya ada di dalam koper yang dibuang tadi.."
Malaikat: Kenapa kamu ada di sini?
Orang 1: "Sewaktu saya dikantor, saya diberitahu tetangga kalau istri saya sedang berselingkuh dengan laki-laki lain di apartemen saya.
Karena itu saya langsung ngebut pulang. Sampai di rumah saya obrak-abrik seluruh kamar mencari laki-laki itu. Marah nggak ketemu, saya lempar apa saja yang saya temukan keluar jendela, termasuk koper yang ada di samping tempat tidur. Saking emosinya saya kena serangan jantung."
Malaikat: "Kalau kamu?" (tanya malaikat ke orang kedua)
Orang 2: "Hhh… saya ada di dalam koper yang dibuang tadi.."
Rahasia Pasti Menjadi Juara Kelas
Dalam sebuah pelajaran matematika, Ibu guru bertanya kepada murid.
Ibu Guru : Kaki ayam ada berapa, Bonar ?
Bonar : Dua bu
Ibu Guru : Bagus, sekarang jojon, kaki kambing ada berapa ?
Jojon : Delapan Ibu Guru
Ibu Guru : Bagaimana bisa begitu ?
Jojon : Coba hitung, 2 kaki depan, 2 kaki belakang, 2
kaki kiri dan 2 kaki kanan. Kan 2+2+2+2=8
Ibu Guru : Jojon, sungguh pintar kau seperti pejabat saja.
Ibu Guru : Kaki ayam ada berapa, Bonar ?
Bonar : Dua bu
Ibu Guru : Bagus, sekarang jojon, kaki kambing ada berapa ?
Jojon : Delapan Ibu Guru
Ibu Guru : Bagaimana bisa begitu ?
Jojon : Coba hitung, 2 kaki depan, 2 kaki belakang, 2
kaki kiri dan 2 kaki kanan. Kan 2+2+2+2=8
Ibu Guru : Jojon, sungguh pintar kau seperti pejabat saja.
Rahasia Cara Jadi Maling Profesional
Alkisah suatu malam ada dua orang maling yang baru saja berhasil merampok sebuah warung
Maling 1 : Jon lu tadi ngambil barang apa aja?
Maling 2 : Gw ngambil perhiasan, duit sama TV LCD 32 inchi
Maling 1 : Kalo gw berhasil ngambil sendal si pemilik warung
Maling 2 : Jiah lu bego banget. Ngapain ngambil sendal. Kenapa ngga ngambil barang berharga oon.
Maling 1 : lu tuh yang bego. Gw ngambil sendal si pemilik warung supaya dia ngga bisa ngejar kita.
Maling 1 : Jon lu tadi ngambil barang apa aja?
Maling 2 : Gw ngambil perhiasan, duit sama TV LCD 32 inchi
Maling 1 : Kalo gw berhasil ngambil sendal si pemilik warung
Maling 2 : Jiah lu bego banget. Ngapain ngambil sendal. Kenapa ngga ngambil barang berharga oon.
Maling 1 : lu tuh yang bego. Gw ngambil sendal si pemilik warung supaya dia ngga bisa ngejar kita.
Rahasia Cara Mengusir Mertua di Rumah
Tini baru berumur dua setengah tahun, tapi cerewetnya bukan main.
Dan namanya saja anak kecil jadi kalau bicara juga ceplas ceplos.
Kadang-kadang ucapannya membuat malu ibunya seperti kalau sedang ada tamu Tini dengan santai bilang pada ibunya "Bu, Tini mau kencing" atau "Bu, Tini mau beAb".
Oleh sebab itulah ibunya membuat istilah khusus untuk itu, yaitu kalau buang air kecil harus bilang "Bu, Tini mau siul" dan kalau buang air besar, bilang "Bu, Tini mau nyanyi."
Hal tersebut sangat diingat oleh Tini sehingga dia sendiri lupa apa kata asli dari dua hal itu.
Hal ini sudah berlanjut sampai lebih dari 2 bulan dan tidak pernah sekalipun Tini salah ucap. Dan si Ibu tidak pernah lagi dipermalukan oleh Tini di depan tamunya.
Pada suatu waktu datanglah Nenek Tini dan berniat untuk menginap di rumah Tini dengan membawa oleh-oleh buah pepaya dari kampung. Namanya juga anak kecil yang sudah lama tidak ketemu sang nenek, maka Tini minta ijin pada ibunya untuk tidur bersama neneknya.
Si ibu memperbolehkan sambil menasehati agar Tini tidak boleh ngompol, dan kalau sudah kepingin buang air harus bilang sama nenek supaya diantar ke kamar mandi.
Dengan gembira Tini langsung meng-iya-kan dan tidurlah si nenek dan cucunya.
Mungkin karena terlalu banyak makan papaya pemberian si nenek, tengah malam Tini mulai merasakan perutnya mules. Karena ingat pesan ibu, maka Tini membangunkan neneknya yang sedang lelap tidur sambil berkata :
"Nek, nek. Tini mau nyanyi".
Dengan sabar si nenek menjawab :"Cu, ini sudah malam. Jangan nyanyi sekarang nanti tetangga pada bangun. Besok saja yaa..".
Tapi si Tini yang sudah mules berat memaksa neneknya untuk 'nyanyi' sekarang juga. Karena saking sayangnya pada si cucu, akhirnya si nenek setuju dan
katanya "Boleh nyanyi sekarang, tapi pelan-pelan aja nyanyi dikuping nenek."
wkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwk
Dan namanya saja anak kecil jadi kalau bicara juga ceplas ceplos.
Kadang-kadang ucapannya membuat malu ibunya seperti kalau sedang ada tamu Tini dengan santai bilang pada ibunya "Bu, Tini mau kencing" atau "Bu, Tini mau beAb".
Oleh sebab itulah ibunya membuat istilah khusus untuk itu, yaitu kalau buang air kecil harus bilang "Bu, Tini mau siul" dan kalau buang air besar, bilang "Bu, Tini mau nyanyi."
Hal tersebut sangat diingat oleh Tini sehingga dia sendiri lupa apa kata asli dari dua hal itu.
Hal ini sudah berlanjut sampai lebih dari 2 bulan dan tidak pernah sekalipun Tini salah ucap. Dan si Ibu tidak pernah lagi dipermalukan oleh Tini di depan tamunya.
Pada suatu waktu datanglah Nenek Tini dan berniat untuk menginap di rumah Tini dengan membawa oleh-oleh buah pepaya dari kampung. Namanya juga anak kecil yang sudah lama tidak ketemu sang nenek, maka Tini minta ijin pada ibunya untuk tidur bersama neneknya.
Si ibu memperbolehkan sambil menasehati agar Tini tidak boleh ngompol, dan kalau sudah kepingin buang air harus bilang sama nenek supaya diantar ke kamar mandi.
Dengan gembira Tini langsung meng-iya-kan dan tidurlah si nenek dan cucunya.
Mungkin karena terlalu banyak makan papaya pemberian si nenek, tengah malam Tini mulai merasakan perutnya mules. Karena ingat pesan ibu, maka Tini membangunkan neneknya yang sedang lelap tidur sambil berkata :
"Nek, nek. Tini mau nyanyi".
Dengan sabar si nenek menjawab :"Cu, ini sudah malam. Jangan nyanyi sekarang nanti tetangga pada bangun. Besok saja yaa..".
Tapi si Tini yang sudah mules berat memaksa neneknya untuk 'nyanyi' sekarang juga. Karena saking sayangnya pada si cucu, akhirnya si nenek setuju dan
katanya "Boleh nyanyi sekarang, tapi pelan-pelan aja nyanyi dikuping nenek."
wkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwk
Rahasia Sukses Buka Toko Obat
Alkisah di suatu pasar di bilangan Jakarta ada 2 toko obat. Toko obat pertama milik wan Abud keturunan Arab, dan toko yang kedua milik koh Ahing orang keturunan tionghoa. Toko mereka bersebelahan, tapi toko koh Ahing lebih laris dibanding toko milik wan abud. Semakin hari semakin banyak saja pelanggan koh Ahing. Bahkan langganan wan abud juga ikut pindah ke toko sebelah milik koh ahing lantaran koh Ahing bikin promo "TIDAK SEMBUH UANG KEMBALI 3X LIPAT". Wan abud semakin geram saja...
Suatu ketika wan Abud berniat jahat kepada koh Ahing dengan maksud merebut pelanggan koh Ahing dengan strategi nya..
Wan Abud: "sialan si ncek, toko ane jadi ga laku.. Biarin Ntar ane kerjain tuh orang. Ane pura2 sakit trus bilang ke orang2 kLo ane ga sembuh minum obatnya si Ahing".
Wan Abud: "permisi Koh Ahing.."
Koh Ahing: "Eh..wan Abud, tumben..ada apa? Toko nya juga kok blm buka, knp wan Abud?
Wan Abud: "Iya nih koh, ane lagi sakit. Mau beli obat sama ente. Kan obat ente terkenal manjur..sampe2 bikin iklan TIDAK SEMBUH UANG KEMBALI 3X LIPAT segala".
Koh Ahing: "Marah banget roman nya . Ente sakit apa wan Abud??"
Wan Abud: "Ane sakit mati rasa nih koh Ahing"
Koh Ahing: "oohh..mati rasa, saya ada obatnya yg mujarab". "Ling-ling..tolong ambil obat di kotak nomor 8 buat wan Abut" (teriak koh ahing kepada ling2 anak nya)
Tak lama berselang, ling-ling datang membawa obat yang diambil nya dari kotak nomor 8
Koh Ahing: "ini wan abud obat mati rasa nya. Langsung di minum aja wan Abud
Wan Abud: "Ane minum ni yee...
Saat obat baru sampai di lidah wan abud, ia merasakan hal yg aneh..lalu ia berkata
Wan Abud: ": Sialan luh koh, ini mah Kotoran KAMBING"
Koh Ahing: " ente bilang mati rasa wan abud, itu bisa ngerasain Kotoran KAMBING? "
Niat jahat wan Abut untuk merebut pelanggan koh Ahing pun gagal lantaran kecerdikan koh Ahing yg sudah membaca niat jahat wan Abud. Dengan perasaan kesal ia pun beranjak pulang ke rumah.
Di rumah ia menyusun rencana lain untuk menjatuhkan koh Ahing. kali ini ia tidak sendiri, tapi dibantu asisten nya yang bernama Udin
Wan Abud : " Udin lu besok ikut gw ke toko si Ahing, gw mo ngerjain dia. Ntar gw pura2 hilang ingatan trus lu minta obat hilang ingatan buat gw sama si Ahing". Trus gw pura2 ga sembuh, nnti lu triak ke orang2 kLo obat dia ga manjur trus lu minta uang ganti rugi 3x lipat
Udin : "Siap juragan
keesokan hari nya Udin dan wan Abud pergi ke toko koh Ahing
Koh Ahing: "eh udin..kenapa itu bos lu kya orang linglung??
Udin: "ini koh, bos saya sakit hilang ingatan, saya minta obat buat nyembuhin bos saya dari sakit hilang ingatan".
Koh Ahing: "Ada kok din, tenang aja." "Ling-ling, tolong ambil obat di kotak nomor 8" (koh Ahing meminta anaknya untuk mngambil obat di kotak nomor 8
yang awal nya berlagak seperti orang hilang ingatan, sembari meninggalkan toko koh Ahing wan Abud berkata
Wan Abud: "Dasar Ncek giLa...gw mau di kasih kotoran KAMBING lagi, sialan lu"
Koh Ahing: "kata nya hilang ingatan, itu masih inget sama Kotoran KAMBING.
Suatu ketika wan Abud berniat jahat kepada koh Ahing dengan maksud merebut pelanggan koh Ahing dengan strategi nya..
Wan Abud: "sialan si ncek, toko ane jadi ga laku.. Biarin Ntar ane kerjain tuh orang. Ane pura2 sakit trus bilang ke orang2 kLo ane ga sembuh minum obatnya si Ahing".
Wan Abud: "permisi Koh Ahing.."
Koh Ahing: "Eh..wan Abud, tumben..ada apa? Toko nya juga kok blm buka, knp wan Abud?
Wan Abud: "Iya nih koh, ane lagi sakit. Mau beli obat sama ente. Kan obat ente terkenal manjur..sampe2 bikin iklan TIDAK SEMBUH UANG KEMBALI 3X LIPAT segala".
Koh Ahing: "Marah banget roman nya . Ente sakit apa wan Abud??"
Wan Abud: "Ane sakit mati rasa nih koh Ahing"
Koh Ahing: "oohh..mati rasa, saya ada obatnya yg mujarab". "Ling-ling..tolong ambil obat di kotak nomor 8 buat wan Abut" (teriak koh ahing kepada ling2 anak nya)
Tak lama berselang, ling-ling datang membawa obat yang diambil nya dari kotak nomor 8
Koh Ahing: "ini wan abud obat mati rasa nya. Langsung di minum aja wan Abud
Wan Abud: "Ane minum ni yee...
Saat obat baru sampai di lidah wan abud, ia merasakan hal yg aneh..lalu ia berkata
Wan Abud: ": Sialan luh koh, ini mah Kotoran KAMBING"
Koh Ahing: " ente bilang mati rasa wan abud, itu bisa ngerasain Kotoran KAMBING? "
Niat jahat wan Abut untuk merebut pelanggan koh Ahing pun gagal lantaran kecerdikan koh Ahing yg sudah membaca niat jahat wan Abud. Dengan perasaan kesal ia pun beranjak pulang ke rumah.
Di rumah ia menyusun rencana lain untuk menjatuhkan koh Ahing. kali ini ia tidak sendiri, tapi dibantu asisten nya yang bernama Udin
Wan Abud : " Udin lu besok ikut gw ke toko si Ahing, gw mo ngerjain dia. Ntar gw pura2 hilang ingatan trus lu minta obat hilang ingatan buat gw sama si Ahing". Trus gw pura2 ga sembuh, nnti lu triak ke orang2 kLo obat dia ga manjur trus lu minta uang ganti rugi 3x lipat
Udin : "Siap juragan
keesokan hari nya Udin dan wan Abud pergi ke toko koh Ahing
Koh Ahing: "eh udin..kenapa itu bos lu kya orang linglung??
Udin: "ini koh, bos saya sakit hilang ingatan, saya minta obat buat nyembuhin bos saya dari sakit hilang ingatan".
Koh Ahing: "Ada kok din, tenang aja." "Ling-ling, tolong ambil obat di kotak nomor 8" (koh Ahing meminta anaknya untuk mngambil obat di kotak nomor 8
yang awal nya berlagak seperti orang hilang ingatan, sembari meninggalkan toko koh Ahing wan Abud berkata
Wan Abud: "Dasar Ncek giLa...gw mau di kasih kotoran KAMBING lagi, sialan lu"
Koh Ahing: "kata nya hilang ingatan, itu masih inget sama Kotoran KAMBING.
Rahasia Punya Anak Yang Sukses
Presiden bertanya pada ibu tua penjual kue
Bpk : Sudah berapa lama jualan kue?
Ibu : Sudah hampir 30 tahun.
Bpk : Terus anak ibu mana, kenapa tidak ada yang bantu?
Ibu : Anak saya ada 4, yang
ke-1 di KPK,
ke-2 di POLDA,
ke-3 di Kejaksaan dan yang
ke-4 di DPR, jadi mereka sibuk
sekali pak...
Kemudian presiden menggeleng-gelengkan kepala karena kagum...
Lalu dengan percaya diri Bapak Presiden berbicara kesemua hadirin yang menyertai beliau, "Meskipun hanya jualan kue, ibu ini bisa menjadikan anaknya sukses dan jujur tidak korupsi...karena kalau mereka korupsi, pasti kehidupan Ibu ini sudah sejahtera dan tinggal dirumah mewah..."
Lalu sambil mengarahkan mike yang sedang di pegangnya ,Bapak Presiden kembali berbicara kepada wanita penjual kue tersebut
Bpk : Apa jabatan anak di POLDA, KPK,KEJAKSAAN dan DPR?
Lalu dengan polosnya sang wanita penjual kue tersebut itu berkata : Sama... mereka berjualan kue juga disana
Bpk : Sudah berapa lama jualan kue?
Ibu : Sudah hampir 30 tahun.
Bpk : Terus anak ibu mana, kenapa tidak ada yang bantu?
Ibu : Anak saya ada 4, yang
ke-1 di KPK,
ke-2 di POLDA,
ke-3 di Kejaksaan dan yang
ke-4 di DPR, jadi mereka sibuk
sekali pak...
Kemudian presiden menggeleng-gelengkan kepala karena kagum...
Lalu dengan percaya diri Bapak Presiden berbicara kesemua hadirin yang menyertai beliau, "Meskipun hanya jualan kue, ibu ini bisa menjadikan anaknya sukses dan jujur tidak korupsi...karena kalau mereka korupsi, pasti kehidupan Ibu ini sudah sejahtera dan tinggal dirumah mewah..."
Lalu sambil mengarahkan mike yang sedang di pegangnya ,Bapak Presiden kembali berbicara kepada wanita penjual kue tersebut
Bpk : Apa jabatan anak di POLDA, KPK,KEJAKSAAN dan DPR?
Lalu dengan polosnya sang wanita penjual kue tersebut itu berkata : Sama... mereka berjualan kue juga disana
Rahasia Pendekatan Cara Bisa Memegang Toket Wanita
Ceritane iku Markonah dadi rondo umure wes 35 ons. Tapi sek ayu koyok umur 21. Lha Markonah iki pas nang Tunjungan Plaza kate tuku sempak gae kuro-kurone. Dek'e mbadek'e kasire (Paidi).
# Markonah : Mas mas.
* Paidi : Opo mbak?
# Markonah : Sampean eruh gak?
* Paidi : Yo gak eruh lah mbak, wong sampean ae durung ngomong.
# Markonah : Yo iki aku kate ngomong COK. Tapi mbok srobot ae.
* Paidi : Emange opok'o se mbak?
# Markonah : Sampean ngerti ta aku iki umur piro?
* Paidi : Lek teko wajae sampean, ketok'ane se sek umur 21-23 lah.
# Markonah : Salah COK. Aku iki umur 35.
Akhire Markonah moleh numpak sepeda montore, mampir nang pom. Dek'e takon maneh nang petugas SPBU (Tarmin).
# Markonah : Mas aku kate takon.
- Tarmin : Takon opo mbak?
# Markonah : Sampean ngerti gak umurku piro?
- Tarmin : Paling yo sek 23.
# Markonah : Salah wek. Seng bener iku 35.
Mari teko pom bensin, Markonah mampir nang warung kate tuku krengsengan iguana. Nang sebelae onok wong mangan jenenge Sodron.
# Markonah : Mangan ta mas?
+ Sodron : Gak COK. Aku iki lagi mbecak. Wes ngerti mangan ngene sek takon ae.
# Markonah : Aku ate takon mas.
+ Sodron : Takon opo COK? (karo segoe muncrat kabeh).
# Markonah : Bedek'en umurku saiki piro.
+ Sodron : Gampang iku COK. Aku iki isok eruh umure uwong lek mari nyekel susue. Gelem gak?
Berhubung penasaraN, akhire Markonah setuju.
Sodron nyekel2 susune Markonah, diuter-uter, di emek2, di glintir2.
# Markonah : Wes COK ojok suwe2, kempes engkok. Wes ngerti jawabane?
+ Sodron : Umurmu 35 se?
# Markonah : Hebat koen COK. Yok'opo carane kok isok ngerti?
+ Sodron : Iku gampang mbak, pas sampean mau mbayar nang kasir tunjungan plasa, aku antri nang mburimu.
# Markonah : JANCOK jaran ngesot (ndulangno BH sak susune nang Sodron).
# Markonah : Mas mas.
* Paidi : Opo mbak?
# Markonah : Sampean eruh gak?
* Paidi : Yo gak eruh lah mbak, wong sampean ae durung ngomong.
# Markonah : Yo iki aku kate ngomong COK. Tapi mbok srobot ae.
* Paidi : Emange opok'o se mbak?
# Markonah : Sampean ngerti ta aku iki umur piro?
* Paidi : Lek teko wajae sampean, ketok'ane se sek umur 21-23 lah.
# Markonah : Salah COK. Aku iki umur 35.
Akhire Markonah moleh numpak sepeda montore, mampir nang pom. Dek'e takon maneh nang petugas SPBU (Tarmin).
# Markonah : Mas aku kate takon.
- Tarmin : Takon opo mbak?
# Markonah : Sampean ngerti gak umurku piro?
- Tarmin : Paling yo sek 23.
# Markonah : Salah wek. Seng bener iku 35.
Mari teko pom bensin, Markonah mampir nang warung kate tuku krengsengan iguana. Nang sebelae onok wong mangan jenenge Sodron.
# Markonah : Mangan ta mas?
+ Sodron : Gak COK. Aku iki lagi mbecak. Wes ngerti mangan ngene sek takon ae.
# Markonah : Aku ate takon mas.
+ Sodron : Takon opo COK? (karo segoe muncrat kabeh).
# Markonah : Bedek'en umurku saiki piro.
+ Sodron : Gampang iku COK. Aku iki isok eruh umure uwong lek mari nyekel susue. Gelem gak?
Berhubung penasaraN, akhire Markonah setuju.
Sodron nyekel2 susune Markonah, diuter-uter, di emek2, di glintir2.
# Markonah : Wes COK ojok suwe2, kempes engkok. Wes ngerti jawabane?
+ Sodron : Umurmu 35 se?
# Markonah : Hebat koen COK. Yok'opo carane kok isok ngerti?
+ Sodron : Iku gampang mbak, pas sampean mau mbayar nang kasir tunjungan plasa, aku antri nang mburimu.
# Markonah : JANCOK jaran ngesot (ndulangno BH sak susune nang Sodron).
The Reasons Why You Needn't Pleased Your Wife
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
“I'd like to be eight again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Deat h Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife&a mp;n bsp;with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?”
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
“I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!”
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
“I'd like to be eight again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Deat h Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife&a mp;n bsp;with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?”
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
“I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!”
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
The Most Wanted Secrets How To Make Your Boobs Bigger
Ding..Dong !
Hey LAUGH a little !!
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr. Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,
she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,
'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am.... How did you know?'
He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock"
Hey LAUGH a little !!
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts.
Dr. Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme,
she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked,
'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am.... How did you know?'
He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock"
The Greatest Way To Catch Your Cheating Husband
A man called home to his wife and said, " Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"
" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."
Never Lie To A Woman...!!!
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up"
" Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. "
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."
Never Lie To A Woman...!!!
Rahasia Aib Bangsa Yang Terkuak
Renungan di Usia Negeri Kami Yang ke-68
68 Tahun sudah Ibu Pertiwi,
dulu diperkosa Portugis, Inggris, Belanda dan Jepang.
Sekarang dirampok oleh anak-anaknya yang mengaku wakil rakyat.
Uniknya negeri kami,
bangsa yang kaya raya, tapi banyak rakyatnya yang miskin.
Negara agraris, tapi mengimpor hasil-hasil pertanian.
Indonesia ber-"bhineka tunggal ika"
Mengakui perbedaan Suku, Agama, Ras, Bahasa dll.
Tapi masih banyak yang 'menindas' yang beda.
Indonesia kaya Budaya.
Tapi kadang lupa menjaga,
diklaim negara orang, baru merasa punya.
Setelahnya lupa lagi.
Indonesia pengen juara dunia dalam sepak bola.
Tapi saat uji tanding dengan klub eropa,
dukungannya bukan buat timnas kita.
Indonesia, ramah tamah pada sesama.
Tapi gampang banget diprovokasi,
tawuran masyarakat, kaum terpelajar dan mahasiswa hal biasa.
Indonesia menjunjung tinggi kekeluargaan dan persaudaraan.
Makanya dalam cari kerja atau jabatan,
utamakan keluarga / sodara dulu.
Indonesia ingin mencerdaskan bangsa.
Wajib belajar, tapi sekolah mahal.
Ingin nasionalisme rakyat tinggi.
Tapi para veteran yang masih hidup dan berjuang,
sekarang harus berjuang untuk mempertahankan hidupnya. Terlupakan.
Indonesia ingin menurunkan kemiskinan.
Tapi salah ngasih subsidi, uang rakyat malah dikorupsi.
Menurunlah kemiskinan ke anak cucunya.
Silakan Sahabat ditambahkan sendiri...
Sahabat Hikmat..,
renungan ini memang melihat dari perspektif yang berbeda.
Bukan mau membuka aib dan keburukan bangsa semata.
Semoga kita semua faham esensinya.
68 Tahun sudah Ibu Pertiwi,
dulu diperkosa Portugis, Inggris, Belanda dan Jepang.
Sekarang dirampok oleh anak-anaknya yang mengaku wakil rakyat.
Uniknya negeri kami,
bangsa yang kaya raya, tapi banyak rakyatnya yang miskin.
Negara agraris, tapi mengimpor hasil-hasil pertanian.
Indonesia ber-"bhineka tunggal ika"
Mengakui perbedaan Suku, Agama, Ras, Bahasa dll.
Tapi masih banyak yang 'menindas' yang beda.
Indonesia kaya Budaya.
Tapi kadang lupa menjaga,
diklaim negara orang, baru merasa punya.
Setelahnya lupa lagi.
Indonesia pengen juara dunia dalam sepak bola.
Tapi saat uji tanding dengan klub eropa,
dukungannya bukan buat timnas kita.
Indonesia, ramah tamah pada sesama.
Tapi gampang banget diprovokasi,
tawuran masyarakat, kaum terpelajar dan mahasiswa hal biasa.
Indonesia menjunjung tinggi kekeluargaan dan persaudaraan.
Makanya dalam cari kerja atau jabatan,
utamakan keluarga / sodara dulu.
Indonesia ingin mencerdaskan bangsa.
Wajib belajar, tapi sekolah mahal.
Ingin nasionalisme rakyat tinggi.
Tapi para veteran yang masih hidup dan berjuang,
sekarang harus berjuang untuk mempertahankan hidupnya. Terlupakan.
Indonesia ingin menurunkan kemiskinan.
Tapi salah ngasih subsidi, uang rakyat malah dikorupsi.
Menurunlah kemiskinan ke anak cucunya.
Silakan Sahabat ditambahkan sendiri...
Sahabat Hikmat..,
renungan ini memang melihat dari perspektif yang berbeda.
Bukan mau membuka aib dan keburukan bangsa semata.
Semoga kita semua faham esensinya.
Rahasia ABG 17 Tahun
Persepsi Kemerdekaan
Remaja "Tempo Doeloe" dgn "ABG sekarang".
1. Doeloe, Paham sejarah bangsa pernah dijajah jepang..
Sekarang, Lebih paham produk jepang dan dijajah sebangsanya..!!
2. Doeloe, Usir dan halau belanda..
Sekarang, Usir galau lewat beranda..
#beranda fesbuk.
3. Doeloe, Pinter menilai mana Ksatria mana Sekutu..!!? Mana yg musti dibela mana yg wajib diusir..!!
Sekarang, Pinter menilai mana satria mana sekuter.. Mana Yg wajib dicela mana yg harus ditaksir.. !!?
4. Doeloe..bangga kalo bisa ikut Upacara, demi mengenang Jasa Para pahlawan..
Sekarang..Lebih bangga kalo bisa pacaran... giliran putus jasa Sang Mantan. kenangannya trus terkenang..!!
5. Doeloe, Upgret'nya masih lomba makan krupuk itu aja udah rame..!!
Sekarang, berlomba2 makan hati kmudian rame2 diupdate difesbuk..
6. Doeloe, Teriakin seruan semangat 45..
Sekarang, Teriak2 saking semangatnya 69, itupun cuma buat seru2an katanya..
7. Doeloe, namanya panjat pinang itu masih ngetrend..
Sekarang mah kebalik..lagi ngetrend2nya "namanya dipinang itu udah bebas dipanjat..!!"
8. Doeloe, Mengandung nilai historis..
Sekarang, setelah mengandung baru histeris..
9. Doeloe, Merdeka itoe bebas dari pendjadjah...
Sekarang,, Merdeka itu bebas menjelajah...!!!?
#menjelajah pacar ehh menjelajah internet maksudnya..
10. Tempo Doeloe,, Moengkin Toelisan'nja seperti ini..!! Serioes..!!
Cekalang,, Tulicannah muN9xin kek 6iniich...!!!? Ciyuss... Miapah..!!
Remaja "Tempo Doeloe" dgn "ABG sekarang".
1. Doeloe, Paham sejarah bangsa pernah dijajah jepang..
Sekarang, Lebih paham produk jepang dan dijajah sebangsanya..!!
2. Doeloe, Usir dan halau belanda..
Sekarang, Usir galau lewat beranda..
#beranda fesbuk.
3. Doeloe, Pinter menilai mana Ksatria mana Sekutu..!!? Mana yg musti dibela mana yg wajib diusir..!!
Sekarang, Pinter menilai mana satria mana sekuter.. Mana Yg wajib dicela mana yg harus ditaksir.. !!?
4. Doeloe..bangga kalo bisa ikut Upacara, demi mengenang Jasa Para pahlawan..
Sekarang..Lebih bangga kalo bisa pacaran... giliran putus jasa Sang Mantan. kenangannya trus terkenang..!!
5. Doeloe, Upgret'nya masih lomba makan krupuk itu aja udah rame..!!
Sekarang, berlomba2 makan hati kmudian rame2 diupdate difesbuk..
6. Doeloe, Teriakin seruan semangat 45..
Sekarang, Teriak2 saking semangatnya 69, itupun cuma buat seru2an katanya..
7. Doeloe, namanya panjat pinang itu masih ngetrend..
Sekarang mah kebalik..lagi ngetrend2nya "namanya dipinang itu udah bebas dipanjat..!!"
8. Doeloe, Mengandung nilai historis..
Sekarang, setelah mengandung baru histeris..
9. Doeloe, Merdeka itoe bebas dari pendjadjah...
Sekarang,, Merdeka itu bebas menjelajah...!!!?
#menjelajah pacar ehh menjelajah internet maksudnya..
10. Tempo Doeloe,, Moengkin Toelisan'nja seperti ini..!! Serioes..!!
Cekalang,, Tulicannah muN9xin kek 6iniich...!!!? Ciyuss... Miapah..!!
Belajar Kebijakan dari Para Setan
1. Belajarlah dari kuntilanak, sesulit apapun hidup tapi selalu tertawa. . Hiii hii. Hiii hiii... Hiii...
2. Belajarlah dari tuyul, masih kecil tapi sudah bisa cari duit sendiri. .
3. Belajarlah dari pocong, dari dulu pakaiannya itu-itu saja, hidup sederhana. .
4. Belajarlah dari babi ngepet, kalo malem cuma pake lilin, hemat listrik donk. .
5. Belajarlah dari jelangkung, Mandiri, datang tak dijemput, pulang tak diantar. . Kasihan yaa....????
2. Belajarlah dari tuyul, masih kecil tapi sudah bisa cari duit sendiri. .
3. Belajarlah dari pocong, dari dulu pakaiannya itu-itu saja, hidup sederhana. .
4. Belajarlah dari babi ngepet, kalo malem cuma pake lilin, hemat listrik donk. .
5. Belajarlah dari jelangkung, Mandiri, datang tak dijemput, pulang tak diantar. . Kasihan yaa....????
Cara Memanjangkan Penis Tanpa Mak Erot
Seorang putri raja berniat cari calon suami, dengan kriteria : tak suka melirik wanita lain, tak pernah menampar isterinya, tak lari dari tanggung jawab, dan dengan berani dia bilang syarat keempat, memuaskan di tempat tidur.
Nah, Kamis pagi, pintu rumahnya diketok orang, dhog... dhog... dhog... Kagetnya bukan main Annisya ketika buka pintu, di depannya ada seorang pria buta, tanpa tangan, tanpa kaki, dengan kursi roda.
"Apakah Anda Annisya?" tanya pria itu
"Benar, Anda siapa ?"
"Saya mau melamar Anda". Wah nekat benar pria ini.
"Saya buta, tak mungkin melirik wanita lain. Saya tak punya tangan, mana mungkin bisa memukul Anda. Saya juga tak punya kaki, jelas tak akan lari" lanjut pria itu.
"Tapi, apakah Anda mampu memuaskan saya?" ujar Annisya
"Anda benar-benar menyepelekan saya. Anda pikir, saya tadi mengetok pintu pakai apa???
Nah, Kamis pagi, pintu rumahnya diketok orang, dhog... dhog... dhog... Kagetnya bukan main Annisya ketika buka pintu, di depannya ada seorang pria buta, tanpa tangan, tanpa kaki, dengan kursi roda.
"Apakah Anda Annisya?" tanya pria itu
"Benar, Anda siapa ?"
"Saya mau melamar Anda". Wah nekat benar pria ini.
"Saya buta, tak mungkin melirik wanita lain. Saya tak punya tangan, mana mungkin bisa memukul Anda. Saya juga tak punya kaki, jelas tak akan lari" lanjut pria itu.
"Tapi, apakah Anda mampu memuaskan saya?" ujar Annisya
"Anda benar-benar menyepelekan saya. Anda pikir, saya tadi mengetok pintu pakai apa???
Pengobatan Alternatif Termanjur Se-Indonesia
Sepasang opa-oma sedang menyaksikan acara “ Pengobatan Alternatif di TV. Acaranya, penyembuhan alternatif dengan doa jarak jauh oleh “ Sang Penyembuh “ yang sangat terkenal.
Di akhir acara : “ Para pemirsa yang sedang sakit, mari kita berdoa bersama untuk penyembuhan anda. Tempelkan telapak tangan kiri anda di layar TV, pegang bagian badan anda yang sakit dengan tangan kanan anda. Semoga Tuhan menyembuhkan penyakit anda.......”
----
Si oma langsung ke layar TV, menempelkan telapak tangan kiri ke layar TV dan tangan kanan memegang lututnya yang sering nyeri.
Tidak mau ketinggalan, si opa menempelkan telapak tangan kiri ke layar TV dan meletakkan tangan kanannya di selangkangannya , , karena sakit Prostatnya.
Si oma langsung teriak : “ Opaaa...opa...plis deh ini acara
MENYEMBUHKAN yang SAKIT, bukan MENGHIDUPKAN yang MATI............ “
Di akhir acara : “ Para pemirsa yang sedang sakit, mari kita berdoa bersama untuk penyembuhan anda. Tempelkan telapak tangan kiri anda di layar TV, pegang bagian badan anda yang sakit dengan tangan kanan anda. Semoga Tuhan menyembuhkan penyakit anda.......”
----
Si oma langsung ke layar TV, menempelkan telapak tangan kiri ke layar TV dan tangan kanan memegang lututnya yang sering nyeri.
Tidak mau ketinggalan, si opa menempelkan telapak tangan kiri ke layar TV dan meletakkan tangan kanannya di selangkangannya , , karena sakit Prostatnya.
Si oma langsung teriak : “ Opaaa...opa...plis deh ini acara
MENYEMBUHKAN yang SAKIT, bukan MENGHIDUPKAN yang MATI............ “
Rahasia Sunat Pembawa Nikmat
Nang toilet Mall Tunjungan, ono wong loro ngobrol karo nguyuh jejer.....
A: "Arek Tambaksari yo cak?"
B: "Lho kok eruh peno...?!?"
A: "Awakmu mesti wes sunat yo"
B: "Yo, mesti ae rek....!"
A: "Sing nyunat kon mesti Wak Khoiri, calak sing mripate rodok kero iku, kan...?!"
B: "Lho iyo, bener pancene... kok eruh ae sampeyan cak.?"
A: "Soale cumak Wak Khoiri iku sing sering menceng nek ngethok manuk."
B: "Terus, lha opo urusane karo aku cak....???"
A: "Ngertiyo kon cak, kait mau kon iku nguyuhi sikilku...".
A: "Arek Tambaksari yo cak?"
B: "Lho kok eruh peno...?!?"
A: "Awakmu mesti wes sunat yo"
B: "Yo, mesti ae rek....!"
A: "Sing nyunat kon mesti Wak Khoiri, calak sing mripate rodok kero iku, kan...?!"
B: "Lho iyo, bener pancene... kok eruh ae sampeyan cak.?"
A: "Soale cumak Wak Khoiri iku sing sering menceng nek ngethok manuk."
B: "Terus, lha opo urusane karo aku cak....???"
A: "Ngertiyo kon cak, kait mau kon iku nguyuhi sikilku...".
Kata - Kata Bijak Bahasa Jawa
Javanese Wisdom:
Knowledge must be followed by action. Desire must be followed by effort. Belief must be followed by total surrender.
· Golekana galihe kangkung,
Golekana tapaking kuntul nglayang,
Golekana susuhe angin.
· Agama iku ageman, budhi luhur iku ugeman.
· Sosro Kartono :
Sugih tanpa bandha
Digdaya tanpa aji
Ngluruk tanpa bala
Menang tanpa ngasorake
· Ronggowarsito :
Mengko bakale ana jaman edan.
Sing ora ngedan ora keduman.
Nanging sing slamet iku sing eling lan waspodo.
· Aja dumeh.
· Sing ana dudu.
· Melik gendong lali.
· Sing wis ya wis.
· Yen krasa enak uwisana, yen krasa ora enak terusna.
· Dora sembada.
· Ngundhuh wohing pakarti,
Ngundhuh wohing pakaryan,
Ngundhuh wohing panggawe.
· Sapa gawe nganggo, sapa nandur ngundhuh. ( Sing nandur ngunduh ),
· Wong temen ketemu, wong salah seleh. ( Sing salah seleh ).
· Balunge ora kuat anjunjung drajat.
Balunge ora kuat anjunjung donya.
· Sadumuk bathuk sanyari bumi.
· Mikul dhuwur mendhem jero.
· Kegedhen endhas kurang utek.
· Wani ngalah luhur wekasane.
· Aja rumangsa bisa, nanging ora bisa angrumangsani.
· Zaman edan :
Nonton wayang tanpo lakon,
Dalange ora katon,
Para niyogo rebutan sajen,
Sing nonton ora kopen.
These words of wisdom contain deep philosophical meanings which have to be interpreted before you can understand them.
For instance : "Menang tanpa ngasorake", means "Winning without humiliating the opponent". It is a lesson to be remembered when we debate, quarrel or even fight. Let your opponent not loose his face and his dignity. Let him 'surrender' honorably. It that way, he can become your friend and not become a more fierce enemy. It is diplomacy in the real sense. Very wise, isn't it ?
And the last one:
· Yo wis. Sing waras ngalah
Knowledge must be followed by action. Desire must be followed by effort. Belief must be followed by total surrender.
· Golekana galihe kangkung,
Golekana tapaking kuntul nglayang,
Golekana susuhe angin.
· Agama iku ageman, budhi luhur iku ugeman.
· Sosro Kartono :
Sugih tanpa bandha
Digdaya tanpa aji
Ngluruk tanpa bala
Menang tanpa ngasorake
· Ronggowarsito :
Mengko bakale ana jaman edan.
Sing ora ngedan ora keduman.
Nanging sing slamet iku sing eling lan waspodo.
· Aja dumeh.
· Sing ana dudu.
· Melik gendong lali.
· Sing wis ya wis.
· Yen krasa enak uwisana, yen krasa ora enak terusna.
· Dora sembada.
· Ngundhuh wohing pakarti,
Ngundhuh wohing pakaryan,
Ngundhuh wohing panggawe.
· Sapa gawe nganggo, sapa nandur ngundhuh. ( Sing nandur ngunduh ),
· Wong temen ketemu, wong salah seleh. ( Sing salah seleh ).
· Balunge ora kuat anjunjung drajat.
Balunge ora kuat anjunjung donya.
· Sadumuk bathuk sanyari bumi.
· Mikul dhuwur mendhem jero.
· Kegedhen endhas kurang utek.
· Wani ngalah luhur wekasane.
· Aja rumangsa bisa, nanging ora bisa angrumangsani.
· Zaman edan :
Nonton wayang tanpo lakon,
Dalange ora katon,
Para niyogo rebutan sajen,
Sing nonton ora kopen.
These words of wisdom contain deep philosophical meanings which have to be interpreted before you can understand them.
For instance : "Menang tanpa ngasorake", means "Winning without humiliating the opponent". It is a lesson to be remembered when we debate, quarrel or even fight. Let your opponent not loose his face and his dignity. Let him 'surrender' honorably. It that way, he can become your friend and not become a more fierce enemy. It is diplomacy in the real sense. Very wise, isn't it ?
And the last one:
· Yo wis. Sing waras ngalah
Rahasia Cara Kuat Seks Sampai Umur Tua
Seorang Nenek pergi ke toko kue, dan memesan kue ulang tahun 2 (dua) susun utk hadiah ulang tahun suaminya.
Penjual: "Nek, tulisan pada kuenya apa?"
Nenek: "Gini ya ...., dihafal ya mbak.
"SELAMAT ULANG TAHUN SAYANG, KAMU MEMANG BERTAMBAH TUA", itu di bagian atas dan
"SEMOGA SELALU SEHAT, KUAT, DAN PANJANG UMUR" di bagian bawahnya. Ngerti kan, mbak?"
Penjual: Iya, baik Nek ;)
Sorenya, kue pesanan diantar ke rumah, dan dibuka oleh Kakek. Tulisan yg tercantum di kue dibaca keras-keras di hadapan anak2 dan cucunya :
"SELAMAT ULANG TAHUN SAYANG, KAMU MEMANG BERTAMBAH TUA DI BAGIAN ATAS,
SEMOGA SELALU SEHAT, KUAT, DAN PANJANG UMUR DI BAGIAN BAWAHNYA".
Nenek: "Tukang kue giilleeeeeeee!!!
Penjual: "Nek, tulisan pada kuenya apa?"
Nenek: "Gini ya ...., dihafal ya mbak.
"SELAMAT ULANG TAHUN SAYANG, KAMU MEMANG BERTAMBAH TUA", itu di bagian atas dan
"SEMOGA SELALU SEHAT, KUAT, DAN PANJANG UMUR" di bagian bawahnya. Ngerti kan, mbak?"
Penjual: Iya, baik Nek ;)
Sorenya, kue pesanan diantar ke rumah, dan dibuka oleh Kakek. Tulisan yg tercantum di kue dibaca keras-keras di hadapan anak2 dan cucunya :
"SELAMAT ULANG TAHUN SAYANG, KAMU MEMANG BERTAMBAH TUA DI BAGIAN ATAS,
SEMOGA SELALU SEHAT, KUAT, DAN PANJANG UMUR DI BAGIAN BAWAHNYA".
Nenek: "Tukang kue giilleeeeeeee!!!
Rahasia Sukses Pemerintahan SBY - Wikileaks
Susilo Bambang Yudoyono telah berhasil menyingkat namanya menjadi SBY. Tp dia bingung dalam memilih ketua KOMNASHAM, karna bila nama para calon-calonnya disingkat, jadi lucu. seperti :
Satrio Priyono Budi Utomo (SPBU)
Narto Komar Baharudin (Narkoba)
Busyro Burhan Ahmad Yamin (Bubur Ayam)
Bakhlul Somad. (Bakso)
Citro Lukito Basuki. (CiLukBa)
Hamdan Hamid Hasibuan (Hahaha),
Baihaki Harun Yahya(Bahaya),
Emanuel Bernadi Petrus Cahya (Ember Pecah)
Jgn cuma tertawa, kirim ke rakyat indonesia biar semua bisa turut tertawa !!
Satrio Priyono Budi Utomo (SPBU)
Narto Komar Baharudin (Narkoba)
Busyro Burhan Ahmad Yamin (Bubur Ayam)
Bakhlul Somad. (Bakso)
Citro Lukito Basuki. (CiLukBa)
Hamdan Hamid Hasibuan (Hahaha),
Baihaki Harun Yahya(Bahaya),
Emanuel Bernadi Petrus Cahya (Ember Pecah)
Jgn cuma tertawa, kirim ke rakyat indonesia biar semua bisa turut tertawa !!
Rahasia Cara Membongkar Rahasia Orang Lain
Dewi masuk SMU, masa2 remaja bikin dia centil dan suka ngusilin orang. Kali ini dia punya trik baru buat ngerjain orang. Hari pertama dia nelpon ke temennya :
"Rin, gue udah tau semuanya !!"
"Hah..." Suara di sana terdengar lemas,"Wi, lu jangan bilang Indri kalo gue jalan sama cowoknya, ya. Gue ada voucher makan di Hokben, lu jangan bilang-bilang ya. Sorry gue cmn bisa ngasih itu doang."
"Okelah, gue sih terima aja,lu kan temen gue,"
Begitu telpon ditutup, Dewi langsung teriak girang, "Wah, oke juga nih, gitu doang langsung dapet voucher!! Coba gue praktekin lagi."
Kali Ini Dewi masuk ke kamar kakaknya dan langsung bicara pelan di dekat kuping kakaknya,
"Wa, gue udah tau semuanya. Ternyata gitu ya, Wa,"
Dewa langsung bangun,mengambil sebuah kunci dan berbisik pada Dewi,"Wi, lu boleh pakai mobil sebulan penuh plus gue kasih bensinnya. Tapi jangan bilang papi kalo gue nge-gele, ya!!"
"Beres..."
Dewi bener-bener girang, kali ini dia mencegat Papinya yang baru pulang kerja. "Pah," Dewi mengejar papinya yang cuek, "Dewi udah tau semuanya.."
Mendadak Papinya celingukan,mengeluarkan HP dan menelpon seseorang,"Wi, kartu kredit kau udah Papi aktifin lagi. Tapi jangan bilang2 mami tentang si Ijah,Ya"
Dewi girang campur sebel, ternyata papinya ada main sama si Ijah pembantu mereka.
Di luar, Dewi bertemu Pak Udin, sopirnya yang udah belasan tahun bekerja di keluarga Dewi. Dewi mulai usil lagi. Dia kesal juga, pasti Pak Udin tahu tentang soal si Ijah dan papinya, cuman diem aja. Gue kerjain sekalian, pikirnya.
"Pak Udin..!! Dewi sudah tahu semuanya.."
Pak Udin terbengong,dan perlahan meneteskan airmata .Dewi jadi bingung.
"Dewi !!! Sayangku..., akhirnya kamu tahu juga, Peluklah Bapakmu ini, Nak !!!"
Appaaaa...!!!!!??
"Rin, gue udah tau semuanya !!"
"Hah..." Suara di sana terdengar lemas,"Wi, lu jangan bilang Indri kalo gue jalan sama cowoknya, ya. Gue ada voucher makan di Hokben, lu jangan bilang-bilang ya. Sorry gue cmn bisa ngasih itu doang."
"Okelah, gue sih terima aja,lu kan temen gue,"
Begitu telpon ditutup, Dewi langsung teriak girang, "Wah, oke juga nih, gitu doang langsung dapet voucher!! Coba gue praktekin lagi."
Kali Ini Dewi masuk ke kamar kakaknya dan langsung bicara pelan di dekat kuping kakaknya,
"Wa, gue udah tau semuanya. Ternyata gitu ya, Wa,"
Dewa langsung bangun,mengambil sebuah kunci dan berbisik pada Dewi,"Wi, lu boleh pakai mobil sebulan penuh plus gue kasih bensinnya. Tapi jangan bilang papi kalo gue nge-gele, ya!!"
"Beres..."
Dewi bener-bener girang, kali ini dia mencegat Papinya yang baru pulang kerja. "Pah," Dewi mengejar papinya yang cuek, "Dewi udah tau semuanya.."
Mendadak Papinya celingukan,mengeluarkan HP dan menelpon seseorang,"Wi, kartu kredit kau udah Papi aktifin lagi. Tapi jangan bilang2 mami tentang si Ijah,Ya"
Dewi girang campur sebel, ternyata papinya ada main sama si Ijah pembantu mereka.
Di luar, Dewi bertemu Pak Udin, sopirnya yang udah belasan tahun bekerja di keluarga Dewi. Dewi mulai usil lagi. Dia kesal juga, pasti Pak Udin tahu tentang soal si Ijah dan papinya, cuman diem aja. Gue kerjain sekalian, pikirnya.
"Pak Udin..!! Dewi sudah tahu semuanya.."
Pak Udin terbengong,dan perlahan meneteskan airmata .Dewi jadi bingung.
"Dewi !!! Sayangku..., akhirnya kamu tahu juga, Peluklah Bapakmu ini, Nak !!!"
Appaaaa...!!!!!??
Alasan Kenapa Amerika Tak Berani Berperang Dengan Indonesia
Sebenarnya abis Irak, Indonesia mau jadi sasaran berikutnya.
Tapi Pentagon membayangkan jika AS terpaksa harus menyerang Indonesia, berapa kerugian yang harus di pikul pihak AS dan berapa keuntungan pihak Indonesia dari kehadiran tentara AS di sana.
Begitu memasuki perairan daratan Indonesia, mereka akan di hadang pihak bea cukai karena membawa masuk senjata api dan senjata tajam serta peralatan perang tanpa surat izin dari pemerintah RI. Ini berarti mereka harus menyediakan "Uang Damai", coba hitung berapa besarnya jika bawaanya sedemikian banyak.
Kemudian mereka mendirikan Base camp militer , bisa di tebak di sekitar base camp pasti akan di kelilingi tukang Bakso, Tukang Es kelapa, lapak VCD bajakan, sampai obral Cel-Dam Rp.10000 3 Pcs. Belum lagi para pengusaha komedi puter bakal ikut mangkal di sekitar base camp juga.
Kemudian kendaraan-kendaraan tempur serta tank -tank lapis baja yang di parkir dekat base camp akan di kenakan retribusi parkir oleh petugas dari dinas perpakiran daerah. Jika dua jam pertama perkendaraan dikenakan Rp. 10.000,- (maklum tarif orang bule),berapa yang harus di bayar AS kalau kendaraan
& tank harus parkir selama sebulan.
Sepanjang jalan ke lokasi base camp pasukan AS harus menghadapi para
Pak Ogah yang berlagak memperbaiki jalan sambil memungut biaya bagi kendaraan yang melewati jalan tersebut. Dan jika kendaran tempur dan tank harus membelok atau melewati pertigaan mereka harus menyiapkan recehan untuk para Pak Ogah.
Suatu kerepotan besar bagi rombongan pasukan jika harus berkonvoi, karena konvoi yang berjalan lambat pasti akan di hampiri para pengamen,
pengemis dan anak-anak jalanan, ini berarti harus mengeluarkan recehan lagi. Belum lagi jika di jalan bertemu polisi yang sedang bokek, udah pasti kena semprit kerena konvoi tanpa izin. Bayangkan berapa uang damai yang harus di keluarkan.
Di base camp militer, tentara AS sudah pasti nggak bisa tidur, karena nyamuknya busettt, gede-gede kayak vampire. Malam hari di hutan yang sepi mereka akan di kunjungi para wanita yang tertawa dan menangis. Harusnya mereka senang karena bisa berkencan dengan wanita ini tapi kesenangan tersebut akan sirna begitu melihat para wanita ini punya bolong besar di punggungnya.
Pagi harinya mereka tidak bisa mandi karena di sungai banyak di lalui "Rudal Kuning" yang di tembakkan penduduk setempat dari "Flying helicopter" alias wc terapung di atas sungai.
Pasukan AS juga tidak bisa jauh-jauh dari pelaratan perangnya, karena di sekitar base camp sudah mengintai pedagang besi loakan yang siap mempereteli peralatan perang canggih yang mereka bawa. Meleng sedikit saja tank canggih mereka bakal siap dikiloin. Belum lagi para curanmor yang siap beraksi dengan kunci T-nya siap merebut jip-jip perang mereka yang kalau di
dempul dan cat ulang bisa di jual mahal ke anak-anak orang kaya yang pengen gaya-gayaan.
Dan yang lebih menyedihkan lagi badan pasukan AS akan jamuran karena
tidak bisa berganti pakaian. Kalau berani nekat menjemur pakaiannya dan meleng sedikit saja, besok pakaian mereka sudah mejeng di pasar Jatinegara di lapak-lapak pakaian bekas.
Peralatan telekomunikasi mereka juga harus di jaga ketat, karena para bandit kapak merah sudah mengincar peralatan canggih itu. Dan mereka juga harus membayar sewa tanah yang di gunakan untuk base camp kepada para pemilik tanah. Di samping itu mereka juga harus minta izin kepada RT/ RW dan kelurahan setempat, berapa meja yang harus di lalui dan berapa banyak dana yang harus di siapkan untuk meng-Amplopi pejabat-pejabat ini.
Para komandan pasukan AS ini juga akan kena tugas tambahan mengawasi para prajuritnya yang banyak menyelinap keluar base camp buat nonton dangdut di RW 06, katanya ada Inul di sana.
Kalo amrik mulai parade tank, pasti bakal didatengin para bencong2 yang ngiler sama bule2 amrik.
Membayangkan ini semua akhinya Bush dan Rumsfield (sewaktu Amrik Presidennya masih dia) memutuskan untuk mundur.
Tapi Pentagon membayangkan jika AS terpaksa harus menyerang Indonesia, berapa kerugian yang harus di pikul pihak AS dan berapa keuntungan pihak Indonesia dari kehadiran tentara AS di sana.
Begitu memasuki perairan daratan Indonesia, mereka akan di hadang pihak bea cukai karena membawa masuk senjata api dan senjata tajam serta peralatan perang tanpa surat izin dari pemerintah RI. Ini berarti mereka harus menyediakan "Uang Damai", coba hitung berapa besarnya jika bawaanya sedemikian banyak.
Kemudian mereka mendirikan Base camp militer , bisa di tebak di sekitar base camp pasti akan di kelilingi tukang Bakso, Tukang Es kelapa, lapak VCD bajakan, sampai obral Cel-Dam Rp.10000 3 Pcs. Belum lagi para pengusaha komedi puter bakal ikut mangkal di sekitar base camp juga.
Kemudian kendaraan-kendaraan tempur serta tank -tank lapis baja yang di parkir dekat base camp akan di kenakan retribusi parkir oleh petugas dari dinas perpakiran daerah. Jika dua jam pertama perkendaraan dikenakan Rp. 10.000,- (maklum tarif orang bule),berapa yang harus di bayar AS kalau kendaraan
& tank harus parkir selama sebulan.
Sepanjang jalan ke lokasi base camp pasukan AS harus menghadapi para
Pak Ogah yang berlagak memperbaiki jalan sambil memungut biaya bagi kendaraan yang melewati jalan tersebut. Dan jika kendaran tempur dan tank harus membelok atau melewati pertigaan mereka harus menyiapkan recehan untuk para Pak Ogah.
Suatu kerepotan besar bagi rombongan pasukan jika harus berkonvoi, karena konvoi yang berjalan lambat pasti akan di hampiri para pengamen,
pengemis dan anak-anak jalanan, ini berarti harus mengeluarkan recehan lagi. Belum lagi jika di jalan bertemu polisi yang sedang bokek, udah pasti kena semprit kerena konvoi tanpa izin. Bayangkan berapa uang damai yang harus di keluarkan.
Di base camp militer, tentara AS sudah pasti nggak bisa tidur, karena nyamuknya busettt, gede-gede kayak vampire. Malam hari di hutan yang sepi mereka akan di kunjungi para wanita yang tertawa dan menangis. Harusnya mereka senang karena bisa berkencan dengan wanita ini tapi kesenangan tersebut akan sirna begitu melihat para wanita ini punya bolong besar di punggungnya.
Pagi harinya mereka tidak bisa mandi karena di sungai banyak di lalui "Rudal Kuning" yang di tembakkan penduduk setempat dari "Flying helicopter" alias wc terapung di atas sungai.
Pasukan AS juga tidak bisa jauh-jauh dari pelaratan perangnya, karena di sekitar base camp sudah mengintai pedagang besi loakan yang siap mempereteli peralatan perang canggih yang mereka bawa. Meleng sedikit saja tank canggih mereka bakal siap dikiloin. Belum lagi para curanmor yang siap beraksi dengan kunci T-nya siap merebut jip-jip perang mereka yang kalau di
dempul dan cat ulang bisa di jual mahal ke anak-anak orang kaya yang pengen gaya-gayaan.
Dan yang lebih menyedihkan lagi badan pasukan AS akan jamuran karena
tidak bisa berganti pakaian. Kalau berani nekat menjemur pakaiannya dan meleng sedikit saja, besok pakaian mereka sudah mejeng di pasar Jatinegara di lapak-lapak pakaian bekas.
Peralatan telekomunikasi mereka juga harus di jaga ketat, karena para bandit kapak merah sudah mengincar peralatan canggih itu. Dan mereka juga harus membayar sewa tanah yang di gunakan untuk base camp kepada para pemilik tanah. Di samping itu mereka juga harus minta izin kepada RT/ RW dan kelurahan setempat, berapa meja yang harus di lalui dan berapa banyak dana yang harus di siapkan untuk meng-Amplopi pejabat-pejabat ini.
Para komandan pasukan AS ini juga akan kena tugas tambahan mengawasi para prajuritnya yang banyak menyelinap keluar base camp buat nonton dangdut di RW 06, katanya ada Inul di sana.
Kalo amrik mulai parade tank, pasti bakal didatengin para bencong2 yang ngiler sama bule2 amrik.
Membayangkan ini semua akhinya Bush dan Rumsfield (sewaktu Amrik Presidennya masih dia) memutuskan untuk mundur.
The Biggest Sex Secrets In Catholic Church
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.
Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'
And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,
' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers.
I'm an internationally famous golfer now.'
He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.
'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun,
'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock.
'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.
Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'
And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,
' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers.
I'm an internationally famous golfer now.'
He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.
'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun,
'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock.
'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.
The World's Most Romantic Way to Ask Will You Marry Me
WOW! Class Reunion ....PRICELESS!
I know the feeling............do you?
60th HighSchool Reunion He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,
"Yes,..... yes I will!"
The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.
He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.
As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No?”
"Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”
I know the feeling............do you?
60th HighSchool Reunion He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,
"Yes,..... yes I will!"
The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.
He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.
As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No?”
"Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”
The Secrets How To Be A Real Men
Men are like.....Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.
Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... newborn babies
They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
Men are like.....Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Computers
Hard to figure out, and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like.....Place mats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like ... vacuum cleaners
They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.
Men are like ... Road Kill
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.
Men are like ... Soap Operas
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.
Men are like ... Old Car Tires
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like ... Plastic Wrap
Cheap. Clingy. and very easy to see through.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.
Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... newborn babies
They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
Men are like.....Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like.....Computers
Hard to figure out, and never have enough memory.
Men are like.....Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like.....Place mats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like ... vacuum cleaners
They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.
Men are like ... Road Kill
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.
Men are like ... Soap Operas
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.
Men are like ... Old Car Tires
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like ... Plastic Wrap
Cheap. Clingy. and very easy to see through.
How Experts Ask for a Raise
The German maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her about the this raise.
She asked, “Now Inge, why do you think you should get a pay increase?"
maid joke
”Inge: “Well, Madam, there are tree reasons why I wunt the increaze. The 1st is that I do iron better than you."
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Inge: “Your husband he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Inge: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “that's a lie, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Inge: “Your hozban he did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Inge: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Inge: “No Madam… The gardener did.”
.....
Wife: "So, how much do you want?”
The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her about the this raise.
She asked, “Now Inge, why do you think you should get a pay increase?"
maid joke
”Inge: “Well, Madam, there are tree reasons why I wunt the increaze. The 1st is that I do iron better than you."
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Inge: “Your husband he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Inge: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “that's a lie, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Inge: “Your hozban he did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Inge: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Inge: “No Madam… The gardener did.”
.....
Wife: "So, how much do you want?”
How To Know If The Baby That Isn't Yours
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.
After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said ,
'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running..'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery,
she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said,
'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
'Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'
After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said ,
'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running..'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery,
she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said,
'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
'Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'
The Success Secret How To Start A Drugstore
A Harley bike rider walked into a chemist shop in Brisbane, and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and that as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and what ever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The biker then agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a ......permanent erection.
It causes me a lot of problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is:
1/3 ownership in the shop ....
A company car...
Five home cooked dinners a week ..
And $ 3,000 a month in living expenses."
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and that as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and what ever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The biker then agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a ......permanent erection.
It causes me a lot of problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is:
1/3 ownership in the shop ....
A company car...
Five home cooked dinners a week ..
And $ 3,000 a month in living expenses."
The Greatest Secrets How To Make A Woman Happy
How to Keep a Woman Happy ???
Wow ... It's "Priceless"!!!
It's not difficult to make a "Woman Happy"... A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little 4 yourself !!!
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself !!!
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes !!!
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. NEVER to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
etc... God !!!
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY ???
1. Leave him alone ...
Wow ... It's "Priceless"!!!
It's not difficult to make a "Woman Happy"... A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little 4 yourself !!!
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself !!!
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes !!!
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. NEVER to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
etc... God !!!
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY ???
1. Leave him alone ...
The Doctor's Secret How To Cope with Pain During Pregnancy
What deep thinkers men are...
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the bollocks?
Women always maintain that giving birth is far more painful than a bloke getting kicked in the bollocks.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the bollocks is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say, "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the bollocks."
I rest my case. Time for another beer.
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the bollocks?
Women always maintain that giving birth is far more painful than a bloke getting kicked in the bollocks.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the bollocks is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say, "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the bollocks."
I rest my case. Time for another beer.
The Top Secrets How To Have Sex With Your Sister in Law
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite sex positions.
One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "
"Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds!"
One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "
"Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds!"
The Secret How To Make Your Secretary Naked
The General Manager of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
Best Way To Get Revenge To A Cop
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "asshole". He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a "shit head". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "asshole". He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a "shit head". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
The Secret Of The Pope
Pope Francis do not condemn Gays n do not mind Gay Priests. He is OK with condoms
People start to seriously ask the Question : " is the Pope Catholic ?"
People start to seriously ask the Question : " is the Pope Catholic ?"
The Mystic Secret How To Talk With The Dead
Heaven: Bill Gates vs Steve Jobs
Bill : "How's heaven, Steve ?".
Steve : "Great !,... It just doesn't have walls and fences."
Bill : "So ?".
Steve : "So we don't need WINDOWS and GATES there."
Bill : "hehehei ..."
Steve : "Sorry Bill,... didn't mean to offend you".
Bill : "It's okay Steve,... but I heard a rumor."
Steve : "What rumor ?".
Bill : "That nobody allowed to touch APPLE there..."
Bill : "How's heaven, Steve ?".
Steve : "Great !,... It just doesn't have walls and fences."
Bill : "So ?".
Steve : "So we don't need WINDOWS and GATES there."
Bill : "hehehei ..."
Steve : "Sorry Bill,... didn't mean to offend you".
Bill : "It's okay Steve,... but I heard a rumor."
Steve : "What rumor ?".
Bill : "That nobody allowed to touch APPLE there..."
The Best Way How to Make a Good Confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He is amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
He is amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
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A cop was patrolling at night in a well known spot for "parking." He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He got cl...
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Ada dua ekor kutu yang bersaudara, kutu A berada di Jakarta, Kutu B ada di Bandung. Suatu ketika kutu A Berkunjung ketempat kutu B di Band...
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"ra jumatan le ?" "Mboten bu....!" "Kenopo ra jumatan?" "Anu bu, soale kulo mbetho HP..." "...
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Di lapo si Tiur ada 3 orang lagi duduk-duduk sambil minum kopi yaitu si Togar, Binsar dan Si Jogal. Kebetulan si Togar kepala bagian depan b...
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Seorang pria Arab sedang membujuk seekor unta jantannya yang sedang mogok dan duduk di jalanan sehingga membuat kendaraan di belakangnya ant...
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Si Andi kecil melihat mobil papanya lewat di depan sekolah dan parkir di dekat semak belukar. Karena rasa ingin tahu yang besar, Andi kecil ...
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Ada seorang pria Batak sedang pacaran dengan seorang wanita Jawa, seperti biasanya orang sedang pacaran ingin bermesraan: Cowok Batak: &qu...
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Jadi kamu termasuk yang mana ??? Banyak bicara sedikit bekerja atau sedikit bicara banyak bekerja ?? the decision is yours .... -
Bejo : mak,dulu babe meninggal kenapa sih??? Emak : kena serangan jantung... Bejo : ohh...kurang ajar banget tuh jantung...berani nyerang ba...
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