3 Nenek Penggemar Cityville (Jokes)

Di sebuah kota-desa (city-ville) tujuan turis yang lagi berkembang, terletak di bawah sebuah kaki gunung yang eksotis, ketiga nenek yang kecapekan setelah seharian bermain CityVille, duduk - duduk dan mengobrol di sebuah bangku di taman:

Nenek 1: Dulu kota ini adalah sebuah desa kecil yang terpencil, bahkan ga bakal terpikirkan bakal ramai seperti sekarang ini, nah kalian tahu siapa yang membangun kota ini, sehingga menjadi kota tujuan wisata seperti sekarang ?

Nenek 2 & Nenek 3 menggeleng-geleng

Nenek 1: Asal kalian tahu aja, kakekku nih yang membangun kota ini (bangga)

Nenek ke-2 pun tidak mau kalah:

Nenek 2: Oke sekarang, kalian tahu danau indah yang ada di kaki gunung itu, dulunya kering kerontang, bahkan kecebong aja ogah tinggal di sana, nah kalian tahu siapa yang bikin danau itu?

Nenek 1 & Nenek 3 menggeleng-geleng

Nenek2: Nenek aku! dia dulu berbulan-bulan nari-nari di pinggir danau manggil hujan tiap hari, sampai air danau-nya penuh, dan akhirnya yang seperti kalian lihat, menjadi danau yang indah dan eksotis...

Nenek ke-3, segera berpikir panjang, setelah mendengar ke-dua nenek temannya menyombongkan keluarga-nya masing-masing , kemudian diapun mendapatkan sebuah inspirasi..

Nenek 3: Kalian lihat gunung yang ada di sana, tadinya cuman tanah datar, nah sekarang jadi gunung yang tinggi dan indah yang membuat kota ini jadi kota wisata, dan membuat danau yang ada di situ, jadi tampak indah dan eksotis, karena adanya gunung itu, nah kalian tahu siapa yang bikin gunung itu?

Nenek 1 & Nenek 2 menggeleng-geleng keheranan

Nenek 3: bokap gue! (penuh emosi)

bokap gue yang buntingin!

Grandma's spoiler~

10 HAL yang bikin MACET di JAKARTA!!!

1. Angkot

ya lo tau sendiri lah gayanya gimana

2. Sopir Angkot

Ini nih yang menggerakan benda persegipanjang beroda tersebut

3. Tempat Ngetem Angkot

Uda gitu kadang ngetem-nya tidak pada tempatnya lagi, entah pas di depan tingkungan, ada yang depan gerbang rumah orang, dan kadang pas sejajar di tengah-tengah jalan.

4. Penumpang Angkot

Suka nyomot dan naro penumpang tidak pada tempatnya, apalagi kadang pas di tengah-tengah traffic light, yang lagi hijau, dan detik nya kurang dari 5 detik...

5. Kembalian Angkot

Ini nih penumpang yang uang bayarnya ga pas.. kembaliannya lama, ngetemnya jadi lama deh... semoga suatu saat sistem angkot bisa pake sistem gesek MRT di singapore..

6. Metode Tujuh - Lima

Metode ini yang bikin lama, tujuh di kanan, lima di kiri, nunggu penumpangnya full dulu baru cabut.. ngetem lagi.. mending satu yang pake metode ini, lha kalu ada 10? penuh-penuh deh jalanan..

7. Boss Angkot
Ini yang ngegaji sopir angkot yang di sebutkan di point 2

8. Yang Ngasi Ijin Trayek Angkot

Ini yang bikin point 7 bisa jalan usaha bisnisnya

9. Sistem Parkir 1/4

Biasanya kalo ngetem / parkir / ngambil penumpang, si sopir angkot meminggirkan angkotnya...
minggir sih minggir... tetapi cuman 1/4 badan-nya aja, yang mepet ke kiri, 3/4nya masih ada di badan jalan...

10. Cuek Implemented

Biasanya kalo mereka jalannya pelan, ngetem, menghalangi jalan / seperti sisa badan 3/4 yang di sebutkan di point 9.. kita mengklakson kencang-kencang.. tetapi sang sopir, cuek aja, noleh pun kaga..

Nama Kecil Agnes Monica (E! Off-line Entertainment - A secret revealed)

Mungkin banyak yang penasaran nama kecil si Agnes Monica..

seperti kita tahu, kalau dilihat dari logic ataupun premisenya

jika nama kecil superman adalah superboy

maka nama kecil sudirman adalah sudirboy 

(weird propositions..)

lalu siapa nama kecil Agnes Monica?

menurutmu??




Mamanya bilang waktu kecil sih dia bilangnya ini...

Agnes Mocuucuu...


'tar kalo dah cukup waktunya..

baru deh Agnes Monikah...


Muljoto ROcks!!        


Cerita orang Batak beli Batik

Suatu hari seorang Batak hendak membeli Batik di sebuah Butik di dalam pasar
Rupanya penjualnya adalah seorang Ibu-ibu...

Orang Batak: Horas Ibu

Ibu Penjual : HahHHhh Berasss!!? di sebelah pak! (agak budeg rupanya)

Orang Batak: (emosi) HORAS ibu HORAS!!

Ibu Penjual: Ya iya KERAS pak KERAS, nanti kalau udah jadi NASI jadi Lembut BERASNYA!! Kalau mau beli yang KAGA keras SANA DI wArteG! 

Orang Batak: (agak down) maksud saya tadi horas ibu..

Ibu Penjual: hah? Bapak Intel bukan?

Orang Batak: hah?

Ibu Penjual: Kok tau disini jualan? mau yang merk apa? Johnnie walker, remy martin, smirnoff atau cointreu*?

Orang Batak: (nervous) ho..oo..r... rr.. asss...

Ibu Penjual: Oh ok Chivas*.. entar saya ambil!!

Orang Batak: (teriak) IBU PERMISI SAYA KE SEBELAH BELI BERAS!!! 

* merk minuman keras


Undangan William & Kate

Nambut Silaning Akrami

KATE MIDDLETON, Amd.
(Putri Bpk. Michael / Ibu Carole)

kaliyan

WILLIAM ARTHUR PHILLIP LOUIS,SE,MM
(Putra Bpk. Charles Philip Arthur George / Ibu Diana Spencer .almh)

Dhaup Suci :

Dinten : Jumat Kliwon
Suryo Kaping : 29 April 2011
Wanci Tabuh : 09.30
Mapan ing : Wsminster Abey, London

Winantu Sagunging Pakurmatan,

Kanthi Lumaraping Nawala Sedhahan, Minangka Sesulih Pisowan Kula Wonten ing Ngarsa Panjenengan,
Sinartan Nyadhong Berkahing Gusti Ingkang Maha Tunggal, Kula Sabrayat Hanggadhahi Pangangkah Badhe Ngawontenaken Syukuran Tuwin Pawiwahan Dhauping Sri Penganten Anak Kula,

Dinten : Jumat Kliwon
Suryo Kaping : 29 April 2011
Wanci Tabuh : 12.00 – 14.00
Mapan ing Gedung Kraton Buckingham, London.

Setuhu Badhe Damel Bombong Saha Mongkoging Manah Kula Sabrayat, Bilih Dhangan ing Penggalih Saha Sepen ing Sambekala Bapak / Ibu Kepareng Rawuh Hangestreni Saha Paring Puja Pangastuti Dhumateng Anak Kula Sri Penganten, Supados Dados Kaluwarga Ingkang Bagya Mulya

Wasan Kula Sagotrah Hangaturaken Agunging Panuwun Saha Nyuwun Lubering Pangaksami Sadaya Kekirangan Dalah Kalepatan Kula.


Atur Taklim Kula,

Keluarga Bpk. Michael/Ibu Carole

Keluarga Bpk. Charles/Ibu Diana (almh)

♥ Kate & William ♥.

Duka Cita Mbah Parjo

Suatu malam seorang laki-laki berkata :
"Kita lahir ke dunia ini bersama-sama, kita jalani masa2 indah bersama, suka-duka bersama. Tapi kenapa teganya kamu mati duluan meninggalkan aku sendirian?".
Demikian pertanyaan Mbah Parjo sambil mengintip si buyung di dalam sarungnya.

Down to The Last Penny

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.

He gives the young boy three 5 rupee coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the coins but is still choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat
and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter!!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the coins, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'

'No', the woman replied, 'I'm with CitiBank - Loan Department.........

When Doctor Having Sex

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers.
They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors.
After about an hour, the man says to the woman.
"Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."
The woman doctor agrees to it.
So, they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom.
She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room.
She scrubs for a good 10 minutes.
Finally, she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman,
"You're a surgeon, aren't you?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
The man says,
"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man, a bit surprised. "How did you know?"
The woman answers,
"Because I slept through most of it and didn't feel a thing."

Sniffer

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is.

I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'search.'

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replied the first man.

Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.

The agent said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

I like it!' said his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to 'search' again..

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.

The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent, 'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replied, 'He just found a bomb.'

Words to Remember

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

Some Wacky Mature Quotes

If necessity is the mother of invention, then…
Frustration is the  father of masturbation!

Always marry a woman with small palms. It makes your dick  look bigger !

I believe in safe sex...I've got a handrail around the  bed.

Just remember: No matter how hot & sexy a babe is,  someone somewhere  is tired of fucking her!

The difference between sex and death is that, with death, you  can do it  alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Life without Friends is like Boobs without Nipples...  POINTLESS !

Go braless: it'll pull the wrinkles out of your face.

The importance of UNITY explained at it's best: What  did one leg of a  woman tell the other: UNITED we are saved, Divided we are  Fucked.

Old Proverb: A smile is a curve that makes everything  straight.
New Proverb: Boobs are curves that make
Something super  straight...!

Slogan on a boy's T-shirt: Please tell your boobs not  to stare at my eyes.

Fuck a girl & she'll love you... Love a girl &  she'll fuck you!

All those who proclaim that dog is man's best friend,  have evidently not played with a pussy.

The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet  she's got you by the balls.

Overdue

Mr. Sharma comes home one night and his wife throws her arms around his neck: I have great news... I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!!! The doctor gave me a test today but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company)  because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?"

"Yes... Speaking"

AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!!!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files... HOW???"

Yes... We have a system of finding out who's overdue"

"GOD!!!... this is too much..."

"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders, I have to inform you are     overdue"

"I know that... let me talk to my husband about this tonight, he will speak to your company tomorrow"

That night, she tells her husband about the call and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on??? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue??? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the  lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, Sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.


"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Topless

Seorang kakek tua berusia 85 tahun pergi mengunjungi dokter kelamin untuk memeriksa kandungan spermanya. Sang dokter mengambil sebuah toples kecil dan berkata,’BAWA TOPLES KECIL INI PULANG DAN BAWA KEMBALI ESOK HARI DENGAN CONTOH SPERMA ANDA DI DALAMNYA,'

Keesokannya kakek tersebut datang kembali ke klinik* dan memberikan toples kecil itu kepada sang dokter. Akan tetapi toples kecil itu masih kosong seperti kemarin. ’kok kosong’ tanya sang dokter.

Sang kakek menjawab,’Begini dok, saya sudah coba dengan tangan kanan saya, tapi tidak bisa. saya coba dengan tangan kiri saya, Tetap tidak bisa juga.’ ‘Lalu saya minta bantuan istri saya. Dia gunakan tangan kanannya tidak bisa... Istri saya gunakan tangan kirinya, tetap tidak bisa.

Istri saya mencoba dengan mulut, tapi masih tidak bisa juga,’ ungkap sang kakek. ’Kamipun akhirnya memanggil Ayu, gadis muda tetangga sebelah.

Ia mencoba dengan tangan kanan, tapi tidak bisa... dia mencoba dengan tangan kiri, tetap tidak bisa. Ayu mencoba dengan kedua tangannya, masih tidak bisa juga... dicoba diapit dengan ketiak Ayu masih tidak bisa juga... bahkan Ayu sudah mencoba dengan menjepit diantara kedua pahanya, tetapi tidak bisa juga,’ ungkap sang kakek tua..

’Haahhh,... Jadi bapak sampai minta bantuan gadis tetangga sebelah ????.’ tanya sang dokter sambil takjub. ’ Iya, dan sampai sekarang saya, istri saya dan Ayu tetap tidak bisa membuka tutup toples ini...,’ (serius amat bacanya )​

Perahu Akan Tenggelam

Perahu berisi 3 orang akan tenggelam.

Orang pertama :  Alllahuakbar ,..  Tuhan maha besar,.. " dampingi aku "
Orang kedua    :  Ya BAPA,..  bukankah Engkau pernah meredakan angin,..  " dampingi Aku"

Orang ketiga bernama " Loe Tjiak Lat. "
Matiiii gua ,.. ini prau udah mau kelelep,. malah teman teman gua ini mau nambah beban "2"  lagi .

KUNJUNGAN MENDADAK SBY

SBY melakukan kunjungan dadakan ke sebuah rumah sakit jiwa.
Pihak RSJ kalang kabut dan membuat penyambutan sekenanya. Staf RSJ berjajar, juga pasien yg dianggap sdh agak waras.

SBY menyalami mereka. "Saya SBY," ia memperkenalkan diri pd salah seorang yg tampaknya tak kenal dia.

"Oh, tidak apa-apa," sahut orang itu. "Saya waktu baru masuk juga ngaku Pak Harto kok, Nanti lama-lama sembuh sendiri."

The Queen and Dolly

The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created,
and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of
Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.

Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,

A Royal Flush Beats a Pair -

No Matter How Big They Are

What Women Want in a Man?

What Women Want in a Man?

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
 
Revised List (age 32):

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
 
Revised List (age 42):

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady ” splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
 
Revised List (age 52):

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
 
Revised List (age 62):

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why hes laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that its the weekend

Revised List (age 72):

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
       

The Good Old Days - Before and After Internet

As time marches forward it is becoming increasingly difficult to remember what life was like before the Internet. For some of today's youth the Internet in it's current form has always existed. So let's take a moment to reminisce about what life was like before the Internet (and what has changed since it's conception) before we all forget.


Before: Family time was spent watching TV or playing board games together.

After: Family time is spent in separate corners of the house, each on their own computer instant messaging one another.


Before: People could properly spell and used decent grammar.

After: Now thx 2 IM and SMS, they spel lik dis. LOL!!!!!!


Before: We wrote letters to friends and loved ones far away, and maybe even the occasional Pen Pal.

After: Now we just forward joke e-mails and Internet hoaxes to loved ones and friends while not even bothering to remove the hundreds of forwarded addresses contained within the message. By the way, what's a Pen Pal?


Before: Door-to-door Encyclopedia salesmen.

After: Wikipedia donations.


Before: Recording industry execs making fat profits all-the-while complaining about the bootlegging of their music.

After: Recording industry execs making fat profits all-the-while complaining about illegal downloading via p2p networks.


Before: We used the Dewey Decimal System and Microfilm to find information at local Libraries.

After: Google


Before: Phone books

After: Search engines


Before: Teen lines

After: Cell phones, IM, SMS, email, Skype, etc...


Before: Floating checks to avoid overdrafting your checking account.

After: Immediately bouncing checks (or maybe you're asking yourself what is a Check?)


Before: Getting caught looking at your Father's Playboy.

After: Catching your Dad looking at Internet porn because he forgot to clear his browser history.


Before: Kids would hang out at Video Arcades, Malls, Roller Rinks, and pizza places.

After: Kids hang out at MySpace.com ...............Speaking of MySpace...


Before: I have a friend named Tom.

After: Everyone has a friend named Tom and no one realizes they can easily get rid of him.


Before: People went on blind dates or met people at the bar to find romance.

After: Now we sit at home alone and surf Match.com to find romance.


Before: We scoured the neighborhoods for Garage Sales with the best junk to buy.

After: eBay and Craigslist.


Before: VCRs and TV Guide

After: Tivo


Before: Walking billboards, bumper stickers and print advertising.

After: Viral videos and forehead advertising.


Before: Gossiping about a friend, neighbor, family member, or cow-orker.

After: We google people to get dirt on them.


Before: Shopping the day after Thanksgiving not quite sure of the deals you will find.

After: Planning your Black Friday assault in October thanks to web sites like BlackFridayAds.com.


Before: Newspapers, Radio, and TV.

After: Social news sites, Podcasts, and YouTube.


Before: Commuting to work by car, bus or train.

After: Telecommuting to work in your underwear.


Before: We got our news from the likes of Rather, Jennings and Brokaw.

After: We get our news from the likes of Stewart, Colbert, and Drudge.


Before: Children wrote letters to Santa Claus and mailed them to the North Pole.

After: Children send email to Santa Claus at northpole.com and track his progress Christmas Eve via satellites on NoradSanta.org


Before: Dear Diary, ....

After: Don't you read my blog?


Before: Broadway shows - The Sound of Music

After:  Broadway shows - Avenue Q - The internet is for porn - porn, porn, porn,porn- The internet is for porn!!

Children's Reply

I always love the joke involve children.... their replies always make more sense......


TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:         Maria.
____________________________________  

TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:        K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:        Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I  Love this child)
____________________________________

TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:        H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:        Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________________________________

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:         Me!
____________________________________

TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:            Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________________________________

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE:           I  is..
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:           All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'      
____________________________________

TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  
                         Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:            Because George still had  the axe in his hand....    
____________________________________

TEACHER:    Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:           No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
____________________________________

TEACHER:    Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE  :          No, sir. It's the same dog.    

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________________

TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:          A teacher.

Show Your Badge

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running
for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough
 get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....              

(I just love this part....)

"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !" 

Met Kenal Yach

Sebuah sperma yang baru lahir sedang diajar oleh instrukturnya :

"Begitu kamu disemprot keluar, berenang sekencangnya sampai ke ujung gua dan kamu akan ketemu bulatan merah bernama telur.

Deketin dia dan bilang : "Saya sperma."

Dan dia akan bilang : "Saya telur."

Dari situ kamu akan mulai bikin calon anak. Mengerti?".

Si sperma mengangguk dengan mantapnya.

Dua hari kemudian waktu lagi asik molor tiba-tiba dia disemprot keluar.

Langsung aja dia berenang sekencangnya dan teman-temannya ketinggalan dibelakang.

Akhirnya dia duluan sampai di bulatan merah dan dia memperkenalkan dirinya :

"Hi, saya sperma."

Si bulatan merah jawab : "Hi juga, saya amandel... met kenal yach.."

Water in Carburetor

How to explain your problem in a controlled way.....

A woman comes home from her shopping tour and says to her husband:

"My car has got water in the carburetor! "

Husband: Come, come! How would you know, not having the faintest idea of a car engine?

Woman: Believe me, there is water in the carburetor.

Husband: Give me the key, I’ll have a look at that. She hands the key over to him. While stepping out he ask her:

Where is the car?.

Woman: In the swimming pool.

Mafioso

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna dothen......pointa to your watch and a say, Times Up?"

Golfing accident

Two women were playing golf.

One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a group of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
“Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me”, she told him.

“Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes” the man groaned.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her insistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered artful massage for several long moments and asked, ”How does that feel?'

"Wonderful", he replied. "But I still think my thumb's broken.”

How to Impress a Woman & Men

How to IMPRESS a WOMAN

Listen to her,

compliment her,

respect her,

honor her,


comfort her,

protect her,

hug her,

cuddle her

tease her,

spend money on her,

wine and dine her,

buy things for her,

reassure  her,

go to the ends of the Earth for her.

kiss her,

caress her,

stroke her,

love her,




How to IMPRESS a MAN

Show up naked but have

a beer in your hand.

New Wine

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot  Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new  hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected  to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the  bathroom during the night.

The new  wine will be marketed as

PINO MORE

I  HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

This wine is great for old people as I can drink all night and get a good nights sleep without loads of trips to the loo with Pino More,

Tionghoa Vs Steven Spielberg

Suatu malam di Amerika, seorang pria Tionghoa masuk ke sebuah bar dan melihat sutradara kondang Steven Spielberg (sutradara Titanic dan Jurassic Park). Dengan hati gembira, dia bergegas menghampiri menghampiri untuk minta tanda tangan.

Sayang, bukan tanda tangan yang didapat, Spielberg malah menamparnya dan berkata, "Kalian orang Chinese, mengebom Pearl Harbour, enyah dari sini." Spontan pria itu menjawab, "Bukan Chinese yang mengebom Pearl Harbour, tapi Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, kalian sama saja" ujar Spielberg.

Merasa dongkol atas perlakuan tadi, dia balas menampar Spielberg dan berseru, "Kamu yang menenggelamkan Titanic, kakek moyang saya ada di kapal itu!"

Terkejut, Spielberg menjawab, "Iceberg (gunung es) yang menenggelamkan kapal itu, bukan saya!" Pria China itu lalu berkata dengan kalem, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, kalian semua sama saja…"

Poems Found In Toilets

I hope you enjoy these POEMS


            POEMS FOUND IN TOILETS.

            THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND, HOLD IT GENTLY'

            Excellent poems by not so famous poets.....
            Found on toilet doors and walls...

            A budding poet trying his best...
            Here I lie in stinky vapour,
            Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
            Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
            Or shall I be forced to use my finger .

            Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...
            Here I sit
            Broken hearted.
            Tried to shit
            But, only farted .


            Someone who had a different experience wrote:
            You're lucky
            You had your chance
            I tried to fart,
            And shit my pants!


            Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in toilets.
            I came here
            To shit and stink,
            But all I do
            Is sit and think .


            There are also people who come in for a different purpose...
            Some come here to sit and think.
            Some come here to shit and stink.
            But, I come
            Here to scratch my balls ,
            And read the bullshit on the walls.....


            Toilet's walls als o double as job advertisement space.... (written high upon the wall)
            If you can piss above this line,
            The Fire Department wants you.


            Ministry of Environment advertisement.
            We aim to please!
            You aim too! Please


            On the inside of a toilet door:
            Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance..


            And finally, this should teach some a lesson... Sign seen at a restaurant: The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Pengakuan Arifinto PKS

Dipanggil oleh dewan Syari'ah PKS, Arifinto mengatakan bahwa video yang ditontonnya saat Sidang Paripurna adalah Video Religi karena pemainnya berulang-ulang menyebut :

"Oh My God.. Oh My God...Oh My God........ "

GT Man

​Suatu ketika para superhero sedang berkumpul dan saling menyombongkan diri mereka.

Superman: "Aku bisa keluar penjara, karena jeruji besi itu bisa meleleh dengan sinar laser mataku".

Hulk: "Aku bisa keluar penjara hanya dengan jari keliking aku bisa merobohkan pintu penjara".

Invisible man: "Kalau aku bisa keluar penjara dengan mengubah diriku menjadi tidak kelihatan".

Kemudian muncul super hero lain yg menamakan diri GT-man.

GT-man: "Kalian semua masih kalah dengan aku..aku bisa keluar penjara tanpa merusak pintu penjara, dan tanpa menghilang, bahkan sipir penjara tidak bereaksi ketika melihat aku"

Superhero: "Hebat, Salut..dari mana asalmu".

GT-man: " Indonesia..namaku GT-Man...: Gayus Tambunan..., Man.!!!."

Ramalane Prabu Djojobojo

nDunjo iki wis tuwo.......Tjontone akeh djoko dadi dudo.......

Akeh prawan sing nglahirno putro tanpo bopo.......

Akeh rondo towo2 rogo.......

Djare ra penak turu dewe jen ora ono kontjo djedjoko.......

Akeh putro sing wani karo wongtuwo.......

Enek omah ibadat ora tau disobo....... malah sing disobo omahe germo.......

Didjak ibadah mesti semojo, djare sambat bojo'ne loro.......

Sing meneng berarti rumongso....... sing ngguju berarti kulino.......

Elingo jen dipundut sewajah2 ora enom ora tuwo.......

Malaikat podo ngintjer sopo2.......

Mulo djo lali ibadah ning kuoso....... jen mati ben mlebu suargo.......

Jen mlebu suargo djo lali  BBne digowo.......

Ben iso ngabari kontjo2.......

Effort

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... $ 9, 998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!

Barber Shop

George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'

The second barber turned to Bush and said, 'How about you sir ?' Bush replied, 'Go ahead; my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

The Most Caring Child

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once Talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the Contest was to find the most caring child..

The winner was:

A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just
Helped him cry.'

*********************************************

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture
had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, 'I know all about Adoption, I was adopted..'
'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.

'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew
in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'

*********************************************

On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a
park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first- base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was 'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered With a smile.

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'

'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a Puzzled look on his face...

'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't Been up to bat yet.'

*********************************************

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.

Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.

On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her,
eyes shining with pride and excitement..  'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'
(All politicians should learn from this story.  --   A comment by Julian)
*********************************************

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December,
some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering With cold.

A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks... Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him
a pair of shoes..

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him... She patted him on the head and said, 'No
doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears
in his eyes, asked her.

'Are you God's wife?'

Watermelons

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"

Goodbye Mom

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout.

She turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's  day,

he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk..
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too."

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!

Ripped Off On E-Bay

I've Spent $150 on E-bay for a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

Tips Cerdas Memilih Bank Setelah Kejadian Melinda Dee

Tips Cerdas untuk memilih Bank yang aman saat ini:

1. Masuk dan perhatikan satu persatu para karyawati Bank tersebut.

2. Jangan sekali-kali menyerahkan slip setoran atau pemindah bukuan kosong yg sudah Anda tanda-tangani kepada petugas bank, secantik dan sebesar apa pun susunya.

3.Apabila sebagian besar karyawati bersusu BESAR, segera batalkan niat Anda menabung di situ.

4. Amati apakah susu karyawati dibank itu semakin membesar. Jika ya, segera cek rekening anda.

5. Amati apakah susu anda membesar stlh menabung di bank itu, jika ya, tabungan anda aman

6. Jika susu karyawati nya besar semua, berarti anda salah masuk, anda telah masuk ke panti pijat ++, bukan ke bank.

Irish Alzheimer's

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat!"

Origin of The Human Race

A little girl asked her Mom, "How did the human race appear?"
The Mom answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
"Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered,
"Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

An Italian Boy's Confession

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell...'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Julia Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

Tentang Pernikahan

Di sebuah pesta pernikahan, seorang anak bertanya pada ibunya.
Anak : Mama, kenapa sih mempelai wanita pake baju putih?
Ibu : Karena ini hari paling membahagiakan dalam hidupnya, Nak.
Anak : (berpikir sebentar) Lalu kenapa mempelai pria pakai baju hitam?

***
Seorang dokter dan istrinya bertengkar hebat saat sarapan. Karena tidak dapat menahan emosi, Si Dokter bangkit dengan marah dan keluar sambil berteriak, "Kamu payah di ranjang!" lalu meninggalkan rumah

Beberapa saat kemudian Si Dokter menyadari kesalahannya dan memutuskan untuk berbaikan. Dia menelepon istrinya, namun telepon tak diangkat. Baru setelah sekitar setengah jam mencoba telepon diangkat oleh Sang Istri.

Dengan jengkel Si Dokter mengatakan "Apa yang membuatmu begitu lama menjawab telepon"? Dia berkata, "Aku di ranjang".
"Di tempat tidur saat seperti ini, NGAPAIN?"
"Saya ingin mendapat second opinion..."jawabnya.

***
Seorang wanita muda mendatangi apotek dan memesan arsenik.

Apoteker (kebetulan cowok) bertanya "Bu, apa yang Anda inginkan dengan arsenik?".

Wanita itu menjawab "Saya ingin membunuh suami saya."

"ASTAGA... Saya tidak bisa memberikan arsenik untuk alasan itu." kata si apoteker.

Wanita tersebut kemudian merogoh tasnya dan mengeluarkan sebuah foto : seorang pria dan seorang perempuan dalam pose seronok - pria itu suaminya dan wanita itu adalah istri apoteker - dan menunjukkan ke si apoteker.

Si apoteker melihat pada foto itu dan berkata ... "Ibu tidak bilang kalau punya resep!"

***
Mengapa pria yang sudah menikah lebih gendut daripada pria lajang?
Karena ketika pria lajang pulang, ia membuka lemari es, jika tidak menemukan apa yang ia inginkan, ia pergi ke tempat tidur sedangkan ketika pria yang sudah menikah pulang, ia pergi ke tempat tidur, jika tidak menemukan apa yang ia inginkan, ia menuju lemari es!

***
Seorang suami dan istrinya sedang mengemudi di jalan raya ketika seorang polisi memepet mobil, meminta mereka untuk menepi. Mobil menepi dan petugas mendekati mobil.

Polisi: "Tunjukkan SIM dan STNK."
Suami: "Ini Pak, maaf, apa yang menjadi masalah?"

Polisi: "Batas kecepatan di sini 70 km, Anda melampauinya."
Suami: "Pasti ada kekeliruan, saya hanya 65."
Istri: "Mas, kamu setidaknya 80!"

Polisi: "Kamu melanggar lampu lalu lintas."
Suami: "Saya melewatinya ketika masih kuning."
Istri: "Mas, tadi jelas-jelas sudah merah"

Polisi: "Kamu tidak pakai sabuk pengaman."
Suami: "Tetapi Pak, saya baru melepasnya ketika Bapak datang."
Istri: "Mas, kamu kan selama ini ga pernah pakai sabuk pengaman"

Suami: "HEI SETAN! GA BISA DIAM?!"
Polisi: "Bu, apakah dia selalu bicara sekasar ini kepadamu?
Istri: "Hanya ketika dia mabuk..."

That's Life

 God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live  50 years."

The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God created the monkey and said to him:

"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally God created man ...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Humor with a Good moral - The Pastor

Here's a little CLEAN humor with a good moral ....

The Pastor's Ass

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won..

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race..

The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey..

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted!

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the papers read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is ....
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer

Beethoven Backwards

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.

The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave.

They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards. Just then, the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about,” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!”

Someone Sorry

Lee Sum Wan :  Hello can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr  Sori  :  Yes, you could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr  Sori : You are now talking to someone ! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent!

Mr  Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved  in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the  hospital.  Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr  Sori :  Look... if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident, that isn’t an urgent matter ! You may find this hilarious but  I don't have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr  Sori :  I'm  Sori.

Lee Sum Wan :  You should be sorry.  Now give me your name!

Mr  Sori :  I'm  Sori !!

Lee Sum Wan : I don't like  your tone of voice Mr and I don't care, give me your  name!

Mr  Sori : Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori! I'm Sori!! I'm SORI!!! You didn't even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is  Sum  Buddy.  And my uncle holds a very big position in the company.  He is  Noe  Buddy!

What is Globalization?

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an American (who lives in Italy for ten months a year), using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization

Surat PENJUAL BUAH yg patah hati:

"Wajahmu memang MANGGIS,
watakmu juga MELONkolis,
tapi hatiku NANAS karena cemburu,
SIRSAK napasku,
hatiku ANGGUR lebur,
ini DELIMA dalam hidupku,
memang ini juga SALAKku,
jarang APEL malam minggu,
ya Tuhan,
Mohon BELIMBING-Mu,
kalo memang perPISANGan ini yg terbaik untukku,
SEMANGKA kau bahagia dgn pria lain...
SAWOnara...."
Dari: DURIANto

Surat Balasan dari pacarnya yang ternyata TUKANG SAYUR:

"Membalas KENTANG suratmu itu,
BROKOLI sudah kubilang,
jangan tiap dateng rambutmu selalu KUCAI,
JAGUNGmu gak pernah di cukur.
Disuruh dateng malam minggu, ehh nongolnya hari LABU.
Ditambah kondisi keuanganmu makin hari makin PARE,
Kalo mo nelpon aku aja mesti ke WORTEL….
Terus TERONG aja,
Cintaku padamu sudah lama TOMAT...
Jangan KANGKUNG aku lagi,
CABE dehhhhhh!!!"
Dari: KAILAN

Perbedaan Mobil Baru & Penganti Baru

Apa beda mobil baru dan penganten baru ?

 Jawaban 1:
Kalo mobil baru, dibuka dulu baru dinaikin!. Penganten baru? Wah sama ya..
Salah !
Jawaban 2:
Kalo mobil baru, ada lubang minggir. Kalo penganten baru ? Ya maju terussss. haha..

The Difference between Confident and confidential ?

A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,...

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant...

Panic is when both are pregnant.

The Importance Of Period

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away

Losing All His Friends

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

His Wife says :

"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends"..

How to Bite Breast

An Old Jewish man is walking down the street one evening when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
                               
He says to her, "Hey miss, would  you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.  

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old Jewish  man runs around the next block and faces her again.


"Would you let me bite your breasts -  just once - for  $10,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'

"Nah," says the little old Jewish man... "Costs too much!"

Punjabi Lawyer

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance,
so I am sending 100 kisses.  You are my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
Tuna Singh

His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.  Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...
1.     The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2.     The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3.     Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.
4.     Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.
5.     Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance.
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your Sweet Heart,
Sunita

Memory Joke

A 90-year-old couple were having problems with their memory, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

They explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were in good health, however, the best thing to do was to start writing things down and make notes to help them to remember things.
Later that night while watching television, the man got up  from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"
He replied, "To the kitchen."
She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replied, "Sure honey."

She then asked him, "Don't you think that you should write it down on a note so you can remember it?"
He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some chocolate syrup on top.
 You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top.
I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

Now irritated, he said, "I don't need to write that down!
I can remember that." He then goes down stairs to the kitchen.
 After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:
 "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

How To Buy Poison In Pharmacy

A nice, calm, young and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.

Bill Gates

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.
While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates,
I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar,
"and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

"Hi, Ray," he said.

I replied, "Fuck off, Gates, I'm in a meeting."

Pee Bet

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I can pee farther than anyone else".
"Yeah" the bartender says.
"Sure, and I can pee right on the spot from 75 feet away" the guy says.
"Yeah right" the bartender says.
"It's true, in fact, I'll bet you 100 dollars that I can pee right into a beer bottle 75 feet away and not spill a drop" the guy says.
"Go ahead" the bartender says smiling at the chance to make some easy money.
So a beer bottle is placed on the floor 75 feet away. Then the guy whips out his dick and starts peeing. He pees on the wall, he pees on the floor, he pees on the ceiling and bar, he even pees on the bartender. He pees everywhere EXCEPT in the bottle.
The bartender starts smiling and tells the guy to pay up. The guy goes into another room, comes out a few minutes later with a big grin on his face and pays the bartender.
The bartender then says to the guy, "Why are you so happy, you just lost a hundred bucks?"
Then the guy says "Well, I just bet the guys in the other room a thousand bucks that I could pee all over your bar and not only would you not mind, but that you'd be smiling!"

Help This Blonde To Call Her Mom

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost £300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
" Come in and close the door" the man said.

She did.

He then said "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands .

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered ..

"Well ... Go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... ...tentatively said .......
"Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

Ah, the innocence of children

Alas, where has all our innocence gone?
            
While I sat in the reception area
              of my doctor's office, a woman rolled  an elderly man
              in a wheelchair into the room.  As she went
              to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
              and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
              small talk with him, a little boy slipped off
              his mother's lap and  walked over to
              the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the
              man's, he said, I know how you feel.  My
              mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'

*****

As I was nursing
              my baby, my cousin's six-year-old
              daughter, Krissy, came into the room.
              Never having seen anyone breast feed
              before, she was intrigued and full of all
              kinds of questions about what I was doing.
               After mulling over my answers, she remarked,
              'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows
              how to use them..'

*****

Out bicycling
              one day with my eight-year-old
              granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a  little
              wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want
              to  be with your friends and you won't go
              walking, biking, and  swimming with me like you do
              now. Carolyn shrugged.  'In ten years you'll be
              too old to do all those things  anyway.'

******

Working as a pediatric
              nurse, I had the difficult assignment
              of giving immunization shots to  children..
              One day, I entered the examining room to give
              four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she
              screamed.  'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's
              not polite behavior.'  With that, the girl
              yelled even  louder, 'No, thank you!  No, thank
              you!

******

On the way back from a Cub
              Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
              'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but
              how do they get there in the first place?'  After my
              son hemmed and hawed awhile,  my grandson finally
              spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make
              up something, Dad.  It's okay if you don't
              know the answer.'

*****

Just before I
              was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old
              son down and broke the news to him.  'I'm
              going to be away for a long time,' I told
              him.  'I'm going to Iraq .'   'Why?' he
              asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going
              on  over there?'

*****

Paul Newman
              founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
              children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
              diseases. One afternoon, he and is wife,
              Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with
              the kids.  A counselor at a nearby
              table, suspecting the young patients
              wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star,
              explained, That's the man who made this camp
              possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on
              his salad dressing bottle?'  Blank
              stares.'Well, you've probably seen his face on
              his lemonade carton.'  An eight-year-old girl
              perked  up.  'How long was he missing?'

*****


God's  Problem Now
:

His wife's graveside
              service was just barely finished, when  there was
              a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous
              bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder
              rumbling in the distance.  The little, old man
              looked at the  pastor and calmly said,
              'Well, she's there.

*****



May happiness smile on you.

Amisha Woman and her Daughter

An Amish  woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day.

The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.'

The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said, 'My nose is cold.'

The girl replied 'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'

He did and warmed his nose.

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penis is frozen solid.'

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she asks, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'

Concerned the mother said, 'Why yes..... why do you ask?'

The daughter replies, 'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they !!!'

Macam-macam Orang

Orang bodoh mengumbar idenya agar dikira dia pandai ,

Orang pandai mengumpulkan orang orang bodoh untuk mengembangkan ide.

Orang berduit mengumpulkan orang orang pandai untuk investasi,

Orang LAIN mengumpulkan ketiganya untuk membuat perusahaan bagi dirinya.

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .' Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,
the Salvation Army,
the Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple. .

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.'

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time
you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs..
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!..
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!...

Send this to
all that will appreciate it!
They forgot the German bra.

Bahaya Makan Nasi

Hasil penelitian ilmiah yang baru saja dilakukan membuktikan bahwa makan nasi ternyata tidak baik bagi kita.

Kesimpulannya:

1. NASI MENYEBABKAN KECANDUAN. Responden kami yang tidak makan nasi selama sehari saja akan kelaparan dan merasa sangat ingin makan nasi lagi.

2. SETENGAH dari seluruh siswa Indonesia yang makan nasi nilainya ada di bawah rata-rata kelas.

3. Manusia pada zaman batu yang tidak pernah makan nasi terbukti TIDAK PERNAH mengidap tumor, Alzheimer, osteoporosis, ataupun Parkinson.

4. Dokter melarang bayi yang baru lahir untuk makan nasi. Hal ini menjadi bukti bahwa nasi punya dampak BERBAHAYA yang sudah dibuktikan oleh ilmu kedokteran.

5. Nasi yang kering biasa dimakan oleh ayam. Nah, sekarang Anda perlu curiga dari mana FLU BURUNG berasal.

6. Jumlah pemakan nasi di Indonesia jauh lebih banyak dibandingkan dengan jumlah pemakan nasi di negara maju. Ini mungkin salah satu penyebab KETERBELAKANGAN pada negara ini.

7. Di warung-warung, umumnya para buruh makan nasi dalam jumlah lebih banyak daripada kaum eksekutif. Hal ini membuktikan bahwa makan nasi MENURUNKAN kemampuan ekonomi seseorang.

9. Makan nasi dapat menyebabkan rasa haus alias MENYERAP air. Padahal tubuh kita sebagian besar terdiri dari air.

10. Dalam kondisi tertentu, makan nasi MENINGKATKAN resiko kematian. Misalnya makan nasi sambil jalan di tengah jalan tol.

11. Pengidap DIABETES lebih dianjurkan makan kentang daripada nasi. Berarti nasi kurang baik bagi KESEHATAN.

12. Makan nasi menyebabkan keinginan mengkonsumsi sayur dan lauk. Misalnya nasi bandeng (nasi + bandeng goreng), nasi kucing (nasi + kucing goreng), dsb. Hal ini bisa menyebabkan OBESITAS.

15. Nasi DIMASAK dalam suhu lebih dari 100 derajat Celsius. Itu panas yang cukup untuk MEMBUNUH orang.

16. Mudah kehilangan KONSENTRASI, sehingga Anda tidak tahu butir nasi No. 8, 13 dan 14 tidak ada.

Itulah keburukan dari MAKAN NASI

Puisi Menentang Pornografi

PUISI ANAK2 BALI MENENTANG UU PORNOGRAFI.
   
Suara Hati Anak Pantai..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Jangan salahkan turis pakai bikini..
Mereka mencari kehangatan matahari..
Di pantai kebanggaan negeri ini..
Untuk itu tolonglah Bali dipahami..
Tak mungkin berjemur pakai dasi..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Mulailah engkau introspeksi diri..
Kelak kau temukan kebenaran sejati..
Jangan banyak teori..
Apalagi merasa suci..
Engkau sendiri berpoligami..
Kami anak pantai Bali..
Terbiasa dengan pemandangan begini..
Biarpun rambut warna-warni..
Kami masih punya nurani..
Tak pernah ada syahwat menari..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Silahkan engkau datang kemari..
Nikmati alam anugerah ilahi..
Kami sambut dengan suka hati..
Surfing pun akan kami ajari..
Meluncur di atas ombak tinggi..
Akan tetapi..
Janganlah engkau pelototi..
Kalau ada bodi-bodi seksi..
Apalagi sampai birahi..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Mereka jangan dicaci maki..
Apalagi dituduh pornografi..
Semua itu keindahan tubuh yang alami..
Dari negeri Sakura sampai Chili..
Semuanya ada disini..
Mereka tidak mencari sensasi..
Tapi menghilangkan kepenatan sehari-hari..
Jangan fanatik budaya Arab Saudi..
Ingatlah budaya Indonesia asli..
Sensual tapi penuh arti..
Jika kau paksa terapkan di Bali..
Semua itu akan jadi basi..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Jika engkau sudah datang kemari..
Satu hal yang saya peringati..
Meski ada turis cantik sekali..
Janganlah kau jadikan istri..
Karena istrimu sudah banyak sekali..

Kambing Congek Gus Dur

Gus Dur diberitahu oleh seorang ajudan bahwa di luar istana telah berkumpul sekelompok massa garis keras yg berdemo menuntut pembubaran Ahmadiyah.

Ajudan tsb juga menginformasikan bahwa para demonstran membawa ayam betina sebagai simbol berikut sindiran atas kepengecutan Gus Dur yg enggan membubarkan aliran yg mereka anggap sesat.

Gus Dur berjalan keluar istana dan menemui para demonstran sambil bertanya:
"Mengapa kamu berdemo sambil membawa kambing kemari?
Apakah kamu pikir saya seperti kambing congek?
Yg bodoh dan mudah dikendalikan oleh orang lain?
Atau apakah kamu pikir bahwa saya adalah orang yg mudah diadu domba?
Yg brutal dan gampang nyeruduk? Saya pikir, saya tidak memiliki sifat2 seperti itu.
Lain kali kalau demo, bawalah simbol yg pas."

Seorang demostran berteriak: "Dasar buta! Yg kami bawa AYAM bukan KAMBING!"

Gus Dur menjawab: "Saya sedang bertanya sama AYAM, kenapa yg nyautin KAMBING?"

Woman Gives Back

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home..

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal..

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her..

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

The Hamster and the Frog

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”

The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.”

“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

“Money or another miracle — else no drink,” says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.

The bartender says to the guy “Are you some kind of a nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.”

“Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist”

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