The answers are (supposedly) actual answers from 16 year olds, worrying if true, but hilarious, and worth repeating:
Q Name the four seasons
A Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q How is dew formed
A The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q What causes the tides in the oceans
A The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q In a democratic society, how important are elections
A Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q What are steroids
A Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q What happens to your body as you age
A When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A Premature death
Q What is artificial insemination
A When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q How can you delay milk turning sour
A Keep it in the cow
Q How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q What is the fibula?
A A small lie
Q What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A Nearby
Q What is the most common form of birth control
A Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q What is a seizure?
A A Roman Emperor
Q What is a terminal illness
A When you are sick at the airport
Q Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q What is a turbine?
A Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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