A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a good place.
Then the American says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."
Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen
to you?"
"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to my sister!"
Don't Ever Get Oral Sex With Your Neighbor
There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents.
The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.
When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy.
When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.
The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room.
He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?"
The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it."
"Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said.
"Oh, and why is that?" The mom asked.
"Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.
other version:
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him..
The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'
The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..'
'You are wasting your time,' said the boy.
'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up again!!
The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.
When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy.
When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.
The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room.
He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?"
The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it."
"Oh, that's what you were doing. But you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said.
"Oh, and why is that?" The mom asked.
"Because everyday when you leave for work, the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.
other version:
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him..
The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'
The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..'
'You are wasting your time,' said the boy.
'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up again!!
Don't Ever Let A Blonde Play Puzzle
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle.
She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan- trying to help,
"Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan- trying to help,
"Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
How To Work in Government
A man employed by the government found a dusty silver lamp in the storeroom of his office building.
Suprised, he began to dust off the lamp...
Suddenly, a magic genie appeared, and said that he would grant the man 3 wishes...
"Really!" the man responded, awestruck.
"I wish to be on a beautiful deserted tropical island"
The genie then clapped his hands, and they were transported where the man requested...
Wow, the man thought...
"I wish that I was surrounded by beautiful, naked women that are infatuated with me"
The genie again clapped his hands, and soon the man had dozens of beautiful women fawning all over him.
"For my final wish," the man said, "I wish I never had to work again."
The genie clapped his hands for a third time, and the man found himself back at his government office....
Suprised, he began to dust off the lamp...
Suddenly, a magic genie appeared, and said that he would grant the man 3 wishes...
"Really!" the man responded, awestruck.
"I wish to be on a beautiful deserted tropical island"
The genie then clapped his hands, and they were transported where the man requested...
Wow, the man thought...
"I wish that I was surrounded by beautiful, naked women that are infatuated with me"
The genie again clapped his hands, and soon the man had dozens of beautiful women fawning all over him.
"For my final wish," the man said, "I wish I never had to work again."
The genie clapped his hands for a third time, and the man found himself back at his government office....
How to Tell Your Parents That You Got Bad Grades
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has been three months since I left for college.
I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry
for my thoughtlessness in not having written before.
I will bring you up to date now, but before you
read on, please sit down. You are not to read any
further unless you are sitting down, okay.
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The
skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped
out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire
shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed by now.
I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can
see almost normally and only get those headaches
once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump
was witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near
the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Dept.
and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital
and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt
out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share
his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but
it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have
fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married.
We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before
my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, mother and dad, I am pregnant. I know how very much
you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know
you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and
devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend
has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our
premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him.
This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am
now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into the family with open arms.
He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious.
Although he is of a different race and religion than ours,
I know that your oft-expressed tolerance will not permit you
to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat
darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do.
His family background is good too, for I am told his father
is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from
which he comes.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you
there was no dormitory fire; I did not have a concussion or
a skull fracture; I was not in the hospital; I am not pregnant;
I am not engaged. I do not have syphillis, and there is no Negro
in my life. However, I am getting a D in sociology and an F
in science; and I wanted you to see these marks in proper perspective.
Your loving daughter, Sarah
It has been three months since I left for college.
I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry
for my thoughtlessness in not having written before.
I will bring you up to date now, but before you
read on, please sit down. You are not to read any
further unless you are sitting down, okay.
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The
skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped
out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire
shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed by now.
I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can
see almost normally and only get those headaches
once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump
was witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near
the dorm, and he was the one who called the Fire Dept.
and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital
and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt
out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share
his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but
it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have
fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married.
We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before
my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, mother and dad, I am pregnant. I know how very much
you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know
you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and
devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend
has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our
premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him.
This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am
now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into the family with open arms.
He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious.
Although he is of a different race and religion than ours,
I know that your oft-expressed tolerance will not permit you
to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat
darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do.
His family background is good too, for I am told his father
is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from
which he comes.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you
there was no dormitory fire; I did not have a concussion or
a skull fracture; I was not in the hospital; I am not pregnant;
I am not engaged. I do not have syphillis, and there is no Negro
in my life. However, I am getting a D in sociology and an F
in science; and I wanted you to see these marks in proper perspective.
Your loving daughter, Sarah
How To End Relationships with American Soldier
An american soldier who was stationed in Afghanistan got a letter from his girlfriend back in the states. The letter read:
Dear Raymond
I'm sorry, but I dont want to continue our relationship. The distance between us is too far. Besides, I have to admit that I have been cheating on you twice since you left. It's over, end of story.
Would you please send back the photo of me I gave you?
Bye
Wendy
The soldier looked at the letter with a blank expression in his face.
He then walked around amongst his fellow brothers in arms and collected every picture of wifes, sisters, girfriends, exgf's, cousins etc. he could get his hands on.
He placed all the photos in an envelope together with the picture of Wendy. Totally it was 57 pictures.
He also placed a note in the letter saying:
Dear Wendy
I'm sorry, but I have forgotten who you are. Please pick out your photo and send back the rest.
Dear Raymond
I'm sorry, but I dont want to continue our relationship. The distance between us is too far. Besides, I have to admit that I have been cheating on you twice since you left. It's over, end of story.
Would you please send back the photo of me I gave you?
Bye
Wendy
The soldier looked at the letter with a blank expression in his face.
He then walked around amongst his fellow brothers in arms and collected every picture of wifes, sisters, girfriends, exgf's, cousins etc. he could get his hands on.
He placed all the photos in an envelope together with the picture of Wendy. Totally it was 57 pictures.
He also placed a note in the letter saying:
Dear Wendy
I'm sorry, but I have forgotten who you are. Please pick out your photo and send back the rest.
How To Kill Your Noisy Neighbor's Cat
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
Free Bike For Sex
Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second student replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first student nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second student replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first student nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Have you ever had any contact with a penis?
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis? "
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate,"
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?
The girl replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water,
I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis? "
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate,"
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?
The girl replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water,
I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
Why You Must Love Your Ass
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I*T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
And look how far
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
will take you!
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I*T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
And look how far
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
will take you!
How To Make Your Wife Cuts The Grass
One Saturday afternoon, this guy was sitting in his lawn chair, drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at him,"You should be hung."
He took a drink from his can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from his lips,lifted his darkened Ray ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass."
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at him,"You should be hung."
He took a drink from his can of Budweiser, wiped the cold foam from his lips,lifted his darkened Ray ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am, that's why she cuts the grass."
How To Poop At Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
Rahasia Orang Baik Kenapa Cepet Mati
Kenapa Orang Baik Cepet Mati... ?
Pria/Wanita : Wahai Malaikat.. Kenapa kami mati muda??! Padahal selama hidup kami selalu berbuat baik... Ini tidak adil...!!! Protes mereka..
Malaikat Maut pun bingung lalu membuka daftar perbuatan si pria/wanita selama hidupnya didunia dan mulai bertanyaa...
Malaikat : Apakah selama hidup kalian pernah dugem ???
Pria/Wanita : Tidak !!! Jawab mereka dgn lantang..
Malaikat : Apakah selama hidup kalian pernah selingkuh ???
Pria/wanita : Amit-amit !!! Ngak pernah...
Malaikat : Apa selama hidup kalian melakukan seks bebas ???
Pria/wanita : Boro-boroo..
Sang Malaikat semakin bingung.. LaLu bertanya kembali
Malaikat : Apa kalian pernah ke Pub, Massage, SPA seperti Celcius , Zona ,
Crown , K7 , Suncity , Millenium , D'javu, atauu
Karaoke di Inul , KTV , Happy Puppy, NAV, Figos , Lokus , Vegass,
Oasis, Fashion, GS ???
Pria/Wanita : TIDAAAKK PERNAHH..!!!
Malaikat : Emang berapa banyak tattoo yg kalian punya???
Pria/wanita : Boro boroo ada.. Di temporary aja saya takut!!
Malaikat :
-Dugem NGAK..
-Selingkuh NGAK..
-Seks bebas NGAK..
-Diskotik , Bar , Karaoke
-Massage , SPA juga NGAK ..
-Tattoo gak ada.
Kalian ga menikmati hidup !!
Jadi Buat Apa Kalian Hidup di Dunia Lama2..!!!
Bikin Dunia penuh aja...
Pria/Wanita : Wahai Malaikat.. Kenapa kami mati muda??! Padahal selama hidup kami selalu berbuat baik... Ini tidak adil...!!! Protes mereka..
Malaikat Maut pun bingung lalu membuka daftar perbuatan si pria/wanita selama hidupnya didunia dan mulai bertanyaa...
Malaikat : Apakah selama hidup kalian pernah dugem ???
Pria/Wanita : Tidak !!! Jawab mereka dgn lantang..
Malaikat : Apakah selama hidup kalian pernah selingkuh ???
Pria/wanita : Amit-amit !!! Ngak pernah...
Malaikat : Apa selama hidup kalian melakukan seks bebas ???
Pria/wanita : Boro-boroo..
Sang Malaikat semakin bingung.. LaLu bertanya kembali
Malaikat : Apa kalian pernah ke Pub, Massage, SPA seperti Celcius , Zona ,
Crown , K7 , Suncity , Millenium , D'javu, atauu
Karaoke di Inul , KTV , Happy Puppy, NAV, Figos , Lokus , Vegass,
Oasis, Fashion, GS ???
Pria/Wanita : TIDAAAKK PERNAHH..!!!
Malaikat : Emang berapa banyak tattoo yg kalian punya???
Pria/wanita : Boro boroo ada.. Di temporary aja saya takut!!
Malaikat :
-Dugem NGAK..
-Selingkuh NGAK..
-Seks bebas NGAK..
-Diskotik , Bar , Karaoke
-Massage , SPA juga NGAK ..
-Tattoo gak ada.
Kalian ga menikmati hidup !!
Jadi Buat Apa Kalian Hidup di Dunia Lama2..!!!
Bikin Dunia penuh aja...
Info Sate Gratis
Boy pergi ke warung sate Cak Kodir bermaksud untuk membeli sate..
Boy: Pak, beli sate kambing 1100 tusuk yah !!..?
Cak Kodir : Oh iya dik, pedes apa enggak? (dalam hati... wuah pesenan gede nih!!..mantabsssss )
Boy: Yg gak pedas 657 tusuk, yg sedeng 372 tusuk, sisanya yg pedes..,
Trus yg gak pedes 127 tusuk bumbu kecap gak pake bawang, 292 tusuk pake ati gak pake bawang, 52 tusuk yg bumbu kecap tadi pake lontong, sisanya bumbu kacang aja.
Yg sedeng 124 tusuk pake kecap, 172 tusuk gak pake lontong, 21 gak pake ati, 23 tusuknya setengah mateng, yg pake lontong 15 tusuk gak pake bawang.
Yg pedes 14 tusuknya gak pake lontong, bawangnya dibanyakin dan 28 tusuk setengah mateng, pake lontong, teruuus........
Cak Kodir: TAK SATE LAMBEMU Ae De', MUMET NDASKU!
Boy: Pak, beli sate kambing 1100 tusuk yah !!..?
Cak Kodir : Oh iya dik, pedes apa enggak? (dalam hati... wuah pesenan gede nih!!..mantabsssss )
Boy: Yg gak pedas 657 tusuk, yg sedeng 372 tusuk, sisanya yg pedes..,
Trus yg gak pedes 127 tusuk bumbu kecap gak pake bawang, 292 tusuk pake ati gak pake bawang, 52 tusuk yg bumbu kecap tadi pake lontong, sisanya bumbu kacang aja.
Yg sedeng 124 tusuk pake kecap, 172 tusuk gak pake lontong, 21 gak pake ati, 23 tusuknya setengah mateng, yg pake lontong 15 tusuk gak pake bawang.
Yg pedes 14 tusuknya gak pake lontong, bawangnya dibanyakin dan 28 tusuk setengah mateng, pake lontong, teruuus........
Cak Kodir: TAK SATE LAMBEMU Ae De', MUMET NDASKU!
Sex Sebagai Sumber Energi
PERHATIAN!
Artikel ini ditulis berdasarkan beberapa fakta dan pemikiran yang tidak semuanya adalah benar. Fakta-fakta tersebut didapat melalui ngobrol dengan teman, buku, dll. MBDC hanya mencoba menguraikan beberapa fakta yang bisa dihitung dengan fakta lain, yang mungkin tidak ada sangkut pautnya. Apabila kamu menemukan kesalahan didalam penghitungan-penghitungan ini, ada kemungkinan kamu benar ……tapi juga kemungkinan kamu salah…jadi anggap saja artikel ini sebagai referensi didalam menjalankan kehidupan kamu sehari-hari saja.
Sekarang ini, didunia sudah banyak orang mulai mencari sumber energi lain, selain dari minyak bumi, panas bumi, air, nuklir dan sebagainya. Banyak yg sudah berhasil juga membantu umat manusia dalam menjalankan kehidupannya.
Tapi banyak hal kecil yg terlewati oleh kita, padahal hal itu sebenarnya merupakan dasar dari kehidupan manusia sehari-hari, yaitu sex. Siapa sih yang gak tau sex, selain anak kecil dan orang yg belom tau ? Tiap orang pasti tau, dan pernah melakukannya, entah itu dengan hubungan seksual lawan jenis, sesama jenis atau sendirian alias masturbasi.
Pada artikel kali ini, kita akan mencoba menguraikan beberapa fakta-fakta yang mengejutkan mengenai sex ini. Data dan angka yang ada disini adalah benar, dan hasil dari belajar, baca dan nanya orang ( angket ). Jadi lumayan bisa dipercaya.
Sebelumnya kita akan menguraikan fakta-fakta yg ada mengenai sex ini:
Usia produktif laki-laki adalah umur 15 – 65 tahun. Yaitu dalam hidupnya 50 tahun adalah masa produktif.
Seberapa banyak laki-laki melakukan ejakulasi ( crut ), kita bisa ambil pukul rata. Anggap 1 minggu seorang laki-laki melakukan 4 kali ejakulasi ( entah dari hubungan seks atau cuma onani saja ). Jadi dalam kurun waktu 50 tahun itu, akan terjadi :
Fakta #1
Diketahui :
1 minggu = 4 kali ejakulasi
1 tahun = 52 minggu
Dicari :
Berapa ejakulasi dalam 50 tahun ?
50 tahun = 50 x 52 minggu x 4 ejakulasi =
10.400 ejakulasi dalam 50 thn / orang
Gila ya! 10.400 ejakulasi, banyak banget tuh. Sekarang kita akan melihat, seberapa banyak sperma yang keluar per ejakulasi. Menurut angket / jejak pendapat, dalam 1 kali ejakulasi rata-rata terbuang sebanyak 2 sendok makan sperma. Jadi kita bisa hitung sebagai berikut :
Fakta #2
Diketahui :
1 sendok makan = 3 ml
50 tahun = 10.400 ejakulasi
Dicari :
Berapa liter sperma yg terbuang dalam 50 tahun ?
10.400 ejakulasi = 10.400 x 3 ml = 31.200 ml =
31,2 liter sperma dalam 50 thn / orang
31,2 liter itu sebanyak apa si sebenarnya ?? Banyak loh, biar lebih jelas kita coba bandingkan dengan hal yg ada di kehidupan sehari-hari, yaitu :
Keliatan kan sekarang banyaknya seperti apa, hampir 2 galon dispenser buat minum di rumah kamu.
1 ml sperma mengandung 120 juta calon anak, jadi misalnya perorang kita hitung lagi dengan fakta-fakta yg ada diatas, terus kita bandingkan dengan penduduk bumi, akan kita lihat sebagai berikut :
Fakta #3
Diketahui :
Penduduk bumi : 6 milyar orang
Calon anak dalam 1 ml sperma = 120 juta
1 tahun orang mengeluarkan 31.200 ml sperma
Dicari :
Perbandingan 1 orang dalam masa produktif dengan penduduk dunia.
31.200 ml x 120.000.000 = 3.744.000.000.000 calon anak, yaitu sebanding dengan 624 kali penduduk bumi pada tahun 2000
Gila, untung dari sekian ratus juta itu, cuma 1 doang yang bakal jadi manusia. Sekarang kita sudah mengetahui beberapa fakta dari hal tersebut, kita akan mencoba melihat dalam penerapannya di kehidupan sehari-hari dan melihat dari segi ekonomis dan ergonomisnya.
Seorang laki-laki, setelah ejakulasi, pasti dibutuhkan tissue buat ngelapnya. Menurut survey dan sensus serta nanya sama orang-orang, dibutuhkan kurang lebih 4 helai tissue wc untuk mengelap sperma yg terbuang hasil 1 kali ejakulasi. Kita sekarang akan melihat, berapa banyak tissue yg terpakai dalam jangka waktu 50 tahun masa produktif tersebut.
Fakta #4
Diketahui :
50 tahun = 10.400 ejakulasi
1 ejakulasi butuh 4 helai tissue
1 roll kertas wc = 200 helai
1 pack kertas wc isi 8 roll = Rp.15.000
Dicari :
Berapa roll yang dibutuhkan dalam waktu produktif 50 thn itu dan jumlah uang yg dikeluarkan untuk semuanya ?
10.400 x 4 = 41.600 helai
41.600 / 200 = 208 roll kertas wc
1 roll = Rp.1875 ; 208 roll = Rp.1875 x 208 = Rp.390.000
Apa yang bisa kita lakukan dengan uang Rp.390.000 itu dalam kehidupan sehari-hari ? Hmmm…misalkan biaya parkir.
Anggap 1 jam parkir di gedung parkir seharga Rp.1500. Jadi dengan uang Rp.390.000 itu kamu bisa parkir selama 260 jam non stop alias 10,8 hari penuh!
Menarik bukan ? Sekarang kita liat halaman berikutnya untuk mengetahui apakah ada keuntungan dibalik fakta-fakta yang telah kita dapat diatas.
Kita telah mengetahui fakta-fakta yang bisa dihitung dan dibandingkan dengan kehidupan sehari-hari. Tapi apakah kita bisa mendapatkan sesuatu yang berguna dari fakta tersebut ? Hmm….bagaimana kalo listrik ? Listrik untuk memenuhi kebutuhan dalam hidup sehari-hari yang memerlukan biaya besar, apakah bisa digantikan dengan “tenaga manusia” itu ?
Kalori yang di keluarkan bisa jadi setara dengan latihan body language. Belum lagi anda akan membakar sekitar 300 kalori ketika bercinta (termasuk foreplay, orgasme, dan afterplay). Hasilnya, pantat kencang, lengan kuat dan perut rata. Semua itu tidak membutuhkan kerja keras seperti yang anda bayangkan. Ditambah lagi lemak yang menyebalkan pun berkurang. Jadi perlakukan seks seperti olah raga rutin seperti lari atau berenang.
Sumber : http://www.pernikahan.com/rubrik.html?news_id=607
Berapa kalori yang dikeluarkan oleh pasangan muda ( 18 – 30 thn ) dengan berat badan standar yang melakukan hubungan seks selama 40 menit ?
Perhitungan :
Kita anggap berat badan standar cowo adalah 70 Kg dan berat badan standar cewe adalah 50 kg.
Menurut sumber diatas, aktivitas seks bisa dianggap seperti setara dengan latihan body language, berarti :
- Cowo : 9kal/menit x 40 menit = 360kalori
- Cewe : 8kal/menit x 40 menit = 320 kalori
Table berapa kalori yang dikeluarkan dalam suatu aktivitas olahraga bisa kamu download di http://www.gizi.net/pedoman-gizi/download/PGI-5.doc
Apabila dijumlah, maka dari keduanya akan menghasilkan sebanyak 680 kalori per aktivitas sex ( 40 menit ).
Menurut table converter 1 kWh = 860.000 kalori. Setelah dihitung-hitung, akan keluar angka 0.79Wh untuk 680 kalori.
Pasangan yang melakukan hubungan seks selama 40 menit akan menghasilkan setara 0,79 Wh.
Menurut pln.co.id :
Contoh pemakaian listrik rumah tangga sedang Rumah Tangga Dalam Menghemat Pemakaian Energi Listrik
1 Seterika 350 watt, 2 jam/hari 0,70 kWh/hari
1 Pompa air 150 watt, 3 jam/hari 0,45 kWh/hari
1 Kulkas sedang 100 watt, 6 jam/hari : 0,60 kWh/hari
1 TV 20? 110 watt, 6 jam/hari 0,66 kWh/hari
1 Rice cooker 300 watt, 2 jam/hari: 0,60 kWh/hari
6 Lampu hemat energi 20 watt, 6 jam/hari: 0,72 kWh/hari
4 Lampu hemat energi 10 watt, 6 jam/hari 0,24 kWh/hari
Jumlah kebutuhan listrik perhari 3,91 kWh
Jumlah Kebutuhan listrik per bulan 3,91 kWh x 30 = 117,30 kWh
Kita ambil contoh untuk kebutuhan sebuah TV 20? 110 watt yang nyala selama 6 jam /hari dibutuhkan sebanyak 0,66kWh, yaitu kira-kira setara dengan 835,5 pasangan yang melakukan hubungan seks selama 40 menit.
Gila juga ya, apakah dari situ bisa dibuat lapangan kerja ?
Apabila hari kerja adalah Senin – Jumat dari 09.00 – 16.00, dengan sebanyak 100 pasangan sebagai pekerja tetap, berarti akan didapat jumlah sebagai berikut :
1 hari dari pukul 09.00 – 16.00 akan didapat sebanyak 10,5 kali aktivitas seks @ 40 menit dari 1 pasang. Karena hal itu mungkin akan capai sekali, maka dihitung dengan istirahat makan siang dsbnya, kita potong menjadi 8 kali aktivitas seks per pasangan.
Apabila dalam 1 hari kerja tersebut ada 100 pasangan yang melakukan pekerjaan itu, maka akan terjadi 800 aktivitas seks dengan jumlah energi yang akan dihasilkan adalah :
800 x 0,79Wh = 0,63kWh
Menurut table diatas, 1 hari produksi berarti hanya bisa menghasilkan listrik untuk memenuhi kebutuhan sebuah kulkas, rice cooker atau TV.
Tapi apabila 1 bulan kerja, yaitu sebanyak 20 hari kerja, akan menghasilkan
20 x 0,63kWh = 12,6 kWh
12,6 kWh ini hanya setara dengan kurang lebih kebutuhan listrik rumah tangga selama 3,2 hari.
Jadi apakah energi yang berasal dari seks ini akan bisa digunakan umat manusia untuk membantu kelangsungan hidupnya ? Kalau setelah dihitung sedemikian rupa hanya bisa memenuhi kebutuhan 1 rumah tangga selama 3,2 hari ?
Seks adalah kebutuhan dasar tiap manusia, jadi apabila suatu saat ditemukan suatu penemuan yang bisa merealisasikan pengandaian MBDC ini, yaitu dengan mengubah energi yang dikeluarkan dari kegiatan seks menjadi listrik, maka tidak mungkin tidak terjadi hal yang sudah dijabarkan diatas ini. Diatas hanya diandaikan dengan 100 pasangan, tapi bagaimana dengan 1000 pasangan ? 100.000….satu juta…sepuluh juta pasangan yang menggunakan sistem energi seks ini ? Kamu hitung saja sendiri…
Artikel ini ditulis berdasarkan beberapa fakta dan pemikiran yang tidak semuanya adalah benar. Fakta-fakta tersebut didapat melalui ngobrol dengan teman, buku, dll. MBDC hanya mencoba menguraikan beberapa fakta yang bisa dihitung dengan fakta lain, yang mungkin tidak ada sangkut pautnya. Apabila kamu menemukan kesalahan didalam penghitungan-penghitungan ini, ada kemungkinan kamu benar ……tapi juga kemungkinan kamu salah…jadi anggap saja artikel ini sebagai referensi didalam menjalankan kehidupan kamu sehari-hari saja.
Sekarang ini, didunia sudah banyak orang mulai mencari sumber energi lain, selain dari minyak bumi, panas bumi, air, nuklir dan sebagainya. Banyak yg sudah berhasil juga membantu umat manusia dalam menjalankan kehidupannya.
Tapi banyak hal kecil yg terlewati oleh kita, padahal hal itu sebenarnya merupakan dasar dari kehidupan manusia sehari-hari, yaitu sex. Siapa sih yang gak tau sex, selain anak kecil dan orang yg belom tau ? Tiap orang pasti tau, dan pernah melakukannya, entah itu dengan hubungan seksual lawan jenis, sesama jenis atau sendirian alias masturbasi.
Pada artikel kali ini, kita akan mencoba menguraikan beberapa fakta-fakta yang mengejutkan mengenai sex ini. Data dan angka yang ada disini adalah benar, dan hasil dari belajar, baca dan nanya orang ( angket ). Jadi lumayan bisa dipercaya.
Sebelumnya kita akan menguraikan fakta-fakta yg ada mengenai sex ini:
Usia produktif laki-laki adalah umur 15 – 65 tahun. Yaitu dalam hidupnya 50 tahun adalah masa produktif.
Seberapa banyak laki-laki melakukan ejakulasi ( crut ), kita bisa ambil pukul rata. Anggap 1 minggu seorang laki-laki melakukan 4 kali ejakulasi ( entah dari hubungan seks atau cuma onani saja ). Jadi dalam kurun waktu 50 tahun itu, akan terjadi :
Fakta #1
Diketahui :
1 minggu = 4 kali ejakulasi
1 tahun = 52 minggu
Dicari :
Berapa ejakulasi dalam 50 tahun ?
50 tahun = 50 x 52 minggu x 4 ejakulasi =
10.400 ejakulasi dalam 50 thn / orang
Gila ya! 10.400 ejakulasi, banyak banget tuh. Sekarang kita akan melihat, seberapa banyak sperma yang keluar per ejakulasi. Menurut angket / jejak pendapat, dalam 1 kali ejakulasi rata-rata terbuang sebanyak 2 sendok makan sperma. Jadi kita bisa hitung sebagai berikut :
Fakta #2
Diketahui :
1 sendok makan = 3 ml
50 tahun = 10.400 ejakulasi
Dicari :
Berapa liter sperma yg terbuang dalam 50 tahun ?
10.400 ejakulasi = 10.400 x 3 ml = 31.200 ml =
31,2 liter sperma dalam 50 thn / orang
31,2 liter itu sebanyak apa si sebenarnya ?? Banyak loh, biar lebih jelas kita coba bandingkan dengan hal yg ada di kehidupan sehari-hari, yaitu :
Keliatan kan sekarang banyaknya seperti apa, hampir 2 galon dispenser buat minum di rumah kamu.
1 ml sperma mengandung 120 juta calon anak, jadi misalnya perorang kita hitung lagi dengan fakta-fakta yg ada diatas, terus kita bandingkan dengan penduduk bumi, akan kita lihat sebagai berikut :
Fakta #3
Diketahui :
Penduduk bumi : 6 milyar orang
Calon anak dalam 1 ml sperma = 120 juta
1 tahun orang mengeluarkan 31.200 ml sperma
Dicari :
Perbandingan 1 orang dalam masa produktif dengan penduduk dunia.
31.200 ml x 120.000.000 = 3.744.000.000.000 calon anak, yaitu sebanding dengan 624 kali penduduk bumi pada tahun 2000
Gila, untung dari sekian ratus juta itu, cuma 1 doang yang bakal jadi manusia. Sekarang kita sudah mengetahui beberapa fakta dari hal tersebut, kita akan mencoba melihat dalam penerapannya di kehidupan sehari-hari dan melihat dari segi ekonomis dan ergonomisnya.
Seorang laki-laki, setelah ejakulasi, pasti dibutuhkan tissue buat ngelapnya. Menurut survey dan sensus serta nanya sama orang-orang, dibutuhkan kurang lebih 4 helai tissue wc untuk mengelap sperma yg terbuang hasil 1 kali ejakulasi. Kita sekarang akan melihat, berapa banyak tissue yg terpakai dalam jangka waktu 50 tahun masa produktif tersebut.
Fakta #4
Diketahui :
50 tahun = 10.400 ejakulasi
1 ejakulasi butuh 4 helai tissue
1 roll kertas wc = 200 helai
1 pack kertas wc isi 8 roll = Rp.15.000
Dicari :
Berapa roll yang dibutuhkan dalam waktu produktif 50 thn itu dan jumlah uang yg dikeluarkan untuk semuanya ?
10.400 x 4 = 41.600 helai
41.600 / 200 = 208 roll kertas wc
1 roll = Rp.1875 ; 208 roll = Rp.1875 x 208 = Rp.390.000
Apa yang bisa kita lakukan dengan uang Rp.390.000 itu dalam kehidupan sehari-hari ? Hmmm…misalkan biaya parkir.
Anggap 1 jam parkir di gedung parkir seharga Rp.1500. Jadi dengan uang Rp.390.000 itu kamu bisa parkir selama 260 jam non stop alias 10,8 hari penuh!
Menarik bukan ? Sekarang kita liat halaman berikutnya untuk mengetahui apakah ada keuntungan dibalik fakta-fakta yang telah kita dapat diatas.
Kita telah mengetahui fakta-fakta yang bisa dihitung dan dibandingkan dengan kehidupan sehari-hari. Tapi apakah kita bisa mendapatkan sesuatu yang berguna dari fakta tersebut ? Hmm….bagaimana kalo listrik ? Listrik untuk memenuhi kebutuhan dalam hidup sehari-hari yang memerlukan biaya besar, apakah bisa digantikan dengan “tenaga manusia” itu ?
Kalori yang di keluarkan bisa jadi setara dengan latihan body language. Belum lagi anda akan membakar sekitar 300 kalori ketika bercinta (termasuk foreplay, orgasme, dan afterplay). Hasilnya, pantat kencang, lengan kuat dan perut rata. Semua itu tidak membutuhkan kerja keras seperti yang anda bayangkan. Ditambah lagi lemak yang menyebalkan pun berkurang. Jadi perlakukan seks seperti olah raga rutin seperti lari atau berenang.
Sumber : http://www.pernikahan.com/rubrik.html?news_id=607
Berapa kalori yang dikeluarkan oleh pasangan muda ( 18 – 30 thn ) dengan berat badan standar yang melakukan hubungan seks selama 40 menit ?
Perhitungan :
Kita anggap berat badan standar cowo adalah 70 Kg dan berat badan standar cewe adalah 50 kg.
Menurut sumber diatas, aktivitas seks bisa dianggap seperti setara dengan latihan body language, berarti :
- Cowo : 9kal/menit x 40 menit = 360kalori
- Cewe : 8kal/menit x 40 menit = 320 kalori
Table berapa kalori yang dikeluarkan dalam suatu aktivitas olahraga bisa kamu download di http://www.gizi.net/pedoman-gizi/download/PGI-5.doc
Apabila dijumlah, maka dari keduanya akan menghasilkan sebanyak 680 kalori per aktivitas sex ( 40 menit ).
Menurut table converter 1 kWh = 860.000 kalori. Setelah dihitung-hitung, akan keluar angka 0.79Wh untuk 680 kalori.
Pasangan yang melakukan hubungan seks selama 40 menit akan menghasilkan setara 0,79 Wh.
Menurut pln.co.id :
Contoh pemakaian listrik rumah tangga sedang Rumah Tangga Dalam Menghemat Pemakaian Energi Listrik
1 Seterika 350 watt, 2 jam/hari 0,70 kWh/hari
1 Pompa air 150 watt, 3 jam/hari 0,45 kWh/hari
1 Kulkas sedang 100 watt, 6 jam/hari : 0,60 kWh/hari
1 TV 20? 110 watt, 6 jam/hari 0,66 kWh/hari
1 Rice cooker 300 watt, 2 jam/hari: 0,60 kWh/hari
6 Lampu hemat energi 20 watt, 6 jam/hari: 0,72 kWh/hari
4 Lampu hemat energi 10 watt, 6 jam/hari 0,24 kWh/hari
Jumlah kebutuhan listrik perhari 3,91 kWh
Jumlah Kebutuhan listrik per bulan 3,91 kWh x 30 = 117,30 kWh
Kita ambil contoh untuk kebutuhan sebuah TV 20? 110 watt yang nyala selama 6 jam /hari dibutuhkan sebanyak 0,66kWh, yaitu kira-kira setara dengan 835,5 pasangan yang melakukan hubungan seks selama 40 menit.
Gila juga ya, apakah dari situ bisa dibuat lapangan kerja ?
Apabila hari kerja adalah Senin – Jumat dari 09.00 – 16.00, dengan sebanyak 100 pasangan sebagai pekerja tetap, berarti akan didapat jumlah sebagai berikut :
1 hari dari pukul 09.00 – 16.00 akan didapat sebanyak 10,5 kali aktivitas seks @ 40 menit dari 1 pasang. Karena hal itu mungkin akan capai sekali, maka dihitung dengan istirahat makan siang dsbnya, kita potong menjadi 8 kali aktivitas seks per pasangan.
Apabila dalam 1 hari kerja tersebut ada 100 pasangan yang melakukan pekerjaan itu, maka akan terjadi 800 aktivitas seks dengan jumlah energi yang akan dihasilkan adalah :
800 x 0,79Wh = 0,63kWh
Menurut table diatas, 1 hari produksi berarti hanya bisa menghasilkan listrik untuk memenuhi kebutuhan sebuah kulkas, rice cooker atau TV.
Tapi apabila 1 bulan kerja, yaitu sebanyak 20 hari kerja, akan menghasilkan
20 x 0,63kWh = 12,6 kWh
12,6 kWh ini hanya setara dengan kurang lebih kebutuhan listrik rumah tangga selama 3,2 hari.
Jadi apakah energi yang berasal dari seks ini akan bisa digunakan umat manusia untuk membantu kelangsungan hidupnya ? Kalau setelah dihitung sedemikian rupa hanya bisa memenuhi kebutuhan 1 rumah tangga selama 3,2 hari ?
Seks adalah kebutuhan dasar tiap manusia, jadi apabila suatu saat ditemukan suatu penemuan yang bisa merealisasikan pengandaian MBDC ini, yaitu dengan mengubah energi yang dikeluarkan dari kegiatan seks menjadi listrik, maka tidak mungkin tidak terjadi hal yang sudah dijabarkan diatas ini. Diatas hanya diandaikan dengan 100 pasangan, tapi bagaimana dengan 1000 pasangan ? 100.000….satu juta…sepuluh juta pasangan yang menggunakan sistem energi seks ini ? Kamu hitung saja sendiri…
Cara Membaca Karakter Wanita berdasarkan bentuk payudaranya
Payudara diciptakan selain memiliki fungsi anatomi pada tubuh wanita sebagai alat untuk menyusui dan fungsi lainnya. Analisa terbaru memberikan penemuan yang cukup unik dan mengejutkan, bahwasanya organ wanita yang satu ini memberi arti secara psikologis kepada pemiliknya, yang kemudian memungkinkan kita dapat membaca karakternya berdasarkan payudara yang dimilikinya:
1. PAYUDARA MONTOK :
Wanita berpayudara montok tidak pernah tahan dengan ikatan serius. Terkadang dia tidak peduli dengan perasaan orang lain, tapi sebaliknya, jika wanita ini sudah terikat dalam sebuah pernikahan, dia jadi suka merawat keluarganya termasuk memenuhi kebutuhan materi keluarga dan jujur pada suaminya. Dari luar wanita ini tampak seperti orang baik dan bertanggung jawab, namun di dalam hatinya emosinya meledak-ledak walau hanya menghadapi masalah sepele. Pria berbadan macho dan penurut adalah dambaan wanita berdada montok ini.
2. PAYUDARA DATAR :
Pemilik dada datar ini sangat menghargai kebebasan dan percaya pada teori individual. Wanita ini kerap mengalami pertentangan dengan diri sendiri atau orang namun wanita ini dengan mudah mampu mencari penyelesaian dari masalah yang dihadapinya. Wanita ini berbakat dibidang seni, seperti dekorasi interior, kerajinan tangan, masak, dan memelihara binatang. Pria yang cocok dengan wanita ini adalah pria yang sabar dan tidak banyak bicara. Sebab wanita ini lebih suka sedikit bicara dan banyak bekerja, meski keras kepala wanIta ini penuh kehangatan, cinta, dan bisa dipercaya.
3. PAYUDARA BESAR :
Wanita pemilik payudara besar adalah wanita yang nggak suka dikekang kebebasannya, sehingga dia mendukung kebebasan dan kemandirian. mudah bagi wanita ini untuk memulai hubungan dengan pria, karena dia suka menyambut semua orang dengan hangat, ramah dan terbuka. Anda akan terlibat dalam percakapan akrab meski baru mengenalnya. Selain itu, dia juga punya pemikiran luas, rendah hati, dan baik hati, sedangkan falsafah hidupnya adalah kehidupan ini pendek. Tapi dia nggak segan memaafkan orang lain yang pernah melakukan kesalahan padanya. Wanita ini bercita-cita menikah dengan pria yang menghormati kebebasan serta suka gaya hidup aktif. Pria idolanya adalah pria yang bertanggung jawab, dan bersedia berbagi masalah bersama.
4. PAYUDARA NAIK KEATAS :
Tipe wanita ini sangat mudah diatur, setia pada pasangannya, selalu waspada, dan menyukai orang yang bicaranya to the point. Wanita ini cenderung memilih pria yang sesuai kriterianya. Karena sekali dia jatuh cinta, maka dia akan setia pada pasangannya. bahkan dia tidak berkeberatan jika sang suami memintanya menjadi ibu rumah tangga dan merawat anak-anaknya di rumah. Pria ideal bagi wanita ini adalah pria yang punya rasa humor tinggi dan mempunyai kepribadian terbuka. Untuk memilih pasangan hidup, wanita ini tidak akan menilai dari harta, tapi latar belakang keluarga si lelaki.
5. PAYUDARA KECIL:
Wanita ini tidak pernah bisa menolak permintaan orang lain. Sifatnya yang terbuka, mampu memahami orang lain, dan sabar, membuat wanita ini dikenal sebagai orang baik hati dan penolong. Mungkin kebaikan ini muncul karena dia suka mencampuri urusan orang lain. Wanita ini bercita-cita menjadi ibu rumah tangga yang bijak bagi anak-anaknya. Pasangan yang cocok bagi wanita ini adalah pria yang punya pekerjaan tetap. Karena wanita ini nggak tahan menghadapi stress berkepanjangan. Jika mengalami stress dia akan dengan mudah terkena penyakit.
6. PAYUDARA KERUCUT :
Kata gagal nggak pernah masuk kamus wanita berdada kerucut ini. Wanita ini hobi olahraga, baca buku untuk literatur dan seni, sehingga dia sangat bernafsu untuk mengadakan pertualangan demi menambah pengalamannya. Wanita ini cocok berteman dengan orang yang bisa memahami dirinya, karena dia memang mempunyai sifat alami egois dan bebas melakukan apa saja.
7. PAYUDARA AEROLAE LEBAR :
Wanita yang mempunyai daerah aerolae lebar, cenderung bersifat maskulin alias tomboy. umumnya, sifat tomboy ini berangsur menghilang ketika wanta ini menginjak usia paruhbaya, dan dia rela berdandan feminim. Tapi wanita ini tidak menyukai tekanan atau kekangan dari orang lain. Sangat sulit baginya untuk menjadi rendah hati di hadapan orang lain, karena harga diri atau gengsinya yang tinggi. Dia suka membanding-bandingkan antara teman yang satu dengan yang lain. Pria yang cocok buat wanita ini adalah yang bisa dipercaya dan selalu berada di sisinya ketika susah dan senang.
8. PAYUDARA MELEBAR :
Sifat wanita ini periang dan mandiri. Sayangnya, wanita ini suka membual dan membesar-besarkan masalah. Lebih gilanya lagi, wanita ini mudah sekali marah, tidak suka dikekang tapi cepat menolong orang lain yang butuh pertolongan. Bisa saja wanita ini jujur dan berterusterang ketika mereka berurusan dengan hal yang menguras emosi. Meski wanita ini biasanya tidak hidup dalam kemewahan, tapi dia termasuk wanita yang hemat. Karena dia merasa bosan jika harus berada di samping pasangannya setiap saat, makanya dia suka menunjukkan kemandiriannya. Pada saat yang sama dia bisa bermuka dua. Pria yang menjadi anak pertama tidak cocok dengan wanita ini. Anak pertama mempunyai sifat suka mengatur. karena pernikahan baginya bukanlah hal yang menyenangkan. Anehnya, ketika dia terikat pernikahan dia akan berubah.
9. PAYUDARA BENTUK BEL:
Wanita pemilik payudara yang bentuknya mirip bel adalah orang yang suka berpikiran praktis dan jujur. Kelemahannya adalah pelupa dan nggak rajin bekerja. Dia berusaha dengan keras berbicara dan bertempur dengan perasaan sendiri jika ada sesuatu yang membuat mereka marah. Ini yang membuat orang berpikiran kalau dia adalah orang yang suka histeris hanya karena alasan sepele. Daya tariknya misterius, mampu menarik pria tapi mampu membahagiakan pria tersebut.
10. PAYUDARA TURUN :
Pemilik payudara ini sangat sensitif. Dia akan merasa dikhianati jika kekasihnya tidak menanggapi perhatian yang diberikannya melalui isyarat-isyarat tertentu. Selanjutnya dia akan menangis dan kehilangan kepercayaannya pada hubungan cintanya. Pola pikir wanita ini sangat polos dan tidak berpengalaman, karena itu kesadarannya akan seks muncul terlambat. Tapi jangan khawatir pengetahuan dan pengalaman seksnya akan mengalami kemajuan jika sudah menikah nanti. Dalam rumah tangga, wanita ini adalah pencerah suasana karena sifat alaminya yang baik hati, terutama dalam menyambut suaminya setelah bekerja. Pria yang menjadi pilihan wanita ini adalah pria yang pemberani dan teguh dalam pendirian.
11. PAYUDARA SILIKON
Selain bentuknya yang pasti besar- pastinya juga pemilik payudara model ini membayar mahal untuk yang satu ini. Pemilik payudara ini tentunya sangat menyukai hal-hal yang "besar" dan "indah".
12. PAYUDARA BENCONG
Selain bentuknya yang tak pasti- dan penuh bekas operasi- pastinya ada "harga" yang di bayar, untuk memiliki yang satu ini- dan pastinya mereka bukan wanita.
Pemilik payudara ini tentunya menyukai "segala sesuatu" tentang pria.
1. PAYUDARA MONTOK :
Wanita berpayudara montok tidak pernah tahan dengan ikatan serius. Terkadang dia tidak peduli dengan perasaan orang lain, tapi sebaliknya, jika wanita ini sudah terikat dalam sebuah pernikahan, dia jadi suka merawat keluarganya termasuk memenuhi kebutuhan materi keluarga dan jujur pada suaminya. Dari luar wanita ini tampak seperti orang baik dan bertanggung jawab, namun di dalam hatinya emosinya meledak-ledak walau hanya menghadapi masalah sepele. Pria berbadan macho dan penurut adalah dambaan wanita berdada montok ini.
2. PAYUDARA DATAR :
Pemilik dada datar ini sangat menghargai kebebasan dan percaya pada teori individual. Wanita ini kerap mengalami pertentangan dengan diri sendiri atau orang namun wanita ini dengan mudah mampu mencari penyelesaian dari masalah yang dihadapinya. Wanita ini berbakat dibidang seni, seperti dekorasi interior, kerajinan tangan, masak, dan memelihara binatang. Pria yang cocok dengan wanita ini adalah pria yang sabar dan tidak banyak bicara. Sebab wanita ini lebih suka sedikit bicara dan banyak bekerja, meski keras kepala wanIta ini penuh kehangatan, cinta, dan bisa dipercaya.
3. PAYUDARA BESAR :
Wanita pemilik payudara besar adalah wanita yang nggak suka dikekang kebebasannya, sehingga dia mendukung kebebasan dan kemandirian. mudah bagi wanita ini untuk memulai hubungan dengan pria, karena dia suka menyambut semua orang dengan hangat, ramah dan terbuka. Anda akan terlibat dalam percakapan akrab meski baru mengenalnya. Selain itu, dia juga punya pemikiran luas, rendah hati, dan baik hati, sedangkan falsafah hidupnya adalah kehidupan ini pendek. Tapi dia nggak segan memaafkan orang lain yang pernah melakukan kesalahan padanya. Wanita ini bercita-cita menikah dengan pria yang menghormati kebebasan serta suka gaya hidup aktif. Pria idolanya adalah pria yang bertanggung jawab, dan bersedia berbagi masalah bersama.
4. PAYUDARA NAIK KEATAS :
Tipe wanita ini sangat mudah diatur, setia pada pasangannya, selalu waspada, dan menyukai orang yang bicaranya to the point. Wanita ini cenderung memilih pria yang sesuai kriterianya. Karena sekali dia jatuh cinta, maka dia akan setia pada pasangannya. bahkan dia tidak berkeberatan jika sang suami memintanya menjadi ibu rumah tangga dan merawat anak-anaknya di rumah. Pria ideal bagi wanita ini adalah pria yang punya rasa humor tinggi dan mempunyai kepribadian terbuka. Untuk memilih pasangan hidup, wanita ini tidak akan menilai dari harta, tapi latar belakang keluarga si lelaki.
5. PAYUDARA KECIL:
Wanita ini tidak pernah bisa menolak permintaan orang lain. Sifatnya yang terbuka, mampu memahami orang lain, dan sabar, membuat wanita ini dikenal sebagai orang baik hati dan penolong. Mungkin kebaikan ini muncul karena dia suka mencampuri urusan orang lain. Wanita ini bercita-cita menjadi ibu rumah tangga yang bijak bagi anak-anaknya. Pasangan yang cocok bagi wanita ini adalah pria yang punya pekerjaan tetap. Karena wanita ini nggak tahan menghadapi stress berkepanjangan. Jika mengalami stress dia akan dengan mudah terkena penyakit.
6. PAYUDARA KERUCUT :
Kata gagal nggak pernah masuk kamus wanita berdada kerucut ini. Wanita ini hobi olahraga, baca buku untuk literatur dan seni, sehingga dia sangat bernafsu untuk mengadakan pertualangan demi menambah pengalamannya. Wanita ini cocok berteman dengan orang yang bisa memahami dirinya, karena dia memang mempunyai sifat alami egois dan bebas melakukan apa saja.
7. PAYUDARA AEROLAE LEBAR :
Wanita yang mempunyai daerah aerolae lebar, cenderung bersifat maskulin alias tomboy. umumnya, sifat tomboy ini berangsur menghilang ketika wanta ini menginjak usia paruhbaya, dan dia rela berdandan feminim. Tapi wanita ini tidak menyukai tekanan atau kekangan dari orang lain. Sangat sulit baginya untuk menjadi rendah hati di hadapan orang lain, karena harga diri atau gengsinya yang tinggi. Dia suka membanding-bandingkan antara teman yang satu dengan yang lain. Pria yang cocok buat wanita ini adalah yang bisa dipercaya dan selalu berada di sisinya ketika susah dan senang.
8. PAYUDARA MELEBAR :
Sifat wanita ini periang dan mandiri. Sayangnya, wanita ini suka membual dan membesar-besarkan masalah. Lebih gilanya lagi, wanita ini mudah sekali marah, tidak suka dikekang tapi cepat menolong orang lain yang butuh pertolongan. Bisa saja wanita ini jujur dan berterusterang ketika mereka berurusan dengan hal yang menguras emosi. Meski wanita ini biasanya tidak hidup dalam kemewahan, tapi dia termasuk wanita yang hemat. Karena dia merasa bosan jika harus berada di samping pasangannya setiap saat, makanya dia suka menunjukkan kemandiriannya. Pada saat yang sama dia bisa bermuka dua. Pria yang menjadi anak pertama tidak cocok dengan wanita ini. Anak pertama mempunyai sifat suka mengatur. karena pernikahan baginya bukanlah hal yang menyenangkan. Anehnya, ketika dia terikat pernikahan dia akan berubah.
9. PAYUDARA BENTUK BEL:
Wanita pemilik payudara yang bentuknya mirip bel adalah orang yang suka berpikiran praktis dan jujur. Kelemahannya adalah pelupa dan nggak rajin bekerja. Dia berusaha dengan keras berbicara dan bertempur dengan perasaan sendiri jika ada sesuatu yang membuat mereka marah. Ini yang membuat orang berpikiran kalau dia adalah orang yang suka histeris hanya karena alasan sepele. Daya tariknya misterius, mampu menarik pria tapi mampu membahagiakan pria tersebut.
10. PAYUDARA TURUN :
Pemilik payudara ini sangat sensitif. Dia akan merasa dikhianati jika kekasihnya tidak menanggapi perhatian yang diberikannya melalui isyarat-isyarat tertentu. Selanjutnya dia akan menangis dan kehilangan kepercayaannya pada hubungan cintanya. Pola pikir wanita ini sangat polos dan tidak berpengalaman, karena itu kesadarannya akan seks muncul terlambat. Tapi jangan khawatir pengetahuan dan pengalaman seksnya akan mengalami kemajuan jika sudah menikah nanti. Dalam rumah tangga, wanita ini adalah pencerah suasana karena sifat alaminya yang baik hati, terutama dalam menyambut suaminya setelah bekerja. Pria yang menjadi pilihan wanita ini adalah pria yang pemberani dan teguh dalam pendirian.
11. PAYUDARA SILIKON
Selain bentuknya yang pasti besar- pastinya juga pemilik payudara model ini membayar mahal untuk yang satu ini. Pemilik payudara ini tentunya sangat menyukai hal-hal yang "besar" dan "indah".
12. PAYUDARA BENCONG
Selain bentuknya yang tak pasti- dan penuh bekas operasi- pastinya ada "harga" yang di bayar, untuk memiliki yang satu ini- dan pastinya mereka bukan wanita.
Pemilik payudara ini tentunya menyukai "segala sesuatu" tentang pria.
How To Get Oral Sex From Your Girlfriend
A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true
what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally
come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager
"won't it knock my teeth out?"
what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally
come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager
"won't it knock my teeth out?"
How To Win A Free Sex
A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales
so the Owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a local "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.
The buyer then guessed (8), the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up, again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed(2) this time, again the proprietor said,
"Sorry, it was (3). You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy,
"I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No tain't Billy Ray, it's not rigged
-- my wife won twice last week."
so the Owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a local "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.
The buyer then guessed (8), the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up, again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed(2) this time, again the proprietor said,
"Sorry, it was (3). You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy,
"I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No tain't Billy Ray, it's not rigged
-- my wife won twice last week."
How Beer Can Help Avoid Fights With Your Wife
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" she screamed. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize
that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed, "Oh shit! It started..."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.
When it was gone he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."
"That's it!" she screamed. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize
that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed, "Oh shit! It started..."
Irish Man and The St. Patrick
An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in.
The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman...
The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that."
So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.
When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says,
"Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says,
"Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman...
The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that."
So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.
When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says,
"Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says,
"Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"
And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
Sex With The Dog
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said,
"I'm only here to listen to the music - that was played by me"
"Yeah?" replied the man.
"We're only here to see our dog."
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said,
"I'm only here to listen to the music - that was played by me"
"Yeah?" replied the man.
"We're only here to see our dog."
Condoms for the Daughter
Three drunks were sitting at a bar.
The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."
He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"
The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"
The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak..
"I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!"
He paused...
"I didn't even know she had a penis!!!"
The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."
He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"
The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"
The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak..
"I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!"
He paused...
"I didn't even know she had a penis!!!"
The Biggest Dick Ever
A guy's walking along and sees a sign in a window that says,
"$500 cash prize to anyone who can make my horse laugh."
The guy goes in and asks to give it a try. He's in there 5 seconds and the horse just starts laughing out of control. The man walks out of the room and collects his $500.
A year goes by and the same guy's walking by the same building, and there's a new sign in the window.
And it said, "$500 cash prize to anyone who can make my horse cry."
The guy walks in and asks to give it a try. He's in the room for 5 seconds and the horse just starts bawling.
The man comes out of the room and collects his $500. The horse's owner walks up to the man and says, "That $1,000 that you've taken from me, tell me how you made the horse laugh and cry?"
The guy responds,
"Well a year ago i told the horse i had a bigger dick than him, and this year i showed him."
"$500 cash prize to anyone who can make my horse laugh."
The guy goes in and asks to give it a try. He's in there 5 seconds and the horse just starts laughing out of control. The man walks out of the room and collects his $500.
A year goes by and the same guy's walking by the same building, and there's a new sign in the window.
And it said, "$500 cash prize to anyone who can make my horse cry."
The guy walks in and asks to give it a try. He's in the room for 5 seconds and the horse just starts bawling.
The man comes out of the room and collects his $500. The horse's owner walks up to the man and says, "That $1,000 that you've taken from me, tell me how you made the horse laugh and cry?"
The guy responds,
"Well a year ago i told the horse i had a bigger dick than him, and this year i showed him."
When You Have To Take A Shit Real Bad
Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad.
The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot.
Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.
Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says: "Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?"
The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot.
Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.
Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says: "Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?"
How To Get Blow Job from Your Secretary
A middle aged businessman goes to see his physician.
"Doctor, I've got this problem," the man says.
"My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs.
Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job.
She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch.
And before I leave work at the end of the day she really works me over."
"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac," the man continued.
"I service her every morning when we get up. I go home for a quick half hour every day at lunch and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep."
"I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.
"You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."
"Doctor, I've got this problem," the man says.
"My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs.
Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job.
She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch.
And before I leave work at the end of the day she really works me over."
"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac," the man continued.
"I service her every morning when we get up. I go home for a quick half hour every day at lunch and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep."
"I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.
"You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."
Bra For The Jesus Followers
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly went up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses,
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and well,
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...
The Catholic type supports the masses,
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and well,
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."
How To Save Airlines
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Alphabet . . . For Guys !
"A" is for Awesome
"B" is for Bouncing
"C" is for Creamy
"D" is for Dark
"E" is for Euphoric
"F" is for Fake
"G" is for Gigantic
"H" is for Hangers
"I" is for In-Your-Face
"J" is for Jiggly
"K" is for Killer
"L" is for Licking
"M" is for Milky
"N" is for Nippy
"O" is for Orgasm
"P" is for Pierced
"Q" is for Quality
"R" is for Ripe
"S" is for Sucking
"T" is for Tiny
"U" is for Underwater
"V" is for Virtual
"W" is for Wet
"X" is for X-ray
"Y" is for Yummy
"Z" is for Zat's all folks!
"DAMN, I just love TITS"
"B" is for Bouncing
"C" is for Creamy
"D" is for Dark
"E" is for Euphoric
"F" is for Fake
"G" is for Gigantic
"H" is for Hangers
"I" is for In-Your-Face
"J" is for Jiggly
"K" is for Killer
"L" is for Licking
"M" is for Milky
"N" is for Nippy
"O" is for Orgasm
"P" is for Pierced
"Q" is for Quality
"R" is for Ripe
"S" is for Sucking
"T" is for Tiny
"U" is for Underwater
"V" is for Virtual
"W" is for Wet
"X" is for X-ray
"Y" is for Yummy
"Z" is for Zat's all folks!
"DAMN, I just love TITS"
Ramalan Jayabaya
RAMALAN JAYABAYA. / JAYABAYA PREDICTION
01. Besuk yen wis ana kreta tanpa jaran.
( One day there will be a cart without a horse ).
02. Tanah Jawa kalungan wesi.
( The island of Java will be circled by an iron necklace ).
03. Prahu mlaku ing dhuwur awang-awang.
( There will be a boat flying in the sky ).
04. Kali ilang kedhunge.
( The river will loose its current ).
05. Pasar ilang kumandhang.
( There will be markets without crowds ).
06. Iku tanda yen tekane jaman Jayabaya wis cedhak.
( These are the signs that the Jayabaya era is coming ).
07. Bumi saya suwe saya mengkeret.
( The earth will shrink ).
08. Sekilan bumi dipajeki.
( Every inch of land will be taxed) .
09. Jaran doyan mangan sambel.
( Horses will devour chili sauce ).
10. Wong wadon nganggo pakaian lanang.
( Women will dress in men's clothes).
11. Iku tandane yen wong bakal nemoni wolak-waliking jaman.
( These are the signs that the people and their civilization have been turned upside down ).
12. Akeh janji ora ditetepi.
( Many promises unkept ).
13. Akeh wong wani mlanggar sumpahe dhewe.
( Many break their oath ).
14. Manungsa pada seneng nyalah.
( People will tend to blame on each other ).
15. Ora ngindahake hukum Allah.
( They will ignore God's law ).
16. Barang jahat diangkat-angkat.
( Evil things will be lifted up ).
17. Barang suci dibenci.
( Holy things will be despised ).
18. Akeh manungsa mung ngutamake duwit.
( Many people will become fixated on money ).
19. Lali kamanungsan.
( Ignoring humanity ).
20. Lali kabecikan.
( Forgetting kindness ).
21. Lali sanak lali kadang.
( Abandoning their families ).
22. Akeh Bapa lali anak.
( Fathers will abandon their children ).
23. Akeh anak wani nglawan ibu.
( Children will be disrespectful to their mothers ).
24. Nantang bapa.
( And battle against their fathers ).
25. Sedulur pada cidra.
( Siblings will collide violently ).
26. Kulawarga pada curiga.
( Family members will become suspicious of each other ).
27. Kanca dadi mungsuh.
( Friends become enemies ).
28. Akeh manungsa lali asale.
( People will forget their roots ).
29. Ukuman Ratu ora adil.
( The queen's judgements will be unjust ).
30. Akeh pangkat sing jahat lan ganjil.
( There will be many peculiar and evil leaders ).
31. Akeh kelakuan sing ganjil.
( Many will behave strangely ).
32. Wong apik-apik pada kepencil.
( Good people will be isolated ).
33. Akeh wong nyambut gawe apik-apik pada krasa isin.
( Many people will be too embarrassed to do the right things ).
34. Luwih utama ngapusi.
( Choosing falsehood instead ).
35. Wegah nyambut gawe.
( Many will be lazy to work ).
36. Kepingin urip mewah.
( Seduced by luxury ).
37. Ngumbar nafsu angkara murka, nggedhekake duraka.
( They will take the easy path of crime and deceit ).
38. Wong bener thenger-thenger.
( The honest will be confused ).
39. Wong salah bungah.
( The dishonest will be joyful ).
40. Wong apik ditampik-tampik.
( The good will be rejected ).
41. Wong jahat munggah pangkat.
( The evil ones will rise to the top ).
42. Wong agung kesinggung.
( Noble people will be wounded by unjust criticism ).
43. Wong ala kepuja.
( Evil doers will be worshipped ).
44. Wong wadon ilang kawirangane.
( Women will become shameless ).
45. Wong lanang ilang kaprawirane.
( Men will loose their courage ).
46. Akeh wong lanang ora duwe bojo.
( Men will choose not to get married ).
47. Akeh wong wadon ora setya marang bojone.
( Women will be unfaithful to their husbands ).
48. Akeh ibu pada ngedol anake.
( Mothers will sell their babies ).
49. Akeh wong wadon ngedol awake.
( Women will engage in prostitution ).
50. Akeh wong ijol bebojo.
( Couples will trade partners ).
51. Wong wadon nunggang jaran.
( Women will ride horses ).
52. Wong lanang linggih plangki.
( Men will be carried in a stretcher ).
53. Randa seuang loro.
( A divorcee will be valued at 17 cents ).
54. Prawan seaga lima.
( A virgin will be valued at 10 cents ).
55. Duda pincang laku sembilan uang.
( A crippled men will be valued at 75 cents ).
56. Akeh wong ngedol ngelmu.
( Many will earn their living by trading their knowledge ).
57. Akeh wong ngaku-aku.
( Many will claims other's merits as their own ).
58. Njabane putih njerone dadu.
( It is only a cover for the dice ).
59. Ngakune suci, nanging sucine palsu.
( They will proclaim their righteousness despite their sinful ways ).
60. Akeh bujuk akeh lojo.
( Many will use sly and dirty tricks ).
61. Akeh udan salah mangsa.
( Rains will fall in the wrong season ).
62. Akeh prawan tuwa.
( Many women will remain virgins into their old age ).
63. Akeh randa nglairake anak.
( Many divorcees will give birth ).
64. Akeh jabang bayi lahir nggoleki bapakne.
( Newborns will search for their fathers ).
65. Agama akeh sing nantang.
( Religions will be attacked ).
66. Perikamanungsan saya ilang.
( Humanitarianism will no longer have importance ).
67. Omah suci dibenci.
( Holy temples will be hated ).
68. Omah ala saya dipuja.
( They will be more fond of praising evil places ).
69. Wong wadon lacur ing ngendi-endi.
( Prostitution will be everywhere ).
70. Akeh laknat.
( There will be many worthy of damnation ).
71. Akeh pengkhianat.
( There will be many betrayals ).
72. Anak mangan bapak.
( Children will be against father ).
73. Sedulur mangan sedulur.
( Siblings will be against siblings ).
74. Kanca dadi mungsuh.
( Friends will become enemies ).
75. Guru disatru.
( Students will show hostility toward teachers ).
76. Tangga pada curiga.
( Neighbours will become suspicious of each other ).
77. Kana-kene saya angkara murka.
( And ruthlessness will be everywhere ).
78. Sing weruh kebubuhan.
( The eyewitness has to take the responsibility ).
79. Sing ora weruh ketutuh.
( The ones who have nothing to do with the case will be prosecuted ).
80. Besuk yen ana peperangan.
( One day when there will armagedon ).
81. Teka saka wetan, kulon, kidul lan lor.
( In the east, in the west, in the south, and in the north ).
82. Akeh wong becik saya sengsara.
( Good people will suffer more ).
83. Wong jahat saya seneng.
( Bad people will be happier ).
84. Wektu iku akeh dandang diunekake kuntul.
( When this happens, a rice cooker will be said to be an egret ).
85. Wong salah dianggep bener.
( The wrong person will be assumed to be honest ).
86. Pengkhianat nikmat.
( Betrayers will live in the utmost of material comfort ).
87. Durjono saya sempurna.
( The deceitful will decline even further ).
88. Wong jahat munggah pangkat.
( The evil persons will rise to the top ).
89. Wong lugu kebelenggu.
( The modest will be trapped ).
90. Wong mulyo dikunjoro.
( The noble will be imprisoned ).
91. Sing curang garang.
( The fraudulent will be ferocious ).
92. Sing jujur kojur.
( The honest will unlucky ).
93. Pedagang akeh sing keplarang.
( Many merchants will fly in a mess ).
94. Wong main akeh sing ndadi.
( Gamblers will become more addicted to gambling ).
95. Akeh barang haram.
( Illegal things will be everywhere ).
96. Akeh anak haram.
( Many babies will be born outside of legal marriage ).
97. Wong wadon nglamar wong lanang.
( Women will propose marriage ).
98. Wong lanang ngasorake drajate dhewe.
( Men will lower their own status ).
99. Akeh barang-barang mlebu luang.
( The merchandise will be left unsold ).
100. Akeh wong kaliren lan wuda.
( Many people will suffer from starvation and inability to afford clothing ).
101. Wong tuku nglenik sing dodol.
( Buyers will become more sophisticated ).
102. Sing dodol akal okol.
( Sellers will have to use their brains and muscle to do business ).
103. Wong golek pangan kaya gabah diinteri.
( In the way they earn a living, people will be as rice paddies being swung around and blown up ).
104. Sing kebat kliwat.
( Some will go wild out of control ).
105. Sing telah sambat.
( Those who are not ambitious will complaint of being left behind ).
106. Sing gede kesasar.
( The ones on the top will get lost ).
107. Sing cilik kepleset.
( The ordinary people will slip ).
108. Sing anggak ketunggak.
( The arrogant ones will be impaled ).
109. Sing wedi mati.
( The fearful ones will not survive ).
110. Sing nekat mbrekat.
( The risk takers will be successful ).
111. Sing jerih ketindhih.
( The ones who are afraid of taking the risks will be/ crushed under foot ).
112. Sing ngawur makmur,
( The careless ones will be wealthy ).
113. Sing ngati-ati ngrintih.
( The careful ones will whine about their suffering ).
114. Sing ngedan keduman.
( The crazy ones will get their portion ).
115. Sing waras nggagas.
( The ones who are mentally and physically healthy will think wisely ).
116. Wong tani ditaleni.
( The farmers will be controlled ).
117. Wong dora ura-ura.
( Those who are corrupt will spend their fortune lavishly ).
118. Ratu ora netepi janji, musna kekuasaane.
( The queen who does not keep her promises will lose her power ).
119. Bupati dadi rakyat.
( The leaders will become ordinary persons ).
120. Wong cilik dadi priyayi.
( The ordinary people will become leaders ).
121. Sing mendele dadi gede,
( The dishonest persons will rise to the top ).
122. Sing jujur kojur.
( The honest ones will be unlucky ).
123. Akeh omah ing nduwur jaran.
( There will be many people own a house on horseback ).
124. Wong mangan wong.
( People will attack other people ).
125. Anak lali bapak.
( Children will ignore their fathers ).
126. Wong tuwa lali tuwane.
( Parents will not want to take their responsibility as parents ).
127. Pedagang adol barang saya laris.
( Merchants will sell out of their merchandise ).
128. Bandane saya ludes.
( Yet, they will lose money ).
129. Akeh wong mati kaliren ing sisihe pangan.
( Many people will die from starvation in prosperous times ).
130. Akeh wong nyekel banda nanging uripe sengsara.
( Many people will have lots of money yet, be unhappy in their lives ).
131. Sing edan bisa dandan.
( The crazy one will be beautifully attired ).
132. Sing bengkong bisa nggalang gedong.
( The insane will be able to build a lavish estate ).
133. Wong waras lan adil uripe nggrantes lan kepencil.
( The ones who are fair and sane will suffer in their lives and will be isolated ).
134. Ana peperangan ing njero.
( There will be internal wars ).
135. Timbul amarga para pangkat akeh sing pada salah paham.
( As a result of misunderstandings between those at the top.
136. Durjana saya ngambra-ambra./ The numbers of evil doers will increase sharply ).
137. Penjahat saya tambah.
( There will be more criminals ).
138. Wong apik saya sengsara.
( The good people will live in misery ).
139. Akeh wong mati jalaran saka peperangan.
( There will be many people die in a war ).
140. Kebingungan lan kobongan.
( Others will be disoriented, and their property burnt ).
141. Wong bener saya tenger-tenger.
( The honest will be confused ).
142. Wong salah saya bungah-bungah.
( The dishonest will be joyful ).
143. Akeh banda musna ora karuan lungane.
( There will be disappearance of great riches ).
144. Akeh pangkat lan drajat pada minggat ora karuan/ sababe.
( There will be disappearance of great titles, and jobs ).
145. Akeh barang-barang haram, akeh bocah haram.
( There will be many illegal goods ).
146. Bejane sing lali, bejane sing eling.
( There will be many babies born without fathers ).
147. Nanging sauntung-untunge sing lali.
( Those people who forget God's Will may be happy on earth ).
148. Isih untung sing waspada.
( But those who are remember God's will are destined to be happier still ).
149. Angkara murka saya ndadi.
( Ruthlessness will become worse ).
150. Kana-kene saya bingung.
( Everywhere the situation will be chaotic ).
151. Pedagang akeh alangane.
( Doing business will be more difficult ).
152. Akeh buruh nantang juragan.
( Workers will challenge their employers ).
153. Juragan dadi umpan.
( The employers will become bait for their employees ).
154. Sing suwarane seru oleh pengaruh.
( Those who speak out will be more influential ).
155. Wong pinter diingar-ingar.
( The wise ones will be ridiculed ).
156. Wong ala diuja.
( The evil ones will be worshipped ).
157. Wong ngerti mangan ati.
( The knowledgeable ones will show no compassion ).
158. Banda dadi memala.
( The pursuit of material comfort will incite crime ).
159. Pangkat dadi pemikat.
( Job titles will become enticing ).
160. Sing sawenang-wenang rumangsa menang.
( Those who act arbitrarily will feel as if they are the winners ).
161. Sing ngalah rumangsa kabeh salah.
( Those who act wisely will feel as if everything is wrong ).
162. Ana Bupati saka wong sing asor imane.
( There will be leaders who are weak in their faith ).
163. Patihe kepala judi.
( Their vice regent will be selected from among the ranks of the gamblers ).
164. Wong sing atine suci dibenci.
( Those who have a holy heart will be rejected ).
165. Wong sing jahat lan pinter jilat saya derajat.
( Those who are evil, and know how to flatter thei boss, will be promoted ).
166. Pemerasan saya ndadra.
( Human exploitation will be worse ).
167. Maling lungguh wetenge mblenduk.
( The corpulent thieves will be able to sit back and relax ).
168. Pitik angkrem saduwurane pikulan.
( The hen will hacth eggs in a carrying pole ).
169. Maling wani nantang sing duwe omah.
( Thieves will not be afraid to challenge the target ).
170. Begal pada ndugal.
( Robbers will dissent into greater evil ).
171. Rampok pada keplok-keplok.
( Looters will be given applause ).
172. Wong momong mitenah sing diemong.
( People will slander their caregivers ).
173. Wong jaga nyolong sing dijaga.
( Guards will steel the very things they are to protect ).
174. Wong njamin njaluk dijamin.
( Guarantors will ask for collateral ).
175. Akeh wong mendem donga
( Many will ask for blessings ).
176. Kana-kene rebutan unggul.
( Everybody will compete for personal victory ).
177. Angkara murka ngombro-ombro.
( Ruthlessness will be everywhere ).
178. Agama ditantang.
( Religions will be questioned ).
179. Akeh wong angkara murka.
( Many people will be greedy for power, wealth and position ).
180. Nggedeake duraka.
( Rebelliousness will increase ).
181. Ukum agama dilanggar.
( Religious law will be broken ).
182. Perikamanungsan di-iles-iles.
( Human rights will be violated ).
183. Kasusilan ditinggal.
( Ethics will left behind ).
184. Akeh wong edan, jahat lan kelangan akal budi.
( Many will be insane, cruel and immoral ).
185. Wong cilik akeh sing kepencil.
( Ordinary people will be segregated ).
186. Amarga dadi korbane si jahat sing jajil.
( They will become the victims of evil and cruel persons ).
187. Banjur ana Ratu duwe pengaruh lan duwe prajurit.
( Then there will come a queen who is influential ).
188. Lan duwe prajurit
( She will have her own armies ).
189. Negarane ambane sapra-walon.
( Her country will measured one-eighth the circumference ofthe world ).
190. Tukang mangan suap saya ndadra.
( The number of people who commit bribery will increase ).
191. Wong jahat ditampa.
( The evil ones will be accepted ).
192. Wong suci dibenci.
( The innocent ones will be rejected ).
193. Timah dianggep perak.
( Tin will be thought to be silver ).
194. Emas diarani tembaga.
( Gold will be thought to be copper ).
195. Dandang dikandakake kuntul.
( A rice cooker will be thought to be an egret ).
196. Wong dosa sentosa.
( The sinful ones will be safe and live in tranquility ).
197. Wong cilik disalahake.
( The poor will be blamed ).
198. Wong nganggur kesungkur.
( The unemployed will be rooted up ).
199. Wong sregep krungkep.
( The diligent ones will be forced down ).
200. Wong nyengit kesengit.
( The people will seek revenge against the fiercely violent ones ).
201. Buruh mangluh.
( Workers will suffer from overwork ).
202. Wong sugih krasa wedi.
( The rich will feel unsafe ).
203. Wong wedi dadi priyayi.
( People who belong to the upper class will feel insecure ).
204. Senenge wong jahat.
( Happiness will belong to evil persons ).
205. Susahe wong cilik.
( Trouble will belong to the poor ).
206. Akeh wong dakwa dinakwa.
( Many will sue each other ).
207. Tindake menungsa saya kuciwa.
( Human behaviour will fall short of moral enlightenment ).
208. Ratu karo Ratu pada rembugan negara endi sing dipilih lan disenengi.
( Leaders will discuss choose which countries are their favourites and which ones are not ).
209. Wong Jawa kari separo,
( The Javanese will remain half ).
210. Landa-Cina kari sejodo.
( The Dutch and the Chinese each will remain a pair ).
211. Akeh wong ijir, akeh wong cethil.
( Many become stingy ).
212. Sing eman ora keduman.
( The stingy ones will not get their portion ).
213. Sing keduman ora eman.
( The ones who receive their portion will be generous ).
214. Akeh wong mbambung.
( Street beggars will be everywhere ).
215. Akeh wong limbung.
( Bewildered persons will be everywhere ).
216. Selot-selote mbesuk wolak-waliking jaman teka.
( These are the signs that the people and their civilization have been turned upside down ).
217. Akeh wong ora semangat kerja ning malah mbukaki email.
( get back to work you damned )
01. Besuk yen wis ana kreta tanpa jaran.
( One day there will be a cart without a horse ).
02. Tanah Jawa kalungan wesi.
( The island of Java will be circled by an iron necklace ).
03. Prahu mlaku ing dhuwur awang-awang.
( There will be a boat flying in the sky ).
04. Kali ilang kedhunge.
( The river will loose its current ).
05. Pasar ilang kumandhang.
( There will be markets without crowds ).
06. Iku tanda yen tekane jaman Jayabaya wis cedhak.
( These are the signs that the Jayabaya era is coming ).
07. Bumi saya suwe saya mengkeret.
( The earth will shrink ).
08. Sekilan bumi dipajeki.
( Every inch of land will be taxed) .
09. Jaran doyan mangan sambel.
( Horses will devour chili sauce ).
10. Wong wadon nganggo pakaian lanang.
( Women will dress in men's clothes).
11. Iku tandane yen wong bakal nemoni wolak-waliking jaman.
( These are the signs that the people and their civilization have been turned upside down ).
12. Akeh janji ora ditetepi.
( Many promises unkept ).
13. Akeh wong wani mlanggar sumpahe dhewe.
( Many break their oath ).
14. Manungsa pada seneng nyalah.
( People will tend to blame on each other ).
15. Ora ngindahake hukum Allah.
( They will ignore God's law ).
16. Barang jahat diangkat-angkat.
( Evil things will be lifted up ).
17. Barang suci dibenci.
( Holy things will be despised ).
18. Akeh manungsa mung ngutamake duwit.
( Many people will become fixated on money ).
19. Lali kamanungsan.
( Ignoring humanity ).
20. Lali kabecikan.
( Forgetting kindness ).
21. Lali sanak lali kadang.
( Abandoning their families ).
22. Akeh Bapa lali anak.
( Fathers will abandon their children ).
23. Akeh anak wani nglawan ibu.
( Children will be disrespectful to their mothers ).
24. Nantang bapa.
( And battle against their fathers ).
25. Sedulur pada cidra.
( Siblings will collide violently ).
26. Kulawarga pada curiga.
( Family members will become suspicious of each other ).
27. Kanca dadi mungsuh.
( Friends become enemies ).
28. Akeh manungsa lali asale.
( People will forget their roots ).
29. Ukuman Ratu ora adil.
( The queen's judgements will be unjust ).
30. Akeh pangkat sing jahat lan ganjil.
( There will be many peculiar and evil leaders ).
31. Akeh kelakuan sing ganjil.
( Many will behave strangely ).
32. Wong apik-apik pada kepencil.
( Good people will be isolated ).
33. Akeh wong nyambut gawe apik-apik pada krasa isin.
( Many people will be too embarrassed to do the right things ).
34. Luwih utama ngapusi.
( Choosing falsehood instead ).
35. Wegah nyambut gawe.
( Many will be lazy to work ).
36. Kepingin urip mewah.
( Seduced by luxury ).
37. Ngumbar nafsu angkara murka, nggedhekake duraka.
( They will take the easy path of crime and deceit ).
38. Wong bener thenger-thenger.
( The honest will be confused ).
39. Wong salah bungah.
( The dishonest will be joyful ).
40. Wong apik ditampik-tampik.
( The good will be rejected ).
41. Wong jahat munggah pangkat.
( The evil ones will rise to the top ).
42. Wong agung kesinggung.
( Noble people will be wounded by unjust criticism ).
43. Wong ala kepuja.
( Evil doers will be worshipped ).
44. Wong wadon ilang kawirangane.
( Women will become shameless ).
45. Wong lanang ilang kaprawirane.
( Men will loose their courage ).
46. Akeh wong lanang ora duwe bojo.
( Men will choose not to get married ).
47. Akeh wong wadon ora setya marang bojone.
( Women will be unfaithful to their husbands ).
48. Akeh ibu pada ngedol anake.
( Mothers will sell their babies ).
49. Akeh wong wadon ngedol awake.
( Women will engage in prostitution ).
50. Akeh wong ijol bebojo.
( Couples will trade partners ).
51. Wong wadon nunggang jaran.
( Women will ride horses ).
52. Wong lanang linggih plangki.
( Men will be carried in a stretcher ).
53. Randa seuang loro.
( A divorcee will be valued at 17 cents ).
54. Prawan seaga lima.
( A virgin will be valued at 10 cents ).
55. Duda pincang laku sembilan uang.
( A crippled men will be valued at 75 cents ).
56. Akeh wong ngedol ngelmu.
( Many will earn their living by trading their knowledge ).
57. Akeh wong ngaku-aku.
( Many will claims other's merits as their own ).
58. Njabane putih njerone dadu.
( It is only a cover for the dice ).
59. Ngakune suci, nanging sucine palsu.
( They will proclaim their righteousness despite their sinful ways ).
60. Akeh bujuk akeh lojo.
( Many will use sly and dirty tricks ).
61. Akeh udan salah mangsa.
( Rains will fall in the wrong season ).
62. Akeh prawan tuwa.
( Many women will remain virgins into their old age ).
63. Akeh randa nglairake anak.
( Many divorcees will give birth ).
64. Akeh jabang bayi lahir nggoleki bapakne.
( Newborns will search for their fathers ).
65. Agama akeh sing nantang.
( Religions will be attacked ).
66. Perikamanungsan saya ilang.
( Humanitarianism will no longer have importance ).
67. Omah suci dibenci.
( Holy temples will be hated ).
68. Omah ala saya dipuja.
( They will be more fond of praising evil places ).
69. Wong wadon lacur ing ngendi-endi.
( Prostitution will be everywhere ).
70. Akeh laknat.
( There will be many worthy of damnation ).
71. Akeh pengkhianat.
( There will be many betrayals ).
72. Anak mangan bapak.
( Children will be against father ).
73. Sedulur mangan sedulur.
( Siblings will be against siblings ).
74. Kanca dadi mungsuh.
( Friends will become enemies ).
75. Guru disatru.
( Students will show hostility toward teachers ).
76. Tangga pada curiga.
( Neighbours will become suspicious of each other ).
77. Kana-kene saya angkara murka.
( And ruthlessness will be everywhere ).
78. Sing weruh kebubuhan.
( The eyewitness has to take the responsibility ).
79. Sing ora weruh ketutuh.
( The ones who have nothing to do with the case will be prosecuted ).
80. Besuk yen ana peperangan.
( One day when there will armagedon ).
81. Teka saka wetan, kulon, kidul lan lor.
( In the east, in the west, in the south, and in the north ).
82. Akeh wong becik saya sengsara.
( Good people will suffer more ).
83. Wong jahat saya seneng.
( Bad people will be happier ).
84. Wektu iku akeh dandang diunekake kuntul.
( When this happens, a rice cooker will be said to be an egret ).
85. Wong salah dianggep bener.
( The wrong person will be assumed to be honest ).
86. Pengkhianat nikmat.
( Betrayers will live in the utmost of material comfort ).
87. Durjono saya sempurna.
( The deceitful will decline even further ).
88. Wong jahat munggah pangkat.
( The evil persons will rise to the top ).
89. Wong lugu kebelenggu.
( The modest will be trapped ).
90. Wong mulyo dikunjoro.
( The noble will be imprisoned ).
91. Sing curang garang.
( The fraudulent will be ferocious ).
92. Sing jujur kojur.
( The honest will unlucky ).
93. Pedagang akeh sing keplarang.
( Many merchants will fly in a mess ).
94. Wong main akeh sing ndadi.
( Gamblers will become more addicted to gambling ).
95. Akeh barang haram.
( Illegal things will be everywhere ).
96. Akeh anak haram.
( Many babies will be born outside of legal marriage ).
97. Wong wadon nglamar wong lanang.
( Women will propose marriage ).
98. Wong lanang ngasorake drajate dhewe.
( Men will lower their own status ).
99. Akeh barang-barang mlebu luang.
( The merchandise will be left unsold ).
100. Akeh wong kaliren lan wuda.
( Many people will suffer from starvation and inability to afford clothing ).
101. Wong tuku nglenik sing dodol.
( Buyers will become more sophisticated ).
102. Sing dodol akal okol.
( Sellers will have to use their brains and muscle to do business ).
103. Wong golek pangan kaya gabah diinteri.
( In the way they earn a living, people will be as rice paddies being swung around and blown up ).
104. Sing kebat kliwat.
( Some will go wild out of control ).
105. Sing telah sambat.
( Those who are not ambitious will complaint of being left behind ).
106. Sing gede kesasar.
( The ones on the top will get lost ).
107. Sing cilik kepleset.
( The ordinary people will slip ).
108. Sing anggak ketunggak.
( The arrogant ones will be impaled ).
109. Sing wedi mati.
( The fearful ones will not survive ).
110. Sing nekat mbrekat.
( The risk takers will be successful ).
111. Sing jerih ketindhih.
( The ones who are afraid of taking the risks will be/ crushed under foot ).
112. Sing ngawur makmur,
( The careless ones will be wealthy ).
113. Sing ngati-ati ngrintih.
( The careful ones will whine about their suffering ).
114. Sing ngedan keduman.
( The crazy ones will get their portion ).
115. Sing waras nggagas.
( The ones who are mentally and physically healthy will think wisely ).
116. Wong tani ditaleni.
( The farmers will be controlled ).
117. Wong dora ura-ura.
( Those who are corrupt will spend their fortune lavishly ).
118. Ratu ora netepi janji, musna kekuasaane.
( The queen who does not keep her promises will lose her power ).
119. Bupati dadi rakyat.
( The leaders will become ordinary persons ).
120. Wong cilik dadi priyayi.
( The ordinary people will become leaders ).
121. Sing mendele dadi gede,
( The dishonest persons will rise to the top ).
122. Sing jujur kojur.
( The honest ones will be unlucky ).
123. Akeh omah ing nduwur jaran.
( There will be many people own a house on horseback ).
124. Wong mangan wong.
( People will attack other people ).
125. Anak lali bapak.
( Children will ignore their fathers ).
126. Wong tuwa lali tuwane.
( Parents will not want to take their responsibility as parents ).
127. Pedagang adol barang saya laris.
( Merchants will sell out of their merchandise ).
128. Bandane saya ludes.
( Yet, they will lose money ).
129. Akeh wong mati kaliren ing sisihe pangan.
( Many people will die from starvation in prosperous times ).
130. Akeh wong nyekel banda nanging uripe sengsara.
( Many people will have lots of money yet, be unhappy in their lives ).
131. Sing edan bisa dandan.
( The crazy one will be beautifully attired ).
132. Sing bengkong bisa nggalang gedong.
( The insane will be able to build a lavish estate ).
133. Wong waras lan adil uripe nggrantes lan kepencil.
( The ones who are fair and sane will suffer in their lives and will be isolated ).
134. Ana peperangan ing njero.
( There will be internal wars ).
135. Timbul amarga para pangkat akeh sing pada salah paham.
( As a result of misunderstandings between those at the top.
136. Durjana saya ngambra-ambra./ The numbers of evil doers will increase sharply ).
137. Penjahat saya tambah.
( There will be more criminals ).
138. Wong apik saya sengsara.
( The good people will live in misery ).
139. Akeh wong mati jalaran saka peperangan.
( There will be many people die in a war ).
140. Kebingungan lan kobongan.
( Others will be disoriented, and their property burnt ).
141. Wong bener saya tenger-tenger.
( The honest will be confused ).
142. Wong salah saya bungah-bungah.
( The dishonest will be joyful ).
143. Akeh banda musna ora karuan lungane.
( There will be disappearance of great riches ).
144. Akeh pangkat lan drajat pada minggat ora karuan/ sababe.
( There will be disappearance of great titles, and jobs ).
145. Akeh barang-barang haram, akeh bocah haram.
( There will be many illegal goods ).
146. Bejane sing lali, bejane sing eling.
( There will be many babies born without fathers ).
147. Nanging sauntung-untunge sing lali.
( Those people who forget God's Will may be happy on earth ).
148. Isih untung sing waspada.
( But those who are remember God's will are destined to be happier still ).
149. Angkara murka saya ndadi.
( Ruthlessness will become worse ).
150. Kana-kene saya bingung.
( Everywhere the situation will be chaotic ).
151. Pedagang akeh alangane.
( Doing business will be more difficult ).
152. Akeh buruh nantang juragan.
( Workers will challenge their employers ).
153. Juragan dadi umpan.
( The employers will become bait for their employees ).
154. Sing suwarane seru oleh pengaruh.
( Those who speak out will be more influential ).
155. Wong pinter diingar-ingar.
( The wise ones will be ridiculed ).
156. Wong ala diuja.
( The evil ones will be worshipped ).
157. Wong ngerti mangan ati.
( The knowledgeable ones will show no compassion ).
158. Banda dadi memala.
( The pursuit of material comfort will incite crime ).
159. Pangkat dadi pemikat.
( Job titles will become enticing ).
160. Sing sawenang-wenang rumangsa menang.
( Those who act arbitrarily will feel as if they are the winners ).
161. Sing ngalah rumangsa kabeh salah.
( Those who act wisely will feel as if everything is wrong ).
162. Ana Bupati saka wong sing asor imane.
( There will be leaders who are weak in their faith ).
163. Patihe kepala judi.
( Their vice regent will be selected from among the ranks of the gamblers ).
164. Wong sing atine suci dibenci.
( Those who have a holy heart will be rejected ).
165. Wong sing jahat lan pinter jilat saya derajat.
( Those who are evil, and know how to flatter thei boss, will be promoted ).
166. Pemerasan saya ndadra.
( Human exploitation will be worse ).
167. Maling lungguh wetenge mblenduk.
( The corpulent thieves will be able to sit back and relax ).
168. Pitik angkrem saduwurane pikulan.
( The hen will hacth eggs in a carrying pole ).
169. Maling wani nantang sing duwe omah.
( Thieves will not be afraid to challenge the target ).
170. Begal pada ndugal.
( Robbers will dissent into greater evil ).
171. Rampok pada keplok-keplok.
( Looters will be given applause ).
172. Wong momong mitenah sing diemong.
( People will slander their caregivers ).
173. Wong jaga nyolong sing dijaga.
( Guards will steel the very things they are to protect ).
174. Wong njamin njaluk dijamin.
( Guarantors will ask for collateral ).
175. Akeh wong mendem donga
( Many will ask for blessings ).
176. Kana-kene rebutan unggul.
( Everybody will compete for personal victory ).
177. Angkara murka ngombro-ombro.
( Ruthlessness will be everywhere ).
178. Agama ditantang.
( Religions will be questioned ).
179. Akeh wong angkara murka.
( Many people will be greedy for power, wealth and position ).
180. Nggedeake duraka.
( Rebelliousness will increase ).
181. Ukum agama dilanggar.
( Religious law will be broken ).
182. Perikamanungsan di-iles-iles.
( Human rights will be violated ).
183. Kasusilan ditinggal.
( Ethics will left behind ).
184. Akeh wong edan, jahat lan kelangan akal budi.
( Many will be insane, cruel and immoral ).
185. Wong cilik akeh sing kepencil.
( Ordinary people will be segregated ).
186. Amarga dadi korbane si jahat sing jajil.
( They will become the victims of evil and cruel persons ).
187. Banjur ana Ratu duwe pengaruh lan duwe prajurit.
( Then there will come a queen who is influential ).
188. Lan duwe prajurit
( She will have her own armies ).
189. Negarane ambane sapra-walon.
( Her country will measured one-eighth the circumference ofthe world ).
190. Tukang mangan suap saya ndadra.
( The number of people who commit bribery will increase ).
191. Wong jahat ditampa.
( The evil ones will be accepted ).
192. Wong suci dibenci.
( The innocent ones will be rejected ).
193. Timah dianggep perak.
( Tin will be thought to be silver ).
194. Emas diarani tembaga.
( Gold will be thought to be copper ).
195. Dandang dikandakake kuntul.
( A rice cooker will be thought to be an egret ).
196. Wong dosa sentosa.
( The sinful ones will be safe and live in tranquility ).
197. Wong cilik disalahake.
( The poor will be blamed ).
198. Wong nganggur kesungkur.
( The unemployed will be rooted up ).
199. Wong sregep krungkep.
( The diligent ones will be forced down ).
200. Wong nyengit kesengit.
( The people will seek revenge against the fiercely violent ones ).
201. Buruh mangluh.
( Workers will suffer from overwork ).
202. Wong sugih krasa wedi.
( The rich will feel unsafe ).
203. Wong wedi dadi priyayi.
( People who belong to the upper class will feel insecure ).
204. Senenge wong jahat.
( Happiness will belong to evil persons ).
205. Susahe wong cilik.
( Trouble will belong to the poor ).
206. Akeh wong dakwa dinakwa.
( Many will sue each other ).
207. Tindake menungsa saya kuciwa.
( Human behaviour will fall short of moral enlightenment ).
208. Ratu karo Ratu pada rembugan negara endi sing dipilih lan disenengi.
( Leaders will discuss choose which countries are their favourites and which ones are not ).
209. Wong Jawa kari separo,
( The Javanese will remain half ).
210. Landa-Cina kari sejodo.
( The Dutch and the Chinese each will remain a pair ).
211. Akeh wong ijir, akeh wong cethil.
( Many become stingy ).
212. Sing eman ora keduman.
( The stingy ones will not get their portion ).
213. Sing keduman ora eman.
( The ones who receive their portion will be generous ).
214. Akeh wong mbambung.
( Street beggars will be everywhere ).
215. Akeh wong limbung.
( Bewildered persons will be everywhere ).
216. Selot-selote mbesuk wolak-waliking jaman teka.
( These are the signs that the people and their civilization have been turned upside down ).
217. Akeh wong ora semangat kerja ning malah mbukaki email.
( get back to work you damned )
Einstein Never Published Theory
WHO KNEW..
Einstein was born March 14, 1879.
He would be 130 if he were alive today.
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA Connection.
This came to be known as....
Einstein's Theory of "RelativeTitty."
Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this shit, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to my other warped friends. It beats hell out of some of the political crap.
Einstein was born March 14, 1879.
He would be 130 if he were alive today.
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA Connection.
This came to be known as....
Einstein's Theory of "RelativeTitty."
Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this shit, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to my other warped friends. It beats hell out of some of the political crap.
Brain teasers - with answers
1. Tom's mom had three children. The first was named May, the second was June. What was the third childs name?
2. The manufacturer doesn't want to use it, the buyer doesn't need to use it and the user doesn't know he's using it. What is it?
3. The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters. Can you figure out how?
4. Bill bets Craig $100 that he can predict the score of the hockey game before it starts. Craig agrees, but loses the bet. Why did Craig lose the bet?
5. What is the next 3 letters in this sequence?
o t t f f s s _ _ _
6. FOUR is HALF of FIVE.
Is this statement True or False?
7. A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?
8. What do these 3 have in common?
Superman
Moses
The Cabbage Patch Kids
9. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
10. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
11. I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?
12. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though.
Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any
coaching!
13. Hi! Ma and Pa told me I'd better say that all the two-letter words in
this paragraph have something in common ...... or else! What's the common factor here?
14. What falls but never breaks?
What breaks but never falls?
15. This one's a tuffy! There is a common English word that is seven letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains a common English word - from seven letters right on down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing a letter at a time?
16. In olden days you are a clever thief charged with treason against the king and sentenced to death. But the king decides to be a little lenient and lets you choose your own way to die. What way should you choose? Remember, you're clever!
17. What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left over?
18. What six letter word in the English language contains ten other words without rearranging any of its letters?
19. Name an English word of more than 2 letters that both begins and ends with the letters "he" in that order. There are two possible answers. "hehe" is not acceptable.
20. A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.
The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?
Brain Teasers Answer Sheet
1. Tom.....Tom's mom had three children, June, May, and Tom.
2. A Coffin
3. The answer: C and Y
4. Bill said the score would be 0-0 and he was right. Before any hockey game starts, the score is always 0-0.
5. "e n t " They represent the first letter when writing the numbers one thru ten.
6. It's True. The Roman Numeral FOUR (IV) is in the middle of the word Five:
F(IV)E
7. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
8. They were all adopted!
9. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's words: Hmmmm... Barbecue.
10. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
11. A snake.
12. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
13. All the two-letter combinations are abbreviations of U.S. States:
Hi:Hawaii, MA:Massachusetts, PA:Pennsylvania, me:Maine, in:Indiana, I'd:
Idaho, or:Oregon
14. Night and Day!
15. The original word is "Snowing". It decomposes to: sowing, swing, sing,
sin, in, and I.
16. I think I would have chosen to die of "old age". Did you?
17. The word Wholesome.
18.The word is Spared. The ten words are: Spa, Spar, Spare, Pa, Par, Pare,Pared, Are, Re, and Red. If you got this one you are good!
19. Headache or Heartache.
20. It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on Sundays.
2. The manufacturer doesn't want to use it, the buyer doesn't need to use it and the user doesn't know he's using it. What is it?
3. The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters. Can you figure out how?
4. Bill bets Craig $100 that he can predict the score of the hockey game before it starts. Craig agrees, but loses the bet. Why did Craig lose the bet?
5. What is the next 3 letters in this sequence?
o t t f f s s _ _ _
6. FOUR is HALF of FIVE.
Is this statement True or False?
7. A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?
8. What do these 3 have in common?
Superman
Moses
The Cabbage Patch Kids
9. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
10. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
11. I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?
12. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though.
Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any
coaching!
13. Hi! Ma and Pa told me I'd better say that all the two-letter words in
this paragraph have something in common ...... or else! What's the common factor here?
14. What falls but never breaks?
What breaks but never falls?
15. This one's a tuffy! There is a common English word that is seven letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains a common English word - from seven letters right on down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing a letter at a time?
16. In olden days you are a clever thief charged with treason against the king and sentenced to death. But the king decides to be a little lenient and lets you choose your own way to die. What way should you choose? Remember, you're clever!
17. What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left over?
18. What six letter word in the English language contains ten other words without rearranging any of its letters?
19. Name an English word of more than 2 letters that both begins and ends with the letters "he" in that order. There are two possible answers. "hehe" is not acceptable.
20. A man was found murdered on Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police. The police questioned the wife and staff and got these alibis:
The Wife said she was sleeping.
The Cook was cooking breakfast.
The Gardener was picking vegetables.
The Maid was getting the mail.
The Butler was cleaning the closet.
The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?
Brain Teasers Answer Sheet
1. Tom.....Tom's mom had three children, June, May, and Tom.
2. A Coffin
3. The answer: C and Y
4. Bill said the score would be 0-0 and he was right. Before any hockey game starts, the score is always 0-0.
5. "e n t " They represent the first letter when writing the numbers one thru ten.
6. It's True. The Roman Numeral FOUR (IV) is in the middle of the word Five:
F(IV)E
7. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
8. They were all adopted!
9. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's words: Hmmmm... Barbecue.
10. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
11. A snake.
12. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
13. All the two-letter combinations are abbreviations of U.S. States:
Hi:Hawaii, MA:Massachusetts, PA:Pennsylvania, me:Maine, in:Indiana, I'd:
Idaho, or:Oregon
14. Night and Day!
15. The original word is "Snowing". It decomposes to: sowing, swing, sing,
sin, in, and I.
16. I think I would have chosen to die of "old age". Did you?
17. The word Wholesome.
18.The word is Spared. The ten words are: Spa, Spar, Spare, Pa, Par, Pare,Pared, Are, Re, and Red. If you got this one you are good!
19. Headache or Heartache.
20. It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail. There is no mail on Sundays.
Sarah Palin Vs Michelle Obama
A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin and asked; 'How did the human race start?'
Sarah Palin answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;
They had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl wrote to Michelle Obama and asked the same question..
Michelle Obama answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl went to her father and said,
'Dad, how is it possible that Sarah Palin told me the Human race was created by God,
And Michelle Obama said they evolved from monkeys.'
The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple, Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors and Michelle Obama told you about hers.'
Sarah Palin answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;
They had children; and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl wrote to Michelle Obama and asked the same question..
Michelle Obama answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl went to her father and said,
'Dad, how is it possible that Sarah Palin told me the Human race was created by God,
And Michelle Obama said they evolved from monkeys.'
The father answered, 'Well, Dear, it is very simple, Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors and Michelle Obama told you about hers.'
Jangan Beli Radio Merk Phillips - Customer Review
Seorang petani membeli radio di toko.
"koh, saya mau beli radio pilip"
Radio philips dibeli, setelah mendapat penjelasan cara menyetelnya radio dibawa pulang.
Besoknya si petani datang ketoko itu lagi sambil membawa radio yg kemarin dibeli.
"koh, jangan tipu saya ya, saya minta radio ini dituker sama radio pilip beneran"
Jawab pemilik toko : "lho ini radio pilip beneran"
Si petani malangkerik : "wah saya walaupun tak bisa baca tapi tahu koh ini bukan radio pilip, semaleman saya coba, eh katanya 'ini radio elsinta' satunya lagi bilang 'ini radio susana', paling banyak bilang 'ini radio republik indonesia'. Tak ada yg bilang radio pilip ! Ayo cepet tuker !
"koh, saya mau beli radio pilip"
Radio philips dibeli, setelah mendapat penjelasan cara menyetelnya radio dibawa pulang.
Besoknya si petani datang ketoko itu lagi sambil membawa radio yg kemarin dibeli.
"koh, jangan tipu saya ya, saya minta radio ini dituker sama radio pilip beneran"
Jawab pemilik toko : "lho ini radio pilip beneran"
Si petani malangkerik : "wah saya walaupun tak bisa baca tapi tahu koh ini bukan radio pilip, semaleman saya coba, eh katanya 'ini radio elsinta' satunya lagi bilang 'ini radio susana', paling banyak bilang 'ini radio republik indonesia'. Tak ada yg bilang radio pilip ! Ayo cepet tuker !
Tips Antri Ketika Diskon Atau Obral
Sebuah toko sembako besar mengadakan obral besar.
Pagi-pagi benar sudah terlihat antrian panjang, orang berjejal di depan pintu toko yang baru akan buka jam 9 pagi.
Seorang lelaki tua tampaknya tidak sabar, dia memotong antrian paling depan. Orang-orang yang antri kesal,
"Hei! Antri dong..." Si lelaki itu ditarik dan didorong ke belakang.
Rupanya lelaki tua ini tidak kapok. Dia mencoba utk yang kedua kalinya.
Tapi orang-orang kembali mendorongnya ke barisan paling belakang, sambil mengomelinya.
Untuk ketiga kalinya, ia kembali berjalan menuju ke depan.
Kali ini orang-orang yang antri mulai hilang kesabaran, sambil menyumpahi, mereka mendorongnya dengan lebih kasar hingga terjatuh...
Dengan tertatih-tatih si lelaki tua itu bangun sambil berteriak,
"Kalo lu olang belani dolong-dolong oweh lagi, oweh kagak jadi buka toko! Bialin lu olang pada antli sampe tua, haiya!!!"
Pagi-pagi benar sudah terlihat antrian panjang, orang berjejal di depan pintu toko yang baru akan buka jam 9 pagi.
Seorang lelaki tua tampaknya tidak sabar, dia memotong antrian paling depan. Orang-orang yang antri kesal,
"Hei! Antri dong..." Si lelaki itu ditarik dan didorong ke belakang.
Rupanya lelaki tua ini tidak kapok. Dia mencoba utk yang kedua kalinya.
Tapi orang-orang kembali mendorongnya ke barisan paling belakang, sambil mengomelinya.
Untuk ketiga kalinya, ia kembali berjalan menuju ke depan.
Kali ini orang-orang yang antri mulai hilang kesabaran, sambil menyumpahi, mereka mendorongnya dengan lebih kasar hingga terjatuh...
Dengan tertatih-tatih si lelaki tua itu bangun sambil berteriak,
"Kalo lu olang belani dolong-dolong oweh lagi, oweh kagak jadi buka toko! Bialin lu olang pada antli sampe tua, haiya!!!"
Tips Apabila Tersesat Ketika Mendaki Gunung
Makanya Kalau Berdoa Jangan Sembarangan .....
Ada sekelompok anak muda yang mengadakan acara mendaki gunung. Kemudian ada temannya yang ingin istirahat, kemudian temannya yang satu pergi ke suatu tempat untuk buang air kecil, setelah ditunggu oleh temannya nggak juga datang2 akhirnya ditinggal oleh temannya.
Akhirnya si teman yang satu ini berangkat sendiri sambil mencari temannya, tetapi tidak ketemu juga dan sudah kehabisan bekal untuk perjalanan akhirnya dia kelaparan dan kehausan. Setelah mencari kesana kemari ternyata tidak ada yg untuk dimakan. Sambil istirahat di balik batu yang akhirnya dia berdoa kepada Tuhan
" Ya..Tuhan dari pada saya mati kelaparan lebih baik saya mati di makan oleh macan ", kemudian dia melanjutkan perjalanan sambil mencari bahan yang bisa dimakan untuk mengurangi rasa laparnya.
Betapa terkejutnya di belum sempat dia jalan jauh, kira-kira baru setengah kilometer....dari kejauhan terlihat samar2 ada seekor macan yang besar....
Akhirnya si orang tadi lari mencari perlindungan, akhirnya dia mendapatkan juga disebuah gua yang kecil, hanya cukup untuk satu orang. Kemudian sambil istirahat dan ketakutan si orang tadi berdoa lagi
" Ya Tuhan, begitu saja kok dimasukkan dalam hati "
Ada sekelompok anak muda yang mengadakan acara mendaki gunung. Kemudian ada temannya yang ingin istirahat, kemudian temannya yang satu pergi ke suatu tempat untuk buang air kecil, setelah ditunggu oleh temannya nggak juga datang2 akhirnya ditinggal oleh temannya.
Akhirnya si teman yang satu ini berangkat sendiri sambil mencari temannya, tetapi tidak ketemu juga dan sudah kehabisan bekal untuk perjalanan akhirnya dia kelaparan dan kehausan. Setelah mencari kesana kemari ternyata tidak ada yg untuk dimakan. Sambil istirahat di balik batu yang akhirnya dia berdoa kepada Tuhan
" Ya..Tuhan dari pada saya mati kelaparan lebih baik saya mati di makan oleh macan ", kemudian dia melanjutkan perjalanan sambil mencari bahan yang bisa dimakan untuk mengurangi rasa laparnya.
Betapa terkejutnya di belum sempat dia jalan jauh, kira-kira baru setengah kilometer....dari kejauhan terlihat samar2 ada seekor macan yang besar....
Akhirnya si orang tadi lari mencari perlindungan, akhirnya dia mendapatkan juga disebuah gua yang kecil, hanya cukup untuk satu orang. Kemudian sambil istirahat dan ketakutan si orang tadi berdoa lagi
" Ya Tuhan, begitu saja kok dimasukkan dalam hati "
Nama Jalan Dan Tempat Semarangan
Kumpulan istilah Semarangan untuk dokumentasi sejarah Kota Semawis.
Selain istilah2, ada pula nama2 jalan dan tempat2 yang unik. Sebagian besar nama2 tersebut sudah diganti nama2 baru, sebagian lagi sudah hilang. Sebelum kita lupakan nama2 tersebut yang menggambarkan sejarah Kota Semawis, saya catat nama2 unik yang saya ingat, dan saya yakin banyak diantara kita yang sudah tidak tahu lagi, antara lain :
Wotgandul = Pasti podho ghembhrandul
Wot Prau = Tempat Perahu
Petelan = Banyak Buah Pete
Kobong = Pasti daerah ini sering kobongan
Kandang Koplak = Koplak Tenan
Bong Cino = Bong Tionghoa
Kebon Dalem = Banyak Kebun
Peloran = Pelor2 sering gentayangan
Baterman = Batman Semarangan
Grajen = Penumpukan hasil pemotongan kayu
Kapuran = Khusus jual Sate Kambing Kapur (fat)
Plampitan = Penghuninya tukang nglempit (mungkin sering kecepit juga waktu piet2an)
Gunung Gebyok = Banyak yang di kejar-kejar
Kintelan = Pasti seluruh penghuninya Kintel2
Gereja Blenduk = Gereja Obese
Bale Kambang= Bele-ne Kintir
Bubaan= Pasti bekas penjara
Jagal-an = tempat men-Jagal manusia?
Pasar Langgar = Pasar yg penuh dgn pelanggaran
Gang Baru = Gang yg selalu baru … koq gak ada Gg Lama yach …padahal Gg Pinggir dan Gg Tengah ada loch …
Kampung Kali = Kampung yg jadi Kali klo musim hujan
Siranda = Pasti pernah ada Randa yg tinggal disitu dulunya
Tanah Putih = Pasti wong Londo dulu banyak tinggal disitu
Karangsaru = Pasti yg tinggal dulu podho saru2
Karang Kembang = diantara Karang2 tumbuh Kembang2
Gambiran = Pasti penghuninya nginang semua karena pada jualan Gambir
Gajah Mungkur = Diungkuri Gajah
Ambengan = Pasti sering terjadi ambung2an disitu …
Sayangan = Pasti banyak yg sayang2an disitu
Sunan Kuning = Sunan Cino
Pendrikan = dari Prins Hendrik Laan
Gedong Setan = dulunya, kalau tidak salah adalah gedung pengadilan di zaman Belanda, sebagai Markas Kenpetai, polisi rahasia Jepang semasa pedudukan.
Kenpetai sangat kejam, dan ribuan tawanan disiksa dan dibunuh di situ. Makanya jadi Gedong Setan karena banyak hantunya.
Seteran = Schietterrijn. lapangan tembak
Peloran = letak Gudang Peluru, pelor
Pasar Ya'ik = Ya'ik dari "Ya'ik loor", ungkapan populer dari grup Ludruk Semarang tahun 50-an, plesetan dari 'iya loor, iya sedulurku' menjadi "ya'ik loor". Pasar di Alun2 kemudian dinamai Pasar Ya'ik.
Habis Seteran terus DUWET atau DOEWET. Menurut cerita asal usul Seteran, bahwa Doewet itu dari Doelwit atau tempat bidikannya. Jadi dulu tentara latihan di Seteran / Schieterij dan bidiknya ke Duwet.
Brumbungan = Banyak Orang Ciuman
Kabluk = Suka Tidur
Pasar Blenyik = Banyak Piyik
Ringin Wok = Tempat Golkar berdiri
Simongan = Banyak Orang Lamongan
Sompok = Goblok
Gedong Papak = Lawannya Gedong Mamak
Gedong Lawang Sewu = Harganya Seribu????
Bergota = Colombia??
Beberapa Makanan Khas Semarang =
Bolang-baling
Untir-untir
Ganjel Ril
Ghèlèk
Intil-intil
Hawuk-hawuk
Semawis= Yo weeeeeesssssssssss
Selain istilah2, ada pula nama2 jalan dan tempat2 yang unik. Sebagian besar nama2 tersebut sudah diganti nama2 baru, sebagian lagi sudah hilang. Sebelum kita lupakan nama2 tersebut yang menggambarkan sejarah Kota Semawis, saya catat nama2 unik yang saya ingat, dan saya yakin banyak diantara kita yang sudah tidak tahu lagi, antara lain :
Wotgandul = Pasti podho ghembhrandul
Wot Prau = Tempat Perahu
Petelan = Banyak Buah Pete
Kobong = Pasti daerah ini sering kobongan
Kandang Koplak = Koplak Tenan
Bong Cino = Bong Tionghoa
Kebon Dalem = Banyak Kebun
Peloran = Pelor2 sering gentayangan
Baterman = Batman Semarangan
Grajen = Penumpukan hasil pemotongan kayu
Kapuran = Khusus jual Sate Kambing Kapur (fat)
Plampitan = Penghuninya tukang nglempit (mungkin sering kecepit juga waktu piet2an)
Gunung Gebyok = Banyak yang di kejar-kejar
Kintelan = Pasti seluruh penghuninya Kintel2
Gereja Blenduk = Gereja Obese
Bale Kambang= Bele-ne Kintir
Bubaan= Pasti bekas penjara
Jagal-an = tempat men-Jagal manusia?
Pasar Langgar = Pasar yg penuh dgn pelanggaran
Gang Baru = Gang yg selalu baru … koq gak ada Gg Lama yach …padahal Gg Pinggir dan Gg Tengah ada loch …
Kampung Kali = Kampung yg jadi Kali klo musim hujan
Siranda = Pasti pernah ada Randa yg tinggal disitu dulunya
Tanah Putih = Pasti wong Londo dulu banyak tinggal disitu
Karangsaru = Pasti yg tinggal dulu podho saru2
Karang Kembang = diantara Karang2 tumbuh Kembang2
Gambiran = Pasti penghuninya nginang semua karena pada jualan Gambir
Gajah Mungkur = Diungkuri Gajah
Ambengan = Pasti sering terjadi ambung2an disitu …
Sayangan = Pasti banyak yg sayang2an disitu
Sunan Kuning = Sunan Cino
Pendrikan = dari Prins Hendrik Laan
Gedong Setan = dulunya, kalau tidak salah adalah gedung pengadilan di zaman Belanda, sebagai Markas Kenpetai, polisi rahasia Jepang semasa pedudukan.
Kenpetai sangat kejam, dan ribuan tawanan disiksa dan dibunuh di situ. Makanya jadi Gedong Setan karena banyak hantunya.
Seteran = Schietterrijn. lapangan tembak
Peloran = letak Gudang Peluru, pelor
Pasar Ya'ik = Ya'ik dari "Ya'ik loor", ungkapan populer dari grup Ludruk Semarang tahun 50-an, plesetan dari 'iya loor, iya sedulurku' menjadi "ya'ik loor". Pasar di Alun2 kemudian dinamai Pasar Ya'ik.
Habis Seteran terus DUWET atau DOEWET. Menurut cerita asal usul Seteran, bahwa Doewet itu dari Doelwit atau tempat bidikannya. Jadi dulu tentara latihan di Seteran / Schieterij dan bidiknya ke Duwet.
Brumbungan = Banyak Orang Ciuman
Kabluk = Suka Tidur
Pasar Blenyik = Banyak Piyik
Ringin Wok = Tempat Golkar berdiri
Simongan = Banyak Orang Lamongan
Sompok = Goblok
Gedong Papak = Lawannya Gedong Mamak
Gedong Lawang Sewu = Harganya Seribu????
Bergota = Colombia??
Beberapa Makanan Khas Semarang =
Bolang-baling
Untir-untir
Ganjel Ril
Ghèlèk
Intil-intil
Hawuk-hawuk
Semawis= Yo weeeeeesssssssssss
Mengenal 9 Type Wanita JAWA Ideal
Sahabatku sekalian... berikut ini saya perkenalkan 9 type wanita JAWA ideal yg saya kutip dari buku kuno Kamasutra JAWA. Tentu maksud saya disini, hanya ingin sharing sedikit pengetahuan saya tentang ilmu Kejawen. Silakan kalian simak dan semoga ini bisa menjadi tolok ukur bagi para lelaki yg sedang mencari calon istri dan tentu saja juga sebagai bahan introspeksi diri bagi para istri dan para calon istri.
Baiklah... mari kita simak baik-baik.
Inilah 9 type wanita JAWA ideal menurut buku Kamasutra JAWA :
1. Kusuma Wicitra
Diibaratkan seperti bunga mekar yg sangat mempesona, yg siap untuk dipetik.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya mempersiapkan dirinya dengan ilmu pengetahuan dan agama, mengharumkan dirinya dengan perbuatan baik, menjaga kehormatan dan kesucian dirinya.
2. Padma Sari
Diibaratkan seperti bunga teratai yg sedang mekar di kolam.
Bunga teratai dalam budaya Jawa merupakan simbol kemesraan, sehingga yg dimaksudkan dengan wanita ideal dalam konsep ini adalah wanita cantik yg penuh kasih mesra hanya bila bersama dengan suaminya.
3. Sri Pagulingan
Diibaratkan seperti cahaya yg sangat indah di peraduan/singgasana raja.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya tidak hanya cantik jasmaninya, namun juga dapat mempersembahkan dan menunjukkan kecantikannya hanya kepada suaminya ketika berolah asmara di peraduan.
4. Sri Tumurun
Diibaratkan seperti bidadari Nirwana yg turun ke dunia.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya cantik raga dan jiwanya. Ini dibuktikan dengan kesediannya untuk "turun", berinteraksi dengan rakyat jelata, kaum yg terpinggirkan untuk menebarkan cahaya cinta dan berbagi kasih.
5. Sesotya Sinangling
Diibaratkan seperti intan yg amat indah, berkilauan.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya selalu dapat menjadi perhiasan hanya bagi suaminya, sehingga dapat memperindah dan mencerahkan hidup dan masa depan suaminya, juga keluarganya.
6. Traju Mas
Diibaratkan seperti alat untuk menimbang emas.
Ini merupakan simbol wanita setia yg selalu dapat memberikan saran, pertimbangan, nasihat, demi terciptanya keluarga yg sakinah.
7. Gedhong Kencana
Diibaratkan seperti gedung atau rumah yg terbuat dari emas, dan berhiaskan emas.
Ini merupakan simbol wanita yg berhati teduh dan berjiwa teguh sehingga dapat memberikan kehangatan dan kedamaian bagi suami dan keluarganya.
8. Sawur Sari
Diibaratkan seperti bunga yg harum semerbak.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya dikenal karena kebaikan hatinya, keluhuran budi pekertinya, kehalusan perasaannya, keluasan ilmunya, kemuliaan akhlaknya. Kecantikan fisik dan kekayaan harta yg dimiliki wanita hanya sebagai pelengkap, bukan syarat mutlak menjadi seorang wanita ideal.
9. Pandhan Kanginan
Diibaratkan seperti pandhan wangi yg tertiup angin.
Ini merupakan simbol wanita yg amat menggairahkan, menawan, dan memikat hati. Dapat dilukiskan sebagai, tinggi semampai, berparas cantik, berkulit kuning langsat, berbibir merah alami, berpayudara indah, murah senyum, tidak terlalu gemuk dan tidak terlalu kurus serta dapat memberikan keturunan.
10. Manut
Menurut kalau di poligami dan di bully (manut di poligami lan di bully).
Yup itulah tadi 10 type wanita JAWA yg sangat ideal dan sesuai dengan kriteria para pencari istri.
Baiklah... mari kita simak baik-baik.
Inilah 9 type wanita JAWA ideal menurut buku Kamasutra JAWA :
1. Kusuma Wicitra
Diibaratkan seperti bunga mekar yg sangat mempesona, yg siap untuk dipetik.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya mempersiapkan dirinya dengan ilmu pengetahuan dan agama, mengharumkan dirinya dengan perbuatan baik, menjaga kehormatan dan kesucian dirinya.
2. Padma Sari
Diibaratkan seperti bunga teratai yg sedang mekar di kolam.
Bunga teratai dalam budaya Jawa merupakan simbol kemesraan, sehingga yg dimaksudkan dengan wanita ideal dalam konsep ini adalah wanita cantik yg penuh kasih mesra hanya bila bersama dengan suaminya.
3. Sri Pagulingan
Diibaratkan seperti cahaya yg sangat indah di peraduan/singgasana raja.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya tidak hanya cantik jasmaninya, namun juga dapat mempersembahkan dan menunjukkan kecantikannya hanya kepada suaminya ketika berolah asmara di peraduan.
4. Sri Tumurun
Diibaratkan seperti bidadari Nirwana yg turun ke dunia.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya cantik raga dan jiwanya. Ini dibuktikan dengan kesediannya untuk "turun", berinteraksi dengan rakyat jelata, kaum yg terpinggirkan untuk menebarkan cahaya cinta dan berbagi kasih.
5. Sesotya Sinangling
Diibaratkan seperti intan yg amat indah, berkilauan.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya selalu dapat menjadi perhiasan hanya bagi suaminya, sehingga dapat memperindah dan mencerahkan hidup dan masa depan suaminya, juga keluarganya.
6. Traju Mas
Diibaratkan seperti alat untuk menimbang emas.
Ini merupakan simbol wanita setia yg selalu dapat memberikan saran, pertimbangan, nasihat, demi terciptanya keluarga yg sakinah.
7. Gedhong Kencana
Diibaratkan seperti gedung atau rumah yg terbuat dari emas, dan berhiaskan emas.
Ini merupakan simbol wanita yg berhati teduh dan berjiwa teguh sehingga dapat memberikan kehangatan dan kedamaian bagi suami dan keluarganya.
8. Sawur Sari
Diibaratkan seperti bunga yg harum semerbak.
Wanita yg ideal sebaiknya dikenal karena kebaikan hatinya, keluhuran budi pekertinya, kehalusan perasaannya, keluasan ilmunya, kemuliaan akhlaknya. Kecantikan fisik dan kekayaan harta yg dimiliki wanita hanya sebagai pelengkap, bukan syarat mutlak menjadi seorang wanita ideal.
9. Pandhan Kanginan
Diibaratkan seperti pandhan wangi yg tertiup angin.
Ini merupakan simbol wanita yg amat menggairahkan, menawan, dan memikat hati. Dapat dilukiskan sebagai, tinggi semampai, berparas cantik, berkulit kuning langsat, berbibir merah alami, berpayudara indah, murah senyum, tidak terlalu gemuk dan tidak terlalu kurus serta dapat memberikan keturunan.
10. Manut
Menurut kalau di poligami dan di bully (manut di poligami lan di bully).
Yup itulah tadi 10 type wanita JAWA yg sangat ideal dan sesuai dengan kriteria para pencari istri.
Cara Memenangkan Hak Asuh Anak Bila Bercerai
Dalam suatu sidang perceraian yg akan memutuskan siapa yg mdptkan hak asuh anak.
Sambil berteriak histeris dan me lompat2 si istri berkata :"Yang Mulia, Saya yg mengandung, melahirkan bayi itu ke dunia dng kesakitan dan kesabaran saya !! Anak itu hrs saya yg mengasuh !"
Hakim lalu berkata kpd pihak suami: "Apa tanggapan anda?"
Si suami pun menjawab: Yang Mulia jika saya memasukkan KOIN dimesin minuman coca cola, Mesinnya BERGOYANG sebentar & minumannya KELUAR! , nah klu menurut pak Hakim minuman nya milik saya atau mesinnya ???
Sambil berteriak histeris dan me lompat2 si istri berkata :"Yang Mulia, Saya yg mengandung, melahirkan bayi itu ke dunia dng kesakitan dan kesabaran saya !! Anak itu hrs saya yg mengasuh !"
Hakim lalu berkata kpd pihak suami: "Apa tanggapan anda?"
Si suami pun menjawab: Yang Mulia jika saya memasukkan KOIN dimesin minuman coca cola, Mesinnya BERGOYANG sebentar & minumannya KELUAR! , nah klu menurut pak Hakim minuman nya milik saya atau mesinnya ???
Gadis Dengan Rok Mini yang Seksi
Seorang gadis menemui pacarnya di cafe, si pacar melihat gadisnya pakai rok sangat mini langsung nanya :
"kamu pakai pakaian begini apa tidak dimarahi mamamu ?"
Jawab si gadis : "ya aku gak bilang ama Mama, kl Mama tahu aku pinjam roknya ini dia pasti marah"
"kamu pakai pakaian begini apa tidak dimarahi mamamu ?"
Jawab si gadis : "ya aku gak bilang ama Mama, kl Mama tahu aku pinjam roknya ini dia pasti marah"
Cara Terlambat Ke Sekolah Tanpa Kena Hukuman
Guru tanya pada murid mengapa kok datang terlambat.
Jawab si murid : sebelum bel bunyi sebetulnya saya sdh dekat sekolah pak, tapi dijalan ada papan peringatan
"anda memasuki area sekolah, jalan pelan2 !"
Maka saya terlambat jadinya !!!
Jawab si murid : sebelum bel bunyi sebetulnya saya sdh dekat sekolah pak, tapi dijalan ada papan peringatan
"anda memasuki area sekolah, jalan pelan2 !"
Maka saya terlambat jadinya !!!
Murid Ini Membunuhku
Murid-murid: Selamat datang Bu Guru!
Bu guru: Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar baik-baik. Hari ini Bu Guru akan menguji kalian semua tentang lawanan kata atau antonim kata. Kalau Bu Guru sebutkan perkataannya, kalian semua harus cepat menjawabnya dengan lawan katanya, mengerti?
Murid-murid: Mengerti Bu Guru...
Guru: Pandai!
Murid-murid: Bodoh!
Guru: Tinggi!
Murid-murid: Rendah!
Guru: Jauh!
Murid-murid: Dekat!
Guru: Berjaya!
Murid-murid: Menang!
Guru: Salah itu!
Murid-murid: Betul ini!
Guru (geram): Bodoh!
Murid-murid: Pandai!
Guru: Bukan!
Murid-murid: Ya!
Guru (mulai pusing): Oh Tuhan!
Murid-murid: Oh Hamba!
Guru: Dengar ini...
Murid-murid: Dengar itu...
Guru: Diam!!!!!
Murid-murid: Ribut!!!!!
Guru: Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!!!
Murid-murid: Ini adalah jawaban, pandai!!!
Guru: Mati aku!
Murid-murid: Hidup kami!
Guru: Saya rotan baru tau rasa!!
Murid-murid: Kita akar lama tak tau rasa!!
Guru: Malas aku ngajar kalian!
Murid-murid: Rajin kami belajar bu guru...
Guru: Kalian gila semua!!!
Murid-murid: Kami waras sebagian!
Guru: Cukup! Cukup!
Murid-murid: Kurang! Kurang!
Guru: Sudah! Sudah!
Murid-murid : Belum! Belum!
Guru: Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sekali?
Murid-murid: Sebab saya sebagian pandai!
Guru: Oh! Melawan, ya??!!
Murid-murid: Oh! Mengalah, tidak??!!
Guru: Kurangajar!
Murid-murid: Cukupajar!
Guru: Habis aku!
Murid-murid: Kekal kamu!
Guru (putus asa): O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid-murid: K.O. Cerita belum mulai!
Guru: Sudah, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Belum, pandai!
Guru: Berdiri!
Murid-murid: Duduk!
Guru: Bego kalian ini!
Murid-murid: Cerdik kami itu!
Guru: Rusak!
Murid-murid: Baik!
Guru (stres): Kamu semua ditahan siang hari ini!!!
Murid-murid: Kami sebagian dilepaskan tengah malam itu!!
Guru (stres): 66666
Murid-murid: 99999
Guru (stres): !!!!!
Murid-murid: ?????
Bu guru: Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar baik-baik. Hari ini Bu Guru akan menguji kalian semua tentang lawanan kata atau antonim kata. Kalau Bu Guru sebutkan perkataannya, kalian semua harus cepat menjawabnya dengan lawan katanya, mengerti?
Murid-murid: Mengerti Bu Guru...
Guru: Pandai!
Murid-murid: Bodoh!
Guru: Tinggi!
Murid-murid: Rendah!
Guru: Jauh!
Murid-murid: Dekat!
Guru: Berjaya!
Murid-murid: Menang!
Guru: Salah itu!
Murid-murid: Betul ini!
Guru (geram): Bodoh!
Murid-murid: Pandai!
Guru: Bukan!
Murid-murid: Ya!
Guru (mulai pusing): Oh Tuhan!
Murid-murid: Oh Hamba!
Guru: Dengar ini...
Murid-murid: Dengar itu...
Guru: Diam!!!!!
Murid-murid: Ribut!!!!!
Guru: Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!!!
Murid-murid: Ini adalah jawaban, pandai!!!
Guru: Mati aku!
Murid-murid: Hidup kami!
Guru: Saya rotan baru tau rasa!!
Murid-murid: Kita akar lama tak tau rasa!!
Guru: Malas aku ngajar kalian!
Murid-murid: Rajin kami belajar bu guru...
Guru: Kalian gila semua!!!
Murid-murid: Kami waras sebagian!
Guru: Cukup! Cukup!
Murid-murid: Kurang! Kurang!
Guru: Sudah! Sudah!
Murid-murid : Belum! Belum!
Guru: Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sekali?
Murid-murid: Sebab saya sebagian pandai!
Guru: Oh! Melawan, ya??!!
Murid-murid: Oh! Mengalah, tidak??!!
Guru: Kurangajar!
Murid-murid: Cukupajar!
Guru: Habis aku!
Murid-murid: Kekal kamu!
Guru (putus asa): O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid-murid: K.O. Cerita belum mulai!
Guru: Sudah, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Belum, pandai!
Guru: Berdiri!
Murid-murid: Duduk!
Guru: Bego kalian ini!
Murid-murid: Cerdik kami itu!
Guru: Rusak!
Murid-murid: Baik!
Guru (stres): Kamu semua ditahan siang hari ini!!!
Murid-murid: Kami sebagian dilepaskan tengah malam itu!!
Guru (stres): 66666
Murid-murid: 99999
Guru (stres): !!!!!
Murid-murid: ?????
Americans Never Exercise
"According to a new study, 50% of Americans are not getting enough exercise.
We hear this all the time.
You want Americans to exercise more,
make the remote heavier."
We hear this all the time.
You want Americans to exercise more,
make the remote heavier."
How To Get License To Kill
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
True Bra Size Meaning
Have you ever wondered why A B C D E F are the letters used to define bra sizes? It is about time you became informed!
{A} - Almost Boobs
{B} - Barely there
{C} - Can Do
{D} - Damn good
{DD} - Doubly damn good
{E} - Enormous
{F} - Fake
{A} - Almost Boobs
{B} - Barely there
{C} - Can Do
{D} - Damn good
{DD} - Doubly damn good
{E} - Enormous
{F} - Fake
Penis Interview for Miss World
Question : Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America : Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms America : Because it stands every time it sees a woman........
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Spain : Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro(Bull).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Spain : Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines : Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Philippines : Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Iran : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Iran : Because they like to enter through the back door.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms India : Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms India : Because it works day and night...
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia : Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia : Look tough but actually very soft.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!Applause!)
Question : Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore : Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Singapore : It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!Applause! Applause!)
Ms America : Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms America : Because it stands every time it sees a woman........
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Spain : Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro(Bull).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Spain : Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines : Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Philippines : Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Iran : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Iran : Because they like to enter through the back door.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms India : Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms India : Because it works day and night...
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia : Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia : Look tough but actually very soft.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause!Applause!)
Question : Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore : Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Singapore : It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!Applause! Applause!)
The Newest Alphabet In The World
A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float.
Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
Perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fi ssures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which we'd rather not mention.
H High blood pressure-We' d rather it is low;
I For incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory; we forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions. We have quite a few,
Just give us a pill and we'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting our fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in our ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year we are left here behind,
Z is for zest WE still have - in OUR minds.
We've survived all the symptoms, our body's deployed, and
We're keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed.
IF YOU ARE OLD, HAVE A GREAT DAY.
IF NOT, YOUR TURN WILL COME!
Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
Perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fi ssures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which we'd rather not mention.
H High blood pressure-We' d rather it is low;
I For incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory; we forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions. We have quite a few,
Just give us a pill and we'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting our fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in our ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X-ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year we are left here behind,
Z is for zest WE still have - in OUR minds.
We've survived all the symptoms, our body's deployed, and
We're keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed.
IF YOU ARE OLD, HAVE A GREAT DAY.
IF NOT, YOUR TURN WILL COME!
Three Stupid Stages of Life
We have 3 stupid stages of life………..
Teen age:
Have Time + Energy …but No Money
Working Age:
Have Money + Energy …but No Time
Old age:
Have Time + Money …but no Energy
Teen age:
Have Time + Energy …but No Money
Working Age:
Have Money + Energy …but No Time
Old age:
Have Time + Money …but no Energy
How To Get Sex With Your Secretary
Its my Birthday.
Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning", let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. "The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday.......and there I sat on the couch.......naked.
Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning", let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. "The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday.......and there I sat on the couch.......naked.
The Reason Why Parents Hitting The Child
What's wrong?
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
Management Test
This came to me from a coworker earlier today. For some reason, I find it rather amusing.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are NOT that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. AndersonConsulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are NOT that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. AndersonConsulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.
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