The Greatest Excuses for Missing Work

The workplace of the future will have two employees: a man and a dog.
The man will be there to feed the dog.
The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the computers.

Half an hour before the start of the morning, an employee calls his supervisor to say he won't be coming in today.
Employee: "I'm having a vision problem."
Supervisor: "Sounds bad. What's wrong?"
Employee: "I just can't see myself at work today."

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.....
If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment.
Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?

An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So, what are the words?"

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.

"After Mama gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her." Dolly Parton

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