"It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it."
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception..."
"Of course you aren't a complete idiots ... there are some parts missing"
How To Hear Satanic Messages
Brotha David told me he overheard a couple of guys talking about scary things.
Guy #1: "You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 7.0 CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic messages!"
Guy #2: "That's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs AOL."
Guy #1: "You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 7.0 CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic messages!"
Guy #2: "That's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs AOL."
Disneyland Going to Close Forever
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road.
The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
The Most Perfect Jobs in The World
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian, but there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef, I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian, but there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Hot Blonde Flight Attendant Stewardess in A Hotel
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said,
"I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here,"
she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said,
"I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here,"
she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Iraqi Sex and War
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck.
Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. B-52...F-16...B-2.
Q: What do you call a group of Iraq women walking into a singles bar?
A: Incoming SCUDS Did you hear which major department store is considering opening a couple of stores in IRAQ?...
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: What do you call an Iraqi with a camel AND a goat?
A: Bisexual.
A: Duck.
Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. B-52...F-16...B-2.
Q: What do you call a group of Iraq women walking into a singles bar?
A: Incoming SCUDS Did you hear which major department store is considering opening a couple of stores in IRAQ?...
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: What do you call an Iraqi with a camel AND a goat?
A: Bisexual.
American Sex
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (Eight something)
Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q: What's the difference between a light and a hard?
A: A man can sleep with a light on.
Q: What does sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?
A: They are both fucking close to water.
A. Ate something. (Eight something)
Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q: What's the difference between a light and a hard?
A: A man can sleep with a light on.
Q: What does sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?
A: They are both fucking close to water.
My Neighbor is A Blonde !
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, "You'VE GOT MAIL."
A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, "You'VE GOT MAIL."
Why God Created Man and Woman
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created
Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created
Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Don't Open The Door to Strangers in The Night
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door.
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning.
"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife.
"He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts,
"Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning.
"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says,
"That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife.
"He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts,
"Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
How Sexy Blondes Get Suicide
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
How To Be A God
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Never Marry This Woman
Cool message by a wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"
To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"
Dying
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
Angry wife to her husband
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where in Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace and Totally Fell In Love With It and I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That, My Love!
Husband: I‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop
A Special Package for Business Men.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Your Ticket & Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."What Trip?"
Husband was seriously ill
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood; don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels.
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home, Husband: what did the doctor say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive
New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card, Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband, Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call You Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..
Wife treats husband
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday
Lion pounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly pounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera..
Part & Art of living
Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.
Head & Neck of the family
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.
Too late for garbage
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
What if you don't see me for 2 days?
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches “How to choose a Wife”,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"
To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"
Dying
Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
Angry wife to her husband
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where in Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace and Totally Fell In Love With It and I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That, My Love!
Husband: I‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop
A Special Package for Business Men.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Your Ticket & Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."What Trip?"
Husband was seriously ill
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood; don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels.
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home, Husband: what did the doctor say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive
New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card, Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband, Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call You Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..
Wife treats husband
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim
Do You Crave Special Again?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday
Lion pounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly pounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera..
Part & Art of living
Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.
Head & Neck of the family
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.
Too late for garbage
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
What if you don't see me for 2 days?
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn’t see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches “How to choose a Wife”,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.
What Confucius Did Not Say
Confucius Did Not Say !!!
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Pertempuran Indonesia Melawan Malaysia
Cerdas Cermat Cinta Indonesia
Indonesia VS malaysia
Juri: "Pertanyaannya terdiri dari 10 soal. Jawab dgn benar. Silakan dicoba belnya..
Malaysia: TEET
Indonesia: Krik krik..
*bel-nya agak soak*
Juri: "Soal pertama, hewan apa yang haram bagi umat islam?"
Malaysia: "TEET, dinosaurus..."
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia mencet2 tapi bel-nya ga mau bunyi: "Anjing, belnya mati!"
Juri: "Yap benar jawaban anjing! Soal kedua, Hewan apa yang suka dengan lumpur?"
Malaysia: "TETT, keong racun"
Juri: "Salah."
Indonesia: "Babi lah bel punya gw ga bunyi2..
Juri: "Iyak! Benar jawabannya Babi. Soal ketiga, warnanya kuning keluar dari
manusia?"
Malaysia: "TETT, sempak ga pernah!" Di Cuci !
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia: "Tai bel murahan..!"
Juri: "Wow benar sekali, jawabannya Tai. Soal keempat, apa nama makhluk gaib lambang kejahatan?"
Malaysia: "TEET, upin-ipin"
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia: "Setanlah bel gw ga bisa bunyi"
Juri: "Benar jawabannya Setan. Soal kelima, Apa nama sebutan bagi ketidaknormalan atau kerusakan?"
Malaysia: "TETT, Aneh"
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia: "Cacad Nih bel!"
Juri: "Yak! Benar jawabannya cacad." soal demi soal berhasil dijawab oleh Indonesia
Juri: "Soal terakhir, Negara mana yang paling banyak menjuarai World Cup?"
Malaysia: "TEET. Negara malaysia!"
Juri: "Salah!!"
Indonesia: "TETT. Yes Brasil juga bel nih bunyi, asyiik..
Juri: "Wah benar Jawabannya Brazil!
SKOR Malaysia:0
SKOR INDONESIA: 10
Indonesia VS malaysia
Juri: "Pertanyaannya terdiri dari 10 soal. Jawab dgn benar. Silakan dicoba belnya..
Malaysia: TEET
Indonesia: Krik krik..
*bel-nya agak soak*
Juri: "Soal pertama, hewan apa yang haram bagi umat islam?"
Malaysia: "TEET, dinosaurus..."
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia mencet2 tapi bel-nya ga mau bunyi: "Anjing, belnya mati!"
Juri: "Yap benar jawaban anjing! Soal kedua, Hewan apa yang suka dengan lumpur?"
Malaysia: "TETT, keong racun"
Juri: "Salah."
Indonesia: "Babi lah bel punya gw ga bunyi2..
Juri: "Iyak! Benar jawabannya Babi. Soal ketiga, warnanya kuning keluar dari
manusia?"
Malaysia: "TETT, sempak ga pernah!" Di Cuci !
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia: "Tai bel murahan..!"
Juri: "Wow benar sekali, jawabannya Tai. Soal keempat, apa nama makhluk gaib lambang kejahatan?"
Malaysia: "TEET, upin-ipin"
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia: "Setanlah bel gw ga bisa bunyi"
Juri: "Benar jawabannya Setan. Soal kelima, Apa nama sebutan bagi ketidaknormalan atau kerusakan?"
Malaysia: "TETT, Aneh"
Juri: "Salah!"
Indonesia: "Cacad Nih bel!"
Juri: "Yak! Benar jawabannya cacad." soal demi soal berhasil dijawab oleh Indonesia
Juri: "Soal terakhir, Negara mana yang paling banyak menjuarai World Cup?"
Malaysia: "TEET. Negara malaysia!"
Juri: "Salah!!"
Indonesia: "TETT. Yes Brasil juga bel nih bunyi, asyiik..
Juri: "Wah benar Jawabannya Brazil!
SKOR Malaysia:0
SKOR INDONESIA: 10
Kasus Rieke Diah Pitaloka Korupsi
Anas Urbaningrum dari Partai Demokrat menjadi tersangka
Lufthi Hasan dari partai PKS juga jadi tersangka
Hampir semua orang partai semuanya pada korupsi,
Kalo temennya Jokowi
Rieke Diah Pitaloka a.k.a Oneng , ikutan korupsi gak? (kasih tau gak yaaa...)
Ini BUKTI otentik bahwa Oneng tidak ikut-ikutan Korupsi!!!
Mana mungkin oneng korupsi?
Kalo korupsi,masa suaminya si bajuri narik Bajaj? Hehehehe
Lufthi Hasan dari partai PKS juga jadi tersangka
Hampir semua orang partai semuanya pada korupsi,
Kalo temennya Jokowi
Rieke Diah Pitaloka a.k.a Oneng , ikutan korupsi gak? (kasih tau gak yaaa...)
Ini BUKTI otentik bahwa Oneng tidak ikut-ikutan Korupsi!!!
Mana mungkin oneng korupsi?
Kalo korupsi,masa suaminya si bajuri narik Bajaj? Hehehehe
Blow Job's Secret
Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes silence.
Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped?
A. They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on either.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.
A. Ten minutes silence.
Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped?
A. They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on either.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.
The Most Perfect Airlines With No Accident Recorded
After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes, and then the mechanics read and correct the problem.
They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
How to Know If You're Retarded
TOP 10 RETARDED THING PEOPLE SAY:
10. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
9. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.
8. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
7. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?
6. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?"
No ASSHOLE, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.
4. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".....Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
3. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be the first one!!
2. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going?
You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!
and the Number One Thing That Piss You Off.....
1. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
10. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
9. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.
8. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
7. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?
6. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?"
No ASSHOLE, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.
4. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".....Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
3. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be the first one!!
2. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going?
You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!
and the Number One Thing That Piss You Off.....
1. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
How To Kill Your Wife Easily
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner.
He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed.
The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says,
"What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball."
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here.
He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed.
The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says,
"What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball."
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here.
How To Be A Virgin
The Italian Virgin
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."
Top Reason Why Your Wife Don't Want Sex With You
Washing Machine
A man is walking behind his wife and says,
"Baby you arse is getting so fat its looking like a washing machine."
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.
Bed time, the man is asking for sex.
The woman says,
"I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to hand wash it!"
A man is walking behind his wife and says,
"Baby you arse is getting so fat its looking like a washing machine."
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.
Bed time, the man is asking for sex.
The woman says,
"I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to hand wash it!"
Tips Makan Kambing Tanpa Kena Kolesterol
TIPS Alami Obati Kolesterol
Ternyata daging kambing dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol...!! ! luar biasa........
Daging kambing yg dimasak dan disajikan dengan benar, ternyata dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol.
{Saya juga baru tahu setelah baca artikel ini}
Cara masak yg benar :
1. Cuci bersih daging kambing.
2. Rebus lah daging tersebut bersama 2 helai daun salam dan kayu manis secukupnya hingga empuk & matang.
3. Angkat dan dinginkan.
4. Persiapkan bumbu sesuai dgn keinginan dan selera.
5. Tumis bumbu sesuai selera.
6. Masukkan daging kambing ke dlm tumisan bumbu, tambahkan air sedikit2 dan masak sampai empuk selama +- 3 jam hingga bumbu meresap.
7. Setelah dirasa empuk dan matang, angkat.
8. Hidangkan masakan tersebut, dan sajikan dengan UBI yg direbus.
9. Bila anda mau mengkonsumsinya , usahakan yg anda makan hanya UBI rebusnya saja.
Daging kambing cukup anda tatap. lalu segera bungkus dan kirim ke rumah teman yg jaraknya 2 KM dgn jalan kaki .
Jika cara ini rutin anda lakukan minimal 2x seminggu
Niscaya kadar kolesterol dlm
tubuh anda akan berkurang...
Gak Percaya ?
Buktikan ajaaa...
Ternyata daging kambing dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol...!! ! luar biasa........
Daging kambing yg dimasak dan disajikan dengan benar, ternyata dapat menurunkan kadar kolesterol.
{Saya juga baru tahu setelah baca artikel ini}
Cara masak yg benar :
1. Cuci bersih daging kambing.
2. Rebus lah daging tersebut bersama 2 helai daun salam dan kayu manis secukupnya hingga empuk & matang.
3. Angkat dan dinginkan.
4. Persiapkan bumbu sesuai dgn keinginan dan selera.
5. Tumis bumbu sesuai selera.
6. Masukkan daging kambing ke dlm tumisan bumbu, tambahkan air sedikit2 dan masak sampai empuk selama +- 3 jam hingga bumbu meresap.
7. Setelah dirasa empuk dan matang, angkat.
8. Hidangkan masakan tersebut, dan sajikan dengan UBI yg direbus.
9. Bila anda mau mengkonsumsinya , usahakan yg anda makan hanya UBI rebusnya saja.
Daging kambing cukup anda tatap. lalu segera bungkus dan kirim ke rumah teman yg jaraknya 2 KM dgn jalan kaki .
Jika cara ini rutin anda lakukan minimal 2x seminggu
Niscaya kadar kolesterol dlm
tubuh anda akan berkurang...
Gak Percaya ?
Buktikan ajaaa...
Cara Memulai Bisnis Ojek di Jakarta
Ada Orang Bule Naik Kereta Api turun Stasiun. Senen di sambut Tukang Ojek dengan Serta Merta.
Bule : Can you speak English ?
Ojek : Oh ke Gereja inggris mister ?
Bule : What ?
Ojek : Kuat mister nih motor baru.
Bule : Go.. Go I don't understand.
Ojek : Kalo GOCENG sih kagak dpt. mister..lempengin aje deh CEBAN.
Bule : Bengong langsung jalan kaki ke jln Jaksa.
(red-Yang di pahami tukang ojek Gereja Inggris yg dmaksud Gereja ANGLIKAN? Dekat dengan patung tani.)
Bule : Can you speak English ?
Ojek : Oh ke Gereja inggris mister ?
Bule : What ?
Ojek : Kuat mister nih motor baru.
Bule : Go.. Go I don't understand.
Ojek : Kalo GOCENG sih kagak dpt. mister..lempengin aje deh CEBAN.
Bule : Bengong langsung jalan kaki ke jln Jaksa.
(red-Yang di pahami tukang ojek Gereja Inggris yg dmaksud Gereja ANGLIKAN? Dekat dengan patung tani.)
Kisah Kasih Pembantu dan Majikan di Kamar
Si Joni barusaja mendapatkan seorang PRT,, gadis lugu 16 tahun, bernama Sanem asal Gunung Kidul.
Joni :” Nem,, itu lampu di kamar-mu kalau sudah pagi dimatikan yaa,,”
Sanem : “Nggih Tuan,,” ,, sambil ngeloyor ke dalam kamar,,
Lama ditunggu Sanem nggak keluar dari kamarnya,, dan kamarnya masih terang tanda lampu belum dimatikan,,
Joni bergegas masuk kamar Sanem,,, dan...
ANDA BISA MENEBAK APA YANG TERJADI DENGAN JONI DAN SANEM DI KAMAR!!!!
Apa yang sebenarnya dilakukan Joni dan Sanem ?,
Joni Tertawa KERAS, karena melihat....
Sanem sedang meniup bohlam, seperti meniup lilin atau lampu teplok seperti kebiasaan lama sanem di kampung,
Joni :” Nem,, itu lampu di kamar-mu kalau sudah pagi dimatikan yaa,,”
Sanem : “Nggih Tuan,,” ,, sambil ngeloyor ke dalam kamar,,
Lama ditunggu Sanem nggak keluar dari kamarnya,, dan kamarnya masih terang tanda lampu belum dimatikan,,
Joni bergegas masuk kamar Sanem,,, dan...
ANDA BISA MENEBAK APA YANG TERJADI DENGAN JONI DAN SANEM DI KAMAR!!!!
Apa yang sebenarnya dilakukan Joni dan Sanem ?,
Joni Tertawa KERAS, karena melihat....
Sanem sedang meniup bohlam, seperti meniup lilin atau lampu teplok seperti kebiasaan lama sanem di kampung,
Lowongan Fresh Graduate Gaji Tinggi di KFC
Guyonan ndeso rek----- cerito wong Ndeso telpon mesen KFC -----
#Telfon Pertama#
C'Ipung : halloo...Kaepsi?
KFC. : iya, ada yg bisa di bantu?
C'Ipung : ayame jik onok gak?
KFC. : oh ada...
C'Ipung : njajal gowoen mrene, ayok di du ambek pithek'ku...
KFC. : Kengangguren koen!
#Telfon Kedua#
C'Bayu : hallooo...kaepsi?
KFC. : iya...
C'Bayu : delivery order?
KFC. : iya...
C'Bayu : 24jam?
KFC. : iya...
C'Bayu : Oooh guendenggg..., koen gak tau turu yo???
KFC. : Lambemu turah..
#Telfon Ketiga#
C'Die : hallooo...kaepsi?
KFC : iya...
C'Die : ayam onok?
KFC : ada...
C'Die : sego?
KFC : ada...
C'Die : es grim?
KFC : ada...
C'Die : burger.. burger...?
KFC : ada! banyak! komplit!! (ambek mrengut...)
C'Die : jik onok kabeh??? gak payu yo???
KFC : dasar edan!.
#Telfon Keempat#
C'Hadi : hallooo.. Kaepsi?
KFC. : koen koncoe arek2 sing mau telp tahh..kate lapo koen ???
C'Hadi : hee..., aku kate pesen coy, yo wis gak sido nek ngunu...
KFC. : oh iya, maaf...! mau pesen apa?
C'Hadi : tahu campur siji..., ambek lontong balap'e siji.
KFC : iki dudu' warung rombong goblogg!
#Telfon Kelima#
C'John : hallooo..kaepsi??
KFC : mesti koen iki koncoe arek2 gendeng sing mau telpon telp..., kate lapo maneh iki???
C'John : jange pesen ayam coy!!! mosok pesen semen?!?!?!
KFC : oh iya! apa lagi,ojok sangar2 biasa ae Cak ?
C'John : ayam karo sego!!! tapi mbungkuse engkok dipisah yo?! nek di dadekno siji engkok sego'ne di cucuk'i ambek pithek'e cak...
KFC : woooiii..wong gendeng...
#Telfon Pertama#
C'Ipung : halloo...Kaepsi?
KFC. : iya, ada yg bisa di bantu?
C'Ipung : ayame jik onok gak?
KFC. : oh ada...
C'Ipung : njajal gowoen mrene, ayok di du ambek pithek'ku...
KFC. : Kengangguren koen!
#Telfon Kedua#
C'Bayu : hallooo...kaepsi?
KFC. : iya...
C'Bayu : delivery order?
KFC. : iya...
C'Bayu : 24jam?
KFC. : iya...
C'Bayu : Oooh guendenggg..., koen gak tau turu yo???
KFC. : Lambemu turah..
#Telfon Ketiga#
C'Die : hallooo...kaepsi?
KFC : iya...
C'Die : ayam onok?
KFC : ada...
C'Die : sego?
KFC : ada...
C'Die : es grim?
KFC : ada...
C'Die : burger.. burger...?
KFC : ada! banyak! komplit!! (ambek mrengut...)
C'Die : jik onok kabeh??? gak payu yo???
KFC : dasar edan!.
#Telfon Keempat#
C'Hadi : hallooo.. Kaepsi?
KFC. : koen koncoe arek2 sing mau telp tahh..kate lapo koen ???
C'Hadi : hee..., aku kate pesen coy, yo wis gak sido nek ngunu...
KFC. : oh iya, maaf...! mau pesen apa?
C'Hadi : tahu campur siji..., ambek lontong balap'e siji.
KFC : iki dudu' warung rombong goblogg!
#Telfon Kelima#
C'John : hallooo..kaepsi??
KFC : mesti koen iki koncoe arek2 gendeng sing mau telpon telp..., kate lapo maneh iki???
C'John : jange pesen ayam coy!!! mosok pesen semen?!?!?!
KFC : oh iya! apa lagi,ojok sangar2 biasa ae Cak ?
C'John : ayam karo sego!!! tapi mbungkuse engkok dipisah yo?! nek di dadekno siji engkok sego'ne di cucuk'i ambek pithek'e cak...
KFC : woooiii..wong gendeng...
HP Ponsel Murah dengan Batere Yang Bisa Tahan Lebih Dari Sebulan
Joni mengajak Anang menyervis HP-nya ke sebuah Mall.
Keluhan HP Joni selalu lowbatt dan ngedrop terus. Padahal HP itu jadi andalan buat komunikasi dengan sang pacar barunya yang tercinta.
Apa ada yg bisa saya bantu de? Kata tukang servis HP ramah.
Joni : ini om HP saya lowbatt terus. Padahal blm lama saya beli battere nya ori punya sih.celotehnya.
Tukang Servis : maap ya de om periksa dulu,kata nya ramah.stlh di periksa oh ! Mesin masih bagus.cuman batterenya.bukan Ori punya.
Joni : Trus gimane dong om? saya butuh battere yang awet.nih sukur2 sih bisa pake satu bulan tanpa ngecass..
TS : ngga ada lah de, jangan suka. menghayal begitu dong!
Anang : Tiba2 nyeletuk
Hey brader, tiba-tiba gua punya ide bagus !!!
Gini2 gue kan lulusan teknik elektro.......
tenang coy tenang...
Joni : Tenang2 apean sih lo!
Anang : Loe modal ransel aja bro... sama ........
Joni : sama apa lagi.........? penasaran
Anang : ACCU MOBIL .tinggal turunin tuh voltasenya pake alat adaptor kan bisa luh pake HP Ajaib sepuas nya.
Aki nya lo tinggal gendong2 aje en loe bisa pake tu ransel kemana aja lo mau.
Joni : Sialan LO!!
Keluhan HP Joni selalu lowbatt dan ngedrop terus. Padahal HP itu jadi andalan buat komunikasi dengan sang pacar barunya yang tercinta.
Apa ada yg bisa saya bantu de? Kata tukang servis HP ramah.
Joni : ini om HP saya lowbatt terus. Padahal blm lama saya beli battere nya ori punya sih.celotehnya.
Tukang Servis : maap ya de om periksa dulu,kata nya ramah.stlh di periksa oh ! Mesin masih bagus.cuman batterenya.bukan Ori punya.
Joni : Trus gimane dong om? saya butuh battere yang awet.nih sukur2 sih bisa pake satu bulan tanpa ngecass..
TS : ngga ada lah de, jangan suka. menghayal begitu dong!
Anang : Tiba2 nyeletuk
Hey brader, tiba-tiba gua punya ide bagus !!!
Gini2 gue kan lulusan teknik elektro.......
tenang coy tenang...
Joni : Tenang2 apean sih lo!
Anang : Loe modal ransel aja bro... sama ........
Joni : sama apa lagi.........? penasaran
Anang : ACCU MOBIL .tinggal turunin tuh voltasenya pake alat adaptor kan bisa luh pake HP Ajaib sepuas nya.
Aki nya lo tinggal gendong2 aje en loe bisa pake tu ransel kemana aja lo mau.
Joni : Sialan LO!!
Jangan Pernah Bilang Cinta Kepada Suami Anda
Dalam suatu seminar tentang "Bagaimana Hubungan Cinta Anda dengan Suami". Yang di hadiri oleh ibu-ibu rumah tangga dari berbagai kalangan dan profesi di Jakarta bulan January lalu, saat para peserta di tanya,"Siapa yang sampai saat ini sangat mencintai suami ?"
Semua peserta pun mengangkat tangannya.
Kemudian mereka ditanya, "Kapan terakhir kali Anda mengatakan kepada suami bahwa Anda mencintainya? "
Beberapa peserta menjawab hari ini, kemarin, dan ada juga beberapa orang yang lupa.
Lalu para peserta di minta untuk mengambil ponselnya masing-masing, dan mengirimkan pesan kepada suaminya dengan teks "Aku mencintaimu, Sayang..".
Setelah pesan terkirim, para peserta di minta untuk saling bertukar ponsel dan membaca pesan balasan dari suami.
Balasan dari suami masing-masing peserta pun beragam, di anataranya :
1. Siapa ini??
2. Eh...Ibunya anak-anak, kamu sakit ?
3. Aku juga mencintaimu.
4. Ada apa? Apakah Kamu kecelakaan mobil lagi?
5. Aku nggak ngerti, maksudmu apa sih ?
6. Apa-apa'an ini? Nyoba ngerayu aku ya? Aku nggak bakalan ma'afin kamu !
7. ?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!
8. Jangan banyak cengkuneklah, ngomong aja butuh berapa ?????
9. Apa aku lagi mimpi?
10. Ini sms buat siapa sih sebenarnya? Ingat yaaa !!! Kalau kamu nggak ngomong jujur, jangan salahkan Aku kalau suatu saat bakal ada nyawa melayang !!!
11. Udah di bilang jangan minum, masih aja minum. Jadinya mabok kan ????
Semua peserta pun mengangkat tangannya.
Kemudian mereka ditanya, "Kapan terakhir kali Anda mengatakan kepada suami bahwa Anda mencintainya? "
Beberapa peserta menjawab hari ini, kemarin, dan ada juga beberapa orang yang lupa.
Lalu para peserta di minta untuk mengambil ponselnya masing-masing, dan mengirimkan pesan kepada suaminya dengan teks "Aku mencintaimu, Sayang..".
Setelah pesan terkirim, para peserta di minta untuk saling bertukar ponsel dan membaca pesan balasan dari suami.
Balasan dari suami masing-masing peserta pun beragam, di anataranya :
1. Siapa ini??
2. Eh...Ibunya anak-anak, kamu sakit ?
3. Aku juga mencintaimu.
4. Ada apa? Apakah Kamu kecelakaan mobil lagi?
5. Aku nggak ngerti, maksudmu apa sih ?
6. Apa-apa'an ini? Nyoba ngerayu aku ya? Aku nggak bakalan ma'afin kamu !
7. ?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!
8. Jangan banyak cengkuneklah, ngomong aja butuh berapa ?????
9. Apa aku lagi mimpi?
10. Ini sms buat siapa sih sebenarnya? Ingat yaaa !!! Kalau kamu nggak ngomong jujur, jangan salahkan Aku kalau suatu saat bakal ada nyawa melayang !!!
11. Udah di bilang jangan minum, masih aja minum. Jadinya mabok kan ????
How to Be a Perfect Employee
Letter From Management
The Perfect Worker
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was looking over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
The Perfect Worker
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was looking over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
How To Do Doggy Style Perfecly
- do you speak english?
- yes
- name?
- akbar al-rhasib
- sex?
- three to five times a week
- no, no... I mean male or female?
- yes..male,female,sometimes camel
- holy cow!!
- yes, cow, sheep, animal in general
- but, isn't it hostile??
- horse style, doggy style, any style
- oh dear!!
- no, no! Deer run too fast...
- yes
- name?
- akbar al-rhasib
- sex?
- three to five times a week
- no, no... I mean male or female?
- yes..male,female,sometimes camel
- holy cow!!
- yes, cow, sheep, animal in general
- but, isn't it hostile??
- horse style, doggy style, any style
- oh dear!!
- no, no! Deer run too fast...
Membongkar Karakter Manusia Lewat Facebook
Tipe Orang Di Facebook
1. Type MODEL : ganti foto profil tiap 10 menit.
2. Type BURONAN : ganti akun terus sampe jadi koleksi akun. contohnya..... Chi hwa hwa Cuka Hua part 17.
3. Type MISTERIUS : Jarang update, jarang Update. Paling-paling cuma jempol duank mampir distatus orang....yaa kaya setan gitu deee.
4. Type Romeo&Juliet : statusnya cinta-cintaan aja, atau galau-galauan
5. Type Likers : sukanya ngajempolinstatus temen, kalo jempolnya gag dibalesssss. REMOVE.
6.Type TERORIS : seneng updet yg aneh-aneh (contoh : Jihad...!!! Mati Syahid. Sebarkan pesan ini kalo tidak nanti kamu akan dapat musibah,blablabla)
7.Type RELIGIUS : seneng berado'a di statusnya, pesbuk kaya rumah ibadah deee.
8. Type SELEBRITIS : ganti status tiap 10 menit. Heheheh nyempit-nyempitin beranda.
9. Type ALAY: apdetnya gag kebaca sama orang. Kaya gini nih... contohnya: " #%@ caYanK t0n6 Ng4mbekk Att Ahh :( &@%@ LouphYYU H0unEyyY.
10. Type BEGAJUL : Bikin status gag jelas,,,suka-sukanya ajaahh. tapi masih mendingan daripada alay.
11. Type PENDIAM : Gag pernah ganti status, gag pernah ganti poto. (gag ngerti cara2 nya kayanya seeh)
11. Type JABLAY: Duecchh Enak Nich "Titik titik" Ampe Lemes. :*
12. Type SIMPLE : Ngopi ah biar gag ngantuk.
13. Type PEDAGANG : order CD raksasa beli dua gratis satu. ayo sebelum kehabisan.
14. Type frontal apa adanya : aku adalah aku
Ga akan pura pura soleh.
Ga akan pura pura sopan.
Ga akan pura pura bener.
15. so Inggris : If you take love for granted, love will
leave and forget you when you need
love most. bla bla bla.
16. Gaje: Bikin status ga jelas. Contoh : "ahahaha".
Dah segiit u duank/ Tau terusannya gimana???
17. Type GAMPANGAN : gampang banget ditipu...dibo'ongin, dibilangin jg gag ngerti kalo dia gag nyadar......manyun duank klo dah bilangin,, gag suka meratiin kalo no 11 ada dua...ee dia mlh naek lagi buat mastiin...padahal udah dibo'ongin....
1. Type MODEL : ganti foto profil tiap 10 menit.
2. Type BURONAN : ganti akun terus sampe jadi koleksi akun. contohnya..... Chi hwa hwa Cuka Hua part 17.
3. Type MISTERIUS : Jarang update, jarang Update. Paling-paling cuma jempol duank mampir distatus orang....yaa kaya setan gitu deee.
4. Type Romeo&Juliet : statusnya cinta-cintaan aja, atau galau-galauan
5. Type Likers : sukanya ngajempolinstatus temen, kalo jempolnya gag dibalesssss. REMOVE.
6.Type TERORIS : seneng updet yg aneh-aneh (contoh : Jihad...!!! Mati Syahid. Sebarkan pesan ini kalo tidak nanti kamu akan dapat musibah,blablabla)
7.Type RELIGIUS : seneng berado'a di statusnya, pesbuk kaya rumah ibadah deee.
8. Type SELEBRITIS : ganti status tiap 10 menit. Heheheh nyempit-nyempitin beranda.
9. Type ALAY: apdetnya gag kebaca sama orang. Kaya gini nih... contohnya: " #%@ caYanK t0n6 Ng4mbekk Att Ahh :( &@%@ LouphYYU H0unEyyY.
10. Type BEGAJUL : Bikin status gag jelas,,,suka-sukanya ajaahh. tapi masih mendingan daripada alay.
11. Type PENDIAM : Gag pernah ganti status, gag pernah ganti poto. (gag ngerti cara2 nya kayanya seeh)
11. Type JABLAY: Duecchh Enak Nich "Titik titik" Ampe Lemes. :*
12. Type SIMPLE : Ngopi ah biar gag ngantuk.
13. Type PEDAGANG : order CD raksasa beli dua gratis satu. ayo sebelum kehabisan.
14. Type frontal apa adanya : aku adalah aku
Ga akan pura pura soleh.
Ga akan pura pura sopan.
Ga akan pura pura bener.
15. so Inggris : If you take love for granted, love will
leave and forget you when you need
love most. bla bla bla.
16. Gaje: Bikin status ga jelas. Contoh : "ahahaha".
Dah segiit u duank/ Tau terusannya gimana???
17. Type GAMPANGAN : gampang banget ditipu...dibo'ongin, dibilangin jg gag ngerti kalo dia gag nyadar......manyun duank klo dah bilangin,, gag suka meratiin kalo no 11 ada dua...ee dia mlh naek lagi buat mastiin...padahal udah dibo'ongin....
Why Boys Are Always Happy
Boys are always Happy Creatures WHY?
1-Their last name stays with them forever,
2-Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat,
3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,
4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,
5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,
7-They don't freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.
Pass this to women who can digest it..and
To Men who'll enjoy reading it.
1-Their last name stays with them forever,
2-Phone conversations last just for 30 secs flat,
3-A five day vacation requires only one jeans,
4-If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,
5-The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
6-They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,
7-They don't freak out when they go to a party n see another man wearing the same shirt, instead they become buddies.
Pass this to women who can digest it..and
To Men who'll enjoy reading it.
The Cheapest Way How To Get Bigger Boobs Without Implants and Pills
Tired of no one noticing you??
Are you sick of being ignored?
Do you sit unnoticed on the sidelines while others are picked?
Are you tired of being overlooked?
Get a new scarf ! !
Try the latest scarf fashion and you too will be the center of attention..
We don't stop laughing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop laughing.
Are you sick of being ignored?
Do you sit unnoticed on the sidelines while others are picked?
Are you tired of being overlooked?
Get a new scarf ! !
Try the latest scarf fashion and you too will be the center of attention..
we grow old because we stop laughing.
The Symbiosis Between Loneliness & Poverty
Loneliness & Poverty
Here's a fabulous explanation of the symbiosis between "loneliness" & "poverty" . .
When your kids (or grand kids) ask you
"Why they have to study or work hard all their life and continue making money?"
Show them these pictures, below,of Brian Armastrongo, President of Renault autoworks and his current girlfriend.
And then explain that this is not a 'love relationship"
but a "hate relationship".
HE HATES BEING LONELY... AND SHE HATES POVERTY!!
AND THAT MY FRIEND IS HOW A REAL STIMULUS PACKAGE WORKS!
Here's a fabulous explanation of the symbiosis between "loneliness" & "poverty" . .
When your kids (or grand kids) ask you
"Why they have to study or work hard all their life and continue making money?"
Show them these pictures, below,of Brian Armastrongo, President of Renault autoworks and his current girlfriend.
but a "hate relationship".
HE HATES BEING LONELY... AND SHE HATES POVERTY!!
AND THAT MY FRIEND IS HOW A REAL STIMULUS PACKAGE WORKS!
Bandara Internasional Tegal
Pengusaha (BP) ingin membuat para warga BANYUMAS bangga dengan Airline yang dibuka ,maka memakai ICON "TEGAL AIR "
Dengar initial nama pengusaha itu ( BP )
Nach ini instruksi BP kepada para Pramugarinya.
Baru saja di launching pesawat baru "TEGAL AIR" yang sangat nasionalis fanatik kedaerahan. Saat pramugari ngasih instruksi ke penumpang pesawat, beginilah jadinya:
"Dulur-dulur penumpang, delat maning kapal mabur pan mabur. Sadurunge, nyong karo pramugrari liyane pan nuduhna carane ngadepi keadaan darurat. Klambi plembungan ana nang slesepan ngisor jok, dingo dong kapal mabur mandeg nang duwur laut."
"Carane njukut klambi sekang slesepan terus dingo, tarik taline ben klambine mlembung, endah sampeyan ora pada klelep nang laut. Ati-ati aja dibeset mengko klambi plembungane modol-modol terus sampeyan bisa modar. Pipa karet didamu ben lampune kedap-kedip dadi bisa dideleng sekang kadohan. Klambi kuwe aja dicolong utawa digawa balik, angger konangan bisa ditempiling koen."
"Motor mabur kaya kiye ana nem lawange, loro nang ngarep, loro nang sewiwi, terus loro maning nang mburi. Angger pesawat kurang hawa nggo ambekan, mengko metu dewek masker oksigen sekang loteng. Angger masker mecotot, gagiyan dingo, ambekan kaya biasane bae, aja ngos-ngosan, marakna liyane pada wedi. Semene pengumuman sekang enyong, angger pan maca majalah apa Koran, kuwe ana nang slesepan jok ngarepe koen kabeh. Angger pan mutah nganggo plastik nang ngisor jok. Aja janji mutah koprat-kaprit njijeni nemen, inyonge sing repot ndadak ngresiki ana apa."
"Angger pan nguyuh jumblenge nang mburi. Aja nguyuh karo udud, kapan konangan diuyuhi sisan kon. Aja ngising disit ya.. nek mabur, mbokan taine nibane ndase wong-wong sing nang pasar, Nek kebelet nemen ya sabar ndisit nang bandara bae ya.. mengko nek mudun. Aja nguyuh nang jumbleng ngarep, kae jumblenge wong sugih.."
"Wis lah..cangkeme teol, moga-moga slamet waras bregas bisa mudun maning. Kaya kuwe bae ya, suwun.. Oh iya, njaluk pangapurane ya, mbokan ana sing nggawa endog kapan laka ya tahu kuping, tulung aku njaluk saanane, inyong ngelih nemen awit manjing during mbadog."
Dengar initial nama pengusaha itu ( BP )
Nach ini instruksi BP kepada para Pramugarinya.
Baru saja di launching pesawat baru "TEGAL AIR" yang sangat nasionalis fanatik kedaerahan. Saat pramugari ngasih instruksi ke penumpang pesawat, beginilah jadinya:
"Dulur-dulur penumpang, delat maning kapal mabur pan mabur. Sadurunge, nyong karo pramugrari liyane pan nuduhna carane ngadepi keadaan darurat. Klambi plembungan ana nang slesepan ngisor jok, dingo dong kapal mabur mandeg nang duwur laut."
"Carane njukut klambi sekang slesepan terus dingo, tarik taline ben klambine mlembung, endah sampeyan ora pada klelep nang laut. Ati-ati aja dibeset mengko klambi plembungane modol-modol terus sampeyan bisa modar. Pipa karet didamu ben lampune kedap-kedip dadi bisa dideleng sekang kadohan. Klambi kuwe aja dicolong utawa digawa balik, angger konangan bisa ditempiling koen."
"Motor mabur kaya kiye ana nem lawange, loro nang ngarep, loro nang sewiwi, terus loro maning nang mburi. Angger pesawat kurang hawa nggo ambekan, mengko metu dewek masker oksigen sekang loteng. Angger masker mecotot, gagiyan dingo, ambekan kaya biasane bae, aja ngos-ngosan, marakna liyane pada wedi. Semene pengumuman sekang enyong, angger pan maca majalah apa Koran, kuwe ana nang slesepan jok ngarepe koen kabeh. Angger pan mutah nganggo plastik nang ngisor jok. Aja janji mutah koprat-kaprit njijeni nemen, inyonge sing repot ndadak ngresiki ana apa."
"Angger pan nguyuh jumblenge nang mburi. Aja nguyuh karo udud, kapan konangan diuyuhi sisan kon. Aja ngising disit ya.. nek mabur, mbokan taine nibane ndase wong-wong sing nang pasar, Nek kebelet nemen ya sabar ndisit nang bandara bae ya.. mengko nek mudun. Aja nguyuh nang jumbleng ngarep, kae jumblenge wong sugih.."
"Wis lah..cangkeme teol, moga-moga slamet waras bregas bisa mudun maning. Kaya kuwe bae ya, suwun.. Oh iya, njaluk pangapurane ya, mbokan ana sing nggawa endog kapan laka ya tahu kuping, tulung aku njaluk saanane, inyong ngelih nemen awit manjing during mbadog."
Alasan Ilmiah Mengapa Korupsi di Indonesia Susah Diberantas
Keajaiban huruf dan angka….
Menarik untuk disimak!!
Jika, nilai huruf2 ini kita anggap sbb:
A-1, B-2, C-3, D-4, E-5, F-6, G-7, H-8, I-9, J-10, K-11, L-12, M-13, N-14, O-15, P-16, Q-17, R-18, S-19, T-20, U-21, V-22, W-23, X-24, Y-25, Z-26,
Nah skr mari berhitung dlm bhs Inggris menurut kepercayaan orang Inggris.
Kalau kita bekerja dengan modal angka di atas, maka hasilnya adalah…
H -A -R -D -W -O -R -K (kerjakeras)
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% Only
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E (pengetahuan)
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% Only
L -O -B -B -Y -I -N -G (pendekatan)
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86% Only
L - U - C - K (keberuntungan)
12 21 3 11 = 47% Only
Ternyata.. semua nilai dari usaha2 kita di atas tidak bisa mengalahkan yang satu ini:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E (sikap/tingkah laku)
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
Tetapi rumus ini berlaku hanya di luar negeri, kalau di Indonesia hitungannya menjadi begini:
G -I -G -I -H (Hardwork)
7 9 7 9 8 = 40% Saja
I - L - M - U (Knowledge)
9 12 13 21 = 55% Saja
L - O - B - I (Lobbying)
12 15 2 9 = 38% Saja
M - U - J - U - R (Luck)
13 21 10 21 18 = 83% Saja
S - I - K - A - P (Attitude)
19 9 11 1 16 = 46% Saja
Dan nilai dari usaha2 kita di atas tidak bisa mengalahkan yang satu ini:
K - O - R - U - P - S - I
11 15 18 21 16 19 9 = 109 %
Pantas saja yg ditekuni adalah "KORUPSI", nilai keberhasilannya diatas 100%.
Lebih baik dr "ATTITUDE"nya ORANG BARAT yg hanya 100%... Makanya korupsi susah diberantas di negara tercinta kita.
Menarik untuk disimak!!
Jika, nilai huruf2 ini kita anggap sbb:
A-1, B-2, C-3, D-4, E-5, F-6, G-7, H-8, I-9, J-10, K-11, L-12, M-13, N-14, O-15, P-16, Q-17, R-18, S-19, T-20, U-21, V-22, W-23, X-24, Y-25, Z-26,
Nah skr mari berhitung dlm bhs Inggris menurut kepercayaan orang Inggris.
Kalau kita bekerja dengan modal angka di atas, maka hasilnya adalah…
H -A -R -D -W -O -R -K (kerjakeras)
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98% Only
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E (pengetahuan)
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96% Only
L -O -B -B -Y -I -N -G (pendekatan)
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86% Only
L - U - C - K (keberuntungan)
12 21 3 11 = 47% Only
Ternyata.. semua nilai dari usaha2 kita di atas tidak bisa mengalahkan yang satu ini:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E (sikap/tingkah laku)
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
Tetapi rumus ini berlaku hanya di luar negeri, kalau di Indonesia hitungannya menjadi begini:
G -I -G -I -H (Hardwork)
7 9 7 9 8 = 40% Saja
I - L - M - U (Knowledge)
9 12 13 21 = 55% Saja
L - O - B - I (Lobbying)
12 15 2 9 = 38% Saja
M - U - J - U - R (Luck)
13 21 10 21 18 = 83% Saja
S - I - K - A - P (Attitude)
19 9 11 1 16 = 46% Saja
Dan nilai dari usaha2 kita di atas tidak bisa mengalahkan yang satu ini:
K - O - R - U - P - S - I
11 15 18 21 16 19 9 = 109 %
Pantas saja yg ditekuni adalah "KORUPSI", nilai keberhasilannya diatas 100%.
Lebih baik dr "ATTITUDE"nya ORANG BARAT yg hanya 100%... Makanya korupsi susah diberantas di negara tercinta kita.
Cara ML Gratis Dengan PSK
Ssssttttttssssssss.........Ybbor balik nyang Suroboyo tujuane Dolly.
Nyang kono isine wong wedhok huayu-ayu semlohee.
Ybbor disambut karo Mamine wisma.
“Aku pingin pethuk karo MAWAR" jare Ybbor.
“Om.. MAWAR iku cewek paling ayu, primadonane kene, taripe paling larang loh. Sampeyan mesti ora cukup dhuwite, tak golekno sing liyane ae yo…” jare Mamine.
“Moh, orak gelem, Aku kudu pethuk karo MAWAR", jare Ybbor mekso.
Akhire Mamine ngongkon MAWAR metu teko kamare, wah pancen ayu tenan jare Ybbor, karo manggut manggut.
“Om, sampeyan wis eroh toh nek taripku iku limang juta sekali booking??” takone MAWAR.
Ybbor ngetokno dhuwek sak bundhel isine limang juta, dikekno MAWAR. Ybbor langsung digandeng munggah mlebu kamar. Bareng wis bar diservis, Ybbor langsung mulih.
Sisuke Ybbor teko maneh langsung mbo0king MAWAR.
“Om, ora ono discount lho", MAWAR ngelingno.
"OK !!!" jawabpe Ybbor karo ngetokno dhuwik sak bundhel isine limang juta, dikekno meneh nang MAWAR.
Yboor langsung digandeng munggah mlebu kamar. Bareng wis bar diservis, Ybbor langsung mulih.
Sisuke Ybbor teko maneh langsung ngekekno duwek limang juta maneh, yo terus diserahno MAWAR.
Bareng wis bar diservis 3 dino berturut turut, MAWAR penasaran karo Ybbor,
wonge iki elek ora duwe potongan sugih, tapi kok duwike akeh yo,,,,(batine MAWAR) “Om, sampeyan iku kok loman karo aku, sak umur-umur ora ono wong sing wani mbooking aku langsung ping telu. Sampeyan ki omahe ngendi?” takone MAWAR.
“Aku wong SOLO” jare Ybbor.
“Lho iyo tah !!! aku ndhuwe dulur nang kono lho....” jare MAWAR kaget.
“Aku Wis eroh ... Bapakmu mati sak wulan kepungkur.. Mbakyumu nggoleki kowe ora ketemu, terus ngongkon aku nggoleki kowe kanggo nyerahno dhuwik warisan limolas juta…”
Wis mbok trimo kabeh toh yo!!!!!! saiki aku tak mulih..ora mbok sangoni yo ora popo......wis disangoni mbakyumu limangatus ewu
Mawar : jancoK T?_??naN wis digenjot
Ping Telu..lagek crito...Duoboool
Nyang kono isine wong wedhok huayu-ayu semlohee.
Ybbor disambut karo Mamine wisma.
“Aku pingin pethuk karo MAWAR" jare Ybbor.
“Om.. MAWAR iku cewek paling ayu, primadonane kene, taripe paling larang loh. Sampeyan mesti ora cukup dhuwite, tak golekno sing liyane ae yo…” jare Mamine.
“Moh, orak gelem, Aku kudu pethuk karo MAWAR", jare Ybbor mekso.
Akhire Mamine ngongkon MAWAR metu teko kamare, wah pancen ayu tenan jare Ybbor, karo manggut manggut.
“Om, sampeyan wis eroh toh nek taripku iku limang juta sekali booking??” takone MAWAR.
Ybbor ngetokno dhuwek sak bundhel isine limang juta, dikekno MAWAR. Ybbor langsung digandeng munggah mlebu kamar. Bareng wis bar diservis, Ybbor langsung mulih.
Sisuke Ybbor teko maneh langsung mbo0king MAWAR.
“Om, ora ono discount lho", MAWAR ngelingno.
"OK !!!" jawabpe Ybbor karo ngetokno dhuwik sak bundhel isine limang juta, dikekno meneh nang MAWAR.
Yboor langsung digandeng munggah mlebu kamar. Bareng wis bar diservis, Ybbor langsung mulih.
Sisuke Ybbor teko maneh langsung ngekekno duwek limang juta maneh, yo terus diserahno MAWAR.
Bareng wis bar diservis 3 dino berturut turut, MAWAR penasaran karo Ybbor,
wonge iki elek ora duwe potongan sugih, tapi kok duwike akeh yo,,,,(batine MAWAR) “Om, sampeyan iku kok loman karo aku, sak umur-umur ora ono wong sing wani mbooking aku langsung ping telu. Sampeyan ki omahe ngendi?” takone MAWAR.
“Aku wong SOLO” jare Ybbor.
“Lho iyo tah !!! aku ndhuwe dulur nang kono lho....” jare MAWAR kaget.
“Aku Wis eroh ... Bapakmu mati sak wulan kepungkur.. Mbakyumu nggoleki kowe ora ketemu, terus ngongkon aku nggoleki kowe kanggo nyerahno dhuwik warisan limolas juta…”
Wis mbok trimo kabeh toh yo!!!!!! saiki aku tak mulih..ora mbok sangoni yo ora popo......wis disangoni mbakyumu limangatus ewu
Mawar : jancoK T?_??naN wis digenjot
Ping Telu..lagek crito...Duoboool
Syarat Multak Menjadi Seorang Laki-Laki Jawa
Menurut falsafah Budaya Jawa, sebaiknya seseorang laki-laki mempunyai 7 hal agar sempurna hidupnya :
GARWO, isteri
BONDO, harta
WISMO, rumah
TURONGGO, kuda. Di dunia modern dapat diartikan mobil / alat transportasi
KUKILO, burung berkicau dan biasanya adalah burung perkutut, dalam pengertian entertainment, hobby sebagai hiburan untuk menghilangkan stress dari pekerjaan se-hari2
CURIGO, keris yang mempunyai nilai filosofis yang tinggi. Dengan demikian dapat diartikan seseorang harus mempunyai falsafah / pedoman hidup.
RONDO, bisa buat sekali pakai, bisa buat disimpan...
GARWO, isteri
BONDO, harta
WISMO, rumah
TURONGGO, kuda. Di dunia modern dapat diartikan mobil / alat transportasi
KUKILO, burung berkicau dan biasanya adalah burung perkutut, dalam pengertian entertainment, hobby sebagai hiburan untuk menghilangkan stress dari pekerjaan se-hari2
CURIGO, keris yang mempunyai nilai filosofis yang tinggi. Dengan demikian dapat diartikan seseorang harus mempunyai falsafah / pedoman hidup.
RONDO, bisa buat sekali pakai, bisa buat disimpan...
The Secret to Having Sex With Your Wife Multiple Times A Day
Doing counts sex
In a small town in the Old Country, the Rabbi died.
His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again.
But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher.
The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education.
However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married. After the marriage, Friday came.
She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities).
Then, she went home preparing to light the candles. The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother, Hana, told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it's good to have sex."
So they did................
She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father, Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles
it's good to have sex." So they did............
They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke, he said to her, "My grandmother, Rivka, said that before you go to the synagogue it's good to have sex." So they did...........
After praying all morning, they came home to rest. Again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather, Moishe, says after praying it's good to have sex."
So they did.............
On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, "So how is the new husband?"
She replied, "Well, he isn't a scholar, but he comes from a wonderful family...
MORAL : Doing counts !!
In a small town in the Old Country, the Rabbi died.
His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again.
But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher.
The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education.
However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married. After the marriage, Friday came.
She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities).
Then, she went home preparing to light the candles. The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother, Hana, told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it's good to have sex."
So they did................
She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father, Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles
it's good to have sex." So they did............
They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke, he said to her, "My grandmother, Rivka, said that before you go to the synagogue it's good to have sex." So they did...........
After praying all morning, they came home to rest. Again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather, Moishe, says after praying it's good to have sex."
So they did.............
On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, "So how is the new husband?"
She replied, "Well, he isn't a scholar, but he comes from a wonderful family...
MORAL : Doing counts !!
The Simplest Way How To Deal With Immigrants
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch & lovingly filled it with delicious seeds. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio above the table and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, and the table … Everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own good intentions and limited budget.
Other birds became unruly, boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... Quiet, serene ... and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let's see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for all those FREE services. Now we have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor. Our child's second grade class has fallen behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box. I have to press “one” to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and more freebies.
It’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio above the table and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, and the table … Everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own good intentions and limited budget.
Other birds became unruly, boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... Quiet, serene ... and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let's see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for all those FREE services. Now we have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor. Our child's second grade class has fallen behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box. I have to press “one” to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and more freebies.
It’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder.
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