Never Marry This Woman

Cool message by a wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.   
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"    
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

An intelligent wife
''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Angry wife to her husband
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: 
"Where in Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace and Totally Fell In Love With It and I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That, My Love!
Husband: I‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

A Special Package for Business Men.
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Your Ticket & Get Your Wife's Ticket Free.
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."What Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in good mood; don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels.
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home, Husband: what did the doctor say?
Wife: No chance for you to survive

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card, Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband, Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call You Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Wife treats husband

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..
At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?
Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?          
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him
Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?         
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local
Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim      
Do You Crave Special Again?
The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..
Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."
Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday

Lion pounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly pounced on Santa's wife.     
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!        
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera..

Part & Art of living
Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...
But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.

Head & Neck of the family
It is said that Husband is the head of the family, but remember that wife is the Neck of the family & the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.
Too late for garbage
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:         
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.         
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

What if you don't see me for 2 days?
A man came home late at night after a party.       
His wife yelled:       
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"   
The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!  
Monday passed and he didn’t see her...... 
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....    
On Thursday his swelling became better   
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches “How to choose a Wife”,

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