How to Know If You're Retarded


10. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

9. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

8. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room  for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

7. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too."
Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?

6. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?"
No ASSHOLE, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the friggin ceiling up there.

4. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".....Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

3. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then it must not be the first one!!

2. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going?
You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!

and the Number One Thing That Piss You Off.....

1. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

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