He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Dalton McGuinty and Dwight Duncan before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the nurse.The nurse sent the request to the Premier's office and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived that the Premier and Finance Minister, devoted Christians both, were delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Dalton commented to Dwight "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us but it will certainly help our images and might even get us some favourable publicity for our HST Deal."
Dwight agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Dalton 's hand in his right hand and Dwight's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally Dalton McGuinty spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."
"Amen," said Dalton .
"Amen," said Dwight.
The old Priest continued.. Jesus died between two thieves. I would like to do the same!"
Sama Saja
Suatu hari seorang pemuda berpapasan dengan seorang gembala kambing.
Terjadi percakapan seperti ini:
Pemuda : "pak, boleh nanya nih?"
Gembala : "boleh".
Pemuda : "kambing-kambing bapak sehat sekali. Bapak kasih makan apa?"
Gembala : "yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Pemuda : "Mmmm... yang hitam dulu deh..."
Gembala : "oh,kalau yang hitam, ia makannya rumput gajah."
Pemuda : "oh... Kalau yang putih?"
Gembala : "yang putih juga..."
Pemuda : "Hmmm...kambing- kambing ini kuat jalan berapa kilo pak?"
Gembala : "yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Pemuda : "Mmmm... Yang hitam dulu deh..."
Gembala : "oh, kalau yang hitam, 4 km sehari."
Pemuda : "kalau yang putih?"
Gembala : "yang putih juga..."
Mendengar jawaban itu, si pemuda mulai gondok.
Pemuda : "kambing ini menghasilkan banyak bulu ngak pak, per tahunnya?"
Gembala : "yang mana dulu, nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Pemuda : "(dengan kesalnya) yang hitam dulu deh...!!!"
Gembala : "oh, yang hitam, banyak... 10kg/tahun."
Pemuda : "kalau yang putih...?"
Gembala : "yang putih juga."
Pemuda : " BAPAK KENAPA SIH SELALU NGEBEDAIN KEDUA KAMBING INI, KALO JAWABANNYA SAMA?"
Gembala : "Oh begini, Dik. Soalnya, yang hitam itu punya saya..."
Pemuda : "Oh, begitu pak. Maaf, kalo saya emosi... Kalo yang putih?"
Gembala : " Yang putih juga "
Pemuda : ### @@@ !!!
Terjadi percakapan seperti ini:
Pemuda : "pak, boleh nanya nih?"
Gembala : "boleh".
Pemuda : "kambing-kambing bapak sehat sekali. Bapak kasih makan apa?"
Gembala : "yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Pemuda : "Mmmm... yang hitam dulu deh..."
Gembala : "oh,kalau yang hitam, ia makannya rumput gajah."
Pemuda : "oh... Kalau yang putih?"
Gembala : "yang putih juga..."
Pemuda : "Hmmm...kambing- kambing ini kuat jalan berapa kilo pak?"
Gembala : "yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Pemuda : "Mmmm... Yang hitam dulu deh..."
Gembala : "oh, kalau yang hitam, 4 km sehari."
Pemuda : "kalau yang putih?"
Gembala : "yang putih juga..."
Mendengar jawaban itu, si pemuda mulai gondok.
Pemuda : "kambing ini menghasilkan banyak bulu ngak pak, per tahunnya?"
Gembala : "yang mana dulu, nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Pemuda : "(dengan kesalnya) yang hitam dulu deh...!!!"
Gembala : "oh, yang hitam, banyak... 10kg/tahun."
Pemuda : "kalau yang putih...?"
Gembala : "yang putih juga."
Pemuda : " BAPAK KENAPA SIH SELALU NGEBEDAIN KEDUA KAMBING INI, KALO JAWABANNYA SAMA?"
Gembala : "Oh begini, Dik. Soalnya, yang hitam itu punya saya..."
Pemuda : "Oh, begitu pak. Maaf, kalo saya emosi... Kalo yang putih?"
Gembala : " Yang putih juga "
Pemuda : ### @@@ !!!
Anak Nakal
Pasien : Dok, anak saya umurnya 5 tahun, nakalnyaaa nggak ketulungan.. ..
Psikiater : Nakal bagaimana, Pak Iwan?
Pasien : Dia membuat pembantu kami hamil .
Psikiater : APAA!?? Ini kasus yang serius ya rupanya.? Bagaimana ceritanya anak 5 tahun bisa membuat pembantu Pak Iwan hamil ?
Pasien : Wah, nakal sekali Dok ! Masa stock kondom saya semuanya dicoblosin pake peniti ………….
Psikiater : Nakal bagaimana, Pak Iwan?
Pasien : Dia membuat pembantu kami hamil .
Psikiater : APAA!?? Ini kasus yang serius ya rupanya.? Bagaimana ceritanya anak 5 tahun bisa membuat pembantu Pak Iwan hamil ?
Pasien : Wah, nakal sekali Dok ! Masa stock kondom saya semuanya dicoblosin pake peniti ………….
The Priest's Ass
Here's a little "CLEAN" humor with a good moral ...
A Priest entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again
The local paper read:
PRIEST'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race..
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Priest to get rid of the donkey..
The Priest decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the papers read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ....
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery.. It can even shorten your life...
..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
A Priest entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again
The local paper read:
PRIEST'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race..
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Priest to get rid of the donkey..
The Priest decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent..
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted!
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the papers read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ....
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery.. It can even shorten your life...
..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
2 Hantu
Dua hantu baru bertemu dan saling bercerita bagaimana mereka mati.
Hantu 1 : "Bagaimanakah cara kamu mati?"
Hantu 2 : "Aku mati akibat kedinginan.. ."
Hantu 1 : "Bagaimanakah bisa kau mati dalam kedinginan itu?"
Hantu 2 : "Sebenarnya aku terkurung dalam lemari es, mula-mula aku cuma menggigil, setelah itu anggota tubuhku mulai membeku, kemudian aku merasa dunia menjadi gelap dan akhirnya... tapi aku merasa bersyukur karena aku mati tanpa banyak kesakitan."
Hantu 1 : "Ishhh... kasian deh lu!"
Hantu 2 : "Kalau kamu, bagaimana cara kamu mati?"
Hantu 1 : "Aku kena serangan jantung."
Hantu 2 : "Oooo... kok bisa kena serangan jantung?"
Hantu 1 : "Sebenarnya aku menangkap basah istriku sedang selingkuh. Pada suatu hari, aku pulang ke rumah agak cepat. Aku melihat ada celana dalam lelaki dekat depan pintu. Aku tahu pasti isteriku sedang bermesraan dengan laki-laki lain. Aku berlari masuk kamar tidur, cuma ada isteriku seorang.
Aku tahu pasti laki-laki itu bersembunyi dekat-dekat situ. Aku lari masuk kamar mandi, nggak ada juga, kemudian aku lari ke tingkat bawah, aku cari di gudang, nggak ada…… aku lari naik lagi ke tingkat atas tadi, tapi gara-gara aku kecapekan, aku kena serangan jantung..... ......... memang sakit dan akhirnya aku mati."
Hantu 2 : "Alamak, kenapa ngga kau cari di lemari eeeess... kalau ngga, kan kita masih hidup sekarang! Bodoh!"
Hantu 1 : "Bagaimanakah cara kamu mati?"
Hantu 2 : "Aku mati akibat kedinginan.. ."
Hantu 1 : "Bagaimanakah bisa kau mati dalam kedinginan itu?"
Hantu 2 : "Sebenarnya aku terkurung dalam lemari es, mula-mula aku cuma menggigil, setelah itu anggota tubuhku mulai membeku, kemudian aku merasa dunia menjadi gelap dan akhirnya... tapi aku merasa bersyukur karena aku mati tanpa banyak kesakitan."
Hantu 1 : "Ishhh... kasian deh lu!"
Hantu 2 : "Kalau kamu, bagaimana cara kamu mati?"
Hantu 1 : "Aku kena serangan jantung."
Hantu 2 : "Oooo... kok bisa kena serangan jantung?"
Hantu 1 : "Sebenarnya aku menangkap basah istriku sedang selingkuh. Pada suatu hari, aku pulang ke rumah agak cepat. Aku melihat ada celana dalam lelaki dekat depan pintu. Aku tahu pasti isteriku sedang bermesraan dengan laki-laki lain. Aku berlari masuk kamar tidur, cuma ada isteriku seorang.
Aku tahu pasti laki-laki itu bersembunyi dekat-dekat situ. Aku lari masuk kamar mandi, nggak ada juga, kemudian aku lari ke tingkat bawah, aku cari di gudang, nggak ada…… aku lari naik lagi ke tingkat atas tadi, tapi gara-gara aku kecapekan, aku kena serangan jantung..... ......... memang sakit dan akhirnya aku mati."
Hantu 2 : "Alamak, kenapa ngga kau cari di lemari eeeess... kalau ngga, kan kita masih hidup sekarang! Bodoh!"
Mileage in the USA
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Very very very efficient... ..;-)
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Very very very efficient... ..;-)
Music by Definition
JAZZ : Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
BLUES : Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
OPERA : People singing when they should be talking.
RAP : People talking when they should be singing.
CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
HEAVY METAL : Codpiece and chaps
HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.
BLUES : Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
OPERA : People singing when they should be talking.
RAP : People talking when they should be singing.
CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
HEAVY METAL : Codpiece and chaps
HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.
Tough decision
A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He’s riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver.
It’s after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. Taxi
He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.
They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man!
Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man’s head. Just then, his wife yells “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…”
* HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
* HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
* HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
* HE paid for our our lake-house and boat.
* HE paid for your country-club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!’
Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks “What should I do?”
The taxi driver replies, “I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.”
It’s after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. Taxi
He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.
They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man!
Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man’s head. Just then, his wife yells “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!…”
* HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
* HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
* HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
* HE paid for our our lake-house and boat.
* HE paid for your country-club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!’
Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks “What should I do?”
The taxi driver replies, “I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.”
The Best Investment Advice
If you're worrying about how to invest your money with Wall Street and the economy being so unstable, here is some guidance.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you will have $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg Plan.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you will have $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg Plan.
Irish Bank Robbery
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him, and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' asks the robber?
There is a few moments of silence, when one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
"I think me wife may have caught a glimpse."
On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him, and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
Did anyone else see my face?' asks the robber?
There is a few moments of silence, when one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says:
"I think me wife may have caught a glimpse."
Irish's logic
An Irishman who walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He always orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and just orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected me brothers though."
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He always orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and just orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected me brothers though."
A really bad day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
How To Get Free Sex On The Big Event
An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
(Gotta Love Military Time)
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
(Gotta Love Military Time)
ATM
The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.
Woman and Good Looking Guy
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered. He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare. The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear. "I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice. "Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized for only fifty dollars. There's just one condition..." Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand.
She leaned over and whispered into his ear... "Clean... my... house."
He...he...he. ..what do you expect ?????
She leaned over and whispered into his ear... "Clean... my... house."
He...he...he. ..what do you expect ?????
Kunci
Question : Coba jelasin kenapa kalo cewek sudah "make love" dengan 5 cowok dibilang cewek nggak bener, tapi kalo cowok sudah "make love" dengan 10 cewek dibilang cowok hebat...?
Answer : Penjelasannya sederhana. Kalau satu lubang kunci bisa dibuka oleh banyak anak kunci, maka lubang kunci itu pasti sudah rusak. Tapi kalau anak kunci bisa membuka banyak lubang kunci, disebut "MASTER KEY...!!!”
Answer : Penjelasannya sederhana. Kalau satu lubang kunci bisa dibuka oleh banyak anak kunci, maka lubang kunci itu pasti sudah rusak. Tapi kalau anak kunci bisa membuka banyak lubang kunci, disebut "MASTER KEY...!!!”
American Indian Name
A little American Indian boy asked his father, the Big Chief of the tribe: "Father, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have short names like Bill, Tex or Sam ?"
"My son", replied his father, "Our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem in our culture; not like the white men who live all together and merely repeat their names from generation to generation. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake because, on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and of the life force of our people. It's really very simple and easy to understand”.
"Do you have any other questions for me, Little Broken Condom Made In China ?"
"My son", replied his father, "Our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem in our culture; not like the white men who live all together and merely repeat their names from generation to generation. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake because, on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and of the life force of our people. It's really very simple and easy to understand”.
"Do you have any other questions for me, Little Broken Condom Made In China ?"
Computer Dating
This sound like a good idea to explain thing to the little kids.
"Daddy, How was I Born?"
Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"
"Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe."
"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive."
"As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
"Daddy, How was I Born?"
Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"
"Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe."
"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive."
"As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male!"
Smart People
Most likely people will say that lawyers are smart. See the list of actual questionings during a court case and you will see how "smart" these lawyers are.
These are 30 things people actually said in court, word for word.
1. Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
9. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
10. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
11. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
12. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
13. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
14. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
15. Q: Did he kill you?
16. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
17. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
18. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
19. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
20. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
21. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
22. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
23. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
24. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
25. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
26. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
27. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
28 Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
29. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
30. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
These are 30 things people actually said in court, word for word.
1. Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
2. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
9. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
10. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
11. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
12. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
13. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
14. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
15. Q: Did he kill you?
16. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
17. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
18. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
19. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
20. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
21. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
22. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
23. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
24. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
25. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
26. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
27. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
28 Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
29. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
30. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Robot Penampar
Seorang profesor penemu ulung berhasil menciptakan robot yang bisa mendeteksi kebohongan.Si robot akan langsung menampar bila mendengar orang berbohong... ...
Sang profesor menunggu anaknya yg selalu pulang terlambat dari sekolah.
Ketika anaknya sampai dirumah, sang profesor bertanya:
P: " kamu dari mana ? Kok pulangnya telat ?"
A: "Ada pelajaran tambahan yah." jawab si anak
* PLAK * sang robot menampar sang anak....
P: " Nak , ini adalah robot terbaru ayah, dia akan menampar siapapun yang berbohong!
Sekarang katakan dengan jujur kenapa pulangnya telat????!
A:" Maap ayah ....aku habis nonoton pilem dirumah teman..."
P: "pilem apa?'
A:"Pilem sinetron yah"
* PLAK* sianak ditampar lagi oleh robot.
P: "Ayo katakan denga jujur pilem apa??"
A:"Maap ayah ....saya nonoton pilem porno"
Mendengar itu marahlah si profesor.
P:"Kamu itu yach,mau jadi apa kamu nanti besar?.Perbuatan yg benar-benar memalukan ! Ayah waktu seumuran kamu gak pernah nonoton pilem porno seperti kamu ..!!
*PLAK* profesor ditampar sang robot .. .. Suasan hening untuk beberapa saat....
Isteri profesor datang dan langsung berkata...
I: "Makanya pa ,buah gak akan jatuh jauh dari pohonnya.Bagaimana juga dia kan... anak kandungnya papa sendiri,jadi. ......
*PLAK* sang robot menampar isteri profesor.... ......... ......
Sang profesor menunggu anaknya yg selalu pulang terlambat dari sekolah.
Ketika anaknya sampai dirumah, sang profesor bertanya:
P: " kamu dari mana ? Kok pulangnya telat ?"
A: "Ada pelajaran tambahan yah." jawab si anak
* PLAK * sang robot menampar sang anak....
P: " Nak , ini adalah robot terbaru ayah, dia akan menampar siapapun yang berbohong!
Sekarang katakan dengan jujur kenapa pulangnya telat????!
A:" Maap ayah ....aku habis nonoton pilem dirumah teman..."
P: "pilem apa?'
A:"Pilem sinetron yah"
* PLAK* sianak ditampar lagi oleh robot.
P: "Ayo katakan denga jujur pilem apa??"
A:"Maap ayah ....saya nonoton pilem porno"
Mendengar itu marahlah si profesor.
P:"Kamu itu yach,mau jadi apa kamu nanti besar?.Perbuatan yg benar-benar memalukan ! Ayah waktu seumuran kamu gak pernah nonoton pilem porno seperti kamu ..!!
*PLAK* profesor ditampar sang robot .. .. Suasan hening untuk beberapa saat....
Isteri profesor datang dan langsung berkata...
I: "Makanya pa ,buah gak akan jatuh jauh dari pohonnya.Bagaimana juga dia kan... anak kandungnya papa sendiri,jadi. ......
*PLAK* sang robot menampar isteri profesor.... ......... ......
Cybersex
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an Online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from WalMart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner ...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you... umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed aching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my... you know... thing... in your... you know... woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: (logged off)
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from WalMart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner ...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you... umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed aching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my... you know... thing... in your... you know... woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: (logged off)
Pair of Gloves
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:
My Dearest,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love, Roger
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
I wonder what will the girl's reaction be after reading the letter ?
My Dearest,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love, Roger
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
I wonder what will the girl's reaction be after reading the letter ?
Guess What?
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
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You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
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You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
Kendaraan di Surga
Tiga pria meninggal dan masuk surga.
Surga mempunyai peraturan bahwa setiap orang jahat maupun orang baik akan mendapat kendaraan yang pantas dengan perbuatannya.
Lelaki pertama tiba & malaikat bertanya, "Brp thn kãµ menikah?"
Jawab lelaki pertama,"20thn"
"Berapa kali kamu mengkhianati istrimu?"
Jawab lelaki pertama, "5 kali"
"Baiklah," jawab sang malaikat, "Kamu boleh masuk tapi hanya mendapat Kijang"
Lelaki pertamapun berlalu dengan Kijangnya.
Berikutnya adalah lelaki kedua.
"Berapa tahun kamu menikah?" Jawab lelaki kedua, "30 tahun"
"Berapa kali kamu mengkhianati istrimu?"
"2 kali"
"Lumayan... Kamu pantas mendapatkan BMW"
Tibalah kini lelaki ketiga dan malaikatpun mengajukan pertanyaan yang sama
yang di jawab si lelaki ketiga, "50 tahun"
"Berapa kali kamu mengkhianati istrimu?"
"Tidak pernah"
"Luar biasa! Ini kunci untuk Ferrari"
Suatu hari, tatkala lelaki pertama dan kedua tadi tengah mengendarai mobilnya, mereka melihat lelaki ketiga duduk di tepi jalan sambil menangis.
Mereka menghampirinya dan bertanya "Ngapain kamu nangis? Ga puas sama Ferrari ?"
Jawab lelaki ketiga sambil mengusap air matanya, "Tadi aku berpapasan dengan istriku...,, Dia naik sepeda.."
huhu..
Surga mempunyai peraturan bahwa setiap orang jahat maupun orang baik akan mendapat kendaraan yang pantas dengan perbuatannya.
Lelaki pertama tiba & malaikat bertanya, "Brp thn kãµ menikah?"
Jawab lelaki pertama,"20thn"
"Berapa kali kamu mengkhianati istrimu?"
Jawab lelaki pertama, "5 kali"
"Baiklah," jawab sang malaikat, "Kamu boleh masuk tapi hanya mendapat Kijang"
Lelaki pertamapun berlalu dengan Kijangnya.
Berikutnya adalah lelaki kedua.
"Berapa tahun kamu menikah?" Jawab lelaki kedua, "30 tahun"
"Berapa kali kamu mengkhianati istrimu?"
"2 kali"
"Lumayan... Kamu pantas mendapatkan BMW"
Tibalah kini lelaki ketiga dan malaikatpun mengajukan pertanyaan yang sama
yang di jawab si lelaki ketiga, "50 tahun"
"Berapa kali kamu mengkhianati istrimu?"
"Tidak pernah"
"Luar biasa! Ini kunci untuk Ferrari"
Suatu hari, tatkala lelaki pertama dan kedua tadi tengah mengendarai mobilnya, mereka melihat lelaki ketiga duduk di tepi jalan sambil menangis.
Mereka menghampirinya dan bertanya "Ngapain kamu nangis? Ga puas sama Ferrari ?"
Jawab lelaki ketiga sambil mengusap air matanya, "Tadi aku berpapasan dengan istriku...,, Dia naik sepeda.."
huhu..
Gadis Satu Kantor
MUI Jakarta mengeluarkan fatwa baru.
Haram Hukumnya Bagi Seorang Laki2 Menikah Dengan Gadis Satu kantor"
Setelah diadakan rapat dan diskusi diantara para pemimpin MUI dan dewan
pakarnya, dan juga telah ditimbang berdasarkan ayat-ayat alquran dan
hadis nabi yang terpercaya sahihnya, maka MUI mengeluarkan fatwa :
"HARAM HUKUMNYA BAGI SEORANG LAKI-LAKI UNTUK MENIKAH DENGAN GADIS SATU KANTOR"
Fatwa MUI ini telah menimbulkan perdebatan yang sangat sengit antara
yang pro dan kontra. Bahkan banyak pihak yang menyatakan bahwa MUI telah
gegabah mengambil keputusan tersebut. Untuk mencari tahu alasan MUI mengeluarkan fatwa tersebut, maka wartawan Republika mewawancarai
sekretaris umum MUI Prof.Dr. Din Syamsudin.
Inilah isi wawancara tersebut:
Wartawan:
"Pak Syamsudin, bagaimana MUI bisa mengeluarkan fatwa haram untuk
menikahi gadis sekantor?"
Prof.Dr.Din Syamsudin:
"Emang haram, menikahi satu orang gadis aja berat, apalagi satu kantor...Please deh...jangan gilllaa ddooong".
Haram Hukumnya Bagi Seorang Laki2 Menikah Dengan Gadis Satu kantor"
Setelah diadakan rapat dan diskusi diantara para pemimpin MUI dan dewan
pakarnya, dan juga telah ditimbang berdasarkan ayat-ayat alquran dan
hadis nabi yang terpercaya sahihnya, maka MUI mengeluarkan fatwa :
"HARAM HUKUMNYA BAGI SEORANG LAKI-LAKI UNTUK MENIKAH DENGAN GADIS SATU KANTOR"
Fatwa MUI ini telah menimbulkan perdebatan yang sangat sengit antara
yang pro dan kontra. Bahkan banyak pihak yang menyatakan bahwa MUI telah
gegabah mengambil keputusan tersebut. Untuk mencari tahu alasan MUI mengeluarkan fatwa tersebut, maka wartawan Republika mewawancarai
sekretaris umum MUI Prof.Dr. Din Syamsudin.
Inilah isi wawancara tersebut:
Wartawan:
"Pak Syamsudin, bagaimana MUI bisa mengeluarkan fatwa haram untuk
menikahi gadis sekantor?"
Prof.Dr.Din Syamsudin:
"Emang haram, menikahi satu orang gadis aja berat, apalagi satu kantor...Please deh...jangan gilllaa ddooong".
Si Otong
Ida & Adi telah menikah selama 20 tahun. Suatu hari ketika Ida pulang dari menjenguk ibunya, didapatinya Adi sedang berhubungan intim dengan perempuan muda di kamarnya. Dengan marah, Ida membanting pintu & bermaksud pergi meninggalkan rumah.
Adi mengejarnya sambil berkata, "Dengar dulu dong penjelasanku. Paling tidak sebelum loe pergi, loe tahu asal mula kejadian nya."
Agak penasaran, Ida menghentikan langkahnya.
"Tadi waktu pulang kantor, gue melihat perempuan muda ini di jalan, dengan pakaian compang camping & basah akibat kehujanan.
Merasa kasihan, gue bawa dia ke rumah. Dia lapar, jadi aku beri makanan yang loe simpan di kulkas, yang loe sudah lupa.
Lalu kuberi pakaian loe yang sudah lama tidak loe pakai karena kekecilan.
Lalu aku lihat dia tidak pakai alas kaki, jadi aku beri sandalmu yang tidak loe pakai lagi karena sudah ketinggalan jaman.
Terus gue beri dia sweater yang dulu kubelikan untuk ulang tahun loe, tapi gak pernah loe pakai juga karena warnanya tidak cocok," kata suaminya.
Dia menambahkan, "Sebenarnya perempuan tersebut sudah mau pergi, tapi dia bertanya lagi, "Masih ada gak, barang yang tidak pernah lagi dipakai oleh istri Bapak ?????"...... .
Lalu....
"Gue kasih aja si otong yang udah lama loe cuekin……."
Adi mengejarnya sambil berkata, "Dengar dulu dong penjelasanku. Paling tidak sebelum loe pergi, loe tahu asal mula kejadian nya."
Agak penasaran, Ida menghentikan langkahnya.
"Tadi waktu pulang kantor, gue melihat perempuan muda ini di jalan, dengan pakaian compang camping & basah akibat kehujanan.
Merasa kasihan, gue bawa dia ke rumah. Dia lapar, jadi aku beri makanan yang loe simpan di kulkas, yang loe sudah lupa.
Lalu kuberi pakaian loe yang sudah lama tidak loe pakai karena kekecilan.
Lalu aku lihat dia tidak pakai alas kaki, jadi aku beri sandalmu yang tidak loe pakai lagi karena sudah ketinggalan jaman.
Terus gue beri dia sweater yang dulu kubelikan untuk ulang tahun loe, tapi gak pernah loe pakai juga karena warnanya tidak cocok," kata suaminya.
Dia menambahkan, "Sebenarnya perempuan tersebut sudah mau pergi, tapi dia bertanya lagi, "Masih ada gak, barang yang tidak pernah lagi dipakai oleh istri Bapak ?????"...... .
Lalu....
"Gue kasih aja si otong yang udah lama loe cuekin……."
Kiss & Slap
There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."
The Irishman was thinking: "This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again."
Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.
The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."
The Irishman was thinking: "This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again."
Kiss On The Ass
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Oom Liem
Om Liem Sioe Liong, konglomerat Indonesia, suatu hari dia diwawancarai wartawan yang akan meliput success storynya sampai mencapai sukses :
Wartawan : Oom, bagaimana ceritanya sampai Oom sukses menjadi konglokerat ?
Oom Liem : Peltama-tama Oom pelihala bebek.
W : Sukses Oom ?
OL : Bebek beltelul wuanyak2, jadi bebeknya wunyak sekali. Tapi lugi.
W : Koq bisa rugi, Oom ?
OL : Olang Inthonesiya gak suka bebek. Kalo Olang Beijing suka Bebek Peking, jadi lugi-lah
W : Jadi usaha apa Oom ?
OL : Oom coba pelihala babi.
W : Sukses Oom ?
OL : Tau sendili lah, babi belanak-lanak wunyak, bisa 8 sampe 10 ekol sekali belanak. Tapi lugi juga.
W : Kenapa Oom ?
OL : Abis, olang Inthonesiya wuanyak masuk Islam, gak makan babi
W : Terusnya gimana Oom ?
OL : Hai ya ! Pikil punya pikil, Oom punya akal begini saja :
Pelihala BEBEK wuanyak2 lugi,
Pelihala BABI wuanyak2 lugi
PELIHALA BABE SATU SAJA CUKUP !
Wartawan : Oom, bagaimana ceritanya sampai Oom sukses menjadi konglokerat ?
Oom Liem : Peltama-tama Oom pelihala bebek.
W : Sukses Oom ?
OL : Bebek beltelul wuanyak2, jadi bebeknya wunyak sekali. Tapi lugi.
W : Koq bisa rugi, Oom ?
OL : Olang Inthonesiya gak suka bebek. Kalo Olang Beijing suka Bebek Peking, jadi lugi-lah
W : Jadi usaha apa Oom ?
OL : Oom coba pelihala babi.
W : Sukses Oom ?
OL : Tau sendili lah, babi belanak-lanak wunyak, bisa 8 sampe 10 ekol sekali belanak. Tapi lugi juga.
W : Kenapa Oom ?
OL : Abis, olang Inthonesiya wuanyak masuk Islam, gak makan babi
W : Terusnya gimana Oom ?
OL : Hai ya ! Pikil punya pikil, Oom punya akal begini saja :
Pelihala BEBEK wuanyak2 lugi,
Pelihala BABI wuanyak2 lugi
PELIHALA BABE SATU SAJA CUKUP !
Adam In Amsterdam
Seorang awak buah kapal mengalami kecelakaan dan kakinya patah.
Dia diopname di rumah sakit, kakinya di-gips dan harus berbaring di rumah sakit cukup lama.
Seperti biasanya, para suster selama istirahat berkumpul dan saling menceritakan hal-hal yang aneh dan lucu dari para pasien.
Seorang suster senior menceritakan tentang ABK yang mengalami patah kaki.
Walaupun dia telah berpengalaman lebih dari 25 tahun, dia heran ketika dia memandikan pasien itu, dia melihat seluruh tubuh ABK tersebut penuh dengan tatto, sampai2 ‘si otong’ juga ditatto “ADAM”, namanya si ABK.
Seorang suster muda yang baru lulus pendidikan, pengin tahu keunikan ABK tersebut, dan dia minta untuk memandikan ABK itu.
Setelah suster muda yang sexy dan rada2 genit itu selesai dengan tugasnya memandikan ABK itu, teman2nya menanyakan apakah betul ‘si otong’ ditatto namanya ?
Dia menjawab : “Ah, suster senior salah baca. Bukannya “ADAM” tetapi ‘AMSTERDAM”.
Dia diopname di rumah sakit, kakinya di-gips dan harus berbaring di rumah sakit cukup lama.
Seperti biasanya, para suster selama istirahat berkumpul dan saling menceritakan hal-hal yang aneh dan lucu dari para pasien.
Seorang suster senior menceritakan tentang ABK yang mengalami patah kaki.
Walaupun dia telah berpengalaman lebih dari 25 tahun, dia heran ketika dia memandikan pasien itu, dia melihat seluruh tubuh ABK tersebut penuh dengan tatto, sampai2 ‘si otong’ juga ditatto “ADAM”, namanya si ABK.
Seorang suster muda yang baru lulus pendidikan, pengin tahu keunikan ABK tersebut, dan dia minta untuk memandikan ABK itu.
Setelah suster muda yang sexy dan rada2 genit itu selesai dengan tugasnya memandikan ABK itu, teman2nya menanyakan apakah betul ‘si otong’ ditatto namanya ?
Dia menjawab : “Ah, suster senior salah baca. Bukannya “ADAM” tetapi ‘AMSTERDAM”.
Dermawan
Seorang pria dengan dandanan perlente, mengenakan jas, dan berkesan kaya berjalan keluar dari sebuah gedung perbankan di Jakarta. Ketika di depan gedung, seorang pengemis seumuran dirinya, dengan muka layu dan pakaian compang-camping penuh debu memohon sedekah darinya.
"Tuan kasihani saya, minta uang Rp20 ribu, tuan," ungkap pengemis meminta.
Si pria berhenti spontan dan dipandangnya wajah pengemis itu sejenak dan bertanya, "Kalau saya beri Rp20.000, kamu tidak akan pakai untuk minum-minum kan?"
"Oh tidak tuan, saya tidak suka minuman keras," jawab pengemis spontan juga.
Si pria meneruskan pertanyaan, "Juga tidak akan pakai buat berjudi?"
"Tentu tidak tuan, saya tidak suka berjudi," jawabnya memelas.
"Juga tidak dipakai main perempuan?" tambahnya terus bertanya.
"Tidak, tidak. seumur-umur saya tidak pernah suka main perempuan," jawab pengemis berusaha meyakinkan.
Pria kaya itu pikir-pikir sebentar lalu berkata lagi pada pengemis, "Gini saja, kamu ikut saya pulang. Saya kenalkan sama istri saya, setelah itu kamu saya kasih Rp2 juta."
Si pengemis menjawab, "Lho kok, buat apa tuan?"
"Saya mau kasih lihat istri saya, kalau seorang laki laki tidak suka minum-minum, tidak suka berjudi, dan tidak suka main perempuan, hasilnya seperti kamu ini!" jawab si pria.
"Tuan kasihani saya, minta uang Rp20 ribu, tuan," ungkap pengemis meminta.
Si pria berhenti spontan dan dipandangnya wajah pengemis itu sejenak dan bertanya, "Kalau saya beri Rp20.000, kamu tidak akan pakai untuk minum-minum kan?"
"Oh tidak tuan, saya tidak suka minuman keras," jawab pengemis spontan juga.
Si pria meneruskan pertanyaan, "Juga tidak akan pakai buat berjudi?"
"Tentu tidak tuan, saya tidak suka berjudi," jawabnya memelas.
"Juga tidak dipakai main perempuan?" tambahnya terus bertanya.
"Tidak, tidak. seumur-umur saya tidak pernah suka main perempuan," jawab pengemis berusaha meyakinkan.
Pria kaya itu pikir-pikir sebentar lalu berkata lagi pada pengemis, "Gini saja, kamu ikut saya pulang. Saya kenalkan sama istri saya, setelah itu kamu saya kasih Rp2 juta."
Si pengemis menjawab, "Lho kok, buat apa tuan?"
"Saya mau kasih lihat istri saya, kalau seorang laki laki tidak suka minum-minum, tidak suka berjudi, dan tidak suka main perempuan, hasilnya seperti kamu ini!" jawab si pria.
Minta Naik Gaji
Pembantu: "Nyonya,saya mau minta kenaikan gaji..."
Nyonya: "Knp saya hrs menaikkan gaji km?"
Pembantu: "Ada 3 alasan nyonya,pertama saya membersihkan rmh lbh bersih drpd nyonya."
Nyonya: "Siapa yg blng?"
Pembantu: "Tuan yg blng."
Nyonya: "Oh?"
Pembantu: "Kedua,saya memasak lbh enak drpd nyonya."
Nyonya: "Siapa yg blng?"
Pembantu: "Tuan yg blng."
Nyonya: "Oh?"
Pembantu: "Ketiga,saya di ranjang lbh hebat drpd nyonya."
Nyonya: "Oh?! Apa tuan jg yg blng?!"
Pembantu: "Bkn nyonya,supir yg blng."
Nyonya: "Sssttt...km minta kenaikan brp?"
Nyonya: "Knp saya hrs menaikkan gaji km?"
Pembantu: "Ada 3 alasan nyonya,pertama saya membersihkan rmh lbh bersih drpd nyonya."
Nyonya: "Siapa yg blng?"
Pembantu: "Tuan yg blng."
Nyonya: "Oh?"
Pembantu: "Kedua,saya memasak lbh enak drpd nyonya."
Nyonya: "Siapa yg blng?"
Pembantu: "Tuan yg blng."
Nyonya: "Oh?"
Pembantu: "Ketiga,saya di ranjang lbh hebat drpd nyonya."
Nyonya: "Oh?! Apa tuan jg yg blng?!"
Pembantu: "Bkn nyonya,supir yg blng."
Nyonya: "Sssttt...km minta kenaikan brp?"
Rahasia Seks
Pak Sumo dan Bu Sumi pasangan suami istri yang sangat tua sepakat mengunjungi tempat pertama bertemu untuk bernostalgia.
Pak Sumo : " Bune, ingat ketika bertemu pertama kali 50 tahun lalu? Kita pergi dari rumah makan ini, jalan kaki menuju pojokan sana di belakang pom bensin, di pagar itu kita bercinta dengan gaya main belakang ?
Bu Sumi: "Oh..tentu saja ingat, Pakne sayang.
Pak Sumo: "Kalo gitu mengenang masa lalu, bagaimana kalau kita kembali ke sana dan melakukannya lagi seperti dulu dan..ehem.. tentu saja posisinya tetap dari belakang.
Seorang pemuda bernama Joni kebetulan berada di rumah makan duduk membelakangi, tertarik mendengar pembicaraan pasangan tua ini. Penasaran, Joni mengikuti Pak Sumo dan Bu Sumi berjalan kaki meninggalkan rumah makan.
Di belakang pom bensin, Joni melihat Bu Sumi menurunkan celana dalamnya dan mengangkat roknya, sementara Pak Sumo melepaskan celana dalamnya dan memeluk pinggul sang nenek dari belakang. Bu Sumi mengambil posisi dengan berpegangan pada pagar besi di depannya. Lalu tubuh keduanya bergerak sangat cepat sehingga pagar yang dipegang bergetar hebat. Semua gerakan seolah-olah kabur saking cepatnya. Mereka melakukannya tanpa berhenti sedikitpun sampai akhirnya mereka jatuh ke tanah dan tidak bergerak sama sekali sampai beberapa puluh menit kemudian.
Jonipun terpesona, belum pernah ia melihat adegan seks sedahsyat itu. "Aku harus tahu apa rahasianya! Masa seorang kakek bisa bercinta seperti itu, apalagi aku yang masih muda," kata Joni. Akhirnya dengan memberanikan diri, Joni menghampiri Pak Sumo dan Bu Sumi yang terbaring lemah.
Joni: "Pak, maaf..kebetulan saya menyaksikan apa yang baru terjadi. Selama hidup, belum pernah saya melihat seorangpun dapat bercinta seperti itu. Apa sih rahasianya? Saya yakin 50 tahun lalu Bapak pasti lebih hebat lagi dong ? "
Meski dalam kondisi sangat lemah, Pak Sumo menjawab : "Nak, 50 tahun lalu pagar brengsek ini ghak ada listriknya.. ..!!!! ”
Pak Sumo : " Bune, ingat ketika bertemu pertama kali 50 tahun lalu? Kita pergi dari rumah makan ini, jalan kaki menuju pojokan sana di belakang pom bensin, di pagar itu kita bercinta dengan gaya main belakang ?
Bu Sumi: "Oh..tentu saja ingat, Pakne sayang.
Pak Sumo: "Kalo gitu mengenang masa lalu, bagaimana kalau kita kembali ke sana dan melakukannya lagi seperti dulu dan..ehem.. tentu saja posisinya tetap dari belakang.
Seorang pemuda bernama Joni kebetulan berada di rumah makan duduk membelakangi, tertarik mendengar pembicaraan pasangan tua ini. Penasaran, Joni mengikuti Pak Sumo dan Bu Sumi berjalan kaki meninggalkan rumah makan.
Di belakang pom bensin, Joni melihat Bu Sumi menurunkan celana dalamnya dan mengangkat roknya, sementara Pak Sumo melepaskan celana dalamnya dan memeluk pinggul sang nenek dari belakang. Bu Sumi mengambil posisi dengan berpegangan pada pagar besi di depannya. Lalu tubuh keduanya bergerak sangat cepat sehingga pagar yang dipegang bergetar hebat. Semua gerakan seolah-olah kabur saking cepatnya. Mereka melakukannya tanpa berhenti sedikitpun sampai akhirnya mereka jatuh ke tanah dan tidak bergerak sama sekali sampai beberapa puluh menit kemudian.
Jonipun terpesona, belum pernah ia melihat adegan seks sedahsyat itu. "Aku harus tahu apa rahasianya! Masa seorang kakek bisa bercinta seperti itu, apalagi aku yang masih muda," kata Joni. Akhirnya dengan memberanikan diri, Joni menghampiri Pak Sumo dan Bu Sumi yang terbaring lemah.
Joni: "Pak, maaf..kebetulan saya menyaksikan apa yang baru terjadi. Selama hidup, belum pernah saya melihat seorangpun dapat bercinta seperti itu. Apa sih rahasianya? Saya yakin 50 tahun lalu Bapak pasti lebih hebat lagi dong ? "
Meski dalam kondisi sangat lemah, Pak Sumo menjawab : "Nak, 50 tahun lalu pagar brengsek ini ghak ada listriknya.. ..!!!! ”
Ga Ada Air Susu
Seorang wanita datang menggendong bayi ke dokter anak.
Dia disuruh masuk keruangan dokter dan menunggu.
Begitu dokter keluar, dokter memeriksa si bayi dan bertanya : "Bayi ini minum asi apa susu kaleng??", "Asi dok... " jawab si wanita.
“Ok, coba buka baju ibu”, kata si dokter.
Si wanita pun menurut.
"Saya mau periksa susu ibu" lanjut si dokter.
Si dokter pun mulai pegang2 payu dara si ibu dan dipencet2.
Si ibu diam aja, abis dokternya masih muda dan ganteng.
Lalu si dokter berkata : "Pantes aja bayi ibu lapar, ibu enggak ada air susunya."
Lalu dengan santai si wanita menjawab
"Memang, saya kan tantenya.... ."
Dia disuruh masuk keruangan dokter dan menunggu.
Begitu dokter keluar, dokter memeriksa si bayi dan bertanya : "Bayi ini minum asi apa susu kaleng??", "Asi dok... " jawab si wanita.
“Ok, coba buka baju ibu”, kata si dokter.
Si wanita pun menurut.
"Saya mau periksa susu ibu" lanjut si dokter.
Si dokter pun mulai pegang2 payu dara si ibu dan dipencet2.
Si ibu diam aja, abis dokternya masih muda dan ganteng.
Lalu si dokter berkata : "Pantes aja bayi ibu lapar, ibu enggak ada air susunya."
Lalu dengan santai si wanita menjawab
"Memang, saya kan tantenya.... ."
Duda Bokek
Ari yg 2 tahun menduda sdh tdk bs lg menahan hasratnya. Walaupun dgn duit pas2an, ia memberanikan diri pergi ke lokalisasi.
Sesampainya disana, ia disambut sang germo..
Germo: Malam, Bang.. Nyari cewek yah? Mau yg bgmn selera Abang?
Ari: Saya mau cewek yg terbaik disini!
Germo: Siap, Bang.. Ini ada brg baru. Namanya Deasy. Umurnya br 16 tahun. Cantik n putih mulus. Gimana, mau?
Ari: Boleh..
Germo (berteriak kpd anak buahnya): Jonooo.. Siapkan Deasy!!
Ari: Psst.. Tp berapa tarifnya?
Germo: 500 ribu, Bang..
Ari: Hah?! Mahal amat.. Ga mau ah..
Germo: Ya udah.. Klo gtu, sama Lina aja ya? Anaknya baik, agak hitam tp manis.. Gimana?
Ari: Ya udah.. Itu aja, ga pa2..
Germo (berteriak kpd anak buahnya): Jonooo.. Siapkan Lina!! Deasy batal..!!
Ari: Psst.. Lina berapa tarifnya..?
Germo: 300 ribu aja, bang..
Ari: Aduh.. Masih kemahalan..
Germo: Hmmm.. Ga pa2, Bang. Klo gtu, sm Yuni aja ya? Umurnya sih 35, tp service nya muantabb..! Gimana, Bang?
Ari: Okelah..
Germo berteriak kpd anak buahnya: Jonooo.. Siapkan Yuni!! Lina batal..!!
Ari: Psst.. Klo Yuni, berapa neeh..?
Germo: Murah, Bang.. Cm 150rb..
Ari: Aduuh.. Masih Kemahalan. Duit saya masih kurang..
Germo: Emang Abang ada duit berapa sih?
Ari: Cuma 50 ribu.. Tolong atur deh..
Germo (berteriak kpd anak buahnya): Jonooo...... !! Siapkan Dirimu!! Yuni batal..!!
Sesampainya disana, ia disambut sang germo..
Germo: Malam, Bang.. Nyari cewek yah? Mau yg bgmn selera Abang?
Ari: Saya mau cewek yg terbaik disini!
Germo: Siap, Bang.. Ini ada brg baru. Namanya Deasy. Umurnya br 16 tahun. Cantik n putih mulus. Gimana, mau?
Ari: Boleh..
Germo (berteriak kpd anak buahnya): Jonooo.. Siapkan Deasy!!
Ari: Psst.. Tp berapa tarifnya?
Germo: 500 ribu, Bang..
Ari: Hah?! Mahal amat.. Ga mau ah..
Germo: Ya udah.. Klo gtu, sama Lina aja ya? Anaknya baik, agak hitam tp manis.. Gimana?
Ari: Ya udah.. Itu aja, ga pa2..
Germo (berteriak kpd anak buahnya): Jonooo.. Siapkan Lina!! Deasy batal..!!
Ari: Psst.. Lina berapa tarifnya..?
Germo: 300 ribu aja, bang..
Ari: Aduh.. Masih kemahalan..
Germo: Hmmm.. Ga pa2, Bang. Klo gtu, sm Yuni aja ya? Umurnya sih 35, tp service nya muantabb..! Gimana, Bang?
Ari: Okelah..
Germo berteriak kpd anak buahnya: Jonooo.. Siapkan Yuni!! Lina batal..!!
Ari: Psst.. Klo Yuni, berapa neeh..?
Germo: Murah, Bang.. Cm 150rb..
Ari: Aduuh.. Masih Kemahalan. Duit saya masih kurang..
Germo: Emang Abang ada duit berapa sih?
Ari: Cuma 50 ribu.. Tolong atur deh..
Germo (berteriak kpd anak buahnya): Jonooo...... !! Siapkan Dirimu!! Yuni batal..!!
Selingkuhan Papa
Ini sebuah kisah nyata pertengkaran hebat suami istri yg nggak sepantasnya dicontoh, apalagi melibatkan anak2.
Mohon dijadikan pelajaran... ...
Begini ceritanya:
Ratna adalah seorang ibu rumah tangga yg selalu setia pada suaminya.
Dia selalu menunggu kedatangan suaminya pulang dari kantor utk menyambutnya dgn cinta dan kasih sayang.
Suatu hari, ratna ingin memasakkan makanan istimewa utk suaminya.
Dia menelpon Handphone sang suami utk menanyakan apa makanan yg diinginkannya hari itu.
Ah... ternyata pulsa ratna habis.
Dia berteriak pd tono, anaknya yg lagi maen PS di lantai atas.
Ton...tolong telponin HP Papa mu, pulsa mama habis nih.
Bilang Papa, Mama nanyain mo makan apa papa hari ini.
Iya ma, jawab tono.
Tak lama kemudian tono turun.
Udah 3 kali tono telpon, papa gak jawab ma. Yg jawab malah cewek, ujar tono.
Muka ratna merah padam tapi dia berusaha menahan kemarahan di depan anaknya.
Ya sudah kamu naik ke atas, katanya.
Sore sang suami pulang dan tanpa ba bi bu ratna lsg memukulnya dengan sapu di rumah tanpa ampun.
Sang suami berteriak teriak kesakitan. Ratna tdk peduli, kemarahannya memuncak.
Para tetangga berdatangan dan melerai. Pak rt juga datang.
Setelah disabarkan, ratna menanyakan pada suaminya siapa wanita yg diselingkuhinya.
Sang suami membantah, mereka saling tuduh.
Akhirnya tono dipanggil. Ini saksinya, anakmu. 3 kali dia menelpon hpmu, yg jawab pelacurmu itu., ujar ratna kasar.
Bilang ton, apa bener kamu denger cewek ngangkat hp papa???
i..i..i..yaaa pa.
Hah bohong kamu.!!!!!!. . Emang cewek itu bilang apa.?????
Di... di.... di.. aa bilang:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
nomor yang anda tuju sedang tidak aktif atau berada di luar servis area.
Cobalah beberapa saat lagi........ ......... .
Mohon dijadikan pelajaran... ...
Begini ceritanya:
Ratna adalah seorang ibu rumah tangga yg selalu setia pada suaminya.
Dia selalu menunggu kedatangan suaminya pulang dari kantor utk menyambutnya dgn cinta dan kasih sayang.
Suatu hari, ratna ingin memasakkan makanan istimewa utk suaminya.
Dia menelpon Handphone sang suami utk menanyakan apa makanan yg diinginkannya hari itu.
Ah... ternyata pulsa ratna habis.
Dia berteriak pd tono, anaknya yg lagi maen PS di lantai atas.
Ton...tolong telponin HP Papa mu, pulsa mama habis nih.
Bilang Papa, Mama nanyain mo makan apa papa hari ini.
Iya ma, jawab tono.
Tak lama kemudian tono turun.
Udah 3 kali tono telpon, papa gak jawab ma. Yg jawab malah cewek, ujar tono.
Muka ratna merah padam tapi dia berusaha menahan kemarahan di depan anaknya.
Ya sudah kamu naik ke atas, katanya.
Sore sang suami pulang dan tanpa ba bi bu ratna lsg memukulnya dengan sapu di rumah tanpa ampun.
Sang suami berteriak teriak kesakitan. Ratna tdk peduli, kemarahannya memuncak.
Para tetangga berdatangan dan melerai. Pak rt juga datang.
Setelah disabarkan, ratna menanyakan pada suaminya siapa wanita yg diselingkuhinya.
Sang suami membantah, mereka saling tuduh.
Akhirnya tono dipanggil. Ini saksinya, anakmu. 3 kali dia menelpon hpmu, yg jawab pelacurmu itu., ujar ratna kasar.
Bilang ton, apa bener kamu denger cewek ngangkat hp papa???
i..i..i..yaaa pa.
Hah bohong kamu.!!!!!!. . Emang cewek itu bilang apa.?????
Di... di.... di.. aa bilang:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
nomor yang anda tuju sedang tidak aktif atau berada di luar servis area.
Cobalah beberapa saat lagi........ ......... .
Pabrik Sosis
Seorang kaya di pedesaan, dengan susah payah mengirin puteranya untuk kuliah di Amerika.
Selama beberapa tahun, puteranya hanya dolan saja dan kuliahnya berantakan sehingga puteranya di-recall pulang kampung
Bapak : Nak, Kamu ngapain aja di Amerika ? Dolan melulu ngabisin duit. Gak tambah pinter, gak tambah pengetahuan.
Putera : Pak, pengetahuan saya kan bertambah banyak. Coba, sekarang aku tahu adanya gedung2 tinggi ..........
B memotong : Bapak juga tahu dari TV.
P : Tapi Bapak kan gak tahu ada pabrik yang kerjanya otomatis. Di ujung dimasukkan babi yang masih hidup, di ujung lainnya keluar sosis. Apa gak hebat?
B : Itu gak aneh. Tapi kalau masukkan sosis keluarnya babi, itu baru luar biasa.
P : Mana bisa ? Masukkan sosis, keluarnya babi ?
B : Bapak masukkan sosis, dan keluarnya babi, ya kamu itu !
Selama beberapa tahun, puteranya hanya dolan saja dan kuliahnya berantakan sehingga puteranya di-recall pulang kampung
Bapak : Nak, Kamu ngapain aja di Amerika ? Dolan melulu ngabisin duit. Gak tambah pinter, gak tambah pengetahuan.
Putera : Pak, pengetahuan saya kan bertambah banyak. Coba, sekarang aku tahu adanya gedung2 tinggi ..........
B memotong : Bapak juga tahu dari TV.
P : Tapi Bapak kan gak tahu ada pabrik yang kerjanya otomatis. Di ujung dimasukkan babi yang masih hidup, di ujung lainnya keluar sosis. Apa gak hebat?
B : Itu gak aneh. Tapi kalau masukkan sosis keluarnya babi, itu baru luar biasa.
P : Mana bisa ? Masukkan sosis, keluarnya babi ?
B : Bapak masukkan sosis, dan keluarnya babi, ya kamu itu !
Keluhan tentang Komputer
Jika Anda merasa gaptek soal komputer, jangan kuatir. Bukan Anda saja yang merasa demikian.
Jim Cartlon, seorang jurnalis Wall Street Journal, baru-baru ini mengumpulkan keluhan dari para konsumen komputer Amerika.
Dan ternyata keluhan mereka jauh lebih “idiot” daripada yang kita kira.
Berikut petikan keluhan2 konsumen yang super konyol itu :
1. Compaq pernah mempertimbangkan untuk mengubah perintah “Press ANY Key” menjadi “Press ENTER Key” dikarenakan banyaknya telefon yang menanyakan letak tombol “ANY” di keyboard.
2. AST Technical Support menerima laporan konsumen karena kesulitan menggunakan mouse.
Saat Techinal Support berkunjung, mereka menemukan mouse tersebut tidak bisa digunakan… karena masih terbungkus rapi di dalam plastiknya.
Penggunanya (seorang wanita) punya phobia (ketakutan) pada mouse (tikus) sehingga tidak berani mengeluarkannya dari dalam plastik.
3. Di tahun 1980-an, ketika floppy disk masih banyak digunakan, teknisi Compaq pernah menerima keluhan seorang konsumen yang disketnya tidak terbaca oleh drive-disk komputer.
Setelah diselidiki, ternyata konsumen itu sebelumnya memasukkan disket ke dalam mesin tik dan
mengetikkan label yang tertempel di disket itu.
4. Sebuah keluhan lain dari konsumen AST yang mengatakan disket mereka terkena virus yang sulit dibersihkan. Petugas AST meminta orang itu mengirimkan kopi disket yang terinfeksi itu untuk dipelajari. Beberapa hari kemudian, petugas AST menerima foto kopi disket dari konsumen tersebut.
5. Seorang konsumen DELL mengeluhkan kalau dia tidak dapat mengirimkan fax via komputer. Setelah diarahkan selama 40 menit lewat telepon, petugas DELL menemukan kalau konsumen itu mencoba mengefax via komputer dengan cara menempelkan kertas yang akan di fax di depan monitor.
6. Seorang konsumen DELL lain mengeluh karena keyboard yang digunakannya sudah tidak bisa berfungsi sejak dibersihkan. Ketika ditanya caranya membersihkan keyboard, dia menjelaskan, “Saya mencuci dan menggosok semua bagian keyboard dengan sabun, lalu membilasnya dengan air, dan menjemurnya. “
7. Seorang konsumen DELL marah besar karena tidak bisa menyalakan komputer yang baru dibelinya. “Semua sudah terpasang dengan baik. Tapi setiap kali saya tekan pedal kaki , tidak terjadi apa-apa.” Setelah diselidiki ternyata “pedal kaki” yang dimaksud orang itu adalah : mouse.
8. Seorang lagi konsumen DELL marah besar karena komputer barunya tidak nyala. Dia menjelaskan semua sudah terpasang dengan benar, dan ketika dia menunggu selama 20 menit, tidak terjadi apa-apa pada komputernya.
Ketika teknisi DELL menanyakan apakah “power switch” sudah dinyalakan, dia balik bertanya, “Power switch apa?”
9. Berikut adalah tanya-jawab antara petugas Novell NetWire dengan seorang konsumen :
Penelepon : Hallo, dengan Tech Support?
Novell : Ya, bisa dibantu?
Penelepon : Tatakan gelas di PC saya patah. Apa mungkin saya bisa menggantinya?
Novell : Tatakan gelas ? Apakah itu hadiah saat Anda membeli komputer?
Penelepon : Tidak. Tatakan gelas ini sudah ada di komputer saya. Dan ketika saya meletakkan gelas saya di atasnya, tatakan itu patah. Yang saya ketahui, di bagian depan tatakan itu ada tulisan “CD-ROM, 16X”.
(Saat itu juga, petugas Novell langsung mematikan telepon dan tertawa terpingkal-pingkal. ..)
Jim Cartlon, seorang jurnalis Wall Street Journal, baru-baru ini mengumpulkan keluhan dari para konsumen komputer Amerika.
Dan ternyata keluhan mereka jauh lebih “idiot” daripada yang kita kira.
Berikut petikan keluhan2 konsumen yang super konyol itu :
1. Compaq pernah mempertimbangkan untuk mengubah perintah “Press ANY Key” menjadi “Press ENTER Key” dikarenakan banyaknya telefon yang menanyakan letak tombol “ANY” di keyboard.
2. AST Technical Support menerima laporan konsumen karena kesulitan menggunakan mouse.
Saat Techinal Support berkunjung, mereka menemukan mouse tersebut tidak bisa digunakan… karena masih terbungkus rapi di dalam plastiknya.
Penggunanya (seorang wanita) punya phobia (ketakutan) pada mouse (tikus) sehingga tidak berani mengeluarkannya dari dalam plastik.
3. Di tahun 1980-an, ketika floppy disk masih banyak digunakan, teknisi Compaq pernah menerima keluhan seorang konsumen yang disketnya tidak terbaca oleh drive-disk komputer.
Setelah diselidiki, ternyata konsumen itu sebelumnya memasukkan disket ke dalam mesin tik dan
mengetikkan label yang tertempel di disket itu.
4. Sebuah keluhan lain dari konsumen AST yang mengatakan disket mereka terkena virus yang sulit dibersihkan. Petugas AST meminta orang itu mengirimkan kopi disket yang terinfeksi itu untuk dipelajari. Beberapa hari kemudian, petugas AST menerima foto kopi disket dari konsumen tersebut.
5. Seorang konsumen DELL mengeluhkan kalau dia tidak dapat mengirimkan fax via komputer. Setelah diarahkan selama 40 menit lewat telepon, petugas DELL menemukan kalau konsumen itu mencoba mengefax via komputer dengan cara menempelkan kertas yang akan di fax di depan monitor.
6. Seorang konsumen DELL lain mengeluh karena keyboard yang digunakannya sudah tidak bisa berfungsi sejak dibersihkan. Ketika ditanya caranya membersihkan keyboard, dia menjelaskan, “Saya mencuci dan menggosok semua bagian keyboard dengan sabun, lalu membilasnya dengan air, dan menjemurnya. “
7. Seorang konsumen DELL marah besar karena tidak bisa menyalakan komputer yang baru dibelinya. “Semua sudah terpasang dengan baik. Tapi setiap kali saya tekan pedal kaki , tidak terjadi apa-apa.” Setelah diselidiki ternyata “pedal kaki” yang dimaksud orang itu adalah : mouse.
8. Seorang lagi konsumen DELL marah besar karena komputer barunya tidak nyala. Dia menjelaskan semua sudah terpasang dengan benar, dan ketika dia menunggu selama 20 menit, tidak terjadi apa-apa pada komputernya.
Ketika teknisi DELL menanyakan apakah “power switch” sudah dinyalakan, dia balik bertanya, “Power switch apa?”
9. Berikut adalah tanya-jawab antara petugas Novell NetWire dengan seorang konsumen :
Penelepon : Hallo, dengan Tech Support?
Novell : Ya, bisa dibantu?
Penelepon : Tatakan gelas di PC saya patah. Apa mungkin saya bisa menggantinya?
Novell : Tatakan gelas ? Apakah itu hadiah saat Anda membeli komputer?
Penelepon : Tidak. Tatakan gelas ini sudah ada di komputer saya. Dan ketika saya meletakkan gelas saya di atasnya, tatakan itu patah. Yang saya ketahui, di bagian depan tatakan itu ada tulisan “CD-ROM, 16X”.
(Saat itu juga, petugas Novell langsung mematikan telepon dan tertawa terpingkal-pingkal. ..)
Matador Flambee
Seorang Amerika akan tour ke Spanyol. Kawannya menasehatinya agar melihat pertunjukan matador yang khas Spanyol.
Yang jangan dilewatkan adalah menu spesial "Matador Flambee" yang dihidangkan di sebuah restoran kecil di sebelah arena pertunjukan. Matador Flambee ini adalah torpedo ( testicles ) banteng yang terbunuh selama pertunjukan matador. Khasiatnya adalah untuk membuat orang 'as strong as a bull'.
Sewaktu tour di Spanyol dan selesai melihat pertunjukan matador, dia teringat nasehat temannya untuk mampir di restoran di sebelah arena adu banteng.
Sembari menunggu dilayani, dia melihat seorang yang duduk di meja seberangnya mendapat layanan istimewa. Manager restoran yang didampingi 4 gitaris yang semuanya berpakaian tradisional Spanyol, dengan gaya yang anggun membuka penutup hidangan yang disajikan.
Sang turis melihat 2 buah benda bulat yang besar di piring. Ah, itu dia, torpedo banteng. SI Manager menuang tequila diatasnya lalu menyulutnya. Rupanya torpedo banteng bakar yang dinamai Matador Flambee.
Si pelayan restoran menanyakan apa yang akan dipesannya.
"Matador Flambee" jawabnya. "Is it that one ordered by the gentleman at the table over there?"
Pelayan : "Si, Senor"
Tourist : "Can I order that also?"
P : "So sorry Senor. You have to wait 3 days because for the nextt 2 days, it is booked already"
T : "Okay, I will come back after 3 days.
3 Hari kemudian sang turis kembali ke restoran tadi.
Tak lama kemudian si Manager restoran muncul diiringi 4 gitaris.
"Ini saatnya yang ditunggu yang akan membuatnya sekuat banteng" pikir si turis.
Manager membuka tutup saji dan menuangkan tequilq dqn menyalakannya.
Turis : "That is not what I ordered"
Manager :"Senor, you orderd Matador Flambee, Si ?"
T : "Yes, but I ordered the big ones, not small ones like these !"
M : "So sorry Senor, today the matador died, not the bull."
Yang jangan dilewatkan adalah menu spesial "Matador Flambee" yang dihidangkan di sebuah restoran kecil di sebelah arena pertunjukan. Matador Flambee ini adalah torpedo ( testicles ) banteng yang terbunuh selama pertunjukan matador. Khasiatnya adalah untuk membuat orang 'as strong as a bull'.
Sewaktu tour di Spanyol dan selesai melihat pertunjukan matador, dia teringat nasehat temannya untuk mampir di restoran di sebelah arena adu banteng.
Sembari menunggu dilayani, dia melihat seorang yang duduk di meja seberangnya mendapat layanan istimewa. Manager restoran yang didampingi 4 gitaris yang semuanya berpakaian tradisional Spanyol, dengan gaya yang anggun membuka penutup hidangan yang disajikan.
Sang turis melihat 2 buah benda bulat yang besar di piring. Ah, itu dia, torpedo banteng. SI Manager menuang tequila diatasnya lalu menyulutnya. Rupanya torpedo banteng bakar yang dinamai Matador Flambee.
Si pelayan restoran menanyakan apa yang akan dipesannya.
"Matador Flambee" jawabnya. "Is it that one ordered by the gentleman at the table over there?"
Pelayan : "Si, Senor"
Tourist : "Can I order that also?"
P : "So sorry Senor. You have to wait 3 days because for the nextt 2 days, it is booked already"
T : "Okay, I will come back after 3 days.
3 Hari kemudian sang turis kembali ke restoran tadi.
Tak lama kemudian si Manager restoran muncul diiringi 4 gitaris.
"Ini saatnya yang ditunggu yang akan membuatnya sekuat banteng" pikir si turis.
Manager membuka tutup saji dan menuangkan tequilq dqn menyalakannya.
Turis : "That is not what I ordered"
Manager :"Senor, you orderd Matador Flambee, Si ?"
T : "Yes, but I ordered the big ones, not small ones like these !"
M : "So sorry Senor, today the matador died, not the bull."
Sekretaris Baru
Boss bilang “Won, sekretaris baru tuh? cantik dan seksi juga ya..?”
Wonny jawab “Itu sebetulnya robot baru ciptaan saya boss..”
Boss nya kaget “Yang bener loe.. kok mirip banget sama cewe beneran..?”
Wonny bilang “Bukan cuma mirip boss, selain bisa bergerak dan diajak ngobrol kayak manusia, gw lengkapin dia dengan berbagai gadgets, sehingga bisa melakukan berbagai fungsi sekretaris dan peralatan kantor. Multi fungsi boss..dan bikin asik..”
Boss nya penasaran “Multi fungsi dan bikin asik nya gimana..?”
Wonny jelasin “Di matanya gw taro chip digital imaging, jadi kalo mau fotocopy,rekam video, motret, scanning.. tinggal kita elus-elus matanya. Dikupingnya gw taro chip ponsel, kalo kita mau telpon atau kirim fax.. bisikin aja nomernya ke kuping dia.. Di tangannya gw tanam chip typing device.. tinggal kasih dokumen..kita belai-belai tangannya.. dia input ke computer boss..”
Boss makin penasaran.. “Wah canggih lo Won.. apa lagi nih fiturnya..?”
Wonny bilang “biar lebih asyik boss.. di toket nya gw taro coffee maker..jadi kalo mau kopi susu.. tinggal remes-remes toketnya.. keluar kopi susu..asik kan boss..? dan buat bonus nih boss.. di mrs V nya gw tempatin real vibrator.. kalo lagi horny kan bisa sekalian di pake boss.. rasanya mirip aslinya deh..”
Boss langsung kepincut.. “Wah.. bikin kepingin tau gw Won.. bisa gw pinjem bentar gak nih.. gw bawa ke ruangan gw ya..?”
Wonny bilang.. “silakan boss..”Si boss pun menuntun sekre robot itu ke ruangannya.. Gak lama kedengeran suara2 desahan dari ruangan boss.. Wonny senyam-senyum aja dengernya.. 10 menit kemudian.. tiba-tiba terdengar..”Aaaaaaaaarggggghhhh h….Aaaaarrrgggghh…!!.. gubrak… !!“
Wonny langsung pucet.. “waduh.. gw lupa kasih tau boss gw di pantatnya gw taro rautan pensil otomatis..,,
Wonny jawab “Itu sebetulnya robot baru ciptaan saya boss..”
Boss nya kaget “Yang bener loe.. kok mirip banget sama cewe beneran..?”
Wonny bilang “Bukan cuma mirip boss, selain bisa bergerak dan diajak ngobrol kayak manusia, gw lengkapin dia dengan berbagai gadgets, sehingga bisa melakukan berbagai fungsi sekretaris dan peralatan kantor. Multi fungsi boss..dan bikin asik..”
Boss nya penasaran “Multi fungsi dan bikin asik nya gimana..?”
Wonny jelasin “Di matanya gw taro chip digital imaging, jadi kalo mau fotocopy,rekam video, motret, scanning.. tinggal kita elus-elus matanya. Dikupingnya gw taro chip ponsel, kalo kita mau telpon atau kirim fax.. bisikin aja nomernya ke kuping dia.. Di tangannya gw tanam chip typing device.. tinggal kasih dokumen..kita belai-belai tangannya.. dia input ke computer boss..”
Boss makin penasaran.. “Wah canggih lo Won.. apa lagi nih fiturnya..?”
Wonny bilang “biar lebih asyik boss.. di toket nya gw taro coffee maker..jadi kalo mau kopi susu.. tinggal remes-remes toketnya.. keluar kopi susu..asik kan boss..? dan buat bonus nih boss.. di mrs V nya gw tempatin real vibrator.. kalo lagi horny kan bisa sekalian di pake boss.. rasanya mirip aslinya deh..”
Boss langsung kepincut.. “Wah.. bikin kepingin tau gw Won.. bisa gw pinjem bentar gak nih.. gw bawa ke ruangan gw ya..?”
Wonny bilang.. “silakan boss..”Si boss pun menuntun sekre robot itu ke ruangannya.. Gak lama kedengeran suara2 desahan dari ruangan boss.. Wonny senyam-senyum aja dengernya.. 10 menit kemudian.. tiba-tiba terdengar..”Aaaaaaaaarggggghhhh h….Aaaaarrrgggghh…!!.. gubrak… !!“
Wonny langsung pucet.. “waduh.. gw lupa kasih tau boss gw di pantatnya gw taro rautan pensil otomatis..,,
Vatican Humor
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the kerb.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 155 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger..'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..
'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 155 kph.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger..'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'
Surrogate Father
...not a single dirty word in it...
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon'.
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to.....'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it', said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my ......!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'.
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh... equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted....
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon'.
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to.....'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it', said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my ......!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'.
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh... equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted....
Two Prostitutes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: Two Prostitutes - $50.00.
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either
have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: 'JESUS SAVES.'
One of the girls asked the officer, 'How come you don't stop them?!'
'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled, 'Their sign pertains to religion.'
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter --$50
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either
have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: 'JESUS SAVES.'
One of the girls asked the officer, 'How come you don't stop them?!'
'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled, 'Their sign pertains to religion.'
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter --$50
Apa itu Sex?
Suatu pagi seorang anak yang baru masuk sekolah dasar bertanya kepada ayahnya,
'Yah, ayah, sex itu apa sih, yah..?'
Terperanjat si ayah mendengar pertanyaan si upik. Terbayang dia tentang arus moderen zaman sekarang yang membuat manusia berfikiran terbuka, termasuk anak yang masih kecil. Sesuai dengan konsep pendidikan seks yang sedang hangat dibicarakan, mulailah si ayah mencari-cari jawaban yang sesuai dengan umur dan harapan anaknya yang ia harapkan tak mau tertinggal dalam arus pendidikan modern. Maka si ayah pun mulai memberikan jawaban dengan mengkiaskan kumbang dan bunga, telur yang yang menetas berudu dan kemudian menjadi katak, hujan serta benih yang berkembang menjadi tunas, diikuti dengan pembentukan bayi dalam kandungan. Sebelum mengakhiri semua jawaban itu, si ayah menyelipkan juga kisah percintaan antara ia dan mamanya sejak dari zaman sekolah menengah hingga sampai kelahiran seorang bayi comel yaitu si anak yang bertanya itu.
Tiba-tiba si anak menangis terisak-isak.
Si ayah keheranan.
'Eh kenapa ya....?'
Si ayah bertanya keheranan.
Tetapi si anak masih tetap menangis.
'Jawabanya panjang amat.. hu......... hu. .......hu, terus dimana tempat untuk nulis jawabannya.. .....? Ayah ajalah yang nulis jawabannya !!!!!hu.. . ...hu.... ...hu
Si upik lantas menyerahkan buku latihan Bahasa Ingris yang pada muka depannya tertulis .... ......... .....
NAME : ............ . ......... .........
SCHOOL : ............ ......... ..........
CLASS : ............ ......... .........
SEX : ............ ......... .........
'Yah, ayah, sex itu apa sih, yah..?'
Terperanjat si ayah mendengar pertanyaan si upik. Terbayang dia tentang arus moderen zaman sekarang yang membuat manusia berfikiran terbuka, termasuk anak yang masih kecil. Sesuai dengan konsep pendidikan seks yang sedang hangat dibicarakan, mulailah si ayah mencari-cari jawaban yang sesuai dengan umur dan harapan anaknya yang ia harapkan tak mau tertinggal dalam arus pendidikan modern. Maka si ayah pun mulai memberikan jawaban dengan mengkiaskan kumbang dan bunga, telur yang yang menetas berudu dan kemudian menjadi katak, hujan serta benih yang berkembang menjadi tunas, diikuti dengan pembentukan bayi dalam kandungan. Sebelum mengakhiri semua jawaban itu, si ayah menyelipkan juga kisah percintaan antara ia dan mamanya sejak dari zaman sekolah menengah hingga sampai kelahiran seorang bayi comel yaitu si anak yang bertanya itu.
Tiba-tiba si anak menangis terisak-isak.
Si ayah keheranan.
'Eh kenapa ya....?'
Si ayah bertanya keheranan.
Tetapi si anak masih tetap menangis.
'Jawabanya panjang amat.. hu......... hu. .......hu, terus dimana tempat untuk nulis jawabannya.. .....? Ayah ajalah yang nulis jawabannya !!!!!hu.. . ...hu.... ...hu
Si upik lantas menyerahkan buku latihan Bahasa Ingris yang pada muka depannya tertulis .... ......... .....
NAME : ............ . ......... .........
SCHOOL : ............ ......... ..........
CLASS : ............ ......... .........
SEX : ............ ......... .........
Jajan
Ada sepasang suami istri yang hidup bahagia. Karena mereka saling pengertian.
Disuatu saat tatkala istri lagi hamil tua (-/+ 7-8 Bulan) terjadilah dialog...
S: Ma, papa kangen nih ...... ayo.....dong.
I: Ah .. papa, mama kan lagi hamil, nggak bisa dong........ (sambil tersenyum simpul), mending jajan aja, mama nggak apa-apa kok.....
S: Beneran nih...(sedikit heran).
I: Iya... , Mama nggak apa-apa kok.
Akhirnya suaminya pergi untuk melampiaskan keinginannya (sambil bangga terhadap istrinya yang memberikan izin untuk jajan), mana ada istri yang pengertian seperti itu. Ia memang istri yang baik dan sangat pengertian (gumamnya).
Nggak lama kemudian dia balik ke rumahnya, dan istrinya lagi asyik nonton TV.
I: Pa, kok jajannya cepet banget sih
S: Iya..... abis mo pergi jauh males....
I: Terus jajan di mana ????
S: Di tetangga sebelah ..... (dengan polosnya).
I: Dikasih uang berapa ???
S: Papa kasih 200,000.
I: Gila lo ya, kemahalan tuh......
S: Memangnya kenapa ma ???
I: Iya pa, waktu istrinya hamil tua, mama cuma dikasih 100,000 oleh suaminya....
Disuatu saat tatkala istri lagi hamil tua (-/+ 7-8 Bulan) terjadilah dialog...
S: Ma, papa kangen nih ...... ayo.....dong.
I: Ah .. papa, mama kan lagi hamil, nggak bisa dong........ (sambil tersenyum simpul), mending jajan aja, mama nggak apa-apa kok.....
S: Beneran nih...(sedikit heran).
I: Iya... , Mama nggak apa-apa kok.
Akhirnya suaminya pergi untuk melampiaskan keinginannya (sambil bangga terhadap istrinya yang memberikan izin untuk jajan), mana ada istri yang pengertian seperti itu. Ia memang istri yang baik dan sangat pengertian (gumamnya).
Nggak lama kemudian dia balik ke rumahnya, dan istrinya lagi asyik nonton TV.
I: Pa, kok jajannya cepet banget sih
S: Iya..... abis mo pergi jauh males....
I: Terus jajan di mana ????
S: Di tetangga sebelah ..... (dengan polosnya).
I: Dikasih uang berapa ???
S: Papa kasih 200,000.
I: Gila lo ya, kemahalan tuh......
S: Memangnya kenapa ma ???
I: Iya pa, waktu istrinya hamil tua, mama cuma dikasih 100,000 oleh suaminya....
In The Fire
In South Sydney , a fire destroyed a multi story block of flats. A Polynesian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven Pakistani welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.
Six Maori ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too, died.
Four Aboriginal families in the 2 flats on the 4th floor also perished.
One white couple lived on the top floor. They survived.
Relatives of the deceased and local do-gooders were furious. They flew into Sydney and quickly demanded a meeting with the fire chief.
On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Islanders, Muslims, Maoris and Aboriginals all died in the fire and only the white couple survived.
The fire chief quietly replied, "They were both at work."
An Islamic group of seven Pakistani welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.
Six Maori ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too, died.
Four Aboriginal families in the 2 flats on the 4th floor also perished.
One white couple lived on the top floor. They survived.
Relatives of the deceased and local do-gooders were furious. They flew into Sydney and quickly demanded a meeting with the fire chief.
On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Islanders, Muslims, Maoris and Aboriginals all died in the fire and only the white couple survived.
The fire chief quietly replied, "They were both at work."
Neraka Indonesia
Indonesia tetap yang terbaik !
Seorang warga Indonesia meninggal dan karena amal perbuatannya buruk lalu ia dikirim menuju ke neraka. Di sana ia mendapatkan bahwa ternyata neraka itu berbeda-beda bagi tiap negara asal.
Pertama ia ke neraka orang-orang Inggris dan bertanya kpd orang-orang Inggris di situ : "Kalian diapain di sini?" Orang Inggris menjawab :
"Pertama-tama, kita didudukkan di atas kursi listrik selama satu jam. Lalu didudukkan di atas kursi paku selama satu jam lagi. Lalu disiram dengan bensin dan disulut api. Lalu, setan Inggris muncul dan memecut kita sepanjang sisa hari".
Karena kedengarannya tidak menyenangkan, si orang Indonesia menuju ke neraka lain. Ia coba melihat-lihat bagaimana keadaan di neraka AS, neraka Jepang, neraka Rusia dan banyak lagi. Ia mendapati bahwa kesemua neraka-neraka itu kurang lebih mirip dengan neraka orang Inggris.
Akhirnya ia tiba di neraka orang Indonesia sendiri, dan melihat antrian sangat-sangat panjang yang terdiri dari orang berbagai negara ( tidak cuma orang Indonesia saja ) yang menunggu giliran untuk masuk neraka Indonesia.
Dengan tercengang ia bertanya kepada yang ngantri : "Apa yang akan dilakukan di sini?" Ia memperoleh jawaban : "Pertama-tama, kita didudukkan di atas kursi listrik selama satu jam. Lalu didudukkan di atas kursi paku selama satu jam lagi. Lalu disiram dengan bensin dan disulut api. Lalu setan Indonesia muncul dan memecut kita sepanjang hari."
“Tapi itu kan sama persis dengan neraka-neraka yang lain toh. Lalu kenapa dong begitu banyak orang ngantri untuk masuk ke sini?"
"Di sini service-nya sangat-sangat buruk, kursi Listriknya nggak nyala, karena listrik sering mati... Kursi pakunya nggak ada, tinggal pakunya aja karena kursinya sering diperebutkan. .. Bensinnya juga nggak ada tuh, karena harganya melambung tinggi dan setannya adalah mantan anggota DPR, jadi ia cuma datang, tanda tangan absensi, lalu pulang."
Seorang warga Indonesia meninggal dan karena amal perbuatannya buruk lalu ia dikirim menuju ke neraka. Di sana ia mendapatkan bahwa ternyata neraka itu berbeda-beda bagi tiap negara asal.
Pertama ia ke neraka orang-orang Inggris dan bertanya kpd orang-orang Inggris di situ : "Kalian diapain di sini?" Orang Inggris menjawab :
"Pertama-tama, kita didudukkan di atas kursi listrik selama satu jam. Lalu didudukkan di atas kursi paku selama satu jam lagi. Lalu disiram dengan bensin dan disulut api. Lalu, setan Inggris muncul dan memecut kita sepanjang sisa hari".
Karena kedengarannya tidak menyenangkan, si orang Indonesia menuju ke neraka lain. Ia coba melihat-lihat bagaimana keadaan di neraka AS, neraka Jepang, neraka Rusia dan banyak lagi. Ia mendapati bahwa kesemua neraka-neraka itu kurang lebih mirip dengan neraka orang Inggris.
Akhirnya ia tiba di neraka orang Indonesia sendiri, dan melihat antrian sangat-sangat panjang yang terdiri dari orang berbagai negara ( tidak cuma orang Indonesia saja ) yang menunggu giliran untuk masuk neraka Indonesia.
Dengan tercengang ia bertanya kepada yang ngantri : "Apa yang akan dilakukan di sini?" Ia memperoleh jawaban : "Pertama-tama, kita didudukkan di atas kursi listrik selama satu jam. Lalu didudukkan di atas kursi paku selama satu jam lagi. Lalu disiram dengan bensin dan disulut api. Lalu setan Indonesia muncul dan memecut kita sepanjang hari."
“Tapi itu kan sama persis dengan neraka-neraka yang lain toh. Lalu kenapa dong begitu banyak orang ngantri untuk masuk ke sini?"
"Di sini service-nya sangat-sangat buruk, kursi Listriknya nggak nyala, karena listrik sering mati... Kursi pakunya nggak ada, tinggal pakunya aja karena kursinya sering diperebutkan. .. Bensinnya juga nggak ada tuh, karena harganya melambung tinggi dan setannya adalah mantan anggota DPR, jadi ia cuma datang, tanda tangan absensi, lalu pulang."
Kesempatan Sekali Seumur Hidup
Sang ayah dan ibu sangat murka ketika mengetahui anak perempuan mereka hamil.
"Siapa si bedebah itu," jerit sang ayah, sedang si ibu menangis."Suruh dia datang kesini!"
Si anak pun menelepon pria yang menghamilinya.
Setengah jam kemudian sebuah mobil Ferrari merah berhenti di depan rumah.. .
Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari mobil, memberi salam lalu masuk kerumah.
Lelaki itu berhadapan dengan ibu dan ayah perempuan yang telah dihamilinya.
Dia berkata, "Saya lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda. Tapi terus terang saya katakan saya tidak dapat menikahi anak anda karena isteri saya tak mengizinkan. Namun bagaimanapun, saya akan bertanggung jawab.
Sekiranya anak anda melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah supermarket, sebuah hotel dan uang tunai 5 milyar Rupiah.
Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah kilang, dua buah supermarket, dua buah hotel dan uang tunai 10milyar rupiah.
Tapi sekiranya anak anda keguguran apakah yang harus saya lakukan?"
Sang ayah berfikir. Si ibu berhenti menangis
Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki itu, sang ayah berkata, "Kalau keguguran, kamu coba lagi ya..... !"
****
Pada suatu hari seorang gadis mengadu pada ayahnya. Ia mengatakan telah di hamili oleh seorang tua kaya di desanya. Ayah gadis itu sangat marah mendengar pengakuan anaknya, lalu dengan sebilah pisau ia datangi orang kaya itu.
Bapak :"Hei kamu!", teriak ayah si gadis.
Orang Kaya :"Ada apa ini, bapak datang kok langsung marah-marah?"
Bapak : "Apa benar kamu yang menghamili anak gadisku?"
Orang Kaya: "Iya, memang kenapa pak?"
Bapak :"Kamu kan tahu anakku itu masih kecil, apa jadinya kalau dia keguguran?"
Orang Kaya: "Tenang pak, kalau terjadi keguguran ijinkan saya untuk mengulanginya lagi..."
Bapak : "?!!!"
"Siapa si bedebah itu," jerit sang ayah, sedang si ibu menangis."Suruh dia datang kesini!"
Si anak pun menelepon pria yang menghamilinya.
Setengah jam kemudian sebuah mobil Ferrari merah berhenti di depan rumah.. .
Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari mobil, memberi salam lalu masuk kerumah.
Lelaki itu berhadapan dengan ibu dan ayah perempuan yang telah dihamilinya.
Dia berkata, "Saya lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda. Tapi terus terang saya katakan saya tidak dapat menikahi anak anda karena isteri saya tak mengizinkan. Namun bagaimanapun, saya akan bertanggung jawab.
Sekiranya anak anda melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah supermarket, sebuah hotel dan uang tunai 5 milyar Rupiah.
Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah kilang, dua buah supermarket, dua buah hotel dan uang tunai 10milyar rupiah.
Tapi sekiranya anak anda keguguran apakah yang harus saya lakukan?"
Sang ayah berfikir. Si ibu berhenti menangis
Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki itu, sang ayah berkata, "Kalau keguguran, kamu coba lagi ya..... !"
****
Pada suatu hari seorang gadis mengadu pada ayahnya. Ia mengatakan telah di hamili oleh seorang tua kaya di desanya. Ayah gadis itu sangat marah mendengar pengakuan anaknya, lalu dengan sebilah pisau ia datangi orang kaya itu.
Bapak :"Hei kamu!", teriak ayah si gadis.
Orang Kaya :"Ada apa ini, bapak datang kok langsung marah-marah?"
Bapak : "Apa benar kamu yang menghamili anak gadisku?"
Orang Kaya: "Iya, memang kenapa pak?"
Bapak :"Kamu kan tahu anakku itu masih kecil, apa jadinya kalau dia keguguran?"
Orang Kaya: "Tenang pak, kalau terjadi keguguran ijinkan saya untuk mengulanginya lagi..."
Bapak : "?!!!"
Bangsat
Seorang biksu diperintah oleh raja untuk mendampingi sang pangeran ke hutan untuk berburu rusa.
Selama berburu bidikan panah sang pangeran selalu tidak mengenai sasaran, sang pangeran sangat geram dan tanpa ia sadari ia berkata kasar "Bangsat bidikanku meleset!!"
"Husss!" kata si biksu. "Pangeran tidak boleh berkata kasar, apa pangeran tidak takut pada Dewa Petir yang selalu menghukum orang-orang yang berbicara kasar".
"Persetan dengan dewa petir, pokoknya hari ini aku harus pulang dengan membawa hasil buruanku", jawab sang pangeran sambil membidik seekor rusa buruannya.
Tapi memang hari itu pangeran sedang sial. Bidikannya meleset lagi dan tentunya sang pangeran makin marah, "Bangsat.. bidikanku meleset lagi".
Sang biksu kembali menasehati sang pangeran, tapi kali ini dengan dibarengi ancaman. "Kalo sekali lagi pangeran bekata kotor maka saya tidak akan segan memohon pada Dewa Petir untuk menghukum pangeran" kata biksu yang mulai marah karena nasehatnya ngga digubris oleh sang pangeran.
Mendengar ancaman sang biksu, sang pangeran malah merasa tertantang. "Bangsat..bangsat. ..bangsat. .bangsat. . Ayo,mana Dewa Petirmu..mana? ".
Sang biksupun langsung berdoa, meminta Dewa Petir untuk menghukum sang pangeran yang mulai lancang, dan tiba-tiba langit mendung... angin bertiup sangat kencang...entah dari mana datangnya tiba-tiba.
“DHUUUUAAAAAAARRR. ..AR....AR. ...AR" petir menyambar. Tapi aneh.. petir itu menyambar sang biksu, padahal ia sama sekali nggak pernah berkata kasar.
Sang pangeran berdiri disamping mayat biksu yang gosong karena tersambar petir, dan bertanya pada Dewa Petir : "Wahai Dewa Petir, aku yang berbicara kasar tapi kenapa biksu ini yang engkau sambar ?".
Dewa Petir menjawab : "Bangsat..bidikanku meleset".
Selama berburu bidikan panah sang pangeran selalu tidak mengenai sasaran, sang pangeran sangat geram dan tanpa ia sadari ia berkata kasar "Bangsat bidikanku meleset!!"
"Husss!" kata si biksu. "Pangeran tidak boleh berkata kasar, apa pangeran tidak takut pada Dewa Petir yang selalu menghukum orang-orang yang berbicara kasar".
"Persetan dengan dewa petir, pokoknya hari ini aku harus pulang dengan membawa hasil buruanku", jawab sang pangeran sambil membidik seekor rusa buruannya.
Tapi memang hari itu pangeran sedang sial. Bidikannya meleset lagi dan tentunya sang pangeran makin marah, "Bangsat.. bidikanku meleset lagi".
Sang biksu kembali menasehati sang pangeran, tapi kali ini dengan dibarengi ancaman. "Kalo sekali lagi pangeran bekata kotor maka saya tidak akan segan memohon pada Dewa Petir untuk menghukum pangeran" kata biksu yang mulai marah karena nasehatnya ngga digubris oleh sang pangeran.
Mendengar ancaman sang biksu, sang pangeran malah merasa tertantang. "Bangsat..bangsat. ..bangsat. .bangsat. . Ayo,mana Dewa Petirmu..mana? ".
Sang biksupun langsung berdoa, meminta Dewa Petir untuk menghukum sang pangeran yang mulai lancang, dan tiba-tiba langit mendung... angin bertiup sangat kencang...entah dari mana datangnya tiba-tiba.
“DHUUUUAAAAAAARRR. ..AR....AR. ...AR" petir menyambar. Tapi aneh.. petir itu menyambar sang biksu, padahal ia sama sekali nggak pernah berkata kasar.
Sang pangeran berdiri disamping mayat biksu yang gosong karena tersambar petir, dan bertanya pada Dewa Petir : "Wahai Dewa Petir, aku yang berbicara kasar tapi kenapa biksu ini yang engkau sambar ?".
Dewa Petir menjawab : "Bangsat..bidikanku meleset".
Ceritain Anak
Bapak A, B, C dan D janjian mengadakan reuni disebuah Restoran terkenal di Jakarta. Sambil makan, mereka ber 4 ngobrol-ngobrol. Bapak D pamit utk berkaraoke. Sambil mendengarkan Bapak D menyanyi, teman2nya melanjutkan obrolan.
Bapak A : "Bagaimana anak-anakmu B?
Bapak B : "Oo, baik-baik saja, sekarang anakku sudah jadi boss, pabriknya 2, pabrik sepatu dan pabrik mie. Tapi ya gitu...deh, saya yang jadi bapaknya ndak pernah dibelikan apa-apa, eeeh... pas kemarin pacarnya ulang tahun dibelikan BMW 320i gress!"
Bapak C : "Lha anakku 3, cowok semua, yang 2 kerja di Amerika, yang bontot sekarang sudsh jadi direktur developer rumah. Tspi agak gendeng jugs anak saya yang bontot ini. Rumah bapaknya sudah doyong dibiarkan aja, tapi waktu kemarin pacarnya ulang tahun dibelikan rumah baru di Kota Wisata Cibubur .. Lha kowe sendiri piye tho A?"
Bapak A : "Anak saya 4, cowok 1, cewek 3. Sekarang udah pada mandiri. Yang paling sukses ya anakku yg cowok! Jadi pialang saham. Cuma ya.. itu, agak nggak bener juga. Lha... saya ini nggak pernah dikasih duit sama sekali, tapi waktu pacarnye ulang tahun, eh...dikasih deposito 500 juta...!!"
Setelah Bapak A selesai cerita, Bapak D selesai karaoke, "Nyritain apa sih. ini?"
Bapak B : "Ini lho D, pada nyritain anaknya, gimana anakmu D?"
Setelah nyalain rokok, Bapak D mulai cerita: " Anakku cuma 1, tapi payah. Aku ingin dia jadi ABRI, ..eeeh malah jadi bencong. Sudah 5 thn dia buka salon, dari dulu sampai sekarang ya teteeep aja nyalon. Tapi meskipun bencong dia tetep anakku. Apalagi dasarnya anakku baik, pergaulannya luas dan sangat sayang sama bapaknya. Setiap dapat rejeki, saya pasti diberi. Kemarin pas dia ulang tahun, ada temannya yang ngado BMW 320i gress, rumah baru yang keren di Kota Wisata Cibubur itu lho, dan deposito 500 juta... wuih..! Katanya dia bilang semua itu buat bapak saja. Dia tetap seneng buka salon saja..."
Bapak A : "Bagaimana anak-anakmu B?
Bapak B : "Oo, baik-baik saja, sekarang anakku sudah jadi boss, pabriknya 2, pabrik sepatu dan pabrik mie. Tapi ya gitu...deh, saya yang jadi bapaknya ndak pernah dibelikan apa-apa, eeeh... pas kemarin pacarnya ulang tahun dibelikan BMW 320i gress!"
Bapak C : "Lha anakku 3, cowok semua, yang 2 kerja di Amerika, yang bontot sekarang sudsh jadi direktur developer rumah. Tspi agak gendeng jugs anak saya yang bontot ini. Rumah bapaknya sudah doyong dibiarkan aja, tapi waktu kemarin pacarnya ulang tahun dibelikan rumah baru di Kota Wisata Cibubur .. Lha kowe sendiri piye tho A?"
Bapak A : "Anak saya 4, cowok 1, cewek 3. Sekarang udah pada mandiri. Yang paling sukses ya anakku yg cowok! Jadi pialang saham. Cuma ya.. itu, agak nggak bener juga. Lha... saya ini nggak pernah dikasih duit sama sekali, tapi waktu pacarnye ulang tahun, eh...dikasih deposito 500 juta...!!"
Setelah Bapak A selesai cerita, Bapak D selesai karaoke, "Nyritain apa sih. ini?"
Bapak B : "Ini lho D, pada nyritain anaknya, gimana anakmu D?"
Setelah nyalain rokok, Bapak D mulai cerita: " Anakku cuma 1, tapi payah. Aku ingin dia jadi ABRI, ..eeeh malah jadi bencong. Sudah 5 thn dia buka salon, dari dulu sampai sekarang ya teteeep aja nyalon. Tapi meskipun bencong dia tetep anakku. Apalagi dasarnya anakku baik, pergaulannya luas dan sangat sayang sama bapaknya. Setiap dapat rejeki, saya pasti diberi. Kemarin pas dia ulang tahun, ada temannya yang ngado BMW 320i gress, rumah baru yang keren di Kota Wisata Cibubur itu lho, dan deposito 500 juta... wuih..! Katanya dia bilang semua itu buat bapak saja. Dia tetap seneng buka salon saja..."
The 5 Fruits - Which would you pick?
In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it.
They are:
A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded!
Your choice reveals a lot about you!
Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN;
If you have chosen:
A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges
I bet that right now you would like to find Me and Kick my ASS!
Well, You won't find me...because I am still hunting down The ASS Who sent this to me...
They are:
A. Apple
B. Banana
C. Strawberry
D. Peach
E. Orange
Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded!
Your choice reveals a lot about you!
Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN;
If you have chosen:
A. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
B. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
C. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
D. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
E. Orange : That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges
I bet that right now you would like to find Me and Kick my ASS!
Well, You won't find me...because I am still hunting down The ASS Who sent this to me...
Tidak Tahan
Pada suatu ketika di Jepang hiduplah seorang lelaki yang sederhana, namanya Oda. Ia memiliki seorang isteri yang sangat cantik dan sangat disayanginya.
Namun sang isteri mempunyai kebiasaan buruk, yaitu tiap kali diajak bicara pasti akan keterusan alias teramat sangat cerewet sekali.
Selain itu sang isteri tersebut juga suka mengumpat dengan kata-kata yang keras dan *****akkan telinga sehingga orang-orang tidak mau dekat-dekat dengannya. Sebenarnya, Oda sangat menyayangi isterinya itu, tapi para tetangganya yang merasa terganggu lambat laun berani juga mengadu pada Oda perihal isterinya itu.
Akhirnya Oda pun termakan kata-kata tetangganya. Ia berpikir bagaimana melenyapkan isterinya dari muka bumi.
Suatu ketika Oda mengajak isterinya berjalan-jalan ke kuil tua di tengah hutan. ketika melewati bagian belakang kuil yang sudah rusak, Oda melihat sebuah sumur tua yang tak digunakan lagi. Maka ia berpura-pura mengajak isterinya melihat burung di pohon besar dekat sumur itu. Lantas dengan tiba-tiba Oda mendorong isterinya itu masuk ke sumur.
Pada lima menit pertama Oda merasa sangat bahagia karena sepanjang hidupnya baru kali ini ia merasakan suasana yang begitu tenang tanpa celoteh isterinya.
Lima menit kedua, Oda mulai merasa sepi juga karena tidak terbiasa dengan kesunyian.
Akhirnya lima menit ketiga dengan keragu-raguan Oda kembali menuju sumur angker tersebut. Ia menurunkan tali timba dan berteriak menyuruh istrinya naik.
Begitu terkejutnya Oda ketika yang naik bukan istrinya melainkan sesosok makhluk menyeramkan dengan bulu lebat di sekujur tubuhnya, dialah makhluk penunggu Sumur tua itu.
Oda lantas bertanya, "Lho, kenapa kamu yang naik??"
Lantas makhluk itupun dengan wajah pucat ketakutan menjawab, "Aku takut, di bawah ada orang cerewet sekali...... ..."
Namun sang isteri mempunyai kebiasaan buruk, yaitu tiap kali diajak bicara pasti akan keterusan alias teramat sangat cerewet sekali.
Selain itu sang isteri tersebut juga suka mengumpat dengan kata-kata yang keras dan *****akkan telinga sehingga orang-orang tidak mau dekat-dekat dengannya. Sebenarnya, Oda sangat menyayangi isterinya itu, tapi para tetangganya yang merasa terganggu lambat laun berani juga mengadu pada Oda perihal isterinya itu.
Akhirnya Oda pun termakan kata-kata tetangganya. Ia berpikir bagaimana melenyapkan isterinya dari muka bumi.
Suatu ketika Oda mengajak isterinya berjalan-jalan ke kuil tua di tengah hutan. ketika melewati bagian belakang kuil yang sudah rusak, Oda melihat sebuah sumur tua yang tak digunakan lagi. Maka ia berpura-pura mengajak isterinya melihat burung di pohon besar dekat sumur itu. Lantas dengan tiba-tiba Oda mendorong isterinya itu masuk ke sumur.
Pada lima menit pertama Oda merasa sangat bahagia karena sepanjang hidupnya baru kali ini ia merasakan suasana yang begitu tenang tanpa celoteh isterinya.
Lima menit kedua, Oda mulai merasa sepi juga karena tidak terbiasa dengan kesunyian.
Akhirnya lima menit ketiga dengan keragu-raguan Oda kembali menuju sumur angker tersebut. Ia menurunkan tali timba dan berteriak menyuruh istrinya naik.
Begitu terkejutnya Oda ketika yang naik bukan istrinya melainkan sesosok makhluk menyeramkan dengan bulu lebat di sekujur tubuhnya, dialah makhluk penunggu Sumur tua itu.
Oda lantas bertanya, "Lho, kenapa kamu yang naik??"
Lantas makhluk itupun dengan wajah pucat ketakutan menjawab, "Aku takut, di bawah ada orang cerewet sekali...... ..."
Computer Gender
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:
1... No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should beMasculine ('el computador') , because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:
1... No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should beMasculine ('el computador') , because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
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