Position of a Husband Is just like a Split AC No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor He is designed to remain Silent indoor...
.....................................................................
"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."
........................................................................
A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to Hell is Free.
................................................................
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever
...........................................................................
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one every day.
.................................................................
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
...................................................................
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are..
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
....................................................................
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...! And life goes on........
Some More from Alfred Boey
Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband.
"Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room WifeCalled The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...
Husband: "MISSING YOU"...
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY...
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to and touched often.
But push the wrong button and you're disconnected.......
Difference Between Complete & Finish...
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is...
When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE....
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!
How Succesful Jews do Business
Morris (the father)says to his son: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."His son immediately replies: "I will choose my own bride, father."
Morris sighs: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."The son thinks about this only for a split second - then answers:
"Well, in that case, yes! OK Dad." Morris then approaches Bill Gates and says: "I have a husband for your lovely daughter."Bill Gates quickly answers: "No chance! My daughter is too young to get married!
"Morris says: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates thinks for a while then answers: "Ah well, in that case, yes, that'll be OK with me."
Finally Morris goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Morris smiles and says: "I have a young man to recommend as a Vice-President."
The President hurriedly answers: "Not interested, I already have
more vice-presidents than I need." Morris continues smiling: "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law." A few seconds pass, then the World Bank President answers: "Ah that's interesting, Hmmm. In that case, well yes, he can start tomorrow."
And that is how successful Jews do business...
Morris sighs: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."The son thinks about this only for a split second - then answers:
"Well, in that case, yes! OK Dad." Morris then approaches Bill Gates and says: "I have a husband for your lovely daughter."Bill Gates quickly answers: "No chance! My daughter is too young to get married!
"Morris says: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates thinks for a while then answers: "Ah well, in that case, yes, that'll be OK with me."
Finally Morris goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Morris smiles and says: "I have a young man to recommend as a Vice-President."
The President hurriedly answers: "Not interested, I already have
more vice-presidents than I need." Morris continues smiling: "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law." A few seconds pass, then the World Bank President answers: "Ah that's interesting, Hmmm. In that case, well yes, he can start tomorrow."
And that is how successful Jews do business...
The Reason Why You Should Never Marry a Lawyer
A married lawyer had been having fun in his car with his secretary.
On getting home, his wife saw a pair of panties on the back seat.
She tore it apart, screaming,
"What the hell is this?
What have you been up to??"
If you were the lawyer, what would your reaction be?
.... beg for forgiveness?
.... honesty is the best policy?
(guess before you read on)
He calmly replied ...
"You have just destroyed the evidence of the rape case worth a million
for me, which I'm handling.
You can forget the jewelry you wanted " !!!
She quickly fell on her knees apologizing.
No one */_Wins_/* over a Lawyer, even someone called */_A Wife !!!_/*
On getting home, his wife saw a pair of panties on the back seat.
She tore it apart, screaming,
"What the hell is this?
What have you been up to??"
If you were the lawyer, what would your reaction be?
.... beg for forgiveness?
.... honesty is the best policy?
(guess before you read on)
He calmly replied ...
"You have just destroyed the evidence of the rape case worth a million
for me, which I'm handling.
You can forget the jewelry you wanted " !!!
She quickly fell on her knees apologizing.
No one */_Wins_/* over a Lawyer, even someone called */_A Wife !!!_/*
Rahasia Seks Hebat orang Jawa
Jaran Lanang
Mat Pithi mbarek bojone lagi dolan dolan nang peternakan jaran duweke koncone…
Ambek ngancani Mat Pithi mubeng2, koncone nyritakne siji2 jarane sing dibanggakno ambek dheweke….
“Delengen jaran lanang sing iko Mat, sedino iso kawin sampek ping limo…”
Krungu koyo ngono bojone Mat Pithi langsung bisik bisik…
“Rungokno pakne… sedino ping limo…”
Mat Pithi cumak iso meneng ae… “Lha… nek jaran lanang sing putih iko, sedino iso kawin sampek ping sepuluh…” teruse kancane.
Bojone Mat Pithi luwih semangat lek mbisiki Mat Pithi…. “Rungokno maneh pakne… ping sepuluh sedino…”
Mat Pithi tambah mbingkem thok…. ora let suwe dheweke takok ambek kancane sing duwe peternakan iku….
“Lha sedino ping sepuluh iku ambek jaran wedok siji tah sepuluh?????”
“Yo mesthi ae ambek jaran wedok sepuluh Mat ” ….. ….. ….. …..
“Rungokno bune…. wedokane sepuluh…. ” “?????? …..”
Mat Pithi mbarek bojone lagi dolan dolan nang peternakan jaran duweke koncone…
Ambek ngancani Mat Pithi mubeng2, koncone nyritakne siji2 jarane sing dibanggakno ambek dheweke….
“Delengen jaran lanang sing iko Mat, sedino iso kawin sampek ping limo…”
Krungu koyo ngono bojone Mat Pithi langsung bisik bisik…
“Rungokno pakne… sedino ping limo…”
Mat Pithi cumak iso meneng ae… “Lha… nek jaran lanang sing putih iko, sedino iso kawin sampek ping sepuluh…” teruse kancane.
Bojone Mat Pithi luwih semangat lek mbisiki Mat Pithi…. “Rungokno maneh pakne… ping sepuluh sedino…”
Mat Pithi tambah mbingkem thok…. ora let suwe dheweke takok ambek kancane sing duwe peternakan iku….
“Lha sedino ping sepuluh iku ambek jaran wedok siji tah sepuluh?????”
“Yo mesthi ae ambek jaran wedok sepuluh Mat ” ….. ….. ….. …..
“Rungokno bune…. wedokane sepuluh…. ” “?????? …..”
Kisah TKW asal Jawa di Amerika
Mu'inah, TKW asal Pekalongan Jawa Tengah yang bekerja di Amerika Serikat menyaksikan kecelakaan beruntun di jalan raya tak jauh dari tempatnya bekerja. Karena jiwa penolongnya yang begitu tinggi, dia segera menelpon 911 untuk meminta bantuan..
Ketika Petugas bertanya, "Good morning Mam, may I help you?!" Mu'inah baru tersadar akan kemampuan Bahasa Inggrisnya yang sangat terbatas. Tapi, karena waktu itu sudah kepalang tanggung, dia pun nekad melanjutkan pembicaraan.
"Begini officer. One car come, one car go. The third car nabrak, lha njur, everything ya broke. One car no stop. One, two, three cars, bum! bum! buuum! You know?! And than, mak grobiiiyyyaaak! Yes, like that. Like the rolling stones gumlundhung from the mountain... Krosak.. krosak.. krosak.. ! Gabrus, gabrus, gabrus!!"
Mu'inah mengambil nafas lalu melanjutkan laporan pandangan matanya :
"Wah, one car ngguling ping pirang-purang. The sound like mirror-mirror on the wall dibandhem watu. Krompyaaang !!! One people game over, one man bloody-bloody, one woman cry-cry so loudly!"
Mu'inah pun menutup laporannya : "Bingung aku! Wis ngene wae officer. Send me nguing nguing car ....
Ketika Petugas bertanya, "Good morning Mam, may I help you?!" Mu'inah baru tersadar akan kemampuan Bahasa Inggrisnya yang sangat terbatas. Tapi, karena waktu itu sudah kepalang tanggung, dia pun nekad melanjutkan pembicaraan.
"Begini officer. One car come, one car go. The third car nabrak, lha njur, everything ya broke. One car no stop. One, two, three cars, bum! bum! buuum! You know?! And than, mak grobiiiyyyaaak! Yes, like that. Like the rolling stones gumlundhung from the mountain... Krosak.. krosak.. krosak.. ! Gabrus, gabrus, gabrus!!"
Mu'inah mengambil nafas lalu melanjutkan laporan pandangan matanya :
"Wah, one car ngguling ping pirang-purang. The sound like mirror-mirror on the wall dibandhem watu. Krompyaaang !!! One people game over, one man bloody-bloody, one woman cry-cry so loudly!"
Mu'inah pun menutup laporannya : "Bingung aku! Wis ngene wae officer. Send me nguing nguing car ....
Misteri di balik Tahun Baru dan Hari Natal
Seorang mabuk naik kereta, lalu bertanya pada petugas soal lama perjalanan dari JOGYA ke SOLO....!
" Pak,....perjalanan dari JOGYA ke SOLO, berapa lama ya ? "....... tanya orang mabuk.
" Sekitar dua jam.....! "....... jawab petugas.
" Nah, kalau begitu berapa lama perjalanan dari SOLO ke JOGYA.... "....tanya orang mabuk.
" Ya, sama.....dua jam, Hai bung,.....apa yang membuatmu berpikir kalau pejalanan dari JOGYA ke SOLO dan dari SOLO ke JOGYA itu membutuhkan waktu yang berbeda...? " tanya petugas kesal....!
Orang mabuk itu menatapnya......
" Pak dengar ya,......hanya seminggu dari hari NATAL ke TAHUN BARU, .......tapi dari TAHUN BARU ke hari NATAL rasanya.... lamaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget..... iya kan Pak "
Petugas.....????????? Iya juga ya........
yang mabuk dia apa saya ya.....!
Yg baca jgn ikut2an mabok ya ????
" Pak,....perjalanan dari JOGYA ke SOLO, berapa lama ya ? "....... tanya orang mabuk.
" Sekitar dua jam.....! "....... jawab petugas.
" Nah, kalau begitu berapa lama perjalanan dari SOLO ke JOGYA.... "....tanya orang mabuk.
" Ya, sama.....dua jam, Hai bung,.....apa yang membuatmu berpikir kalau pejalanan dari JOGYA ke SOLO dan dari SOLO ke JOGYA itu membutuhkan waktu yang berbeda...? " tanya petugas kesal....!
Orang mabuk itu menatapnya......
" Pak dengar ya,......hanya seminggu dari hari NATAL ke TAHUN BARU, .......tapi dari TAHUN BARU ke hari NATAL rasanya.... lamaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget..... iya kan Pak "
Petugas.....????????? Iya juga ya........
yang mabuk dia apa saya ya.....!
Yg baca jgn ikut2an mabok ya ????
Arti utama GBU buat orang Kristen
Om Petrus, seorang Pendeta tua, punya warung kecil2an untuk tambahan biaya hidup sehari-hari.
Di depan warungnya ada tulisan besar GBU.
Seorang anak muda bilang sama om Petrus: "Wah hebat ya, karena om seorg pendeta om selalu memberkati orang yang belanja dengan tulisan GBU (God Bless You)."
Om Petrus jawab: "Oh bukan, GBU disini artinya Gak Boleh Utang"...
hahahahahahaha-----
Di depan warungnya ada tulisan besar GBU.
Seorang anak muda bilang sama om Petrus: "Wah hebat ya, karena om seorg pendeta om selalu memberkati orang yang belanja dengan tulisan GBU (God Bless You)."
Om Petrus jawab: "Oh bukan, GBU disini artinya Gak Boleh Utang"...
hahahahahahaha-----
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