Blood Test

Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell.

So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"

Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "

First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"

Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"

The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Final Examination

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.

He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar,"

he says, " it says here, " Answer the following questions in brief' .."

Saint Peter & Singh

A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly

soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T"

2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."

Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

Relaxing

One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came  asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"

Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."

The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot.
Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"

Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.

A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.

Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again,looking very heated up.

He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him,"Is something wrong?"

To which the ferocious Singh replied, " There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

Wrong Side Of The Bed!

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes.

As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."

The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.

A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God
give you wisdom for our students today."

"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you."

But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be
more pleasant.

Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on
her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day."

"Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning."

Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me."

Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face.

"Oh, don't take it personal, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."

Romantic

Ah Pek and Ah Ma (old couple) in Their Golden Years

Ah Pek and Ah Ma were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty  seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed covers, got out of bed and walk away.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth lah!"

Good, Bad & Ugly Jokes

Good                :  Your wife is pregnant.
Bad                   :  It's triplets.
Ugly                  :  You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good                :  Your wife's not talking to you
Bad                   :  She wants a divorce.
Ugly                  :  She's a lawyer.

Good                :  Your son is finally maturing.
Bad                   :  He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly                  :  So are you.

Good                 : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad                    : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly                   : You're in them.

Good                :  Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad                   :  You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly                  :  Your daughter borrowed them.

Good                 :  Your husband understands fashion.
Bad                    :  He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly                   :  He looks better than you.

Good                 :  You just gave 'the birds and the bees'  talk to your daughter.
Bad                    :  She keeps interrupting.
Ugly                   :  With corrections.

Good                 :  Your son is dating someone new.
Bad                    :  It's another man.
Ugly                   :  He's your best friend.

Good                  : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad                    :  As a hooker.
Ugly                   :  Your co-workers are her best clients.

Way ugly          :  She makes more money than you do.

Three Old Grandmas

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.'

The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.'

One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.'

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

Then they all piped up and said, 'You're 87 years old!'

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess?'

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison - - -

'We were at your birthday party yesterday!'

The nun and the cab driver

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
Cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers,
"My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
And have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
Hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
Say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
To be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
Make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Masquerade party

Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."


"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"