The World's Top Secrets How To Get Better Sleep At Night Without Worries

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.
 At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks, And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

The World's Top Secrets How To Live Longer

Another year has passed
And   we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And  winter  seems much colder.

There was a time not long  ago
When  life was quite a blast.
Now I fully  understand
About  'Living in the Past'

We  used to go to weddings, 
Football games and lunches.. 
Now we go to funeral homes 
And  after-funeral brunches.

We  used to have  hangovers,
From parties that were  gay.
Now we suffer body aches 
And while  the night away.

We  used to go out  dining,
And couldn't get our  fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags, 
Come  home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
To   places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From  riding in the  car. 

We used to go to  nightclubs
And  drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at   night
And watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life  is,
And now  my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live  it  up...
Before you're too damned old!

The World's Best Jew Secrets How To Survive in The World

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York
.. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I doont be knowing, I ask cooksaheb..' He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'Cooksaheb say there is no Indian Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'

' Listen, I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter.
'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews &
Tomato Jews!   - No Indian Jews !!!

The World's Top Secrets How To Get A Virgin !!

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch; writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin -- in every vay.

The doctor told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez." Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied:

"Well look at dis Lena ... it is still in DA CRATE!"


NORWEGIAN VIRGIN WEDDING

The FBI Top's Secrets of American Politicians !! U.S. Shocking Leaks !!

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said...........

(This is priceless...)



"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Rahasia Terlarang Tips Cara Mendapatkan Istri Orang Lain Saat Liburan

Sepasang pengantin baru dari AS sedang berbulan madu di Israel. Suatu hari saat mereka sedang berada di Betlehem.

Seorang salesman Arab mendekati mereka dan menawarkan ikat pinggang. Salesman itu begitu bersemangat menawarkan barang dagangannya,tetapi suami istri tersebut tidak tertarik.

Akhirnya si salesman bertanya dari mana asal mereka. Si suami menjawab, "Amerika!".

Kemudian si salesman melihat si wanita dengan keheranan karena rambutnya gelap dan kulitnya coklat. Dia bukan orang Amerika," katanya.
Ya, saya orang Amerika," jawab si istri.

Si salesman terus bertanya ke si istri, "Apakah dia suamimu?".
Ya," jawabnya.
Sambil menoleh ke sang suami, si salesman berkata,
"Saya akan memberi kamu 100 ekor unta untuk mendapatkan istrimu".
Si suami tampak tertegun dan terdiam lama sekali.
Akhirnya dia berkata,"Dia bukan barang dagangan!!".

Setelah si salesman pergi, istri yang sedang marah karena tersinggung bertanya ke suaminya, Mengapa kamu terdiam lama sekali untuk menjawab tawaran orang itu?".

Si suami menjawab, "Saya sedang berpikir keras bagaimana caranya membawa 100 ekor onta kembali ke rumah"

Rahasia Terlarang Mendapatkan Celana Dalam Wanita

Suatu sore Clinton dan Al gore wakilnya baru saja bermain golf & kelihatan sekali. Clinton sangat tidak berantusias dengan nada marah ingin pulang.

Dalam perjalan pulang mereka terlibat pembicaraan :
Clinton : " Al, tahu enggak apa yang akan Aku lakukan sampai di rumah ? "
Al Gore : " Apa ? "
Clinton : " Aku ingin sekali merobek celana dalam Hillary ? "
Al Gore : " Wah, Aku enggak tahu kalau Kamu se agresif ini sebelumnya, bukankan Hillary akan kaget nantinya ? "
Clinton : " Masalahnya Aku sudah enggak tahan lagi nih! "
Al Gore : " Tapi, Sebagai penasehat Saya sarankan Kamu untuk memikirkannya sekali lagi. "

Clinton : " Baiklah, aku serahkan saja nanti celana dalam Hillary yang kupakai ini untukmu, karena sudah semenjak permainan tadi aku tidak bisa konsentrasi memukul bola, ukurannya terlalu kecil untukku! "

Rahasia Terlarang Menangkap Suami Yang Suka Pakai PSK

" Titi, ada apa sih ? " kata Johan marah pada isterinya, " Tiga puluh tahun kita tidak ke Diskotek, rasanya kita tidak kurang suatu apa, kan ? "

" Justru itulah. Hari ini Ulang Tahun Perkawinan Kita. Kita harus ke sana ? " teriak Titi tak mau kalah.

Mereka memasuki ruangan Diskotek. Penjaga itu menyambut Johan dengan hormat.
" Selamat malam, Tuan Johan. Dua tiket seperti biasanya ? "

Titi memandang suaminya dengan heran. Setelah duduk, pelayan langsung menghampiri meja mereka. " Selamat malam, Tuan Johan. Hidangannya sama seperti biasanya ? "Titi menggertakkan gigi.

Tengah malam muncul pembawa acara. " Saudara-saudara . .selamat datang. Acara akan di mulai dengan tari bugil. Siapa malam ini yang buka celana ? "

" Bung Johan ! Bung Johan ! " teriak hadirin.
" Brengsek kamu ! Sontoloyo kamu ! " jerit Titi sambil menghujani suaminya dengan pukulan.

Johan tak sadar, tahu-tahu ia sudah berada di dalam taksi. " Jangan harap kau bisa keluyurann kesana lagi ! "
teriak Titi sambil meneruskan pukulannya.

Tiba-tiba pengemudi taksi menoleh sambil tersenyum : " Bung Johan, rasanya baru malam ini saya lihat perempuan model begini di samping Anda. "

Rahasia Terlarang Tips Dapat Uang Banyak Cepat Tanpa Perlu Bekerja

Joni kehilangan dompetnya pada suatu pesta keponakannya.

"Hadirin, saya mohon maaf karena mengganggu perayaan ini sebentar," katanya mengumumkan, "Saya baru saja kehilangan dompet berisi uang 10 Juta.

Bagi siapa saja yg menemukan, saya tawarkan hadiah 500 ribu."

Dari arah belakang terdengar suara, "Saya menawarkan 1 juta."

Rahasia Terlarang Sukses Berbisnis Pakaian

Seorang pemuda mengirimi ayahnya sehelai baju hangat yang dibelinya seharga 2 Juta.

Supaya ayahnya tidak ribut, dia mengatakan harga baju itu hanya 100 ribu. Seminggu kemudian ayahnya menelepon.

"Wah luar biasa!" serunya, "Baju itu berhasilkujual 250 ribu. Ini bisnis besar, cepat kirim selusin lagi."

Rahasia Terlarang Jessica Iskandar

Di Twitter, Jessica mengatakan akan lebih memilih menyanyi ketimbang memikirkan soal masalah yang kini menimpanya.

"Whenever i have a problem, i sing. Then i realize that my voice is a lot worse than my problem," 

tulisnya.

The World's Secret Movement: Drink Wine To Live Longer

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.
And to those of you who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in your hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine or beer (or tequila, gin, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:

I'm doing it as a public service!

Rahasia Tersembunyi Tips Cara Bikin Rumah Makan yang Selalu Laris Manis Tanjung Kimpul

Ada warung makan kecil dipinggir jalan cukup ramai yg mau makan,minum ala kadarnya.

Seorang Pendeta gereja dekat situ merasa heran, karena selalu ada saja yg mendatangi rumah makan yang sangat kecil tersebut, dan berusaha menguak apa sih rahasianya.

Saking penasarannya pendeta tersebut mendatangi rumah makan kecil tersebut seorang diri.
Saat akan memasuki rumah makan terseubt, sang pendeta membaca tulisan besar-besar di rumah makan tersebut. Disitu terpampang, Silahkan mampir,selamat makan & menikmatinya dan diakhiri dengan huruf2 besar
G  B  U .

Pendetanya pun bergumam:
"Oh mungkin saya tahu rahasia kenapa selalu ada saja yg datang kesitu, sebab yg empunyanya selalu menyalami pelanggannya dan berkata GBU."

Si Pendeta pun segera mendatangi si empunya untuk mencari tahu kebenarannya.

Dan setelah berhasil menemui pemilik rumah makan tersebut, sang pendeta langsung menanyakan kenapa ada huruf GBU di papan pengumuman yang ada di depan rumah makan.

Yg empunya tertawa cekikian sambil menjelaskan, artinya GBU tersebut......

GAK   BOLEH    UTANG .

The Secrets How To Find The Right Girl To Marry

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from America , and bragged that he had told his new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.

James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said the he had married a Yorkshire girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.

The World's Woman's Biggest Secrets !!

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

 

1. Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a 1/2 hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3 Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever:
 Is a women's way of saying F**K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later resulted in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to 3.

The Doctor's Biggest Secrets How To Get Drunk Everyday But Stay Healthy

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

 

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
    
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
    
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
    
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
    
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The Tops Secret How To Catch Your Partner's Affair

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the "picture," but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

The World's Biggest Secret Of Nuns Sex Party

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something.  We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said the elder nun at the back.  "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

How To Know If Your Wife or Your Fiancee Loves You Or Your Money !!!

Bima and Alia were touring their brand new house. It was a house that Bima had paid for with his money, a fact of which he constantly reminded Alia. In each room of the house he said to her : "Alia, if it were not for my money, we would not be here."
Alia didn't say a word.

That afternoon a truck delivered a load of new furniture...
furniture which Bima paid for with his money. After the furniture was in its place, they toured the house again. As they observed each room, beautifully appointed and magnificently decorated, Bima reminded her: "Alia, if it were not for my money,
this furniture would not be here."
Again, Alia was silent.

Late in the afternoon another truck came with a special piece of furniture which was to be the focal point of the family room.

It was a combination stereo-television-computer center all wrapped into one gorgeous piece of furniture. Bima paid for it with his money. When it was in place, Bima again said: "Alia, if it were not for my money, that beautiful electronics system
would not be here."

Finally, Alia spoke: "Honey, I don't want to make you feel bad, but...
If it were not for your money ...
I wouldn't be here either ! ! ! " .

Rahasia Terlarang Tips Berkeluarga Langgeng dan Sakinah

Kata bapak2 :

" Punya isteri itu beda sama punya Gadget, kalau Gadget, makin lama, makin turun  nilainya ...
Kalau isteri makin lama makin naik nilainya ... baik nilai timbangannya ...   maupun nilai belanjanya."

Kata ibu2 :

" Punya suami itu kayak piara mobil. Makin lama makin rewel, boros dan ... makin sulit  dihidupkannya.

The World's Best Tricks How To Speak In Public With Confidence !!!

A Priest goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. 

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. 

The  congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. 

The Priest explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 15 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in  by mistake and he couldn't shut up. 

(I love it when I make you smile ... and I KNOW you are smiling!)

The Cassanova's Top Secrets How To Make Love With Any Girl You Met

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???

OH, come on... take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!


You're going to love this !!!



Everyone knows...



You can't kill Two Birds....



with OneStone !!!

The World's Top Sex Secrets How To Make Your Penis Always Hard and Fully Erect

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."




THE NEVER ENDING SOAP OPERA OF MARGARET & BERT . . . . ..