Something Wrong

Ada pasangan suami istri Chinese bermarga SAM tinggal di New York memiliki bayi pertama dengan wana kulit putih, rambut lurus, hidung mancung, mulut kecil. Mereka sepakat memberi nama anak mereka: SAM TING SUIT!!

Sedangkan bayi kedua dengan warna kulit kuning, muka lucu, mulut lucu, hidung lucu, mereka sepakat untuk beri nama pada anak mereka: SAM TING CUTE!!

Bayi yang terakhir dengan warna kulit hitam legam, rambut kriting abiez, hidung cutbray & mulut yang leubuaarrr.. . mereka sepakat utk memberi nama pada anak mereka: SAM TING RONG !!

Jeruk Sekilo

Pembeli: Mas berapa jeruknya sekilo?
Pemjual: 5000 rupiah
Pembeli: Wah manis gak, mas?
Penjual: Jamin manis, Bu. Kalau asem gak usah bayar deh.
Pembeli: Tolong bungkus sekilo yang asem yah..

The Wrong Americans

The train was quite crowded, so a US Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was beside a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman who had her poodle sitting on it.

The war-weary marine asked, “Ma'am, may I have that seat?”

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”

The marine walked the length of the entire train again, but still the only seat left was under that dog. “Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired”.

She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”

This time the marine didn't say a word. He just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honour! Put this American beast in his place!”

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
“My dear fellow, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong things.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bi*ch out the window!”

Alibi

Jam 5 sore, Bowo siap-siap pulang kantor.
Brrmm, mobil dihidupin dan cabut. Sebelum ke rumah, Bowo mampir dl ke Alfamart, beli susu untuk anak. Gak disangka2, Bowo ketemu Cinta, pacar jaman kuliah yang sudah 10 tahun gak ketemu.
"Cinta, kok kamu ada di Jogja?"
"Iya mas. Suamiku pindah tugas kesini sebulan lalu, tapi dia lagi dapat tugas ke Afrika 2 minggu"
"Wah, jadi kamu di rumah sendirian?"
"Iya"
"Tadi kesini naik apa?"
"Taxi"
"Oo, kalo gitu ku anter aja pulangnya, belanjaanmu kan banyak. Sekalian ngobrol2, kangen gak ketemu lamaa banget"
"Iya mas, 10 tahun ya"

Dan meluncurlah mereka ke rumah Cinta. Obrolan di mobil pun semakin seru, ingatin mereka saat2 mesra dulu. Gak terasa sudah sampai depan rumah Cinta.

"Mampir dulu mas, kita lanjutin ngobrolnya di dalam"
"Okelah kalo begitu"

Dan obrolan pun lanjut. 1 jam, 2 jam berlalu. Gak terasa, obrolan makin menjurus..dan akhirnya berlanjut ke ranjang. Kangen yang lama terpendam membuat pertarungan 3 ronde tak terasa, sampai Bowo lupa kalo HP nya kehabisan batere dari sore.

"Waduh! Udah lewat jam 12 malam nih. Aku pulang dulu Cinta. Istriku pasti nyari2"
"Lah terus gimana mas?"
.....mikir sebentar...
"Cinta, aku minta bedak baby, donk"
"Ada mas, buat apa?"
"Adalah…..biar aman"
Dan Bowo pun pulang setelah 1 ciuman mesra yang lama.

Benar saja, sampai di rumah, istri Bowo masih melek dan pasang tampang garang.

"INI LAKI SATU KEMANA AJA! DITELPON HP DIMATIIN. GAK USAH PULANG SEKALIAN, NGAPA ??!!"
"Sabar Mah..papa ceritain dulu sampa bisa pulang larut gini"
"MAU KASIH ALASAN APA LAGI ??"

"Gini Mah.. Tadi papa pulang kantor mampir dulu ke Alfamart belikan pesanan mama. Gak taunya ketemu mantan pacar papa waktu kuliah. Terus papa anter pulang sekalian. Terus kami ngobrol2. Terus..karena asyik, ya lanjut ke ranjang sampai lupa waktu. Jadinya papa baru pulang sekarang"
Istri Bowo diam...mikir..
"Gak percaya! Mana sini, liat tangan papa !"
Bowo kasi liat tangannya..

"PAPA KALO MAU BOHONG KASI ALASAN YANG BAGUS, KEK! UDAH TUA MASIH SOK LAKU !       LAIN KALI KALO MAIN BILYARD INGET WAKTU !!"

*Note:
Ternyata kejujuran lebih menyelamatkan daripada kebohongan..!!
Buktikan saja..!!

Tes Masuk Sekolah

Tole baru masuk SD kelas 1, hari pertama dia sudah protes sama ibu guru. “Bu, saya seharusnya duduk di kelas 3.” Bu guru nya heran. “Kenapa kamu yakin begitu?”, Tole menjawab dengan mantap. ”Soalnya saya lebih pintar dari kakak saya yang sekarang kelas 3.”

Akhirnya bu guru membawa Tole ke ruang kepala sekolah. Setelah diceritakan oleh bu guru, pak kepala sekolah mencoba menguji Tole dengan berbagai materi pelajaran murid kelas 3 SD.

Kepsek: Berapa 16 dikali 26?
Tole: 416
Kepsek: Perang Diponegoro berlangsung tahun berapa?
Tole: 1825-1830
Kepsek: Siapa penemu lampu bohlam?
Tole: Thomas Alfa Edison
Kepsek: Hewan yang makan daging dan tumbuhan termasuk golongan apa?
Tole: Omnivora

Setelah beberapa pertanyaan, pak Kepsek bilang ke ibu guru. “Kelihatannya Tole memang cerdas, saya rasa bisa masuk di kelas 3.”
Tapi ibu guru masih belum yakin, "Coba saya tes lagi pak kepsek,” kata bu guru.

Ibu guru: Benda apakah yang huruf pertama nya K, huruf terakhirnya L, yang bisa menjadi tegang, bisa lemas? (mendengar pertanyaan bu guru, pak Kepsek melongo kaget)

Tole: Ketapel..

Ibu guru: Ok, sekarang apakah yang huruf pertamanya M, huruf terakhir K, di tengah benda itu ada kacangnya? (pak kepsek makin melongo sambil melap keringat di jidatnya)

Tole: Martabak.

Ibu guru: Ok, berikut .... Kegiatan apakah yang biasa dilakukan anak remaja di kamar mandi dengan gerakan yang berulang-ulang, huruf pertamanya M, huruf terakhir I ? (pak kepsek makin salah tingkah dengar pertanyaan bu guru)

Tole: Menggosok Gigi..

Ibu guru: Kegiatan apakah yang biasa dilakukan pria dan wanita yang lagi pacaran di malam hari, huruf pertamanya N, huruf terakhir T. (pak kepsek nyaris pingsan dengar pertanyaan terakhir)

Tole: Nonton Midnight.

Sebelum bu guru lanjutkan pertanyaan, pak kepsek memotong, ”Ibu guru, Tole masukkan ke kelas 6. Saya saja dari tadi salah terus jawab pertanyaan bu guru.

Kenaikan Gaji

Seperti biasa pagi itu Kereta sudah penuh dengan penumpang. Berdiri sajapun terasa sesak sekali. Seorang penumpang cewek yang sedang berdiri mendadak berpaling dengan muka marah ke pria yang berdiri persis di belakangnya,

"Hei Kamu! Kalo kamu nggak berhenti menyodok-nyodok dari belakang, saya akan teriak biar kamu digebukin orang!"

"Saya nggak ngerti apa yang Mbak ngomongin", jawab pria itu, "Yang Mbak rasakan menonjol itu cuma uang yang saya taruh di kantung depan celana saya. Saya baru gajian nih Mbak"

"Oh ya??!!!", sahut si cewek dengan ketus, "Kalau gitu hebat benar Kamu ya, selama berdiri di situ gaji kamu bertambah terus!!!"

Tes Darah

 Panjul datang ke rumah sakit, ingin cek-up mana tahu gula darahnya tinggi. Dia dilayani oleh seorang suster cantik. Suster Ngesot namanya, lengkapnya Ngesot Damayanti.

Suster Ngesot mulai memeriksa Panjul. Ujung jari Panjul ditusuk sedikit dengan jarum, lalu meneteslah darah segar dari bekas tusukan itu.

Suster Ngesot hanya mengambil sedikit tetesan darah untuk sampel, lalu ingin membersihkan sisa darah yang masih menetes dari jari Panjul. Sayang, tidak ada tissue di tempat itu.

Hmm.. karena Suster Ngesot tak punya tissue, maka dihisapnya jari Panjul yang masih berdarah itu.

Terkesan dengan hisapan lembut Suster Ngesot, Panjul tanya, "Suster, sekalian tes urine boleh??"

Missing Husband

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying


Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Korupsi

Orang Indonesia bertanya pada orang Eropa, "Berapa gajimu dan untuk apa saja uang sejumlah itu?"
Orang Eropa menjawab, "Gaji saya 3.000 Euro, 1.000 euro untuk tempat tinggal, 1.000 Euro untuk makan, 500 Euro untuk hiburan.
''Lalu sisa 500 Euro untuk apa?", tanya orang Indonesia.
Orang Eropa menjawab secara ketus, "Oh, itu urusan saya, Anda tidak berhak bertanya!"

Kemudian orang Eropa berbalik bertanya. "Kalau Anda bagaimana?''
Gaji saya Rp 950 ribu, Rp 450 ribu untuk tempat tinggal, Rp 350 ribu untuk makan, Rp 250 ribu untuk transport, Rp 200 ribu untuk sekolah anak, Rp 200 ribu untuk bayar cicilan pinjaman, Rp100 ribu untuk ...."
Penjelasan orang Indonesia terhenti karena orang Eropa langsung bertanya. "Uang itu jumlahnya sudah melampui gaji anda. Sisanya dari mana?",
orang Indonesia menjawab dengan enteng, "Begini Mister, tentang uang yang kurang, itu urusan saya, Anda tidak berhak bertanya-tanya" .

The Way Things Get?

An old couple often forgetting things decided to see a doctor for some help. The doctor said the best thing I know for you to do is write things down and let your notes remind you.
That night Ma asked Pa to fetch her a dish of ice cream.
Ma said you better write it down. Pa said no need to, you want a dish of ice cream. Ma said I would also like some strawberries on the ice cream.
You better write it down, Pa said.
No need to. You want a dish of ice cream with strawberries on top.
Then Ma said, "Would you put some whipping cream on it? Write it down."
Pa said, "No need to. You want a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream on top."
Twenty minutes later Pa came back and handed Ma a plate with bacon and eggs.
Ma asked, "Where is the toast?"

Pictures Back

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please keep your picture and send the rest back."

How to Get A Bimbo Wife

Bob, a 70-year-old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all agog.

They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bob replies, "Girlfriend?  She's my wife!"

They're knocked over, but continue to ask.  "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"

Bob says, "I lied about my age."

His friends respond, "What do you mean?  Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

Blonde Jokes

DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland  They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible! ' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' 
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. 
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic that it just died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

EXPOSURE

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out." he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

FINAL EXAM

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within a half hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

DOGS

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  'HELLLOOOOOOO. .....,' answered the blonde.
'They're watch dogs'!

My first Condom

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Levin's pharmacy.

There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'  So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb.
She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. 

 I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was empty. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it... 

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.   She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time...'  So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments. 

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.  I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She then beat the shit out of me

Ferrari

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
                                                                      
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.. He produces the title and everything checks out.
                                                                      
The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000? The Chinese replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return.'

Never laugh at a Chinese!      

Konflik Polri vs TNI

Kejadian di depan Mall yogyakarta, danki Brimob berpangkat AKP berkelahi dengan Mayor CPM.

Keduanya berpakaian dinas lengkap terlibat adu mulut kemudian memanas sehingga masing-masing mencabut senjata.

Tetapi sebelum terjadi tembak menembak, Satpam Mall keluar dan dengan berani mengambil tindakan, demi menyelamatkan pengunjung Mall dari peluru nyasar.

Satpam tersebut melerai oknum TNI Polri tersebut tetapi mereka tetap memanas akhirnya Satpam tersebut tidak bisa menahan emosi dan menampar kedua oknum TNI Polri tersebut.

Setelah tindakan Satpam tersebut, akhirnya kedua oknum TNI dan Polri tersebut menyimpan senjatanya.

Wartawan yang berada di tempat kejadian langsung mewawancarai Satpam dan menanyakan keberaniannya menampar anggota TNI dan Polri yang berpangkat perwira.

Dengan ..datar satpam menjawab: "Mereka berdua anak saya. Dari kecil... kalo nggak ditampar nggak berhenti berantem

Girlfriends

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

Best vehicle to Ride

Women are the best vehicles in the world because:

- 2 beautiful headlights in front,
- 2 great bumpers at the back,
- Self-lubricating when hot,
- Finger touch ignition,
- Automatic engine oil change every month,
- Any type of pistons fit,
- Multiple seating styles & adjustments,
- Great accessories,
- Highest mileage: 9 months in just 5 mL!

That's why MEN are dying to get a ride!!

9/11 attack

Now We Know Why He Was a General...

In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is to arrange the meeting."

Storeroom

Agus sedang melancong ke Singapore, suatu hari dia lewat ke Little India.
Di ujung jalan dia lihat seorang india yg sedang duduk sambil elus2 kumisnya yg lumayan panjang

Merasa baru sekali ini dia melihat kumis yg panjang dan terawat, dia tertarik untuk mendekat.

"Sir, this is the first time I ever saw a person with a very long and neat moustache. May I touch it?"

"Oh sure...sure. ." (sambil geleng2 kepala)

Timbul ide untuk membeli satu rambut dari kumis India ini sebagai suvenir.

"With your permission, may I buy one hair of your moustache for a souvenir?"

"Oh sure..sure Sir. For $5 you can get it."

Ah, murah amat..dia piara tuh kumis aja udah berapa tahun..

Akhirnya Agus keluarkan $5 buat si India.
Kemudian sejenak si india berdiri...sambil ngendorin celananya dia masukkan tangan ke dalam celana dalamnya... tuing... dicabutnya satu bulu dan diberikan ke Agus.

Melihat hal ini Agus kaget...
"What? I mean I want to buy one hair from your moustache! not from down there!"

Si India dengan tenang menjawab "Sir... top is showroom... below is store room"

25 cents

American Football FINALLY makes sense....

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! ' I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!! !!!!

Prostate Check-up

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ".

The guy obeys and says,"99".

The doctor says, "Great".  Now turn over on your left side and again, while repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

Again, the guy says, '99'."

The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold  on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The guy begins, "One ... Two ...Three".

100 Pukulan

Seorang Italia, seorang Argentinia dan seorang Jerman akhirnya menghadap Tuhan.
Tuhan: Untuk menebus dosa2 kalian selama hidup kalian akan mendapat 50 pukulan dengan tongkat. Tetapi untuk menunjukan Kasihku kalian masing masing boleh mengucapkan 1 pemintaan.

Pertama si Italia maju. Dia minta supaya diikat sebuah bantal dipunggungnya. Permintaannya diluluskan. Setelah pukulan ke-25 bantalnya hancur. Aduh... aduh ... ampun ..., teriaknya.

Giliran si Argentinia, dia minta supaya 2 bantal diikat pada punggungnya. Ini diluluskan dan dimulailah hukumannya. Tetapi si Argentina selamat tidak merasa sakit.

Sekarang giliran si Jerman.
Tuhan berkata: Karena kalian baru baru ini bermain bola dengan bagus kamu diberi 2 permintaan yang akan dikabulkan.
Jerman: Saya minta supaya diberikan 100 pukulan.
Tuhan: Saya tidak mengerti permohonan kamu, tetapi OK. Sekarang apa keinginan kamu kedua.

Jerman: ..... saya ingin supaya si Argentina diikat pada punggung saya ...

The Embarrassed Son

A wealthy Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying....:

Dear Dad,

Toronto is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit embarrassed to arrive to my college in my Gold Mercedes, when all my teachers travel by train.

Your son Nasser


Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad :

Dear Loving son,

One Hundred and Thirty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us,  go and get yourself a train too.

Anti Korupsi

Setelah proyek multimilyar dollar selesai, sang pegawai kedatangan tamu bule wakil dari HQ kantor pemenang tender. Udah 7 tahun di Jakarta jadi bisa ngomong bahasa Indonesia.

Bule: "Pak, ada hadiah dari kami untuk bapak. Saya parkir dibawah, mercy S 320."
pegawai : "Anda mau menyuap saya? ini apa-apaan? tender dah kelar kok. Jangan gitu ya, bahaya tau haree genee ngasih-ngasih hadiah."
Bule: "Tolonglah pak diterima. Kalau gak, saya dianggap gagal membina relasi oleh kantor pusat."
pegawai: "Ah, jangan gitu dong. Saya gak sudi!!"
Bule (mikir ): "Gini aja, pak. Gimana kalau bapak beli saja mobilnya..."
pegawai: "Mana saya ada uang beli mobil mahal gitu!!"

Bule menelpon kantor pusat.
Bule: "Saya ada solusi, Pak. Bapak beli mobilnya dg harga rp.10.000,- saja."
pegawai: "Bener ya? OK, saya mau. Jadi ini bukan suap. Pake kwitansi ya.."
Bule: "Tentu, Pak.."

Bule menyiapkan dan menyerahkan kwitansi. Dirjen membayar dengan uang 50 ribuan.
Mereka pun bersalaman.
Bule (sambil membuka dompet ): "Oh, maaf Pak. ini kembaliannya Rp.40.000,-. "
pegawai: "Gak usah pakai kembalian segala. Tolong kirim 4 mobil lagi ke rumah saya ya..."

Bule : @#$%^&**(