The Secrets of Taiwanese, Shanghainese and Cantonese

On Stockton Street yesterday, Savage Kitten passed a Chinese man and his -beep–temptress sex doll Taiwanese girlfriend. She did not immediately identify the female as Taiwanese, but when she recounted the experience, it was obvious to me that the person in question was such.

You see, only Taiwanese girls still play the pouty whiny spoiled money-lenders’ plaything role to perfection.

It’s a combination of high falsetto little girl voice, adhesive behaviour, and ego-stroking flattery. Sure, Shanghainese tramps also attempt the act – but without the pampered -beep- attitude and that syrupy four-year-old sexbombe voice, it just isn’t the same. The Shanghainese practitioner of the art always has a note of sleazy desperation, but the Taiwanese wanna-be kept woman has so perfected the saccharine mewling that weak-willed men do not even realize that their brains just melted.

Cantonese girls won’t even bother. They know that at some point they’re going to completely spoil the effect by blessing him out. With some snarled “colloquial” expressions that will not bear translation. They prefer to keep their options open as far as expressing themselves, and many of them have far too much stubborn ego to pull the “oh you’re soooooo smart and handsoooooome” routine. At least not with any real conviction.

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