Priest's Last Wish

He motioned for his nurse to come near.
"Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Dalton  McGuinty and Dwight Duncan before I die," whispered the Priest.
"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the nurse.The nurse sent  the request to the Premier's office and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived that the Premier and Finance Minister, devoted Christians both, were delighted to visit the Priest.
As they went to the hospital, Dalton commented to Dwight "I don't know why the old Priest wants to see us but it will certainly help our images and might even get us some favourable publicity for our HST Deal."
Dwight agreed that it was a good thing.
When they arrived at the Priest's room, the Priest took Dalton 's hand in his right hand and Dwight's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old Priest's face.
Finally Dalton McGuinty spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
The old Priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."


"Amen," said Dalton .
"Amen," said Dwight.

The old Priest continued.. Jesus died between two thieves. I would like to do the same!"

Sama Saja

Suatu hari seorang pemuda berpapasan dengan seorang gembala kambing.
Terjadi percakapan seperti ini:

Pemuda : "pak, boleh nanya nih?"

Gembala : "boleh".

Pemuda : "kambing-kambing bapak sehat sekali. Bapak kasih makan apa?"

Gembala : "yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"

Pemuda : "Mmmm... yang hitam dulu deh..."

Gembala : "oh,kalau yang hitam, ia makannya rumput gajah."

Pemuda : "oh... Kalau yang putih?"

Gembala : "yang putih juga..."

Pemuda : "Hmmm...kambing- kambing ini kuat jalan berapa kilo pak?"

Gembala : "yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"

Pemuda : "Mmmm... Yang hitam dulu deh..."

Gembala : "oh, kalau yang hitam, 4 km sehari."

Pemuda : "kalau yang putih?"

Gembala : "yang putih juga..."


Mendengar jawaban itu, si pemuda mulai gondok.

Pemuda : "kambing ini menghasilkan banyak bulu ngak pak, per tahunnya?"

Gembala : "yang mana dulu, nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"

Pemuda : "(dengan kesalnya) yang hitam dulu deh...!!!"

Gembala : "oh, yang hitam, banyak... 10kg/tahun."

Pemuda : "kalau yang putih...?"

Gembala : "yang putih juga."

Pemuda : " BAPAK KENAPA SIH SELALU NGEBEDAIN KEDUA KAMBING INI, KALO JAWABANNYA SAMA?"

Gembala : "Oh begini, Dik. Soalnya, yang hitam itu punya saya..."

Pemuda : "Oh, begitu pak. Maaf, kalo saya emosi... Kalo yang putih?"

Gembala : " Yang putih juga "

Pemuda : ### @@@ !!!

Anak Nakal

Pasien : Dok, anak saya umurnya 5 tahun, nakalnyaaa nggak ketulungan.. ..

Psikiater : Nakal bagaimana, Pak Iwan?
Pasien : Dia membuat pembantu kami hamil .

Psikiater : APAA!?? Ini kasus yang serius ya rupanya.? Bagaimana ceritanya anak 5 tahun bisa membuat pembantu Pak Iwan hamil ?

Pasien : Wah, nakal sekali Dok ! Masa stock kondom saya semuanya dicoblosin pake peniti ………….

The Priest's Ass

Here's  a little "CLEAN" humor  with a good moral  ...

A Priest entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The  Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he  entered it in the race again, and it  won again


The local paper  read:


PRIEST'S  ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was  so upset with this kind of publicity that he  ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey  in another race..


The next day, the  local paper headline read: 


BISHOP  SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS.

This was too  much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Priest to  get rid of  the donkey..


The Priest decided to  give it to a Nun in a nearby  Convent..

The local paper, hearing of the  news, posted the following headline the next  day:


NUN  HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop  fainted!

He informed the Nun that she  would have to get rid of the donkey, so  she sold it to a farmer for  $10.

The next day the papers  read:

NUN  SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was  too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun  to buy back the donkey and lead it to  the plains where it could run wild.

The  next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS  IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop  was buried the next day.


The moral of the  story is  ....
Being  concerned about public opinion  can bring you much grief and misery..  It can even shorten your  life...

..So  be yourself and enjoy life to the  fullest.

Stop worrying about everyone  else's ass and you'll be a lot happier  and live longer!

2 Hantu

Dua hantu baru bertemu dan saling bercerita bagaimana mereka mati.

Hantu 1 : "Bagaimanakah cara kamu mati?"
Hantu 2 : "Aku mati akibat kedinginan.. ."
Hantu 1 : "Bagaimanakah bisa kau mati dalam kedinginan itu?"
Hantu 2 : "Sebenarnya aku terkurung dalam lemari es, mula-mula aku cuma menggigil, setelah itu anggota tubuhku mulai membeku, kemudian aku merasa dunia menjadi gelap dan akhirnya... tapi aku merasa bersyukur karena aku mati tanpa banyak kesakitan."
Hantu 1 : "Ishhh... kasian deh lu!"
Hantu 2 : "Kalau kamu, bagaimana cara kamu mati?"
Hantu 1 : "Aku kena serangan jantung."
Hantu 2 : "Oooo... kok bisa kena serangan jantung?"
Hantu 1 : "Sebenarnya aku menangkap basah istriku sedang selingkuh. Pada suatu hari, aku pulang ke rumah agak cepat. Aku melihat ada celana dalam lelaki dekat depan pintu. Aku tahu pasti isteriku sedang bermesraan dengan laki-laki lain.  Aku berlari masuk kamar tidur, cuma ada isteriku seorang.
Aku tahu pasti laki-laki itu bersembunyi dekat-dekat situ. Aku lari masuk kamar mandi, nggak ada juga, kemudian aku lari ke tingkat bawah, aku cari di gudang, nggak ada…… aku lari naik lagi ke tingkat atas tadi, tapi gara-gara aku kecapekan, aku kena serangan jantung..... ......... memang sakit dan akhirnya aku mati."
Hantu 2 : "Alamak, kenapa ngga kau cari di lemari eeeess... kalau ngga, kan kita masih hidup sekarang! Bodoh!"

Mileage in the USA

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Very very very efficient... ..;-)

Music by Definition

JAZZ : Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.

BLUES : Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.

WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.

OPERA : People singing when they should be talking.

RAP : People talking when they should be singing.

CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.

FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.

BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.

HEAVY METAL : Codpiece and chaps

HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.