The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.
"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks, And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."
The World's Top Secrets How To Live Longer
Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'
We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches..
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And while the night away.
We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems much colder.
There was a time not long ago
When life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
About 'Living in the Past'
We used to go to weddings,
Football games and lunches..
Now we go to funeral homes
And after-funeral brunches.
We used to have hangovers,
From parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
And while the night away.
We used to go out dining,
And couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
Come home and take a pill.
We used to often travel
To places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
From riding in the car.
We used to go to nightclubs
And drink a little booze.
Now we stay home at night
And watch the evening news.
That, my friend is how life is,
And now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
Before you're too damned old!
The World's Best Jew Secrets How To Survive in The World
Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York
.. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'
Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'
The waiter said, 'I doont be knowing, I ask cooksaheb..' He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'
The waiter returned and said, 'Cooksaheb say there is no Indian Jews.'
'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'
' Listen, I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter.
'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews &
Tomato Jews! - No Indian Jews !!!
.. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'
Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'
The waiter said, 'I doont be knowing, I ask cooksaheb..' He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'
The waiter returned and said, 'Cooksaheb say there is no Indian Jews.'
'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'
' Listen, I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter.
'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews &
Tomato Jews! - No Indian Jews !!!
The World's Top Secrets How To Get A Virgin !!
Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch; writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin -- in every vay.
The doctor told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.
Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez." Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied:
"Well look at dis Lena ... it is still in DA CRATE!"
NORWEGIAN VIRGIN WEDDING
The FBI Top's Secrets of American Politicians !! U.S. Shocking Leaks !!
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
(This is priceless...)
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
(This is priceless...)
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
Rahasia Terlarang Tips Cara Mendapatkan Istri Orang Lain Saat Liburan
Sepasang pengantin baru dari AS sedang berbulan madu di Israel. Suatu hari saat mereka sedang berada di Betlehem.
Seorang salesman Arab mendekati mereka dan menawarkan ikat pinggang. Salesman itu begitu bersemangat menawarkan barang dagangannya,tetapi suami istri tersebut tidak tertarik.
Akhirnya si salesman bertanya dari mana asal mereka. Si suami menjawab, "Amerika!".
Kemudian si salesman melihat si wanita dengan keheranan karena rambutnya gelap dan kulitnya coklat. Dia bukan orang Amerika," katanya.
Ya, saya orang Amerika," jawab si istri.
Si salesman terus bertanya ke si istri, "Apakah dia suamimu?".
Ya," jawabnya.
Sambil menoleh ke sang suami, si salesman berkata,
"Saya akan memberi kamu 100 ekor unta untuk mendapatkan istrimu".
Si suami tampak tertegun dan terdiam lama sekali.
Akhirnya dia berkata,"Dia bukan barang dagangan!!".
Setelah si salesman pergi, istri yang sedang marah karena tersinggung bertanya ke suaminya, Mengapa kamu terdiam lama sekali untuk menjawab tawaran orang itu?".
Si suami menjawab, "Saya sedang berpikir keras bagaimana caranya membawa 100 ekor onta kembali ke rumah"
Seorang salesman Arab mendekati mereka dan menawarkan ikat pinggang. Salesman itu begitu bersemangat menawarkan barang dagangannya,tetapi suami istri tersebut tidak tertarik.
Akhirnya si salesman bertanya dari mana asal mereka. Si suami menjawab, "Amerika!".
Kemudian si salesman melihat si wanita dengan keheranan karena rambutnya gelap dan kulitnya coklat. Dia bukan orang Amerika," katanya.
Ya, saya orang Amerika," jawab si istri.
Si salesman terus bertanya ke si istri, "Apakah dia suamimu?".
Ya," jawabnya.
Sambil menoleh ke sang suami, si salesman berkata,
"Saya akan memberi kamu 100 ekor unta untuk mendapatkan istrimu".
Si suami tampak tertegun dan terdiam lama sekali.
Akhirnya dia berkata,"Dia bukan barang dagangan!!".
Setelah si salesman pergi, istri yang sedang marah karena tersinggung bertanya ke suaminya, Mengapa kamu terdiam lama sekali untuk menjawab tawaran orang itu?".
Si suami menjawab, "Saya sedang berpikir keras bagaimana caranya membawa 100 ekor onta kembali ke rumah"
Rahasia Terlarang Mendapatkan Celana Dalam Wanita
Suatu sore Clinton dan Al gore wakilnya baru saja bermain golf & kelihatan sekali. Clinton sangat tidak berantusias dengan nada marah ingin pulang.
Dalam perjalan pulang mereka terlibat pembicaraan :
Clinton : " Al, tahu enggak apa yang akan Aku lakukan sampai di rumah ? "
Al Gore : " Apa ? "
Clinton : " Aku ingin sekali merobek celana dalam Hillary ? "
Al Gore : " Wah, Aku enggak tahu kalau Kamu se agresif ini sebelumnya, bukankan Hillary akan kaget nantinya ? "
Clinton : " Masalahnya Aku sudah enggak tahan lagi nih! "
Al Gore : " Tapi, Sebagai penasehat Saya sarankan Kamu untuk memikirkannya sekali lagi. "
Clinton : " Baiklah, aku serahkan saja nanti celana dalam Hillary yang kupakai ini untukmu, karena sudah semenjak permainan tadi aku tidak bisa konsentrasi memukul bola, ukurannya terlalu kecil untukku! "
Dalam perjalan pulang mereka terlibat pembicaraan :
Clinton : " Al, tahu enggak apa yang akan Aku lakukan sampai di rumah ? "
Al Gore : " Apa ? "
Clinton : " Aku ingin sekali merobek celana dalam Hillary ? "
Al Gore : " Wah, Aku enggak tahu kalau Kamu se agresif ini sebelumnya, bukankan Hillary akan kaget nantinya ? "
Clinton : " Masalahnya Aku sudah enggak tahan lagi nih! "
Al Gore : " Tapi, Sebagai penasehat Saya sarankan Kamu untuk memikirkannya sekali lagi. "
Clinton : " Baiklah, aku serahkan saja nanti celana dalam Hillary yang kupakai ini untukmu, karena sudah semenjak permainan tadi aku tidak bisa konsentrasi memukul bola, ukurannya terlalu kecil untukku! "
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