Nu ngaranna cinta sajati ibarat kuntilanak...
Loba nu ngomongkeun tapi jarang nu manggihan
The World's Biggest Secrets How To End Terrorism
Let's start the rumour...
"If we could convince the Chinese that Jihadists testicles are an aphrodisiac,
in 10 years they could be extinct ... "
"If we could convince the Chinese that Jihadists testicles are an aphrodisiac,
in 10 years they could be extinct ... "
The Secrets How To Be A Freak Great Mother Ever in The World
Everybody over 50 was home schooled !!!
Most of our generation 50+ was HOME SCHOOLEDin so many ways.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
1. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck???"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just you wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you, do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"
This was only sent to the over 50 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT"words by our parents
Most of our generation 50+ was HOME SCHOOLEDin so many ways.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
1. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck???"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just you wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you, do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"
This was only sent to the over 50 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT"words by our parents
The Secrets How To Cheat Your Husband Without Worries
A mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Pete in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found??
Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Bill Clinton in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Come now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "There now Pete, you see? I told you there must be a simple explanation! "Well what is it?" Fumed Pete.
"She never got your E-mail!"
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found??
Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Bill Clinton in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Come now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "There now Pete, you see? I told you there must be a simple explanation! "Well what is it?" Fumed Pete.
"She never got your E-mail!"
Rahasia Tersembunyi Haji Lulung Terbongkar
Tadi malam
si Lulung tidur-tiduran diatas rel kereta api.
Sambil terlentang mata
menatap kelangit, ia bergumam heran;
"mengapa orang-orang membuat tangga
sepanjang ini".
from:
from:
Rahasia Terlarang Kenalan Dengan Gadis Manis Dan Langsung Dapet Seks
Seorang laki-laki gembira sekali waktu mau duduk di pesawat. Yang duduk di sampingnya seorang gadis yang manis. Ada teman ngobrol nih, pikirnya. Tapi setelah beberapa lama ternyata si gadis kerjanya membaca mllu.
Untuk mencairkan suasana, si laki-laki bertanya, "Mau ujian nih. kok baca terus?"
"Bukan.. saya lagi penelitian," jawab si gadis.
"Penelitian mengenai apa?" tanya si laki-laki lagi.
"Mengenai hubungan etnis dengan bentuk alat vital laki-laki," jawab si gadis tenang.
Penasaran, si laki-laki bertanya kembali, "Apakah sudah ada hasilnya?"
"Sudah sih. Menurut hasil penelitian saya ternyata kepunyaan laki-laki Bali bentuknya paling bagus. Mungkin ada hubungannya dengan kepandaian mereka dalam memahat." Kemudian si gadis sebentar terdiam.
"Kepunyaan laki-laki Batak paling besar. Mungkin terpengaruh oleh kebiasaan mereka bicara selalu keras sehingga darah lebih cepat mengalir ke daerah itu." lanjutnya
Si laki-laki makin penasaran.
"Punya laki-laki Sunda paling panjang. Mungkin ada hubungannya dengan kebiasaan mereka memakai sarung," Si gadis seperti sampai pada kesimpulan pembicarannya.
"Eh, ngomong-ngomong kita belum kenalan nih," kata si lelaki.
"Oh iya." si gadis sedikit tersenyum. "Nama saya Lisa, kalau mas siapa?"
"Saya, I Wayan Cecep Nasution." komplit kombinasi Bali Sunda Batak
Untuk mencairkan suasana, si laki-laki bertanya, "Mau ujian nih. kok baca terus?"
"Bukan.. saya lagi penelitian," jawab si gadis.
"Penelitian mengenai apa?" tanya si laki-laki lagi.
"Mengenai hubungan etnis dengan bentuk alat vital laki-laki," jawab si gadis tenang.
Penasaran, si laki-laki bertanya kembali, "Apakah sudah ada hasilnya?"
"Sudah sih. Menurut hasil penelitian saya ternyata kepunyaan laki-laki Bali bentuknya paling bagus. Mungkin ada hubungannya dengan kepandaian mereka dalam memahat." Kemudian si gadis sebentar terdiam.
"Kepunyaan laki-laki Batak paling besar. Mungkin terpengaruh oleh kebiasaan mereka bicara selalu keras sehingga darah lebih cepat mengalir ke daerah itu." lanjutnya
Si laki-laki makin penasaran.
"Punya laki-laki Sunda paling panjang. Mungkin ada hubungannya dengan kebiasaan mereka memakai sarung," Si gadis seperti sampai pada kesimpulan pembicarannya.
"Eh, ngomong-ngomong kita belum kenalan nih," kata si lelaki.
"Oh iya." si gadis sedikit tersenyum. "Nama saya Lisa, kalau mas siapa?"
"Saya, I Wayan Cecep Nasution." komplit kombinasi Bali Sunda Batak
Rahasia Terlarang Malam Imlek
Pas Jelang Malam "SIN CIA", Opung Todung Makan Disebuah Restoran.
Disebelah mejanya duduk beberapa wanita yg Merayakan malam "SIN CIA" dan asyik bicara soal "Shio"..
Mei-Mei : "Shien, suami lu shio apa ?".
A Shien : "suami gue monyet, kalo suami lu ?"
Mei-Mei : "suami gue babi, sama kayak mertua laki-laki gue"
Karena memang tidak mengikuti dari awal, Opung Todung keheranan bercampur geram, tapi dia terus mendengarkan percakapan mereka..
A Hoa : "kalo mertua gue Kambing, tapi yg cowok babi juga"
Mei-Mei : "kalo adik ipar lu yg buka bengkel di thamrin apa ?"
A Hoa : "itu monyet, isterinya anjing.. anaknya semua babi"
Opung Todung mulai emosi.. tapi masih menahan amarahnya..
A Shien : "kalo ipar gue yg di Sun Plaza, sekeluarga anjing"
A Hoa : "kok sama kayak ipar gue ya ?, sekeluarga babi semua"
Opung Todung tak tahan lagi.. dia langsung berteriak : " Dasar kurang ajar kalian semua..!! perempuan gak tau diuntung..!!
MACAM MANA PULAKKK !!! Masa mertua, ipar, kalian dikatai anjing, babi, monyet, kau tak punya sopan santun !!
Kalau saja kalian jadi menantuku, sudah Ku HABISI kau semua !!! BAHHHHHH !!!
Disebelah mejanya duduk beberapa wanita yg Merayakan malam "SIN CIA" dan asyik bicara soal "Shio"..
Mei-Mei : "Shien, suami lu shio apa ?".
A Shien : "suami gue monyet, kalo suami lu ?"
Mei-Mei : "suami gue babi, sama kayak mertua laki-laki gue"
Karena memang tidak mengikuti dari awal, Opung Todung keheranan bercampur geram, tapi dia terus mendengarkan percakapan mereka..
A Hoa : "kalo mertua gue Kambing, tapi yg cowok babi juga"
Mei-Mei : "kalo adik ipar lu yg buka bengkel di thamrin apa ?"
A Hoa : "itu monyet, isterinya anjing.. anaknya semua babi"
Opung Todung mulai emosi.. tapi masih menahan amarahnya..
A Shien : "kalo ipar gue yg di Sun Plaza, sekeluarga anjing"
A Hoa : "kok sama kayak ipar gue ya ?, sekeluarga babi semua"
Opung Todung tak tahan lagi.. dia langsung berteriak : " Dasar kurang ajar kalian semua..!! perempuan gak tau diuntung..!!
MACAM MANA PULAKKK !!! Masa mertua, ipar, kalian dikatai anjing, babi, monyet, kau tak punya sopan santun !!
Kalau saja kalian jadi menantuku, sudah Ku HABISI kau semua !!! BAHHHHHH !!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
