What deep thinkers men are...
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the bollocks?
Women always maintain that giving birth is far more painful than a bloke getting kicked in the bollocks.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the bollocks is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say, "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the bollocks."
I rest my case. Time for another beer.
The Top Secrets How To Have Sex With Your Sister in Law
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite sex positions.
One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "
"Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds!"
One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it ?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "
"Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds!"
The Secret How To Make Your Secretary Naked
The General Manager of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
Best Way To Get Revenge To A Cop
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "asshole". He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a "shit head". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an "asshole". He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a "shit head". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
The Secret Of The Pope
Pope Francis do not condemn Gays n do not mind Gay Priests. He is OK with condoms
People start to seriously ask the Question : " is the Pope Catholic ?"
People start to seriously ask the Question : " is the Pope Catholic ?"
The Mystic Secret How To Talk With The Dead
Heaven: Bill Gates vs Steve Jobs
Bill : "How's heaven, Steve ?".
Steve : "Great !,... It just doesn't have walls and fences."
Bill : "So ?".
Steve : "So we don't need WINDOWS and GATES there."
Bill : "hehehei ..."
Steve : "Sorry Bill,... didn't mean to offend you".
Bill : "It's okay Steve,... but I heard a rumor."
Steve : "What rumor ?".
Bill : "That nobody allowed to touch APPLE there..."
Bill : "How's heaven, Steve ?".
Steve : "Great !,... It just doesn't have walls and fences."
Bill : "So ?".
Steve : "So we don't need WINDOWS and GATES there."
Bill : "hehehei ..."
Steve : "Sorry Bill,... didn't mean to offend you".
Bill : "It's okay Steve,... but I heard a rumor."
Steve : "What rumor ?".
Bill : "That nobody allowed to touch APPLE there..."
The Best Way How to Make a Good Confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He is amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
He is amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
