John walked into class every morning with a black eye . After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.
John answer was:
"Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'John are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye.
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning John comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But
The day after that Jabu comes back with a severe black eye again."My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'John are you sleeping?... And I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father And my mother started moving {you know} at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically And squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"...
Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you cuming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes I'm cuming, are you cuming too?' and my Dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said
'Wait' for me!!!!!!!
Aids
KHAN : "Mom, I've AIDS"
Mother : "Don't come back my son".
KHAN : "Why Mom?".
Mother : "If you come back then your wife will be infected. From your wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your dad, from your dad to my sister and from my sister to her husband, from him to me and from me to our driver, from our driver to your sister and if your sister got AIDS, then...the whole village will be infected !
So in the name of God please save our village.
Don't come back!...
Mother : "Don't come back my son".
KHAN : "Why Mom?".
Mother : "If you come back then your wife will be infected. From your wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your dad, from your dad to my sister and from my sister to her husband, from him to me and from me to our driver, from our driver to your sister and if your sister got AIDS, then...the whole village will be infected !
So in the name of God please save our village.
Don't come back!...
The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95,
Shopping Barbie for $19.95,
Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95,
and Divorced Barbie for $2,265.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $2,265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95,
Shopping Barbie for $19.95,
Beach Barbie for $19.95,
Disco Barbie for $19.95,
and Divorced Barbie for $2,265.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $2,265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
Hardwork
A well dressed man went into a bar ordered a double whiskey. He stood there sipping his drink when another man came up and said "Is that you Pete??"
Pete said "My name is Pete, but I don`t think I know you"
The second man said "You do, it`s me, Martin we used to work at the company together before it closed down"
Pete said "Now I remember you, but what happened to you? You are all in scruffy clothes. We got good redundancy money when we finished. What happened Martin??"
Martin said "I blew it all on cars women and drink. I'm totally broke now, but look at you Pete. All in the best clothes and I've seen your posh car outside. How did you do it??"
Pete said "Well I wanted to make my money work for me. So I thought if you have some money, London is the best place to do that. I bought a three story house. On the first floor there was ordinary sex - just men and woman. On the second floor homo sex - you know, men shagging men-, and on the third floor paedophile sex for them who like shagging children. I must say I made a fortune.
Mind you it was hard work: just me, the wife and the kids."
Pete said "My name is Pete, but I don`t think I know you"
The second man said "You do, it`s me, Martin we used to work at the company together before it closed down"
Pete said "Now I remember you, but what happened to you? You are all in scruffy clothes. We got good redundancy money when we finished. What happened Martin??"
Martin said "I blew it all on cars women and drink. I'm totally broke now, but look at you Pete. All in the best clothes and I've seen your posh car outside. How did you do it??"
Pete said "Well I wanted to make my money work for me. So I thought if you have some money, London is the best place to do that. I bought a three story house. On the first floor there was ordinary sex - just men and woman. On the second floor homo sex - you know, men shagging men-, and on the third floor paedophile sex for them who like shagging children. I must say I made a fortune.
Mind you it was hard work: just me, the wife and the kids."
Boss
When body was first made, all parts wanted to be the Boss. Brain said I because I decide.
Feet said us and so did the Heart Lungs, Hands, and Eyes.
Finally Asshole said I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing.
So Asshole went on strike, blocked itself, and refused to open. In a short time, Hands cranked, Eyes blurred, Ears emitted hot air, Brain got heavy, Heart and Lungs panicked...
So they all agreed that Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral of the story is:
It doesn't matter how talented you are... Any Asshole can be your Boss.
Feet said us and so did the Heart Lungs, Hands, and Eyes.
Finally Asshole said I should be the Boss.
All parts started laughing.
So Asshole went on strike, blocked itself, and refused to open. In a short time, Hands cranked, Eyes blurred, Ears emitted hot air, Brain got heavy, Heart and Lungs panicked...
So they all agreed that Asshole should be the BOSS !
Moral of the story is:
It doesn't matter how talented you are... Any Asshole can be your Boss.
Mongolian VD
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple bumps.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.
The man returns in a couple of days and the doctor says: 'I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it'. The man looks a little perplexed and says: 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc'. The doctor answers: 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure.
We're going to have to amputate your penis'. The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion'.
The doctor replies: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice'.
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease..
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease'.
The guy says to the doctor: 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that!, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?'
What, cut you dick off !!! The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: 'Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!'
'Oh, Thank God!', the man replies.
'Yes', says the Chinese doctor, 'You no worry! Wait two weeks, fall off by itself!'
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple bumps.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.
The man returns in a couple of days and the doctor says: 'I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it'. The man looks a little perplexed and says: 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc'. The doctor answers: 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure.
We're going to have to amputate your penis'. The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion'.
The doctor replies: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice'.
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease..
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease'.
The guy says to the doctor: 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that!, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?'
What, cut you dick off !!! The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: 'Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!'
'Oh, Thank God!', the man replies.
'Yes', says the Chinese doctor, 'You no worry! Wait two weeks, fall off by itself!'
Little Mohamed In France
Little Mohamed entered his classroom in France.
What is your name? asked the teacher. "Mohammad...." answered the kid. "Here we are in France, there is no Mohamed. From now on your name will be Jean-Francois" replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohamed returned home. "How was your day, Mohamed?" asked his mother. "My name is not Mohamed, I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois." "Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you..." and she beat him. Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely. The next day Mohamed returned to school.
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: "What happened my little Jean-Francois?." "Well Miss, just two hours after becoming French I was attacked by two Arabs!"
What is your name? asked the teacher. "Mohammad...." answered the kid. "Here we are in France, there is no Mohamed. From now on your name will be Jean-Francois" replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohamed returned home. "How was your day, Mohamed?" asked his mother. "My name is not Mohamed, I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois." "Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you..." and she beat him. Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely. The next day Mohamed returned to school.
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: "What happened my little Jean-Francois?." "Well Miss, just two hours after becoming French I was attacked by two Arabs!"
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